New Beginnings
by CriminalMindsChick6
Summary: *SPOILERS!* My name is Katniss Everdeen. I survived two hunger games. I was the Mockingjay in the rebellion. I killed President Coin. I overthrew the Capitol. I married Peeta. I'm pregnant with his child. We're going to have a beautiful baby. COMPLETE PREGNANT KATNISS JOURNEY POST M-J. FLUFF AND DRAMA GALORE.
1. Discovery

*******SPOILERS in this fanfic for those of you who haven't read the books!***

**I love Hunger Games & Peeta/Katniss so much. And the ending of Mockingjay didn't seem enough for me, I wanted more detail of their journey together. I just think it's a shame Suzanne Collins didn't include it in the book as I thought it had the potential to be so (bitter)sweet. So here is my take on it, trying to stay as true as possible! Hope you like it. Please review, it's so helpful. Even just to drop a line or two, I don't mind.**

**I also don't know how long this will end up being. Nothing mega, but enough to feel satisfied with it :)**

* * *

"Katniss, calm down it's fine." Peeta reassured me, as he sat on the edge of the bathtub. I hovered by the sink with one hand over my mouth, pacing a little on the spot.

"I hate waiting." I complained, feeling my stomach churning at the anticipation.

"I know, I know. Look sit down, it's all going to be okay, whatever happens."

Peeta's voice was so soothing that I couldn't help but follow his directions. Placing myself gently onto the closed lid of the toilet, I held my forehead in my hands, my elbows propped up on my knees.

_Breathe, just breathe. _I told myself.

Peeta was right, whatever the outcome was, it was fine. This is what he had wanted for so long...and recently what I had learned to want too. Now that the moment was here I couldn't think ahead into the future. The only thing that clung desperately to mind, all led down to right here right now. I had felt different this morning as I looked into the mirror, suddenly more grown up. We'd all been forced to mature sooner. The girl with the braid, shooting game in the forest with Gale was long gone.

_Gale._

Not now. Now was not the time to wonder about him, about his life, where he is, or who he was with. It was nothing to do with me anymore. All those times we shared together, were just blurred moments of a past life. I pushed him far into the back of my mind. Into that small Pandora's box that locked away so many of my forbidden memories.

"How long?" I asked, my voice cracking a little at the end due to nerves. Peeta looked so calm and collected, perched next to me. How could he be when he had been the one who desired this for all his life, and I felt like I had just simply stepped into it? Maybe he was just as scared as I was, but covered it well. He'd always managed to do that.

"Give it another thirty seconds, just to make sure." He replied, his cool blue eyes locked onto mine, trying to help make it easier. I tried to turn off the countdown in my head, knowing he was keeping track, against my erratic thoughts. I wasn't entirely sure how I would feel about either possible solution to this situation, I guess I would know when I found out.

I stared down at my fingers, picking the hardened skin around them. Unable to face Peeta.

"Ten more."

My heart sped up, adrenaline coursed around me. These were the reactions I'd had in the games. Why was my body producing the same ones to keep me alive, here? It felt out of place, wrong. My eyes shot up to Peeta's as I realised it was time. He nodded to confirm.

"Okay." I said as I took a huge gulp of air in, suddenly afraid I wouldn't be able to breathe properly after seeing the tiny mark, or lack of, on the small screen. I reached out for the stick propped up against the tap, not wanting to look at it properly until it was in my fingers.

Just before I reached it, Peeta stood up quickly, and took my other hand in his. I turned to face him.

"Whatever happens, I love you." He murmured, but the smile of premature excitement already played at his lips. I knew he'd imagined this scenario a thousand times over in his head. God, if I could turn back the clock ten years ago and imagine this scenario for myself I wouldn't have believed my eyes that I was the girl standing next to him in it.

"Ready?" I asked, now unsure if it was him I should be consoling if it didn't work out the way we hoped.

"Yeah." He breathed, still clutching my hand tightly, our fingers locked together.

My hand trembled as I reached out for it. Shakily, I pulled it up close to my eyes, not wanting to misread it.

"What does it say?" He asked, almost impatient with enthusiasm.

My heart faltered, or ceased completely, I wasn't sure which. It felt like a lifetime before I remembered to breathe again. Blood rushed to my head and my legs felt like jelly.

"It says...that I'm pregnant." I hoarsely whispered.

Had I read it wrong? No, I hadn't. It was right. I reached my hand up to my face in shock but was surprised to find it wet. I was crying. I hadn't even acknowledged that my eyes had welled up. I turned to face Peeta, his ocean blue eyes glistening under his own tears.

It was a moment before anyone spoke.

"We...we're...having a baby?" He stuttered, his awaiting smile breaking free onto his face.

I nodded my head, feeling myself smile widely, mirroring him. "We're having a baby." I confirmed.

"Are you sure?" Peeta asked.

"I'm sure!"

Peeta's arms enclosed around my waist and he span me around our spacious bathroom. I locked my hands around his neck and cried into his shoulder. I guess my reaction was always going to be this. Somewhere deep down when I'd married Peeta I suspected this day would come, but felt disconnected from it. Now that it was here I couldn't believe it...I was going to be a mother. Our baby was growing inside of me right at this moment.

**Our baby.** A bit of Peeta, a bit of me.

Peeta finally pulled away from me, crying heavily himself as he wiped his face with the back of his hand. I could tell he wasn't expecting me to have this reaction. When he suggested that I take a test since I was late, I came across as indifferent, I **felt** indifferent, not minding one way or the other, not yet. Now my heart beat steady and strong, taking on two lives instead of one.

I laughed, loving this moment more than anything in the world, but swayed slightly on the spot from all the twirling. Reaching out for the sink to regain my balance, I felt Peeta's hand clasp my arm, steadying me.

"Woah, careful!" He warned me playfully and I could hear the sheer happiness in his voice. He gently led me into the bedroom and pulled me in for a kiss. I could feel us both smiling as our lips met each other passionately. I pulled my fingers through his soft hair, wanting to hold onto him forever, to remember these feelings and savour them as much as I could.

I fell onto the bed with Peeta falling alongside me. We lay side by side, our limbs interlinked with each others. Peeta dotted a trail of light kisses down my neck before sitting up. He placed a hand gingerly, either side of my stomach, and littered it with more kisses, right over the spot where our baby was.

"I love you so much already, and you're probably not even the size of my fingernail yet." He said, cooing to my belly. I laughed as I took in how bizarre yet wonderful this situation was.

"And I love your mommy, very much too." Peeta said softly, holding his hand out to help me sit up with him.

I clutched my hand instinctively to where he just kissed. I suddenly felt a sense of belonging in this strange world. My feelings of unfamiliarity with my surroundings dissipated, and I'm here, living in this moment. All those long hard, terrible months and years of agony both of us had been through completely evaporated. My mind was wiped clean, and I felt like my life should start right now, this minute, fresh. If I could bottle this feeling and pass it on, it would be the perfect remedy for anything. I couldn't even take in what was happening I was so happy. I went over the facts in my head, trying to make sure my feet were firmly planted on the ground, and that I hadn't died and gone to heaven.

My name is Katniss Everdeen.

I survived two hunger games.

I was the Mockingjay in the rebellion.

I killed President Coin.

I overthrew the Capitol.

I married Peeta.

I'm pregnant with his child.

We're going to have a beautiful baby.


	2. Perfect

I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, and sat straight up in bed. What had awoken me so quickly? That's when I felt it again; the uneasiness of my stomach. I put my hand to my forehead and felt it drenched in sweat. The room span in the darkness, my mouth filled with saliva and I bolted towards the bathroom, making it just in time. I crouched over the toilet, vomiting violently. The relief from the nausea was instant, but I carried on being ill. It wasn't until I felt a cool hand on my back that I realised I must have woken Peeta up. He sat down next to me on the tiles.

"Katniss?" He asked, concerned, rubbing small circles on my upper back but for some reason I didn't want to be touched. I shrugged out of it as I sat up from the toilet, leaning against the wall to face him. His eyes, though sleepy, looked full of worry. His blond hair was ruffled, and he wore a t-shirt and navy shorts. I looked up at him, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Are you okay?" He asked again. For a minute I thought of snapping something back but then realised it was just the lack of sleep and feeling rocky that would make me say something sarcastic. I decided against it and nodded my head a little; he was just trying to help. I could feel my eyes watering from the force of being ill.

"Guess it's just morning sickness." I murmured, my mouth suddenly feeling dry. Trying to stand up to get to the sink and wash it out with water, I felt the motion unsettle my stomach again. Peeta's hands went out to help me as I leant back over the toilet, heaving. His fingers gently held back my hair to keep it out of my face; though this time he refrained from stroking my back, guessing I wanted to be left alone. When it was over he flushed the toilet, and grabbed a glass from the bedroom to fill with water and let me drink. I started to chug it down appreciatively, feeling miles better now it was out of my system. He sat closer to me this time, against the wall too, and grabbed the glass out of my hands.

"Sip it Katniss. You don't want to get sick again." Peeta carefully chided, but let me take it back. I did as he told me to, even though I really did feel okay. He watched me and put it on the side when I was finished. My hands were pressed to the floor either side of me; longing for the coldness of the hard tiles against my flushed body. I felt bad for waking him up. He was still going through a patch of nightmares at the moment and was frequently awake in the night, even if he thought I didn't hear him stir. Peeta put his hand on my knee and I instinctively leant into him, placing my head on his sturdy shoulder. His hand moved to circle around me, knowing now it was okay to touch me. I cradled into him more, suddenly wanting to be as close as I could to him, to let him protect me. We sat there for a little while. He rested his head on the top of mine and occasionally he bent down to press his lips to my forehead. I had a feeling he was just trying to do regular checks of my temperature, but I still appreciated it all the same.

"What time is it?" I asked eventually, my voice coming out hoarse.

"When I heard you come through to the bathroom it was about three o clock more or less." He whispered back, still making no move to let go of me, or me of him.

"Wow. When they say _morning_ sickness I really thought it would be later." I remarked. His arms tightened around me affectionately, his way of telling me it would all be okay without any words.

"I'm sorry Katniss. I wish I could do more to help you." He muttered, looking off to the other side of the bathroom. His eyes looked wide awake now. I could feel mine already beginning to close again, tiredness taking over.

"It's fine." I said, rubbing a hand on his chest. "Nothing I can't handle." He laughed a little at this.

"True."

"Hopefully this isn't a regular thing. You never know, it may be a one off." I added, trying to make him feel better. One way or another, I knew whatever I did, I was causing him pain when I suffered myself. I had to make light of this situation, to help Peeta.

"Hopefully." He replied.

Pulling his other arm over, he moved it to my stomach and lowered his head slightly to it.

"Why are you making your mother poorly?" He whispered, whilst tracing his finger in delicate patterns on it. Despite his weary tone, I could tell that behind it, was this undenying love for our unborn child.

It had been over a week since we'd found out that I was pregnant. Peeta had rung up to speak to the local Doctor. There were only two in our district at the moment. There used to be another, but she had left for a while for some training in District four. Peeta explained about the pregnancy and we arranged to go see Doctor Mauray the day after at his make-shift clinic. He had given me another test just to confirm, and then filled out a long list of questions about my overall health, before saying that I would have to wait another couple of weeks before he could do an internal examination, due to limited resources currently. We had also found out that day, that I was roughly a month along. Peeta was of course delighted at hearing the confirmation a second time around, and I was in complete happiness too. However I couldn't help but feel some degree of trepidation with my bliss. I guess in the past I'd been so used to having anything good in my life snatched away from me.

"Sorry for waking you Peeta." I murmured, unsure whether or not I was still awake.

My eyes were coming down heavily now, and I could still feel the warmth of Peeta's hand radiating through my thin vest to my stomach.

"Even if I wasn't awake anyway, I would always rather be going through this with you." He said softly.

After a minute, I felt a sudden rush of air and I was no longer pressed against the cold floor. I gathered that Peeta must be carrying me back to the bedroom, but I was long gone before my head could even hit the pillow.

* * *

It was a few hours later that I woke up again. This time it was naturally, and more peaceful. I moaned contentedly as I stretched my arms out. They immediately found what I was looking for. Peeta rolled over to face me, clearly already awake himself.

"Morning." He said before moving closer to me and leaning in for a kiss. I remembered what had happened last night and held out a hand to stop him, taking him off guard. He looked at me questioningly. Running my tongue around my teeth, I could feel the horrible aftertaste still. I got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom again.

"You don't want to kiss me with this breath." I explained before quickly running a toothbrush around my mouth.

Considering my stomach for a moment, I decided that it was back to normal for now. It had come and gone so sporadically. I climbed back into bed with Peeta, his arm already out to allow him to hold me. I gratefully obliged and leant my head against his chest, listening to his rhythmical heartbeat. He pulled the covers back up around me, and hugged me close.

"Did you get back to sleep okay after my trip to the bathroom?" I asked him, knowing he would probably lie anyway.

"Yeah. I stayed awake for a while though watching you, to make sure you were alright and that you weren't going to have another repeat." He whispered into my hair, his hot breath tickling my scalp.

I rolled my eyes. "Peeta I'm fine, I'm not the first pregnant woman in the world." I said flippantly, but burrowed closer to him, if that were possible, to let him know that I wasn't actually angry. I felt him breathe a laugh.

I pulled my head up to look at his face. "What?" I asked.

He smiled wider and shook his head. "Nothing. I just...I love hearing you say that. It's still so strange."

I looked him in the eyes now, confused.

"Say what?"

"No matter how many times you've said it in the last week, I just still can't believe that we're actually having a baby. I love hearing you talk about it. For so long, I kind of thought it was never going to happen, but here we are. I love my life right here in this moment, right now." He explained, his words flowing so beautifully off his tongue.

I let the words sink in. His last sentence took me back to the time on the roof before our second Hunger Games. When he told me he wanted to freeze the moment, and live in it. I thought both of us could never be as happy as we were in that fraction of a second, forgetting about what was about to happen, and what had happened. Yet here we were again, completely blissfully united. I considered my next words carefully, not wanting to insult him or make a mistake after all the nice things he'd just said. I didn't want to taint the memory of this moment. I wasn't good with words like Peeta.

"I never thought I'd be pregnant. I always wrote off having kids because of where we lived, and who we were controlled by. I didn't want to bring someone else who had to suffer the way we all did, into this world." My voice was a little shaky and I couldn't figure out why.

I'd never really explained this to anyone before except for Gale that time on Reaping day. Even he didn't get it. And Peeta couldn't see at first why I was so opposed to having children. I think eventually he thought I would never change my mind, and that I was so scarred from the games and everything else, that I would never be able to emotionally handle the change.

Peeta didn't say anything, and I pulled away from him completely now so that I just lay beside him, staring into his eyes.

"But I couldn't imagine anything more perfect than this now. I didn't think I was ready, but I don't think they'll ever be a time when I truly feel I am. It feels right now that it's happened. Everything feels right." I said, my voice sinking quieter as a small smile spread across my lips.

Peeta suddenly smiled back, his eyes sparkling with passion. "That's because it is right. This is our life now and I couldn't love you or our baby more. I mean, a week ago we didn't even know that they existed, and now I can't even imagine my life without you carrying our child. It is perfect." He whispered, pulling me in for the long-awaited kiss. His tongue melted into my mouth and I instantly wanted more. He smoothed his fingers through my hair, pulling me closer, and I longingly responded, entwining myself into him. Suddenly a thought popped into my head. One I hadn't really considered until now. I pulled away again, and Peeta moaned at the loss of my lips on his.

"Peeta, when are we going to tell everyone. How are we going to tell everyone?" I asked, panicking and feeling my heart skip a beat. We had practically avoided any outsiders apart from the Doctor and a couple of shopping trips into town. Haymitch hadn't surfaced from his home in a couple of weeks. That wasn't unusual, so no one was losing too much sleep over it. We were adults now too, we couldn't afford to go running around after him like we had when we were children.

Peeta picked up on my worry and held my hand tightly in his. "Whenever you want, and however you want Katniss." He said soothingly.

"When...is it...safe to?" I queried again. The fear of happiness being snatched away rising in the back of my mind. He squeezed my fingers.

"It is early days. Perhaps we should wait until at least after the next appointment with Doctor Mauray to be on the safe side." Peeta said after thinking. I must have pulled a face, or let my feelings be revealed on my features.

"Not that we'll need to." He added quickly, as I looked away from him. He caught my chin in his hand and forced me to look at him.

"I promise you everything is going to be fine."

**A/N: Please review. It makes my day. Even if it's just a line or two, or even one word :)**


	3. Learning

**A/N: A longer chapter than the others just to get the medical bits out of the way. I thought it was better not to skip over them as I wanted to show the range of Katniss' emotions, especially against Peeta. But the next one will be more focused on their relationship again. Please review as always :D**

* * *

"Ah, good morning Katniss." Doctor Mauray greeted me happily. He reached out to pat me on the arm as I walked through his door into the small surgery.

"Peeta." He said, shaking his hand and then gesturing for us to take a seat in front of his desk, before placing himself down in his own chair. He put on his glasses and took a look at a form in front of him briefly.

"So Katniss, how are you feeling about this? Had time for it to settle in a bit more than the last time you visited?" Doctor Mauray spoke as he beamed at me. I smiled back with some effort. It felt so different when it was just Peeta and I, in our little bubble, enjoying what was happening. I was happy. When professional people and friends got involved, it became real. And if there was one thing I feared, it was facing reality.

"We're delighted." Peeta replied, when he saw that I was momentarily dazed.

He sat close to me, and I could feel his body heat radiating towards my bare arms. It was late August, and the temperatures in 12 had rocketed. The ground, already dusty and dry anyway, had practically become a desert. Luckily, water was in good stock now that our communication with other districts was developed. When the weather had become this unbearable when we were children, people would have simply collapsed dead, quicker than when there were extreme shortages of food. And the scary part is, that no one would have blinked.

I closed off my mind to those damaging thoughts, they did no good nowadays. Things were different, better in this age. And this would be the one that our child grew up in. That was all that mattered, staying in the present for my baby.

"So, how have these last two weeks been? You should be around six to seven weeks now if I'm correct? Any symptoms starting?" He queried, whilst having his pen at the ready.

The weeks didn't sound that long in the big picture, but when it was a life that had been inside of you for nearly two months, it felt adequate enough. I wondered if I should tell him about the morning sickness. Didn't everyone just get that? It surely wasn't worth bringing up to make a fuss over, not in front of Peeta anyway. He'd already sat up with me again another four mornings since last time. And on each occasion he would grit his teeth and try to stay strong for me, but I could see how much it pained him to watch me heave repeatedly over the toilet, because of something he, initially, wanted.

I waved my hand dismissively. "Nothing out of the ordinary. I feel fine." I said, hoping he would buy it. I had bigger problems on my mind currently than the sickness that sometimes took over. But of course, Peeta saw right through me.

"Katniss you don't have to lie to him, he's your doctor. You need to tell him everything." He said softly and nudged my arm in a gentle way. Why was Peeta always the one who had to do the right thing all the time?

The doctor stared at me, waiting for an answer.

"Well, actually, I've just been having a little nausea. But it's really not a big deal. It comes and goes pretty quickly." I said as nonchalantly as I could. Doctor Mauray scribbled something down on the paper in front of him.

"How many times have you actually vomited Katniss, if you don't mind me being so crude?" He asked patiently. I could tell he was only looking at it from a medical point of view, so I just thought of my baby. Everything I did now would have to be for it, and that included being honest, and getting past my trust issues.

"I can't really remember. It hasn't been that many." I shrugged before Peeta cut in again.

"Five. All early morning."

"Is it affecting your appetite too badly Katniss?" The doctor questioned again, keeping his gaze on me so that I would know that **I** had to be the one to answer, not Peeta.

"A little." I said almost sheepishly, though I had nothing to be embarrassed about. I had to learn to open up to help.

"Well it's perfectly normal, especially in the first trimester, as you probably know. However if it does continue to get worse, and not better, I can later on give you some antiemetics to maybe help manage it a small amount?" He said casually, but continued to smile, to reassure me. I liked Doctor Mauray; he seemed genuine, unlike the doctors in the capitol. So I nodded my head in response. Hopefully, it would just diminish over time. I could bear it, I'd put up with worse pains.

"Okay Katniss, with that aside, I'd like to do a blood test today, that way I can send off the sample and have it back to you in a few days. Just to check the regular things like iron levels and so on. Then we'll have a quick look internally now that the equipment has arrived from District 3. I needed a new delivery anyway; the others became out of date very quickly! Is that okay?" He looked up at me over the top of his glasses for approval. I felt Peeta's hand close over my knee. Peeta knew what I was thinking, and my heart had been sent off into a panic.

Needles.

Ever since all those times back in the hospital on various drips and being sedated on numerous occasions, I'd developed a complete phobia of them. To me, needles represented a means of control, a way of luring me into the awful blinding darkness that suffocated my soul. Needles meant reliving the past. I felt a lump rise in my throat and looked at Peeta. I knew what he would be saying if we weren't in the company of the doctor right now.

"_If I could take your place, I would go through it for you."_

But the reason we were here, was the reason that kept me going. I subconsciously placed my hand upon my stomach and felt Peeta's eyes follow my hand to it. It was as if he knew. He knew the determination that would get me through, what seemed to everyone else, such a trivial thing. I nodded.

"Okay." I confirmed, looking to the doctor, and I felt Peeta breathe a sigh of relief. I think he'd been prepared for me to put up a fight.

"Alright. If you'd like to just take a seat on that bed over there, I'll get the needle ready."

I shakily walked over, but tried to keep my composure. Peeta automatically followed, and hovered next to me, reaching out for my hand but I pulled it away. It was my way of telling him that I didn't need him at this moment; that I could do this on my own. I didn't want to seem like a child. Things had changed now and I had to be stronger. I don't think he misinterpreted the gesture, but I couldn't be sure. He just stayed beside me, but didn't touch me. I saw the Doctor walk over brandishing the item that I detested so much.

"This won't hurt too much, don't worry." He said kindly, but proceeded towards me.

I dug my fingernails into the edge of the plastic bed, and closed my eyes. Before I knew it, it was over, and there was a plaster stuck in the crease of my arm. I tried not to think about it too much, knowing that I couldn't go home just yet. Peeta smiled at me, obviously pleased. I felt like he was patronising me in situations like this, but I knew deep down it was just because he cared.

"I'll give you a call when these are back from the lab." Doctor Mauray informed us, waving the tubes of blood in the air. He'd only taken a couple which is why it didn't last so long. Once he'd put them down, he turned back to me. Peeta was still at my side.

"If I could just get you to remove your trousers and underwear Katniss, and lie back down that would be great." He continued, and passed me a large piece of tissue-like material to cover myself with. "I'll just do a quick check inside too."

I had never felt that self-conscious naked before. I'd been stripped bare so many times in front of my trio of stylists and under Cinna's precise eye, that I'd grown immune to letting the world see my body, however now was a different story. My skin was no longer radiant in its youthful glow. After the rebellion, after...the bombs, my patchwork skin was hideous. It had never gotten truly better. The lines just faded around the edges of the grafted on skin, blurring it into my own. Peeta had always assured me countless times that I could not be any more beautiful in any way, but as usual, I didn't listen to him. I refused to believe what I saw in the mirror was remotely attractive at all.

_The Baby. The Baby. The Baby._

I told myself over and over in my head, and leant forward to take off my trousers. Peeta hesitated at the side but refrained from helping. I think I'd scared him off. He understood that I was a woman who liked to do things for herself. Old habits died hard of not relying on other people.

Once I'd taken my place lying back on the bed, Doctor Mauray sat on a chair at the end and asked me to bend my legs. I did as I was told, grimacing as he went through his assortment of whatever contraptions he was using. Peeta stayed next to me, just gazing into my face, and me into his. It was easier to look at those blue eyes than to start to panic over the invasion of privacy down there. After what felt like forever, and some sudden sharp pains from prodding, he took off his gloves and told me I could get dressed again. We walked back over to the desk, taking our seats.

"Everything looks good Katniss. Your cervix looks healthy; I'd say you're off to a good start." He concluded smiling at us. Peeta turned to me and grinned. Perhaps he had been just as nervous as I was that something would be a little off. It was still so early on though...

"I'd say we could probably do your first ultrasound in maybe two or three weeks if you'd like. You won't be able to see much, but if we're lucky we may pick up a heartbeat for you." Doctor Mauray continued. Peeta's face lit up a little more. I could see him in his head, imagining our baby more vividly, though the picture was probably already bold and clear enough for him already. His dreams were all becoming true.

"Is there anything you would like to ask me whilst you're here? You are more than welcome to ring whenever if you think of something later on too." He asked, writing something down again, probably making another appointment. I'd let Peeta sort that out later on, I was awful with remembering dates and keeping track of time these days.

I turned to Peeta; he looked at me, and then shook his head to the Doctor.

"I don't think so." He said, but raised an eyebrow at me. "What about you?"

Last night's thought popped up into my head. "Oh, actually there is." They both turned their attention towards me. This was the one thing I was inexplicably dreading the most.

"When is it safe to start telling people?" I asked timidly. Peeta leaned back in his chair, I could tell that even though he wasn't expressing it, this was his favorite, most looked-forward to part. He probably couldn't wait to show off to the world that he was finally having a child. Doctor Mauray took off his glasses and looked at me fully.

"Well...I'd say that with all things considered and looking good, even though it is very soon, it is up to you when you do." He replied, twirling the pen in his fingers.

"Yes, but when is it **safe** to?" I repeated, emphasising the word. He caught on a little more clearly.

"Katniss, even though it is good to be prepared for a change of events, I don't think you should let it dominate your thoughts. You and the habitat for the fetus look great. Technically if there were such a thing, the 'safe zone' is considered to be around 12 weeks. But even then, there are no guarantees." He spoke carefully. I felt my lips press into a thin line and I could tell I'd ruined the moment for Peeta too. He still looked happy, but his face wasn't as flushed with bliss as it was before. He continued smiling at me though, always the face of optimism. I hated having to be the paranoid realist. I just didn't feel deserving of such good fortune. I had treated, and still did sometimes, Peeta awfully. I was selfish and unloving. I was permanently scarred from my old life.

"But Katniss, I will tell you the same thing I tell other couples who are expecting. If you are excited and want people close to you to know, then go ahead. Because if _hypothetically_ something were to go wrong, then it would be those same people who you would need as your support network." He finished.

Support network, right. The only people we would even be able to tell would be Greasy Sae, who would no doubt be pleased, Haymitch, who probably wouldn't surface from the brink of unconsciousness for another two weeks at least, and wouldn't care when he did, and maybe my Mother, wherever she was these days. Not exactly the most reliable of 'loved ones'. But they didn't matter, I had Peeta and that's all who I was content with.

"Is there anything I can do...to make...to make sure that the chances of anything bad happening are lower?" I asked, my hands becoming clammy with anxiety. I would sacrifice everything just to make sure that this baby was safe.

"You're doing great as you are. No drinking, obviously, no caffeine, eat fresh and healthy food, make sure you try and exercise a little as well, to keep the blood flowing." The doctor said. I basically did everything he said there anyway. Everything we ate was fresh, what with me hunting and Peeta baking and the both of us couldn't stand even the remote smell of alcohol after Haymitch.

"Rightio. Well I shall send these straight off. I will call you later to arrange another appointment." He spoke, but directed the last sentence at Peeta. "And don't worry Katniss. You're going to make a great mother." He said to me this time. I felt myself blush a little. No one had said that except Peeta yet and it felt raw still, and alien.

"Thank you Doc." Peeta said, rising to shake his hand again, as did I. Peeta then put a hand on the small of my back and led me out into the stifling summer air again. No one had to pay for medical treatment anymore in the districts. Not with compulsory things anyway. Of course, in the capitol, people were still having the cosmetic surgeries done all the time. But discussions and decisions led by Paylor, who to this day was still president of Panem, had concluded that people shouldn't be penalized for not having enough money to afford to get adequate healthcare. If this nation was going to survive and strive in its diversification, then that meant that everybody had to get a fair chance at living.

The humidity of the weather made it hard to breathe and the heat of the sun poured down on us, but luckily we'd grown accustomed to the climate by now. Peeta took my hand in his as we walked back to the Victors Village which was quite a trek. On the way we passed the meadow, where once the electric fence stood, looming over us and trapping us in, like fish in a barrel.

_Like fish in a barrel. _

A phrase I'd forgotten about until it just surfaced in my mind. I drowned it back down. There was no fence anymore, we were free. And the meadow was beautiful under the shimmering sunlight; flowers growing in all directions. Though those who had lived here before the rebellion knew the real reason they were so nourished and were able to grow in the first place. I was being pulled along by Peeta as I walked and stared at the lush grass; when suddenly, I saw it. It was an evening Primrose, a different type than those that grew in the front of our garden. Ours were a deep blue-violet, but this was a candescent yellow. Something about the yellow had caught my attention particularly, maybe an old memory that I'd buried long ago. I stopped in my tracks. Peeta felt the pull and stopped to look at me.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" He asked, worried, as I stared out into the field. I'd never seen this type grow here before. I couldn't even remember the story of why my parents had named my sister Primrose when she was born. Maybe they thought it was pretty, which it was. Unlike Katniss which was an ordinary, edible plant that grew locally, and basically anywhere there was soil.

"Peeta, can we go in the meadow?" I asked hesitantly. The air was thick, and boiling hot in temperature, and the sun was high in the middle of the sky, alerting me that it was around noon. I hadn't come into the actual meadow much recently. If I did go hunting, it was always earlier on in the mornings, when the sun wasn't highlighting the beauties of the field before the woods. I had always passed through it so quickly as well, I hadn't taken in the glories of it.

"Um...sure, but why?" He responded, still confused to my outburst.

"It's just so beautiful; it seems a shame to waste it." I murmured, lost in my mind.

Peeta dropped my hand and walked so he was standing in front of me. He placed both of his hands on my shoulders, and guided my face up to his.

"How about, we come tomorrow? We can make a picnic. I'll bake some cheese buns, your favorite. We can bring a blanket too." He whispered, sensing that I was trapped in my whirlwind memories and trying to help me, like always. I eventually came back round.

"That sounds wonderful Peeta. Yes, let's do that." I said smiling, content that I would be able to come and visit it again. I took one last look at the lone standing Primrose, before grabbing his hand again and wandering home. I absent-mindedly placed a hand on my stomach, wanting my love to be able to permeate my skin and seep into my baby, letting it know that I would do whatever it took to keep it safe.

I needed to learn to stop and look at the beauty that was around me constantly, instead of focusing on the ashes of the burnt.

**A/N: Not finished don't worry.**


	4. Tired

It was mid morning when Peeta woke me the next day. The sun was streaming in through the windows and a gentle breeze stirred the curtains. I could hear birds chirping outside; not Mockingjays, something simpler. I saw his face smiling down at me.

"Katniss, it's eleven o'clock." Peeta gently informed me, stroking my arm as he sat on the side of the bed, in front of me.

I rubbed my eyes groggily and stared at him. I couldn't believe what he was saying. I'd always been awake before sunrise every day of my life. It was out of habit, it was for survival, it was because of the nightmares. I didn't even remember waking up in the night for a split second. The last thing I did remember was Peeta murmuring a goodnight to me, before as usual, falling asleep in his arms.

"What?" I asked confused, convinced I was maybe still dreaming.

"I'm sorry; you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you. But I thought if we're going to have our picnic today then I would wake you up with enough time to shower and get ready." He explained apologetically.

"No, it's okay. I can't believe I slept for so long. I must have been more tired than I thought, sorry..." I trailed off, feeling guilty for being so lazy.

"You don't need to apologise for sleeping Katniss." He remarked before kissing me lightly on my forehead.

Peeta reached for the bedside table, and held out a glass of orange juice towards me. Sitting myself up in bed, I grimaced at the thick bright liquid sloshing in the glass. I wrinkled my nose as the delayed morning-nausea kicked in quite rapidly.

"Vitamin C." Peeta insisted, and I reluctantly took it out of the grasp of his fingers, keeping the image of our baby in my mind.

Plugging my nose, I threw it back as fast as I could, not wanting to taste a single drop; I wasn't sure my stomach could handle it. Peeta watched me warily, obviously waiting to see if I would make a dash towards the bathroom. Finishing the last of it, I took my hands off my nose and gave the glass back to him, not wanting to make any sudden movements in case the sensation was too much, and triggered the vomiting. I waited a moment, still, and Peeta did the same. After a minute, I shook my head.

"I think I'm okay today." I said gratefully, smiling at him. "It usually passes by this time at the most. Maybe I slept through the worst of it."

"That's great." Peeta said. "Now, why don't you take a shower, and meet me downstairs afterwards? I've just finished making a fresh batch of cheese buns and some other stuff to take with us."

"That sounds like a good plan." I mused, suddenly excited to venture into the meadow with him. My mind wide awake with the promise of an adventure.

This was exactly what we both needed right now. Though maybe me more than him. I felt refreshed after sleeping for so long, although I could feel that my hair was greasy. I would need that shower before we went. Swinging my legs out of bed, he offered his hand for support. I held onto it grudgingly. I didn't need his aid, but I figured that he must feel helpless with everything going on, and this was his way of feeling better about it all; by cushioning my life. I stood up, mentally planning what else we would need to take, and trying to remember where my mother's old picnic basket was, when my stomach twisted suddenly. I clamped a hand over my mouth, my palms already sweaty, and rushed to the toilet.

Groaning when I finished, I pulled on the handle, letting it all be swirled away. It was only six, or maybe seven, weeks into the pregnancy and I was already completely fed up with this cyclical feeling. I got up off the floor straight away and ran my hands under the cold water tap, splashing some onto my face and over my mouth. Peeta hesitated in the doorway, not knowing whether I wanted to be alone or not. When he saw I was done, he gingerly stepped in, a pained look on his face.

"Katniss-" he started but I stopped him.

"Peeta, I told you, it's alright." I said trying to force a smile as I dabbed my skin with a small towel near me. I really did feel much better straight away, as always. But I still felt unclean and disgusting. The unpredictability of whether I was able to keep breakfast down every day was a little unsettling to say the least.

"No, you're not. It's happened a few times now. You shouldn't have played it down to the Doctor yesterday; maybe you should get those tablets to help it after all." He said, not in a tone of questioning, but more of telling me off.

"Peeta, it's a little puke, so what? I've certainly dealt with worse." I retorted, still trying to mimic a smile. I bent down to brush my teeth whilst I was at the sink.

"I feel terrible." He replied, looking at the floor. I really was going to have to prove to him that I could handle this. When one of us was in pain, so was the other. It was like our souls were linked. Quickly pulling the bristles around my mouth, I spat out the minty toothpaste and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. It took him a minute to respond, but he eventually closed his arms around my shoulders, stroking my neck with his thumb. I mustered up my grin.

"See? I'm fine." I said, planting a kiss on his cheek. I knew he wouldn't have minded in the least if I went for his lips, but I felt that after watching the orange juice come back up, he probably wasn't finding my mouth my most attractive feature right now. However he leant his head down further and gave me a quick, but loving, peck on them anyway.

"Not getting away that easily." He remarked but smiled. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, let me take a shower, you go get everything ready . I think my mother's basket is in the cupboard under the stairs. We could put the food in that. I'm not sure though, it's been a long time since it's been used." I said to him, giving him a gentle nudge to get him to release his hold on me. However he clung on still.

"We don't have to go today. You're obviously not up for it." Peeta said softly, this time stroking my jaw line.

"What? Peeta no! I promise the sickness is gone now. I feel great, honestly." I protested, pulling away from him to look him square in the face, so he could see in my eyes that I was telling the truth. I was a hard person to read, I'd been told many times. I knew that if I wanted my way, I had to persuade the other person that I truly, whole heartedly felt it.

He gazed at me for a moment, looking deep into my eyes, then dropped his arms slowly from around me.

"If you're sure." He muttered.

"I'm sure. Now go!" I said, ushering him out of the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Ripping off the little clothes I had on, I turned on the shower with a flick of the button, wanting to be as clean as I could be all of a sudden. I reached out my hand to test the water before stepping in. The relief of the warmness trickling down my back was instant. I immediately felt fresher. Pulling the bottle of shampoo down from the shelf, I squeezed it into my hands before lathering up my hair. The smell of lemons filled the air. Losing myself in the shower, I followed to lose myself in my thoughts.

Yesterday after we returned from the Doctors, neither Peeta nor I had spoken anymore about who we should tell, and when. It didn't feel right. I was so exhausted after the walk that I plonked myself down on the bench at the table in the kitchen, watching Peeta as he made vegetable soup. In the last few hours alone, he'd suddenly seemed more aware of feeding me critically correct food, the doctor's words probably ringing in his head. I could tell he would be utterly doting on me, more than normal, in the next few months that followed. He would want to prove to himself that he was made for this moment, the one he'd pictured his entire life. And in the meantime, I had no problem in letting him do this if it was what he wanted.

So instead we had talked about getting a compost heap to help the flowers grow. Peeta had claimed that adding this to our dry soils would improve its water-holding capabilities, and that it would be easier to work with. I had nodded my head wearily. When it came to those plants in our front garden, I let Peeta tend to them.

In the evening we had sat together on the couch. I picked up a book to read that I had bought on a whim a couple of years ago, but never got round to finishing, trying desperately to procrastinate my thoughts. Peeta was no doubt itching to discuss all things baby-related, but for now, I was content with just being me, not a future mother. It felt selfish, but I knew that when tomorrow came around, we would probably end up coming to a conclusion on the matters at hand. By the time nightfall had arrived, I was sleepy, and happy with crawling into bed earlier than normal.

In the meantime, I had today to look forward to. I rinsed out the soapy shampoo, letting it ooze its way down my skin as it was taken away with the water. I picked up the brush and scrubbed my body under the flow, trying to make myself feel as clean as possible. When I had finished, I cut off the water, towelled myself dry and walked into the bedroom. As I opened my closet, with my very limited amount of clothing, I chose some simple black leggings and a brown tunic despite it being hot out. I rarely wore things that didn't cover up the majority of my burns nowadays. I had never cared much for fashion or clothes, except when my mother had given me her dress for the Reaping, and of course, anything that Cinna had ever made. For they were promised to be flawless, and perfectly suited for me. I combed out my hair roughly, braiding it back into my signature style effortlessly, as my fingers had the pattern embedded into them, as natural as breathing.

By the time I had walked downstairs to Peeta, the smell of his baked goods had filled the house. I sniffed in appreciatively, my empty stomach now growling at the scent of food. Peeta greeted me as he packed the things into the old basket.

"You found it then?" I asked, stepping all the way into the kitchen.

"Yeah, you were right, it was in the cupboard. Under a lot of things though, sort of dusty, but I cleaned it." He responded, focused on loading the items in. I started to walk over to help but he held up a hand to halt me.

"I've got this, don't worry." He said.

"Peeta, it's okay, I'm much better now than this morning." I sighed, but took a seat and watched him.

"I'm nearly done anyway." He said, wiping his brow. The house was hot in temperature in accordance with outside. At this rate, we'd all be thankful by the time winter came around. Peeta must have sensed my resignation, because he looked up at me fully now, taking the sight of me in.

"You look lovely Katniss." He murmured as he grinned. I rolled my eyes; he always made me so uncomfortable with comments like these. I knew what I looked like, however sometimes I wondered if we saw different things.

"Are you sure you don't have to work today?" I asked, concerned. If Peeta started giving up his job to watch me, I would feel awful. It was his coping mechanism, and I couldn't take that away from him.

"It's Saturday Katniss." He replied so matter-of-factly. I had forgotten that he'd hired extra boys to help him run the shop. They took over on Saturdays, and then of course it was closed on Sunday.

"Right." I said. Days of the week meant little to me now; especially when I didn't have much of a structure to them apart from the same few habits. These included hunting, writing on the parchment of the book from the Capitol, waking up Haymitch with ice cold water, and checking in on Greasy Sae in her very old age.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked, closing the basket lid and wiping the trace of crumbs and flour off his beige t-shirt. In this weather he was dressed in khaki shorts and sandals, and his blond hair was swept out of his face. His effortless handsomeness was one of the ten thousand things I loved about him.

"Yeah. Do you think we should check on Haymitch before we leave?" I questioned quietly. It was something that had played at the back of my mind. I felt like it had been long enough now that we should just pop our heads in. But I knew that seeing him since we'd found out our most recent news would be hard for Peeta, where he'd have to pretend it wasn't happening until we decided it was safe to tell people. And in that reality, it would crush him. Especially because he'd wanted this for so long, and now it was happening, he would have to cover up.

Peeta pulled up the basket in his strong arms, and walked over to me, suddenly seeming sterner than before. "Katniss, you know he isn't our responsibility." He sighed.

"Peeta, after everything he's done for us. I don't think it would hurt to just check he's alive." I quipped back. He was right, I knew it deep down, but it didn't stop old habits from surfacing. Peeta thought for a moment.

"Fine, but on the way back. I don't want it to ruin our day."

I couldn't argue with that. We both knew we'd be in a worse mood coming out of his house than going in. And whilst the sun shone so brightly, and the birds sung so clearly, we were going to the meadow.

**A/N: Okay, so nothing much really happened in this chapter, I know. But I want to skip as little as possible in these early stages as I feel they're so important. I already have the next chapter written, so will probably post tomorrow. I just didn't want this one to be too long and for you to get bored. Please review if you want to, it's very motivational, and thanks for everyone that has so far :)**


	5. Meadow

As we walked along the tracks, nearing the meadow, the dust from our steps scattered up behind us and into the summer air. Peeta never released his grip from my hand, despite the heat making both of our palms clammy. My hair, that was wet only a little while ago, was now completely dry under the beam of the sun's powerful rays, and I shielded my eyes as we got closer.

Instead of the electric fence, that I had carelessly ducked under so many times to enter, being here; there now stood a simple picket fence made of light brown wood. It couldn't be higher than my waist. People had felt trapped for so long, that anything taller and the claustrophobia would have set in again. This was a perfect compromise. It looked more serene and welcoming, not promising death or punishment.

There was no gate or style to use, so Peeta let go of my hand and held out his clasped together for me to use to climb over. I had done this a thousand times, I didn't need help, but it was natural to let him do this for me. The reason there was no entrance, was that virtually no one would even want to step foot in here, despite it being so enticingly beautiful. There were too many painful memories of escape for most of them, and deceased loved ones for others. Only the people that hadn't lived in 12 before or during the rebellion dared to venture into the field of sinister sweetness. Even Peeta, during the last ten years had only been in here a few times. Mostly when I was trying to teach him how to hunt, using my bow. For someone with such agile fingers in the bakery, he had little skill when it came to drawing back a weapon. It didn't require brute strength, it required precision and deftness. Then there was the one occasion, where we went to the lake where I used to go with my father. I had never taken him to mine and Gale's spot though.

Peeta handed me the basket as he jumped over himself. An old man wandered past on the path where we just were, stopping to look at us both warily before acknowledging who we were, and continuing forward on his journey to wherever. Everyone knew what we had done, what we had been through. They knew our names, they knew our stories, and some of them kept their distance, obviously assuming we were trouble. That we would lead them to slaughter somehow after all these years; like a deadly Venus flytrap. This had frustrated me to no end upon returning here. I had snapped once at a woman who would not even look in my direction as she purposely avoided contact with me in the square. Peeta had managed to calm me down and explain to me that a few people were still waiting for more bombs to come, and had blamed me for the loss of their loved ones, incorrectly. I couldn't argue with that. I felt the heavy burden of all the deaths I had caused every single day of my life. Yet life was so much better for everybody now. After all we did, and lost, I expected some of them to be silently grateful.

The majority however, greeted us extravagantly wherever we went. Some even travelled from other districts just to get a glimpse of our face and prove to themselves that we were real. I hated the attention but couldn't blame them for it. We were the faces of the rebellion; we were the faces of their last hope.

Once we were in the meadow, the sweet scent of flowers filled the air. They didn't make my stomach churn like Snow's though. These were delicate, and subtle. The light glimmered down onto the blades of grass, bouncing bright green back into our eyes. How it stayed so healthy in the midst of this weather, I did not know. But I appreciated it all the same.

Peeta immediately clasped his hand back in mine once he insisted on carrying the basket again until we found our spot. It was second nature for us to always be conjoined somehow now. Maybe it was because we were so afraid that if we broke off for more than a minute; that something could snatch us away. Peeta stopped and looked at me.

"Where do you want to go Katniss?" He asked patiently, glancing around. I put my hand up to my face, casting a shadow on my eyes as I scanned the meadow for what I was looking for, trying to remember which spot we had seen it from yesterday. As I paced, I suddenly saw it. The same beacon of yellow that had caught my eye in the first place.

"Over there." I said firmly, already making my way. Peeta followed close behind. His tread still loud when it should be muffled in the grass. I helped him lower the basket, and he lifted a blanket out of it that he had put in this morning, handing it to me. Flinging it out into the open air, I let it settle beneath me, before going to sit on it. It felt scratchy against my ankles that were showing between my leggings and my shoes, but I didn't care. Peeta lowered himself opposite me, and began to take out some food. My face lit up as he handed me a cheese bun. I would never tire of these. I could tell that he tried so hard on them, knowing they were my most favored snack of his. He got one for himself, and then smiling at each other, we sunk our teeth in. I had forgotten on the walk over how hungry I was, and I wolfed it down straight away. Peeta raised an eyebrow before giving me another.

"Guess your nausea really did go." He noted, still chewing through his. I laughed.

"I told you, it goes straight after I've thrown up. One good thing about it I guess." I said, shrugging my shoulders. The breeze ghosted lightly through my hair, and round my neck, tickling my skin. It felt wonderful amidst the unbearable heat.

We continued eating for a minute before Peeta spoke again.

"So...are you going to tell me why we're here?" He asked, calmly staring into my eyes. His matched the vivid blue sky behind him; he blended so perfectly into nature.

I glanced over at the flower that was a few feet away from my feet. I picked at the bun with my fingers, suddenly not wanting to eat if I was going to have to explain this to him. For some reason, I already felt slightly more peaceful, just being around the flower. It reminded me of her. And whilst that could be a bad thing, it could also be comforting too.

"Not that I'm not perfectly happy just sitting here with you on a beautiful day." He added, finishing his bread with one last bite. "It just seemed so sudden. No one comes in here anymore. Barely even me." Peeta whispered at the last part. I knew his mind was probably filled with images of his family trying to escape through this very meadow, unsuccessfully. Bombs showering around them. I shuddered myself, shaking it out of **my **mind.

"I can't lie to you Peeta. When we were walking yesterday, this caught my eye." I said, gesturing to the object of my affection near me. Peeta followed his gaze and his eyebrows came down in recognition.

"It's a Primrose." He murmured knowingly, though still confused.

"Evening Primrose. Not the ones you planted in our garden all those years ago. These don't grow around here. Well, they're not supposed to. Prim's favorite color was yellow..." I lost my ability to talk as my voice cut itself off. Peeta moved to sit closer to me now, wrapping one arm around my back. I leant in to his shoulder; perfectly moulded for me. He sat silent for a minute, obviously trying to gather the right combination of words and string them together.

"I don't know why it caught me off guard." I continued, my voice speaking of it's own accord now. "I remember Prim asking about her name once and what the flowers looked like. Mom had just sat there in her chair, staring through her like she was a sheet of glass, as normal. I came home from school and she asked me, wanting me to show her. So I gathered my hunting gear, and told her I'd be back soon. I reached this meadow and found the ones we have in the garden now. I cut them down and took them back for her, putting them in a cup of water and letting her keep them. She was so happy. She said the purple was beautiful but it would be better if they were yellow. Mom had happened to walk past at that point. She just turned blindly to Prim's direction and told her that Evening Primroses were yellow, but she'd probably never see them as they didn't exist in 12."

When I finally finished talking, I carried on eating the bread again. Wanting something different to do with my mouth, an excuse to not carry on speaking. Peeta squeezed my arm lovingly.

"Why has this one grown now?" He questioned casually, trying to act like he wasn't just privy to the memory I'd poured straight out of the deepest pit of my mind.

"I'm not sure." I replied. It was the truth. If this one existed, maybe others did too. Peeta seemed to sense what I was thinking.

"Maybe a bird passed the seed along from another district or something. I bet if there's this one, there would be more."

"Hmm." Was all I could muster as the bread began to stick to the top of my mouth. I quickly swallowed it, breaking away from Peeta's safe arms and facing him.

"I didn't come here to mourn. I came here because it's beautiful. And the weather is beautiful, and life is beautiful, and you are beautiful." I announced softly, taking the side of his face in my hand. His blond hair gleamed in the sun, emphasising how much nature was on his side. I couldn't think of anything more amazing to lay my eyes on at this moment.

"Katniss, don't get me wrong I love it. But I think carrying our baby is making you soft." He teased, leaning forward and capturing his lips onto mine for a brief second before pulling away to talk again.

"You never used to be so open with your feelings. In fact, when I first came back from the Capitol after everything, I thought you'd become Haymitch. You seemed so emotionally closed off, even more than normal. I never envisaged the day when you told me how beautiful I was again."

After he finished speaking he kissed me simply again, wanting to let me reply.

"You know what, I think you're right. These hormones are making me crazy." I laughed as I put my other hand on the side of his face, locking my eyes onto his. "I was closed off, that's who I was, even before everything we went through. But now, I...I don't know. I just feel like life is too short for me to not tell you how much I love you all the time." I said. It did feel still unnatural to be so vulnerable with someone. But if it was going to be anyone, then I was glad it was Peeta.

Peeta leaned in for another kiss, this time deepening it. I felt the spark begin to light inside me, the switch being flicked on. I knew the hormones really were messing with me; in this way too, already. I trailed my fingertips clumsily through his locks. I instantly wanted more. More of his kiss, more of him. He realised this and broke away.

"Not here." He whispered laughing. How did he always know what I was thinking? Maybe it had been obvious with my body. I was already much closer to him than I remembered. He pulled the basket nearer to us.

"Hey, I've got a surprise for you. Close your eyes." He muttered. I rolled my eyes in protest and he tapped my nose playfully. "Close them." He said again. And this time, I did as I was told. I heard some rustling and the closing of the basket lid.

"Open them." He spoke again.

My eyes fluttered open and I gasped as I realised what he held in his hands now, in front of me. There was a tray of perfectly iced cupcakes. Each with their own unique design. One was pale pink, another pale blue. One had an outline of a baby on it delicately sketched in white icing sugar. Next there was one with a balloon on, a light red. A marzipan dandelion sprung out of another, the petals looking so lifelike, I had to touch them to make sure they weren't real. The last one had purple writing on, in my favorite colour. It read: _Always._

"Peeta!" I breathed, taking in the sight before me. He beamed back at my expression.

"I made them this morning before you woke up." He told me, his eyes sparkling with his smile.

"They're..." I stuttered, trying to find the right word. He had put so much effort into them, I couldn't believe how sweet the gesture was.

"Beautiful?" He asked laughing.

"Yes." I said, my mouth still open. I laced my fingers through his. "They **are **beautiful."

"I was so worried when you started throwing up. I thought these would be the last things you wanted today." Peeta confessed, putting the tray down next to us. I stared at them, feeling my mouth start to salivate.

"I could literally eat them all right now." I responded, giggling. My stomach rumbled as if on cue. It was loud enough for Peeta to hear.

"Well, you can." He chuckled, taking his fingers away from mine and unwrapping the purple one out of it's cake case. He held it up to my mouth.

"It looks too pretty to eat." I complained, staring at it.

"You can't deprive this fluffy goodness from our baby!" He said in mock horror. Eventually, my stomach won and I reached forward to take a bite. It melted into my mouth, the sugary taste dissolving into my tongue. I moaned in pleasure. He had a smug look on his face.

"The baby likes it." I explained, rubbing my stomach.

"Of course, of course."

Once I had finished that cake, and eaten two more, with Peeta only having one after some insisting from me, we lay on the blanket staring at the cloudless sky.

"People must think we're crazy for being in here." I said, feeling the stickiness of our skin with Peeta's arm around my shoulder as I cradled into his side. It wasn't uncomfortable though, it was reassuring.

"Let them think what they want." He murmured. I sighed contentedly into his chest.

"Thanks for bringing me here Peeta. And the food, it was amazing. I've loved today." I whispered.

"I've loved it too." He said back.

"How long have we been out here?" I asked, too happy to move a muscle.

"Who cares? We don't have anywhere to be." He stated. I frowned as knew I was about to ruin the moment.

"We need to go see Haymitch." I said so quietly, I wasn't sure he'd heard. I felt his heart speed up.

"Oh yeah, right." He said, with a bitter tone to his voice. I decided not to pursue it further, so distracted him with a conversation I knew we needed to have, but didn't want to.

"Peeta we need to talk." I started, the trepidation evident in my voice. He didn't say anything, and I knew he could already tell what it was about. No doubt it had been bouncing around inside his mind since yesterday too.

"I know." He replied.

I didn't know how to phrase the next bit. I hated making decision so much. Talking about unsolved issues made them real, and deep down, I knew it was because I was scared. I felt his arm tighten around me.

"What are we going to do?" I asked uneasily. He turned his head sideways so he was facing me, and stroked my cheek softly with his calloused fingers.

"Katniss, I think you're so worried, that you're turning this into horrible situation in your head. This is supposed to be a special moment. I personally cannot wait one second longer to share with everyone that I get to have a child with you!" He burst out saying, but left his hand on my cheek, trying to show me he wasn't saying it in a malicious way. I instantly felt guilty, looking down at the rug beneath us and away from his face.

"What if...we tell everyone and something goes wrong?" I asked pityingly. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek, blinking away the burred images. I looked back up at him. Peeta stared at me in the strangest way. He looked shocked.

"What?" I asked, getting slightly angry. My mood had changed quite suddenly, and it scared me just as much as I think it did him.

"Nothing, I just...I can't believe you're so afraid." He whispered.

"Of course I'm afraid Peeta! It's our baby!" I exclaimed, sitting up. He mirrored me, placing a hand on my knee.

"No, no I didn't mean it in that way. I just had no idea you really felt this strong about it." He sighed. It was not usually Peeta who apologised for his choice of words.

"Nothing bad is going to happen Katniss." He said so firmly, that I couldn't help but be lured in by his voice. "I promise you. We are going to take the best care of you as we possibly can, and our baby is going to be the healthiest child there ever was in District 12." He said in the same tone. It was so forceful yet gentle at the same time, that I wiped the tears away and glared at him, before kissing him softly. His mouth responded, and he seemed pleased that he was able to convince me.

"Okay."

"Do you believe me?" He asked, not breaking his locked gaze into my irises.

"I will do, eventually." I replied. It would take time to realise it was going to be okay, I knew that deep down. "So, when do we tell people?" I asked hesitantly, still not having an answer.

"If you really want, we can wait until we pass the twelve week mark?" He asked soothingly.

I thought for a moment. "That sounds like a good idea." He smiled at me, happy that my mood had switched back to a more cheerful one. "But who do we tell?"

"Whoever you want to." He spoke.

"Well I guess news will spread pretty quickly." I muttered, thinking of how my child would become the district's idle gossip. I placed a hand protectively over my abdomen. He nodded, but didn't look too happy at the thought either.

"Obviously Sae and Delly should be first. Haymitch?" I asked, cringing at the image of having to bring it up with our drunken ex-mentor. The thought alone was enough to make me gag. Peeta looked at me, debating something internally, I could see it in his eyes.

"Your mother?" He ventured. I stared at him.

"I, I don't even know where she is." I said truthfully, shrugging my shoulders. I had never made contact with her since she decided to stay in 4. I didn't see the point. She knew where to find me, and she never came. I waited. All those months where Sae and her granddaughter, who we discovered was called Pine, had looked after me; had filled her role. She should have been the one who was there to watch over me as I wasted away, inching closer to death's door every minute. But she never came.

"We could find her. I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard. I could make a few calls. She may still be working at the hospital." He said timidly, stroking my hair.

"She could be dead." I said, surprising myself at how cold that sounded. Peeta flinched a little.

"Don't say that Katniss."

"What? It's true, she could be."

"So are you not going to even attempt to find out? Let alone tell her?" He asked, sounding hurt for her. I frowned, he would never understand what she had been like for all those years after my father died, when I'd practically raised Prim alone.

"Why should I?" I asked sourly.

"Because despite everything, she's your mother." Peeta said harshly this time. It sounded like he was giving me an order of what to do. I realised he was right, I did need to find her at least, first.

"Okay, I'll think about it." I resigned, and I could tell he was content that I would. Taking one last look at the solitary flower, I stood up and stepped off the blanket, holding my hand out for Peeta.

"Where are we going?" He asked, dazed, but rose to meet my fingers.

"To see Haymitch." I declared.

"Why now?" He asked, still unsure what was happening.

"Because I'm currently in a bad mood. And this is going to be a lot easier that way."

**A/N: Sorry if some of you think I am spreading this out too much. I'm just having so much fun writing it! I feel bad for leaving Katniss in such a bad mood after her nice day in the meadow. Next chapter- Haymitch! Review as always if you please :)**


	6. Haymitch

**A/N: Okay guys, I'm warning you now. This is not a very cheerful chapter. But once again, trying to keep it as realistic as possible. Will explain more in later chapters. Thanks for the reviews- keep them coming :)**

**And in reply to Sunshine8402 : I think I will do the story of both of the children. Yet, because this is her first I will go into more detail, and skip quite a bit for the second. Don't worry, this story won't go on forever and bore you all to death ;D**

**Also, if you feel like I am doing anything wrong, let me know. I hate watching the numbers drop in views!**

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The smell hit me first before anything else. It was worse than normal, if that was even possible. The stench was so strong that it proceeded to make me gag right there on the spot; not good for the easily-triggered-nausea. I had my back to Peeta, having walked in first, so he couldn't see me suffer and use it as an excuse to come back another day. I eventually got a hold of myself, trying desperately to breathe in through my mouth, and I turned to face him. He was shutting the front door, a grimace on his own face. He gave me a look of warning, but I'd made this decision to come here now, we may as well get it over with.

"Katniss-" He began, wrinkling his nose up as he walked to stand right behind me.

"All I'm asking for, is to check the guy has a heartbeat." I muttered back, determined to do this. I didn't even know where to begin to look for Haymitch, but I figured the kitchen was probably a good place to start. Pushing our way past old newspapers, empty bottles, half-eaten-half-rotten chicken legs, and many other things that I didn't dare look at too closely; for fear of expelling the beautiful cakes Peeta made me earlier, from my stomach.

"Fine. But as soon as we feel even a flicker of a pulse, we're getting out of here." Peeta said firmly. He'd learnt that being around someone as stubborn as me, he had to be more forceful sometimes than his gentle nature. I nodded weakly, I couldn't argue with that. This wasn't exactly the place I wanted to be right now either ideally.

I strode into the kitchen, feeling the need to tread lightly for fear of him hearing. I wasn't sure why though; even when I shouted at the top of my lungs into his ear he would still never flinch. I saw Peeta in my peripheral vision split off into the lounge to check in there. Glancing around the kitchen, I came up empty. Haymitch's knife that he always woke up with, brandishing wildly, was sat on the table. That was strange; he usually always had it on him. This time must have been especially bad. I took a step around the table and saw a smashed bottle, of what appeared to be whiskey, scattered into shards on the floor. I gingerly stepped away from the glass, and saw Peeta coming out of the lounge.

"Upstairs." He murmured, and I followed him as he walked clumsily up the steps leading to the bedrooms and bathroom on the second floor. Haymitch's house was an exact replica of ours, we knew our way around easily enough. The carpeted stairs were stained with an orangey-brown liquid. I didn't even want to know what type of liquor that was. How the man had survived the last ten years without dying from alcohol poisoning, or live failure, never ceased to amaze me. I carefully stepped over a pile of discarded papers. I couldn't see what was on them, but I think it was forms of some type; probably something from The Capitol that he had flung about in a drunken stupor. No one would ever be sure.

We finally reached the top of the stairs and came to a closed door. This one was Haymitch's bedroom, we knew that. We'd found him up here a couple of times before, and it had never been especially pretty. Peeta looked at me, and then pulled on the handle, bursting open the door with such force that the frame shuddered. I never doubted how strong he could be when he was angry. He walked in first, his muscular body blocking my view to the room as he stood near the doorway, taking in the sight before him. Suddenly, he spun around and gave me a gentle nudge out, going to close the door between us.

"What?" I asked, hating to be shut out of things. He halted the door, so that I still couldn't see into the room.

"I can deal with this Katniss. You should go home." He said, not even attempting to quieten his voice.

"Peeta, why? I'm fine here, I can handle it." I said defiantly. How bad could it be? The states I'd seen Haymitch in before were never for the faint-hearted, I knew that. And I wasn't faint-hearted. I'd survived two Hunger Games and god knows what else.

"Katniss, trust me. Go home, go have a bath or something, and I'll be back soon." He repeated, a strained look on his face.

"Peeta! Let me in." I demanded so furiously that his face faltered for a moment, considering something.

"I'm warning you now Katniss." He said, though a little less forceful.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"It's pretty awful." Peeta replied, but, eventually, opened the door wider so I could step into the room.

The smell downstairs was nothing, nothing at all compared to the potent, revolting stink concentrated in this small room. The first thing I saw was clothes strewn out across the floor, with more of the same rubbish that was downstairs. The second was a broken mirror, it's fate matching the pattern of the whiskey bottle in the kitchen. It had a hole in the middle, as if someone had ploughed their fist right through it. However the third, was what really struck me. I walked over to the bed to see Haymitch lying there, covered in his own vomit; blood smeared across his hands and smudged over his arms. Under his right eye, was a large purple bruise and his shirt was ripped. I groaned as my stomach churned, threatening to erupt.

"Oh god." I said quietly.

_Breathe in through your mouth Katniss, just breathe._

I told myself repeatedly, concentrating on the rise and fall of my chest. Which reminded me to check for his.

"He's at least, alive." I said sardonically, casting a glance at Peeta. He walked over and felt his neck, nodding.

"What do we do?" I asked. I was so sick of this now. Haymitch, was at least, if Peeta's calculations were right, 53 years old; a full grown man, drinking his body and, what little, life he had away slowly. It was infuriating to watch and be on the receiving end of it. Peeta and I felt so unspeakably aged around him.

"Katniss, what can we do? He's alive, that's the most you wanted, and we got it. Let's just go home. He's not our problem." Peeta said coldly, using the same distant tone I had used when speaking of my mother in the meadow. It was strange seeing the roles reversed. Peeta had always been the one insisting on waking Haymitch up in a more civilised way, whereas I had always just dumped a bucket of ice cold water over him. It was Peeta, who on the train, offered to clean Haymitch up, whilst I sat in the carriage. Peeta was the kind one, Peeta was the one who was supposed to care, not me.

"Peeta, we cannot leave him in this state. He'll probably die." I said, trying to keep my resolve and still focusing on my breathing.

"He's **not** our problem anymore." He said again. Something inside me flipped.

"Peeta, leaving him here to waste away is practically the same as us driving an axe through someone's heart in the games. We don't kill people, that's not who we are anymore." I said through gritted teeth. I knew this would hit hard, and that was the effect I was going for. It hurt for both of us to be reminded of our past. But with the hormones flowing around me, and my rage building up inside, at this new Peeta filled with hatred towards the man that kept us alive, I did what I had to do.

Peeta remained quiet for a moment, before looking back at me.

"You're right, I'm sorry." He whispered, and bent down to Haymitch's level. A snore escaped his lips. It was gruff and feral, like an animal.

"So, what do we do?" I said again, more even this time, convinced I'd gotten through to him.

"Go get a bucket I guess." He said shrugging. "I can't see how we're going to get him to wake up any other way."

Moaning at the thought of awakening Haymitch like this, I rubbed my forehead. "You do realise, once he's awake, we probably will not get anywhere near him to help clean **this **up." I said, gesturing towards the complete mess he was in. Peeta thought carefully, and frowned in consideration.

"You're right, again." He said, forcing a smile at me. "I'll clean him up first, THEN you can do the honours."

I nodded.

"I can help." I said, going already to walk into the bathroom and find a towel, a sponge, anything. Peeta walked downstairs into the kitchen, and eventually reappeared with a trash bag of sorts, starting to compile all the rubbish together and into the sack. I knew we would never get round to the rest of the house, or be able to stomach it, but the bedroom would be an improvement at least. I found a towel by the shower, probably dirty, but it didn't matter, it'd serve my purpose. Rinsing it under the warm water tap, I walked out to start scrubbing Haymitch's face and arm. He stirred a tad under the wet touch, but his heavy breathing never faltered.

Neither Peeta nor I had the intention to try and get him out of his clothes. From the smell of them, I guessed he had the same outfit on he'd probably seen when he saw us last, which was before we even found out I was pregnant. My tummy continued to turn and tumble, washing the contents around themselves over and over. I kept the breathing pattern up, counting in my mind to distract me from the sight beneath me.

Once we'd done our best, and Peeta had taken the trash out around the back of the house, picking up the bowl from the sink and bringing it up to me, he nodded, giving me permission to wake him. I had dreaded this moment. In the state he was in, he'd most definitely try and slaughter us both as he woke up. I went into the bathroom, filling the bowl with the coldest water I could get. I heaved it back over to the bed, my arms not as strong as Peeta's, trembling a little under the strain of the weight. Peeta tried to take it from me, but I shot him a look that told him '_I got this.'_

"Here goes nothing." I said before blindly hurling the contents of the bowl as hard as I could over Haymitch. Immediately his once-still form became animated as he leapt off the bed, falling onto the floor. I heard him gasp sharply as he flung his limbs around in the air, swooping off the attack. Peeta pushed me slightly back from him, as he stood closer himself, making sure Haymitch wouldn't hurt me. Despite his threats back in 13, I'd never really believed he would ever do such a thing in the right frame of mind. However Haymitch was rarely in a stable mental state, so I guess it made sense for Peeta to be worried.

"What...the...hell!" Haymitch spat out as his blurry eyes scanned the room, before landing on me.

"You." He said with such conviction, I rethought the whole situation with Haymitch never hurting me. Peeta stepped directly into his line of sight, blocking me off from him. I could still see his face between Peeta's legs as he lay on the carpet though. His glare fixed on Peeta now. "What are you doing?" He screamed so loud I thought my eardrums would burst.

"Saving your life, you're welcome." Peeta said sharply. I threw the bowl behind me, not caring where it landed. Once he was awake, it really was a whole new horror.

Haymitch looked down at his shirt and saw the mess that we hadn't dared to touch. He stood himself up finally after several attempts, but swayed on the spot. Peeta caught him just in time, and sat him back on the bed.

"Get out of my house." He slurred, his head in his hands. I turned to Peeta.

"Maybe we should have just left him to rot in his own vomit." I retorted. Haymitch's face whipped up, struggling to focus on me.

"Sweetheart! Long time no see. Can't say I've missed you much." He said, grinning manically. Peeta nudged his shoulder.

"Haymitch, how long have you been out for?" He asked shortly. Haymitch sloppily shrugged.

"How am I supposed to know?" He muttered.

"What was the last thing you remember?" Peeta asked again, his patience wearing dangerously thin. Haymitch shrugged again.

"Geese." Was all he said for his reply. I rolled my eyes, this was fruitless. I should have listened to Peeta, as always.

"Descriptive." Peeta sarcastically responded. He looked at me, unsure what to do, before turning back to Haymitch, who was already starting to try and sleep again on the bed. Peeta shook him. "Come on Haymitch, let's get you showered." He urged him, trying to pull him up. Even Haymitch was too strong for Peeta, though. He rolled back over and was sick again onto the bed.

That was enough of a trigger for me.

I ran into Haymitch's bathroom, not caring about anything, just wanting to get out of here, to be out of the horrible place, to be safe with my baby and Peeta, to feel well, to breathe fresh air. I heard Peeta drop Haymitch, letting him slump back down, and running in to me. Peeta hit the wall with his hand with such fury, that I turned from the toilet to stare at him.

"Damn you Haymitch!" He shouted furiously. I blinked at Peeta, he had suddenly become so scary. I felt alone in this awful house. Peeta stormed back into the bedroom and walked over to Haymitch.

"Why do you have to be such a wreck all of the time? Why can't you for once just think about people **other **than yourself! You selfish, drunk bastard." He spat. His tone was seriously frightening me now. I hugged my knees and rocked back and forth on the cold tiles of this floor. I wanted my own bathroom. I wanted to be secure.

I heard Haymitch snicker.

"What's the matter Mockingjay? Suddenly become weak in the knees? Can't deal with a little puke every now and then? I thought you were the unstoppable _Katniss Everdeen._" He shouted through, bitterly. A sinister sarcasm creeping in. He hadn't called me Mockingjay in years, it did no good. I bit back my words, hearing Peeta calm his own breathing, stopping him from doing anything he would regret, much, much later on.

At no further reaction out of us, Haymitch kept prodding, desperate for a fight. "The amazing, girl-on-fire, _Katniss!_" He hissed, chuckling darkly. "I knew you didn't have the looks but I was mistaken for thinking you had the guts." He threw out the words, like Clove's knives, each one aimed for my heart.

"Haymitch, stop." Peeta warned. But Haymitch continued.

"Too weak to even save the ones around her. Too petty to even hold the contents of her stomach in. Too selfish to even just kill herself off quickly when she had the chance, instead, just withering away slowly, and making us all wait on her, hand and foot."

**Stab. Stab. Stab.**

I felt the tears well up inside of me. He wasn't worth them, not a single drop of my emotion.

"That's enough." Peeta interjected. I stayed in the bathroom, not wanting to face Haymitch when I could already feel the wetness tainting my cheeks.

"Poor little Mockingjay has lost her wings. Throwing up in my toilet, what did you do Sweetheart, slip yourself some bourbon before going off to kill little birdies, and little squirrels this morning?" Haymitch's words bounced around the walls, rattling in my skull. I was about to storm past him, and out of this godforsaken house, not caring if he saw me after all, when Peeta's voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

"SHE'S PREGNANT!" He screamed outrageously, and Haymitch's snickering halted. The whole house seemed to fall deadly silent. It felt like it had happened in slow motion, I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. Did Peeta honestly just do that? I stood up, inching myself around the corner of the door, seeing Haymitch and Peeta in a lockdown of stares, neither one daring to move or speak. I walked into the bedroom, but kept my distance from both of them. My head spun.

"Peeta?" I said, my tone coming out as a question. I felt so betrayed, so hurt. Just this afternoon we'd agreed that we'd wait. Haymitch wouldn't be the first person I told about carrying Peeta's baby, he couldn't be. Peeta broke his glare away from Haymitch who was still quiet on the bed, staring at us both. His blue eyes glistened with pain.

"I'm sorry Katniss, I had to." He whispered, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe what he'd just done. It took me a minute, but then I nodded my head. I refused to let Haymitch tear us apart after ruining everything good in his own life.

There was another minute of silence, until it was broken.

"Well well well, Katniss finally stopped being a selfish little brat and gave Romeo here the one thing he's always wanted?" Haymitch asked. His tone was so unbelievably bitter, I felt like acid should be pouring out of his mouth, burning it's track.

Peeta clenched his fists, holding back his true anger. "The one thing I've always wanted is Katniss." He said through a strained voice, closing his eyes and breathing out slowly. Haymitch only had eyes for me now though. His body had shifted to face me, ignoring Peeta.

"Or tell me sweetheart, was this all one big accident? Finally stopped being a prude? Did you just get scared that one day, he would see you for what you truly are, a nasty piece of work and think, why not? I'll just give it to him, just this once, then maybe he will stay with me so I don't have to die alone?" His malicious snicker was back again, and he stood himself up from the bed with an effort. He shuffled towards me, Peeta mirroring him in parallel lines.

"I hope you two and the little one are a happy family, I really do. Because as soon as that kid realises what it's parents are like. It's going to take off running." He said, pointing at my belly with hatred.

With that, Peeta landed a square punch on his jaw. The force was so hard that I heard the click of his bone against the flesh.

The tears fell heavily now. The final stab went through my heart, piercing it deeply. I contemplated clawing his face off for real this time; until he was so unidentifiable, so mutilated, that people would never recognise him. But my feet were already running of their own accord as I flew down the stairs sobbing, and plunged myself out of the house.


	7. Mess

**A/N: Even though there aren't as many words in this chapter, it's loaded with quite a bit more content! I'm sorry if I put you off with the last one. I promise in a future chapter soon, all will be made better and I think you'll like it :)**

**Love all of you for reviewing!**

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Peeta ran out straight after me, following me into our house. I stormed through the door, and raced into the kitchen right away; fury filling my veins. My vision clouded with red as I grabbed the nearest plate on the worktop and threw it, with as much force as the stupid bucket over Haymitch's head, scattering onto the hard wooden floor. My head was still spinning with the turn of events. Such a beautiful day, I had been so happy, and I'd had it all taken away. Images of Peeta's carefully crafted cakes flashed across my vision. The cakes, that I had lost just mere moments ago. God I detested Haymitch so much!

I cried as I suddenly realised what a mess I'd made, aware that if I carried on in this state, my home would end up looking like his. I bent down to try and clear away the shards of pottery that had flung into every corner in sight. Picking up the piece nearest me, I was vaguely aware of Peeta entering the kitchen, his demeanour calm in comparison to mine, despite losing his temper and lashing out at Haymitch a minute ago. He crunched across the floor in his boots, standing on the broken bits with ease and bent down next to me, his movements slow.

"Katniss." He spoke so softly, his voice like velvet. I could hear it seep into my mind but it sounded far away. The blood still pumped furiously around my system, keeping the adrenaline soaring. I continued collecting more pieces in my bare hands, swivelling on the spot. I had to clean up. My baby couldn't be brought into such a disgusting house. The pieces were too sharp, the pieces...they were too dangerous. I had to remove the danger.

"Katniss." He said louder. His voice was closer this time in the surface of my mind and I turned slowly to look at his face. Peeta's big blue eyes were open wide in uncertainty. I could feel my pulse in my temples, and I noticed my breathing for the first time in a while; rapid and shallow, like an animal's. I tried to slow it down, aware that I was dizzy now, really dizzy. The worktops tilted in front of me. I didn't realise I was squeezing my palms until I felt a tiny pain, and saw Peeta's worried eyes trail down to my hands. His own coming out immediately to pry mine open.

"Katniss, stop you're bleeding!" He shouted, and I finally snapped out of my daze, fully conscious of my environment. My head slowed down a little as my breathing came back to normal, and I looked down to where I could feel his fingers over mine. A trickle of blood, like a satin ribbon, was winding down one of my open palms. I could barely feel the deep cut that it weaved out of. I saw Peeta get up and walk over to the sink, grabbing the sponge and rinsing it under the water, before he was back at my side and wiping away the burgundy mess. The stabbing words were being replayed in my mind, and I cried harder. Peeta's face of concentration as he cleaned me up, made me cry harder still. The thing that made the most upset though, was that I felt like Haymitch, sitting here, covered in blood, and barely reachable.

"Hey, hey." He whispered, pulling a strand of hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. His lips were close to my face. "Don't worry about him. Don't worry about this, I'll tidy it." He murmured. I leant into him instinctively. Peeta, what would I do without Peeta?

"Do you think what he said is true?" I asked hoarsely through the tears.

"You can't seriously be listening to what he says Katniss. He's been out cold for at least a month at that rate. The amount of alcohol in his system...I don't even know how he's still alive. One of the things I do know for a fact though, is that even Haymitch in his normal state, would **not** have said any of those things." Peeta reassured me, rocking me back and forth now, his strong arms around me, keeping us safe.

"And the one thing I do know more than anything in the entire world, is that you are going to be a brilliant mother." He continued, his hushed tones vibrating the small space of air between us. I clenched the sponge harder in my hands, feeling the water go into the cut, but not caring.

"You really think so?" I asked again.

"Oh I know so. When our baby takes it's first look at you, my god, it is going to love you so much." He continued, stroking my cheek. I felt warm inside at this comment, and my heart fluttered. He was right; everything Haymitch had said wasn't true. I knew it, and so did Peeta, and that was all that mattered. I wiped away the tears, sniffing. Peeta had a different look on his face now, one of regret. His eyes hardened.

"I'm sorry for scaring you in there." He mumbled, his features darkening more. I tried to brush it off.

"It was Haymitch who scared me." I replied. His fingers fell to my neck. I knew he would be able to feel my pulse pounding.

"No, I saw the look on your face when I hit that wall. I just, couldn't think straight. I can't believe I let him speak to you like that." He apologized, his pain apparent in his voice. I shook my head.

"Everyone's allowed to lose it every once in a while, especially around Haymitch. It was perfectly natural for you to act that way. What he said was his fault not yours." I said firmly. "I'm a complete mess too. Look what I just did." I pointed around me. Peeta laughed.

"Let's blame that on the hormones." He muttered.

"That is going to become quite a usual excuse for me isn't it?" I felt myself smile. Peeta could always make me feel better, how did he do it?

"Most definitely." He said kissing me lightly. And we sat there in the kitchen, on the floor together, surrounded by broken pieces of anger.

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"Peeta please, can we not even just go to the Capitol?" I asked, feeling the begging in my voice. I so desperately didn't want to go to this place, not now. Peeta gave me a look of sympathy, but his eyes were locked onto my face, leaving me no choice.

"Katniss we have to, it's what Doctor Mauray told us to do." He replied as he handed me a pair of trousers to pack. I took them, my hands already shaking a little at the thought of our journey ahead. I hadn't even left 12 since I'd come back here ten years ago. The thought of crossing the borders left my stomach with butterflies, let alone the fact of which district we were going to.

"Is there no other district that has this equipment?" I murmured, feeling the same panic as when the doctor had walked towards me with that needle on our second appointment. Peeta shook his head, passing me some more clothes, which I blindly threw into the bag.

"I know this is going to be hard, but you don't even know that she's there anymore. She probably moved on a long time ago." Peeta sat down on the bed next to me, his arm curling around my back. Something about just his scent and touch, always calmed me down. He smelled of flour and fresh baked bread, and well...just Peeta.

"Yeah, but what if she hasn't?" I sighed, knowing there really was no use in trying to find a way around this. The doctor had told us where we needed to go; he had made the appointment with the help of Peeta. He had explained to us that although 12 wasn't as poor as it used to be, they still lacked in some resources. He said this was the best place, with the best people for my baby. I had to keep that in mind. It was becoming an easier habit now. Especially over the last three weeks since the incident with Haymitch.

It had been a quiet period since all the chaos that had unravelled. We carried on with our lives as normal, awaiting our next move from Doctor Mauray. Every other day I would hunt, or go out into the meadow and sit by the Primrose. Peeta continued to bake at the shop, and sometimes I would go over and help him if I had nothing else to do, or just wanted to spend the day with him. I wasn't much use in the bakery, but I got to watch him work, and that's what I loved. Biting his lip in concentration, a glisten of sweat on his forehead, his muscles straining under his t-shirt as he rolled out the dough; his hands working effortlessly, creating intricate weaves, these were the things that never ended to fascinate or enchant me. I had told him that he should start making the dandelion cupcakes to sell, but all he'd said in reply was:

"They're just for you Katniss. Besides, only you could appreciate the beauty of a weed."

Peeta had spent a couple of nights on the phone to the Doctor. He had locked himself away in the study, discussing things I guess he thought was best not to stress me out about, and told me afterwards that we would need to travel for ultrasounds in the future. Doctor Mauray had managed to find the best place possible for us. I didn't mind this part. This meant our child was in the safest hands, even if we did have to leave our home. It was the reasons he was able to pull strings for us, that I abhorred. No one would ever forget the face of us two. The doctors there had probably tripped over themselves to monitor our combined health.

Which lead us to where we were today, packing our bags for travel. We would board a train in three hours, that would take another ten to get to the District we would need to be going to.

At first, I assumed we would be either going to the Capitol, which had made my legs go weak. I knew the bad memories it would trigger, but at least I wouldn't have to risk the chance of bumping into her. Failing that, at least District 3. The technology was the best there after all. However, I was assured by Doctor Mauray, that although they produced the technology, they didn't necessarily have the best people in the medical profession there to _use_ it. Not like the district, that was now also known for the best hospitals, as well as fishing.

**District 4.**

I had spent countless nights up and pacing, wondering if I'd see her face, like I had in my dreams and in my nightmares. But then I realised, like Peeta said how long it had been since I'd last seen her. The chances of her still working there were small. She would have been overtaken by the amount of medicinal knowledge that would surely have developed in the last decade. She'd most likely had another mental breakdown, maybe even going as far as taking her own life this time, instead of being trapped, a prisoner in her own lifeless body...

I shook my head of these thoughts again as I realised Peeta was looking at me strangely, waiting for a reply.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I said, let's just take one thing at a time. Firstly we have to make sure we've got everything." He repeated patiently. His hand was on mine, trailing his fingers across it.

"Oh, right. Well I think we've got everything now for our stay and stuff. What do I need for the hospital?" I queried. I hadn't thought about this part much.

"Hmm, not entirely sure. I guess Doctor Mauray has sent over all the important documents. As long as you've got a purse which you can put a drink in and stuff just in case, which you already have for the train, then I think we're done." He concluded, kissing me on the top of my head, in my hair.

"Good. So now we just wait." I sighed.

"Now we wait." Peeta reiterated. "It's going to be great Katniss, I promise." He said, smiling. His beam contagious, as always. I returned the gesture with little effort.

"I'm so excited." He muttered, and I could tell he felt guilty for feeling the opposite of me. Now that I'd sensed his emotions though, I felt my own changing.

"You know what? So am I." I replied, gently nudging his arm. His face lit up more.

"We get to see our baby Katniss! We actually get to see it on a screen. Inside you." He said happily, his fingers squeezing mine. I kissed him again.

"It's going to be amazing." I told him, feeling my own nerves melt away, this was what we were going for, this was what I had trained myself to focus my thoughts on.

* * *

As the silver metallic train pulled into the stop at 12, a few passengers strolled off. There was barely any, as it was a trip that most people had reached their destination by now. District 13's route wasn't on this track. There was a much more sophisticated system now, than back in the days.

Peeta put a hand on the small of my back and ushered me on, giving me the gentle push I knew I needed. My hands became clammy getting onto this machine that had basically dropped me off to my imminent death. The odds had been in my favor on that occasion...but the train still symbolised, to me, a ride to the gallows. I climbed the few steps and was in a carriage. We were the first ones in, so the seats were all empty. Peeta carried the bags despite my protests again; I was pregnant, not incapacitated and weak, but he still insisted. I checked our tickets, which were the only things he'd let me carry, and memorized our cabin number. It was only a day trip, but Peeta had still booked one with our own room, feeling it would be a better idea with the nauseous-me in mind. This way I could sleep comfortably too, seen as it was so early in the morning. We would arrive late tonight, and go straight to our hotel.

By the time I had navigated our way around and successfully found our cabin, I was ready to sit down. Despite being overall thrust into excitement by Peeta, the underlying anxiety was still there, and wearing me out a little. I went to take a seat by the one window, wanting to soak up the last of the familiar trees around me before we left. The room had a luxurious feel to it. The seat I sat on was a deep plush red, and the walls were a pale gold. The floor was carpeted in a rich beige color, soft and cushioned under my feet.

I wondered how much it had cost Peeta when he booked it. We didn't really have to worry about money anymore. His bakery brought in a good amount, and prices weren't as high. After everything, we'd decided to turn down Paylor's offer to recieve our winnings money still. It was blood money to us. It felt wrong accepting it. We'd earned that money by murdering innocent people. It was Snow's money, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

Peeta placed our bags down, and took the seat opposite me. There a coffee table in the middle with some fresh glasses of water already on. He put a hand on my knee, a gesture he did when he felt I was too nervous to handle to be touched in any other way.

"Remember why we're here." He said simply, as always, as if he had a psychic connection chained with my own thoughts.

"I know. It just used to mean something so different." I mused, still gazing at the tall trees in my vision.

"I think this is good. You can replace it with the best possible thing now." Peeta said quietly. I nodded, it made sense. He was always the one to think clearly. His mind was a perfect anecdote for mine. Just then, the train shuddered and lurched forward smoothly. Even though it would reach 250mph in no time, it was hard to detect movement after the initial setting-off.

I continued to stare out of the window, watching the comforting trees fade away into a blur behind us.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I'm updating so quickly at the moment as I have time. I have some exams soon though so will probably slow down a little ;(**


	8. Revelation

**A/N: Longest one yet guys. Remember towards the end that is set many many years in the future. I like to think technology would have progressed (: I'm loving all these reviews and appreciate every single person that even wants to read anything I write!**

The morning was long and tedious. There wasn't much to do on this train except from sleep on the bed, take a shower or watch the droning television. Something Peeta and I had never really gotten used to. I guess I always kept expecting, still to this day, Snow's face to pop up for an announcement, or to see Claudius Templesmith analysing tribute's outfits. It unnerved me to say the least. I'd practically lay on the bed all morning anyway, and Peeta had only gone out to walk around the other carriages when he thought I was sound asleep. I preferred staying here out of everyone's watchful eyes. Yet he always wanted to explore.

Though I felt okay with my sickness today, I still picked at the food that Peeta ordered. He'd been so sweet, choosing my favourite lamb stew for lunch that was on the menu. We sat together in the same seats as before, Peeta's eyes never leaving my face even though I was looking down at the plate. I could feel them penetrating me, but I didn't want to bring my gaze up.

"What?" I finally asked, a little irritated. He looked embarrassed.

"Are you feeling bad again?" He questioned, pointing a finger to my practically-full plate. I shook my head and continued holding my fork, plucking at the mound of potatoes in the rich sauce. I immediately regretted snapping at him. Of course he was just worried about me. I turned my eyes towards his.

"Sorry. No, I'm fine." I apologised, and forced some into my mouth, trying to look like I was enjoying it, but I knew I was doing a bad job because Peeta sighed.

"What's the matter? Why aren't you eating it?" He said, his voice pleading to know what was wrong.

I knew he hated it when I shut him out of my thoughts. I couldn't help still being reserved sometimes. Besides, if we let each other know all the details of what was churning through our minds constantly, we'd probably frighten ourselves. To be fair, I didn't even really know the answer to his question myself. I just knew that my stomach was not rumbling for food like it usually did, most of the time. I had only thrown up once in the last three weeks. It was getting better already, yet my appetite sometimes closed off when I thought too much.

"Katniss, come on. All day you've been worried sick. I can tell. Just let me in, tell me what's wrong." He urged, putting his own plate down. He had nearly finished it all anyway.

I exhaled and put down my own plate beside his, feeling bad for leaving the food. Even though our living conditions were better now, throwing anything edible away went against my deeply ingrained instincts.

"I really don't know Peeta. I'm just not hungry. Honest." I said shrugging, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized why I wasn't. And he knew why too.

"Katniss, I promise you, our baby is going to be fine." He whispered smiling. Whenever he said the B word, no matter what context he was saying it in, his face just illuminated. Peeta was going to make a great father.

"I know, I know. I just can't help being scared something is wrong. It's different when it's inside you Peeta. I'm...responsible for another life as well as my own." I murmured, stroking one hand over my flat belly. He was suddenly next to me on the spacious seat, his lips on my forehead.

"I understand. But I wish you would stop worrying." He said simply and carried on kissing me all over my face. He knew this would break me eventually, what with my crazy hormones, and I hit him lightly on the shoulder.

"Peeta! This is serious." I tried to say firmly, but as usual my troubles just melted at the touch of his warm lips on my skin. I turned properly so that my body was facing him. He kissed me unexpectedly on the lips.

"Peeta!" I yelled though laughed a little. He broke away and held onto my hand.

"There's nothing I can say right now to make you feel better Katniss. We're seeing the doctor tomorrow, and then will you believe **them** when they tell you it's all okay?" Peeta asked, clasping his other hand over mine, sandwiching it between his two.

"Maybe." I replied. It was true, no matter how many times Peeta reassured me, the only one person who would get me closer to believing it, would be a doctor. Even then, I knew I'd still have my doubts. I wanted to see my baby, see the heartbeat, see it's figure and feel it inside me, until I knew for sure that our child was safe.

"I'm sorry for ruining this for you all the time; I just can't help what I feel. I know you think it's better if I tell you." I said quietly. I felt his right arm wrap around my lower waist, pulling me closer. He nodded.

"It is. You can always tell me. But for now, let's just make the most of the afternoon and evening." He responded, and started dotting light kisses on my neck.

"Here Peeta? Really?" I asked, but started to feel my breath speed up at the feel of his mouth. My face flooded with heat. He let out a small chuckle.

"There's nothing else to do." He murmured against the crevice of my collarbone. I instinctively leaned into him, shutting my eyes.

"Oh and that's a good reason is it?" I asked sarcastically. When he laughed again I could feel his breath blow out onto me.

"And the fact that you're the most beautiful person in the world and I'm the luckiest man ever to be able to say I'm having a child with you." He added on quickly. I laughed this time, turning my head so that his lips would come back up to mine, I couldn't stand for them to be away too long.

"Good enough for me." I responded, connecting our mouths together. Peeta ran a hand through my un-braided hair and I let out a slight moan.

It's funny how you can go from having no appetite to suddenly being completely hungry.

* * *

By the time the train had pulled up in District 4, I was exhausted, and ready for a proper bed to sleep in. Peeta threw our bags over his shoulder and walked behind me off the train onto the platform where more people were jumping on for the night journey; probably onwards to The Capitol.

The air in District 4 seemed different. I noticed it straight away. I wasn't sure whether this was true or whether the climate in District 12 had just been embedded into me, that wherever I went that wasn't that would feel too different. Either way I felt like I was sweating as the summer's atmosphere lingered in the darkness of the night.

It was half eleven at night according to the clock on the wall in the huge terminal. People rushed around, pulling luggage behind them, greeting loved ones. The trains were a hugely popular commodity nowadays. It was the only relatively cheap way of getting around, so practically everyone took the chance to travel. It was something we could never do before, always being fenced in. The only time a child got to see the grass beside it's homeland's own was on the train to the menacing steely city, kept prisoner by peacekeepers until it's televised death.

Peeta found the sign for the exit, and we followed on the ebb and flow of the other people. I was surprised to see a lot of Capitol people here. Of course, people had migrated, but the Capitol residents had at first, been afraid of the other districts after the destruction they'd caused to them, and preferred to stay in their familiar city. The fashion was of course, ever-changing with the Capitol citizens; however, no other districts took it up. Some had aspects of it, as I was told, but most had still wanted their traditional clothing. This is what made these people stand out to me now, flickers of turquoise and green hair bouncing around; this month's craze.

When we came to the gate with officers at to check our tickets, I fumbled around in my cardigan pocket and handed the man in front of us, ours. He looked down at the information on them, and back up to our faces. He repeated this a few times, before his eyes lit up in recognition. I could tell he knew who we were. Although ten years had gone by, we both looked relatively the same, albeit slightly older. The difference between being eighteen and being twenty eight isn't all that considerable. I wondered if we would get recognized out in the open, not like back in District 12 when people had come to see us. It was tiring, and to me, a reminder that I didn't really need or want. I still appreciated the kindness and admiration all the same. I just didn't see why it all had to be directed at me. I had barely done anything in the long run except from look pretty in front of a few cameras...

"Miss...Everdeen?" The officer stuttered, trying to stay professional. I conjured up the best smile I could given how late it was in the day. My eyelids already felt heavy, as did my limbs.

"Actually, it's Mrs Mellark now." I said as politely as I could. He smiled wider. We'd kept our wedding extremely low key. Only the District 12 locals knew and attended. We hadn't called in any outside people, it had felt too unnecessary. After all the shenanigans we went through with the Capitol's attempt, we decided all that mattered was that we both wanted to be linked to each other in another way possible. I wonder if it ever got out though. Made a few newspapers perhaps? I can't say it would be big news. No one would care if there wasn't a show to be put on. Besides, people must have gathered the least by now anyway.

I turned to Peeta. He beamed back at me. Whenever he heard me addressed in this way, I knew it brought complete happiness to him.

"Well, congratulations Mrs Mellark, you too sir." He said, nodding towards Peeta.

"Thank you." Peeta replied, and held his hand out for our tickets back. The man obliged, still smiling.

"I hope you enjoy your time in 4." He said warmly, before Peeta began to walk away, and I followed. I turned back to see him still staring in our direction as the queue moved forward, the next people waiting to get their tickets checked. He looked away when he caught my gaze. I felt myself blush.

"Do you think that's going to happen a lot?" I asked, yawning and wrapping myself up further in my cardigan. I wasn't cold. Yes it was chillier here, than home, but it was more of a comforting motion.

"I don't know. Maybe. It died down in 12 after a couple of years, but we haven't left there. It may take people off guard." He suggested, not seeming that bothered either way. I yawned again, my eyes watering this time.

"Come on, let's get to our hotel." He whispered, transferring both bag handles to one hand and placing the other on my back between my shoulder blades in a protective, reassuring way. My feet felt heavy as I followed his direction, his arm steering me. We finally neared the huge glass doors to take us outside and get some fancy shuttle-bus right to the centre of the city, when I felt eyes watching me. I turned to see a group of girls, no more than fifteen years old maybe, all watching Peeta and I. They whispered uncertainly, and crowded around one another. I groaned. Normally, it would be bad enough, but right now I didn't exactly feel my best, and the last thing I wanted was to start being followed or under surveillance. We carried on, plunging into the open air outside and boarded our transport immediately, Peeta flashing our tickets. Luckily this driver didn't seem too observant to the flow of passengers boarding and simply nodded us on our way. Peeta stood back to let me get into a seat. He placed the bags down on the floor, unzipping and reaching into one, and sat next to me.

"Here, put these on." He whispered, handing me some sunglasses. It would look a little strange, that was guaranteed, but fashion these days could be passed off as anything. I put them on, feeling better straight away as I could hide behind them, and let my eyes close. The shuttle shuddered, not as smoothly as the train, and set off on it's short journey.

"Thanks." I murmured laughing a little. This was still strange after all these years. I guess Peeta and I would forever be the faces of a movement we didn't even know we were a part of until it was too late.

* * *

"Katniss, stop." Peeta said, placing a hand on my leg and stilling the tapping of my foot on the shiny white floor.

"Sorry." I said quietly, but I started tapping my fingers on my knee instead, desperate to do something. He sat back but kept one of his hands holding mine. I squeezed it appreciatively.

The white walls and floors around me added to the nausea I had woken up with this morning. Granted, this was a different kind. I had eaten a good breakfast of fresh fruit and blueberry muffins at the hotel before we made our way here, and managed to keep it down despite the adrenaline shooting around me now. Peeta had been quiet all morning, scared he would say the wrong thing and set me off I think. I appreciated it. I needed the silence to settle me down.

We had been waiting here for around half an hour, and as each minute passed by, I grew more and more nervous. Five different women had come and go in that time, each seeing different doctors on this particular ward. Right now there were another four around us. And no one had recognized us so far, thankfully. They were too wrapped up in their own lives, and I was silently glad. Three were with their partners, I presumed, but one sat on her own opposite me. Her belly was so swollen, that she rested the magazine she was reading on it. It reminded me of the time that Gale's mother was carrying Posy after his father died. She looked as though she might explode if you so much as touched her. I wondered if this woman had anyone, or if she really was going through this all alone. My thoughts were disrupted by a simulated voice, speaking clearly over the intercom.

"Katniss Everdeen. Room 189. Doctor Ambrose"

Peeta squeezed my hand, like I did to his a minute ago, and stood up, pulling me up on the way. The robotic voice sounded so familiar, and suddenly I'm taken back again, to another time in the past where I don't want to be.

"_Katniss. Shoot straight."_

Those were the words Peeta had said to me as the same voice had led me into my session for all the gamemakers and sponsors to evaluate me. Like a cattle taken to market, bidding on the highest price...except my price would be based on how long they thought I would be able to survive in a arena, with other trained killers.

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice tore me back into reality. I glanced at him briefly, before smoothing my trousers down and pulling a strand of hair away from my face.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You good?" He replied, gesturing towards the corridor we needed to take with the appropriate room numbers on. I started to walk that way, still holding his hand, looking at the floor.

"I'm good." I muttered, letting Peeta take over with where we needed to go, as usual, so that I could zone out a little. I could hear my heart beating loudly in my ears, as the speed of my pulse picked up at what was awaiting me. I heard Peeta knock on a door, and suddenly there's a woman standing in front of me in a white coat, smiling at me from under her glasses. Her brown hair was tied in a ponytail.

"Mr and Mrs Mellark!" She said cheerfully whilst waving us inside. She shut the door behind us, and motioned for me to take the seat closest to her desk.

"Hello there. I'm Doctor Ambrose." She greeted, shaking both of our hands. I realized how sweaty mine were and wiped them on my trousers quickly first. "How lovely to see you both. Doctor Mauray has told me everything I need to know, don't worry. But I would like to take a second to ask you a few questions myself if that's alright, Katniss?" the doctor asked, reaching out for a pen on her desk.

"Of course." I replied quietly.

Her room was different from the small one that Doctor Mauray had assembled back home. This was shiny, and minimalistic. The silver desk reminded me of the train that we came here on. The walls were a dark blue, and the tiles beneath my feet were a charcoal colour. I glanced over to the other side of the big room, and saw a similar bed to the one in his, yet this one was bigger, with more buttons surrounding it. I felt the butterflies whirl around my stomach; this was really happening. This was so official, there was no doubt this wasn't real.

She continued to ask me questions about when my last menstrual cycle was to work out my due date, but reassured me she could tell for definite once she saw the baby. I counted back as best as I could, but already those weeks seemed too far away to remember. She dated that it was actually eleven weeks now if her calculations were correct, which I had no doubt they were. She seemed sharp and up to speed on her knowledge. I felt a little reassured by that. Doctor Ambrose then went on to tell me that my last blood tests all came back normal, but that in another week, back at home, she wanted me to have another. I tried to push that far away now. The important news was that the tiny information I did know, was not alarming in anyway. Peeta nodded as we discussed it backwards and forwards, refraining from getting involved this time.

"And so symptoms wise Katniss can you just tell me what you're feeling? First trimester is usually the worse for these kinds of things. Mind you, another week and you're counted as being in the second." She pointed out. This made my heart falter a bit, everything was going quicker than expected. She gave me a big smile.

Doctor Ambrose reminded me of Doctor Mauray in her genuine kindness; however she seemed a little more professional. I couldn't tell whether it was just the setting, and district, she was in or not though.

I could feel Peeta watching me, and I knew that if I didn't say it, he would. I thought I could tough out the nausea, and I could carry on doing so, if I knew it didn't affect him so much.

"Well, I guess all the normal things. Mood swings, tiredness..." I said, watching her face as she nodded, writing things down, and looking back up for more. "I actually have quite bad nausea at the moment. Doctor Mauray said it wasn't a major problem, but, well...I'm not sure is there something that can be done to help it?" I asked, feeling tongue-tied. I suddenly wished Peeta could explain everything on my behalf, but it needed to come from me. She finished off writing and turned back to me.

"Well, I can give you some tablets if you'd like. Still to this day, with every technologic thing we have we haven't really found a cure for morning sickness!" She tittered to herself, and rubbed her lips together, obviously disapproving of it. Peeta relaxed a bit as soon as I'd said this.

"Will they make a difference to her?" He asked suddenly. The doctor looked up, smiling.

"Well, they should stop the actual vomiting, but I can't promise miracles for some nausea-spells. Anything we can do to help you keep as many nutrients down as possible is essential though." She responded. Peeta seemed content with this answer.

"I'll give you a prescription for those right away." She murmured, grabbing another slip of paper and writing on it, before handing it to me. "You can collect them from the pharmacy in section E of the hospital. They are specifically for pregnant women, so don't worry about the safety of them." Doctor Ambrose concluded. I gave the slip to Peeta, which he placed in my purse that was on the floor in-between us.

"Mood swings, perfectly normal once again, I understand they're frustrating, but try to accommodate to them as best as you can. And hopefully Peeta won't get too offended if you go from being happy to throwing things around." She said laughing. I smirked knowingly at Peeta. She'd just described me too well.

"He's very understanding." I said honestly.

"Now Katniss, it's probably the moment you've been waiting for now!" The doctor said excitedly. I saw Peeta sit up in his chair. "Are you ready for us to do an ultrasound?" She asked. Without realizing, I felt myself smile. I guess I was ready.

"Sure." I replied, and followed her over to the bed with Peeta trailing after me. His energy was almost visible; I could tell he could barely contain his happiness.

"Okay Katniss, I need you to undo your trousers a little and lift your shirt up for me please." She politely told me.

By the time I'd done as she said, and was lying down with Peeta beside me, gripping my hand tightly, she had wheeled a chair over. There was a monitor beside the bed, and she clicked a few things on it.

"What's that?" I asked, genuinely curious, but also feeling like I should seem more interested in the equipment around me. She turned back to face me.

"This, will project an image of your baby for you to see. It will also capture an image for you to take home if you'd like. To show friends and family, you know." Doctor Ambrose explained and my heart panged at the two F words. Peeta put his other hand on the top of my head, stroking my hair as he stood next to me.

"Now, I'm going to do a transabdominal ultrasound. Basically, this means I can get a panoramic view of the pelvis and abdomen which is great. This is your first one, yes? I'm taking it you didn't have an internal one?" She queried. I shook my head.

"Well Doctor Mauray did an internal examination, but it wasn't a scan." I replied, slightly confused by all the language, but tried to keep up. It was relatively simple so far.

"Good. Well then, both of you are in for a treat. At eleven weeks, the baby is very visible, especially on this screen." She spoke. I could feel Peeta getting agitated beside me, desperate to see it.

Doctor Ambrose poured some cool jelly-like fluid onto my abdomen, and lifted a metal wand up to it, flicking something else on the monitor and bringing the screen to life. It flashed grey for a minute, until she pressed a little harder with the wand on my skin, and then out popped the image we were waiting to see, projecting itself in a hologram style in front of us.

I felt the world stop around me; I could feel my breath being held in my chest as I dared not to breathe. Before my very eyes was a tiny figure, curled up inside me. I could hear the doctor talking, saying something, but her voice was dull in comparison with the awareness of my own body. All I could do was carry on staring at it, not trusting my sight that it was even real. How could something like that be inside me after just eleven weeks? It already perfectly mimicked a baby. I could see it's small head, it's back, it's feet tucked up under itself. And to think I had never wanted to be a mother, had never wanted to carry a child. I knew right there and then in that moment that I would forever love this petite package of life. Peeta and I had created this together, and I couldn't think of a more wonderful thing for our lives to come down to.

I forgot I was even with Peeta until I felt his grip loosen on my hand. I slowly came back to some sort of awareness, and pried my eyes off the sight before me to look at him. His other hand was still on my head, but the one he was just holding mine with was now wiping away a tear. The only time I'd seen Peeta cry in the last five years was a few weeks ago, when we'd found out we were having this baby. But now it was different, the tears were more real. And the smile that was coming through them was indescribable. He leaned down to kiss me, never taking his eyes off the image, and murmured into my forehead.

"That's our baby Katniss."

I felt a tear ooze it's way down my own cheek as his words sunk in. In six months time, that baby would be in my arms, alive and breathing. I'd never experienced anything more perfectly enchanting in my life. All those other memories that I was thinking about just earlier on in the waiting room, all those doubts had disappeared for a moment, as I looked at our child.

The doctors voice came back into focus.

"Would you like to hear the heartbeat? I think it's going to be a good one judging from the image. Can you see it there Katniss?" She asked, pointing to the screen. I followed her finger to the tiny pulsating dot and felt a new batch of tears coat my face. I nodded furiously. Peeta stroked my hair, leaning down to my level to see clearer.

"Okay, let me turn the sound on." She said. But once again, I was too far away to notice. The confirmation that my baby was alive and real, was about to be unleashed. She pressed a button close by and suddenly the room was filled with the steady thud of a distinct rhythm.

"Oh my gosh." I gasped. Peeta's other hand came back in mine. It was sodden with where he'd wiped his tears but I didn't care. I wanted to listen to this sound forever, it was the perfect lullaby.

"Mr and Mrs Mellark, your baby is very healthy. Listen to that, the heartbeat is so strong! So far, you have nothing to worry about." Peeta breathed a sigh of relief, as did I, but I couldn't help noticing the 'so far'. I knew it was as best as they could do, but of course, they could never make the utmost promises. I let myself enjoy the moment, as Peeta wiped my own face with his hand that was stroking my hair.

"It's about 2 inches. That's a good size." The doctor commented as she flicked some more buttons. 2 inches. I couldn't believe it. It was almost nothing, but still this little thing continued to strive in all it's glory.

"Alright, taking a picture..." She mused to herself as she pressed a big button on the side of the screen. A small beep was emitted and then a Polaroid-like shot came out. She handed it to Peeta to keep safe. "There's your baby. Take it home to show everyone."

Peeta held it gently in his hand, careful not to crush it. I bet he was thinking of ways to distribute it around the whole of District 12 at this rate.

"Now, technology has obviously advanced a lot, even from when you two were kids, let alone fifty years ago. Despite the baby's organs not being well developed, I can actually tell you the sex if you'd like today. Although, when you come back for your twenty, or twenty one week scan in this case, I can confirm." The doctor said. Peeta and I both froze. We weren't expecting this. It's not as if we'd been around a lot of people who had kids these days. The only pregnant women I'd seen were those brought to my mother in labour. And District 12 wasn't exactly a prime example of advanced technology. No one knew the sex until it was born, and in front of them.

"You...You can do that?" Peeta asked in shock. I was still frozen. Everything was ascending so quickly.

"Well, it's just preliminary, but nowadays we can usually make a relatively good estimate based on the facts we do have." She explained. "Katniss?" Doctor Ambrose asked me specifically, seeing that Peeta was already on board.

"Okay." I whispered meekly. My voice had seemed to cease. I felt like I was living in a dream. The doctor pressed some more things and a different angle of the baby showed up before us. She looked long and hard at the measurements and heart rate on the screen, before some more things bleeped at us.

"Well..." She started, and suddenly the suspense was killing me. I'd get to know whether this would be my daughter or son. I hadn't given much thought to this, neither had Peeta. It wasn't something we had discussed. We were both so shocked that I was pregnant in the first place, and Peeta so elated, that I don't think we dared question it anymore.

"You two, are having a daughter." She spoke with such clarity, that her voice may as well be spoken through a giant microphone.

"We're having a daughter." I repeated to myself, and looked up at Peeta who was beaming from ear to ear, with a couple of tears still gently coming down his cheeks.

"We're having a daughter." I said again to him, not sure that it was sinking in. There would be a baby girl in my arms. The vision suddenly became clearer to me.

"And she's going to be beautiful." Peeta whispered before locking his lips onto mine.

**A/N: Phew! This was a long one. Please review if you liked it. (Or even if you think something needs to be changed, I'm open to constructive criticism!) :D**

**I also didn't make it an explicit sex scene, because then the story would have to be M and maybe not what people want to read for this kind of fic. I'm considering doing a oneshot to tie-in the skipped over ones though, if anyone's interested :)**


	9. Odds

**A/N: Quite a descriptive chapter coming up. Hope you enjoy it. I'm not going to take this story day-by-day, I will skip some for fear of boredom setting in. I thought this chapter was kind of pivotal though so hopefully you appreciate it:)**

**Anon, one word, a whole essay - whatever the review, I'll love you for it!**

* * *

"Peeta, I really don't think I need to get these tablets you know. The sickness is supposed to get a lot easier in the second trimester, like she said. And I'm nearly there!" I moaned as he ushered me around, trying to find section E of the hospital; the pharmacy.

"Katniss, honey, if it will help the baby then that's all that matters. I know you don't like accepting help, but you're going to have to learn to let people in a little when you're carrying our child." He said playfully, but I could hear the serious tone underneath it. I gripped my purse tighter to my body, weaving in and out of people. My hair was pinned back today, but not in my give-away braid, which made it less easy for people to recognise me. We'd already been given a few stares through the other wards, but we'd kept our heads down and moved quickly. I don't think Peeta minded it as much as I did though. This was such a personal visit; I couldn't bear to make it about the past all over again.

"Peeta, over there. I see a sign." I suddenly said, pointing towards the giant 'E' with the arrow underneath it. We made our way down a few more corridors before coming to our destination. The long, twisting queue in front of us for the dispensing of the medicines was enough to make my legs feel weak. I groaned.

"Don't they have machines or something for this? I thought it was supposed to be the most sophisticated hospital in Panem?" He asked, mockingly. I rolled my eyes and noticed a small piece of cardboard taped on the wall nearest to us.

"Machines under repair." I muttered as I read the writing off of it, turning to Peeta. "Guess we should get queuing".

"You can sit down if you want." He said, motioning towards the rows of chairs where some people were waiting. I shook my head.

"No it's okay, I'm happier here." I said smiling, it was the truth. For some reason, I just couldn't bear the thought of being away from Peeta today. He linked his fingers through mine, and leaned in close to me as we joined the line.

"I can't believe we're having a girl." He said in hushed tones, excitedly. My face lit up at the happiness I could see before me. I had always felt like I could never give Peeta enough back for what he gave me, that I wasn't worthy of him. In my mind, this made up for it. I was giving him the final thing he wanted, a child. My mind clouded with images of Peeta twirling a small girl around and around in his arms. I knew that if we were in private, he probably wouldn't be able to keep his lips or hands off me, and he'd be cooing to my still-flat belly.

I just felt a little bloated to be honest, like when I was due on my period. I wondered how long it would be until I started showing. The thought scared me at the same time as making me happy.

Peeta leant down to kiss me again, and I could tell that he was refraining himself from going all out. All I wanted to do was be wrapped in his arms, safe back home in 12, and we would be soon. I realized it would be another week until I was in the technical 'safe zone'. Maybe then we could tell Sae. If Haymitch hadn't already...

Haymitch.

_No, No Katniss. Do not let that drunk jerk ruin this moment for you._

The line moved quicker than we expected, and before we knew it we were only a few people from the desk. I couldn't see much through the little window that connected us to the pharmacists, for people were blocking the way. But I could see many hands swapping and exchanging boxes. Peeta's arm brushed against mine in the bustle, his hot skin making my nerves tingle.

"Oh no. I left my cardigan in the waiting room!" I sighed, realizing that my bare skin on my arms shouldn't have felt right. It was hot, yes, but I usually always wore something to cover my forearms, especially after the tracker scar tainted my skin. Peeta gazed towards the line.

"You stay here, I'll go get it." I said, unlocking my clammy fingers from his and making a start to leave the queue, but he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll go get it Katniss, you'll probably have to sign for your medicine anyway. Wait here, I'll meet you by the chairs. I won't be long!" He called as he took off walking quickly. I felt bad instantly for making him go, but now becoming aware that my arms were on show for the world, I crossed them self-consciously. Even when Peeta was gone for a few seconds, it felt like a lifetime in this alien place.

"Next."

I heard called and I blindly walked towards the window, still staring after Peeta in the direction he'd taken off in.

"Which tablets?" The voice asked, but she sounded far away. I wasn't concentrating on it. I suddenly just wanted Peeta back.

"Umm, I'm not sure; they're just for morning sickness. I can't remember the name, sorry." I said apologetically, turning to face the source of the voice and just tell her my name, when my blood froze to ice in my veins.

My heart stopped beating as I took in what I was seeing.

I didn't need to tell her my name. She already knew what it was.

"K-Katniss?" She stuttered, her face paling under the harsh lights. My mouth fell open, the muscles in my cheeks felt paralyzed. I couldn't make any words come out of my mouth.

We stood staring at each other for a moment, before the bustle around my brought me back to my senses. I forced my mouth shut, but I could feel the lump developing in the back of my throat at the sight before me.

"Mom?" I asked timidly. My voice sounded like it did when I was twelve again, pleading and begging my mother for a reaction, as she sat motionless in the rocking chair, staring into space. I felt the onset of tears tickle my eyes, but I blinked them away.

She hadn't changed much, despite it being ten years. There were more creases etched into her skin, around her forehead, and mouth. Her lips looked thinner, as if they had been permanently pressed together for years and years, which I guess they had. Her blonde hair was streaked with silver, but her bright eyes stayed the same.

That's when I realized what I'd said.

"Morning sickness?" She asked, still frowning. I could tell it was taking her a minute to process it, to know that what was stood before her wasn't a mirage or a dream. I didn't know what to say. I had just inadvertently told my own mother that I was pregnant upon seeing her for the first time in over a decade. I couldn't lie. What good would that do now anyway? And all this time, I had carelessly considered the possibility of her being dead. Of her taking her own life and slipping away from this world completely this time. All the while not even flinching at the thought. I shook my head in shock.

Another woman in a similar white uniform as my mother came, and put a hand on her arm.

"I've got this." She murmured to her, and gently moved her to the side, as I saw the acknowledgement of who I was hit her. This other nurse, or whatever she was, had put together the pieces roughly enough. She opened up another section of the window and called the person behind me around. The line shifted slightly to the side, with whispers of annoyance and confusion, but I didn't care. I was frozen still in this moment.

"Katniss talk to me!" My mother said louder this time, the same helpless look in her eyes that were embedded into mine all those years ago. I didn't know what to say. Seeing that I couldn't talk, she walked away from the window. For a minute, I thought that she'd run away, that she couldn't face me, that she didn't want to see me again, but then I heard the click of a door slide open to my left, and saw her walk out. I felt the tears streaming down my face now.

"Let's sit down." She said more gently this time, her healing voice. She led me to the chairs and placed me down in one, sitting next to me. I knew she was in 4, I knew it all the time deep down that she couldn't leave. Not when this was the only thing going for her. Peeta had assured me that I wouldn't see her. He was wrong. I was right. Here she was.

"Katniss, you're pregnant?" She asked, but I knew it was a rhetorical question. I clutched my hands together tightly in between my knees and nodded my head feebly. My own mother; I'd abandoned her at the same time as her abandoning me. All these years I'd been so bitter about her, resented her for leaving. But what choice did she have after all?

"I'm sorry." I managed to mumble through the sobs, and she gingerly placed her arm around me, soothing me with 'there there's and 'it's okay'. I buried my head in her bony shoulder. Her skin was cool despite the heat, and she smelt the same after all this time. Like cocoa butter and soap.

"I was going to tell you. I didn't know where to find you. I didn't know if you'd want to know." I whispered through a strained voice, blurring out the people around me, though I must have been getting a few looks. My mother leant away from me and held my face between her two hard hands.

"Sweetheart, it doesn't matter, you're here now. I can't believe it..." She said softly, trailing off. It was strange hearing her call me sweetheart and it being in a genuinely affectionate way. I'd gotten so used to Haymitch's sarcastic intonation. She took over most of the conversation, seeing that I wasn't in a fit state to reply. I couldn't control the sobs that now shook my body.

"Were you here...for a scan?" She asked quietly. I nodded my head; she was still holding it in her hands. She'd know that 12 didn't have the facilities, she knew the reason I was here.

"I can't believe it." She repeated again, shaking her own head. For a second, I thought I saw a glimmer in her eyes. They trailed down to my belly. With nothing to see, I knew she'd be able to guess how far along I was, especially with her medically-trained sight.

"First trimester still?"

I nodded, my own hands suddenly clutching to my abdomen defensively.

"11 weeks."

She nodded this time, and I saw a small tear spill over her fair lashes. She looked back up at me. "Nearly second then." She commented.

"Yeah." I breathed. I felt like I should be asleep, about to wake up any second back on the train, or in bed with Peeta. I could tell she wanted to ask more, but I wasn't sure she could handle it right now. I offered up the information anyway.

"It's a girl, we just found out today." I said quietly, taking one of her hands in both of mine now, and holding them out between us. It was my turn to comfort her. That's when it struck me; she was this baby's grandmother. I'd distanced myself from her for so long now; I'd forgotten we were linked by blood.

She clasped her other hand over her mouth, but laughed. Then she stopped and gazed at me.

"We?" She reiterated, taking in my last sentence.

"Peeta, mother." I said, confused. She lifted her eyebrows in acknowledgement.

"Is he here?"

"Yes, he's just-"

"Katniss?" His voice came from behind me, just in time. I turned to see him, soaking in the scene that he'd just walked into. His eyes opened wide as he realized.

"Mrs Everdeen." He stated, I could tell he was in shock too.

Then my mother did the most unexpected thing of all.

She got up off the chair and walked over to Peeta, with tears streaming down her face, and hugged him. He looked at me over her shoulder and I shrugged my shoulders, but smiled at the same time. He awkwardly patted her back. She pulled away just as quickly as she'd jumped up.

"Katniss, how long are you in 4 for?" She asked, suddenly concerned, and business-like.

"We leave tomorrow morning." I replied, Peeta handed me my cardigan, still not taking his eyes off my mother. I could tell he was wondering how we'd bumped into each other. Were the odds not in our favor after all?

She glanced at the dainty watch on her wrist, and wiped her face with the back of her hand, suddenly back to the old version of herself.

"Well, let's get you your tablets. I get off in fifteen minutes, we can talk then?" She asked simply, as if we were discussing what to have for lunch. A casual subject. Not like we hadn't seen each other in ten years and were reunited for the first time.

I nodded, as did Peeta, both of us still a little dumbfounded.

"Which doctor are you under?" She asked professionally.

"Ambrose." I muttered, amazed at how quickly she had changed. She raised her eyebrows a little.

"She's a good doctor. You're in good hands." She whispered approvingly, before setting off back to the door of the pharmacy.

I sat stiff and straight for a minute after she was gone. I felt Peeta's arms around me, pulling my cardigan back on and over my skin.

"Katniss...?" He began, awaiting an explanation.

"She was working in the pharmacy Peeta." I said, knowing what he would ask. "I mean, I knew she was still in this district, she wouldn't have moved, but...I can't believe I wasn't going to tell her. I really had it sorted out in my mind, that I'd made the decision not to find her. I thought it would be too painful for the both of us...I thought she didn't love me anymore." I said, the words gushing out, falling over themselves. Peeta pulled me closer.

"Are you okay with waiting to speak to her?" He asked, caringly.

"Yeah, are you?"

"Of course." He replied, stroking my hair softly. His initial shock had worn off, and he looked happy now. Happy for me I guess.

Twenty minutes later, we were sitting in one of the many cafes in this side of the hospital. Peeta sat next to me, holding my hand as always, and my mother across from us, holding a small cup of coffee. I never remembered her drinking the stuff. Not that we had it back home, but it always seemed like something she would detest either way.

"What else did Doctor Ambrose say?" She said suddenly, after a moment's silence. I gathered this was her way into a conversation where she wanted to know more about the baby, but daren't ask directly. And to be honest, I didn't actually mind talking to her. I thought it would feel strange and uncomfortable, but each minute it was getting a little better to be around her. Peeta kept his grip on me in a protective way. I knew that he still felt a little on edge around her, after he felt that she'd left me to die pretty much. Leaving me with Haymitch as my guardian was practically the equivalent.

"Not much really. Everything is good." I responded, taking a sip of my own tea which was some herbal concoction Peeta had picked up. I missed the taste of coffee. Smelling my mother's was driving me crazy. Peeta himself, had something fruity too, not wanting me to be tempted or enjoy it in my company I suppose.

She nodded happily, her thin fingers woven around the cup, longing for warmth. I suddenly remembered something.

"Ooh Peeta!" I said, gently hitting him with my free hand, he looked at me confused. "The picture." I said simply. He smiled and dug into his pocket, where he pulled out the tiny photograph of our baby from just an hour ago.

"Mrs Everdeen, that is your grandchild." Peeta informed her, handing her the image carefully. I could see the beam on his own face at his words. Some, he probably thought would never come out of **his** mouth. I didn't had much care for the picture myself, the real thing was better. And I had her inside me, which was better still.

She pulled the photograph up close to her face, her eyes soaking in the detail. The tiny bean-shaped being that was curled up inside me at this very moment, printed out in black and white proudly. She looked as though she may start crying again. I hoped she didn't. My hormones were raging and I would be crying alongside her. It would take Peeta forever to get me to stop again. I still hadn't recovered properly even from in the doctor's office.

"Katniss, don't take this the wrong way. I just never thought this would be happening." She said nervously, her eyes still on the picture.

"I know, me neither Mom." I said, gauging Peeta's reaction out of the corner of my eye. This didn't seem to deter him though, he still smiled genuinely.

She offered the picture back to me, and I reached out my fingers to grab it. I saw her eyes fall on the delicate ring that was on my left hand. She looked shocked for a minute, but then quickly composed herself, obviously not wanting to push too far. Then she just smiled.

"How are you feeling Katniss?" She asked, frowning in concern. "Your sickness isn't too bad is it?"

This was a new sensation, experiencing my mother worried about me. I'd seen flickers of it in 13 during the rebellion, but she expressed it more through her work than words.

"It's really okay. The tablets were more to keep Peeta's mind at rest." I said, and saw him roll his eyes, but he didn't comment. She looked over sternly towards him, and I could see her approval being confirmed for him. She knew that he was taking good care of me; she could see it from the way we were conjoined now. The love was evident.

"So if you're 11 weeks, then that means you're roughly due in the middle of February next year?" Mother questioned again. She was probably trying to get her head around this situation, make it more real and anchor it into her mind.

I nodded. I hadn't really given much thought to the end of the nine months. I didn't want to. The thought of labor...of what all those poor women had gone through in my own house under the care of my mother. I shook off the mental picture.

"A winter baby." She proclaimed to herself, lost in an image in the back of her mind. Peeta sighed happily to himself too.

"So mom, what are you doing here nowadays anyway?" I asked, trying to change the subject just for a little while, and forget the scariness of the situation. She snapped back to reality.

"Well, I do a bit of everything to be honest." She said quietly, taking a sip of coffee. "As you saw, our machines for dispensing tablets have decided to malfunction recently, so a few of us with extensive knowledge in medicines were sent down to set up in the pharmacy to give everything out by hand. It's a nightmare."

I nodded my head, she still hadn't really answered my question. She seemed to sense this.

"I passed the qualifications for the title of Doctor a long time ago." She breathed, stirring her drink with the little wooden stick, taken back to a different time. "My knowledge isn't as profound as most of those around me who were brought up in the Capitol though. I'm more of a nurse here, but I don't mind." She finished. It was true, she probably didn't mind. I was glad that she felt needed, a sense of belonging here in 4. It was better for her than coming back to 12 would have been. I suddenly felt guilty as I realised we'd have to leave tomorrow morning.

"That's great Mom, I'm really pleased for you." I said genuinely. She was more successful then I'd ever imagined her to be. Despite her age, she did look healthy. So at least she was eating well, I took it. I wondered if she'd made any friends here. What about that woman who helped take over for her? Maybe she wasn't as lonely as I feared she was.

Peeta, sensing somehow that it was a good moment to leave us alone, decided to take a walk, and explore the hospital. I was secretly glad. This felt like a mother-daughter moment, something Peeta wouldn't understand. He most likely felt he was intruding, which he wasn't. But it was easier to talk when he was away. I kept my eye on him as he walked around a nearby corridor though.

"I must get back to my shift soon." She said uncomfortably. Goodbyes were never her strongest.

"I'm really really glad I saw you Mom." I replied, absent-mindedly laying my hand out on the table. She took it in her hand, tracing her finger over the ring, leaving lots of questions left unasked.

"Would it be okay, if when we came for our next scan...we maybe stayed longer and saw you?" I asked tentatively. I didn't want to rush things and scare her off again, or vice versa. The thought of having any relationship with my mother was enough to scare me a little.

"I would love that." She muttered, pushing a lock of hair back behind her ear. "This is the number you can reach me, through here." She said, passing me a slip of paper out of her breast pocket. I grasped it in my fingers, promising to give her a call soon.

She stood up and embraced me quickly, and roughly, but full of affection, and apologises left unsaid. We'd never been good at expressing ourselves, the both of us. Before she let go of me though, she whispered into my ear. The sound sent shivers down my spine.

"Are you happy Katniss?"

I considered the question. It was too vague, too trivial. Who was truly happy these days? After everything we'd been through, everything we'd seen flash before our eyes, the losses we'd experiences had ripped permanent holes in all of our hearts. My mother, I, Peeta included. Not a single person lived today that hadn't experienced some form of unhappiness that sometimes consumed the light.

But I knew that she meant this very moment, and in this very version of my life. I was with Peeta now, the rebellion was over, Gale was gone, Prim was gone. But was I happy with the decisions that had led me to today?

I pulled back and looked at her knowingly.

"Yes." I whispered back. "I'm the happiest I've been in ten years."


	10. Telling

"So, do you think we should now?" Peeta asked me, his voice heavy with anticipation. I took in his smile, the warmth radiating from his eyes.

"I guess." I agreed, not seeing that there was any way back now. It's not as if I could keep this a secret for much longer. I'd already had to run out of Peeta's bakery this last week when one of the younger boys working for him had been making a chocolate cake under my nose. People would see the bump soon, I'd get the stares. It was time, I knew it.

I scrunched up my nose.

"What?" Peeta asked me curiously.

"It just feels so...**real **now." I said, not sure whether it was a good thing or bad yet.

"I know." He said, beaming. He obviously took it as good. He slinked his arm around my waist as we sat on our couch in the living room, the windows open and barely stirring a breeze in the summer evening back in 12. It was good to be home again. I'd forgotten how much I missed the unmoving air and smell of the woods lingering around since I'd left. I considered my first trip outside of the district a success given everything. I think even Peeta was half-expecting a panic attack of sorts. But with something to channel my nerves into, I'd been okay, I'd done it. None of this was for me anymore. And if there's one thing that my past proved, it was that when it came to helping other people who I loved, I stepped up to the plate.

"So, who first?" He quizzed, fidgeting in his place with excitement. Peeta was good with words; he should be the one to tell people.

"I'm not sure. Sae maybe. She's been so good to us; I couldn't let her find out through anyone else." I said to Peeta. He nodded his head.

"Agreed. But a lot of people have been good to us Katniss. I think Delly should know first too." He added. Peeta made a good point, Delly was practically family.

I could never repay the favor of everything she did for Peeta in 13. Delly had her own child now; a two year old boy named Mika. She married Thom, Gale's crewmate from the mines. We'd gotten to know him better over the last few years too. He had a lot of Gale's qualities. The determination, the sometimes brooding nature, however he was more warm, more friendly. He reminded me of him though, and still to this day it always stung a little in the furthest corners of my mind, every time I saw him. He and Delly worked well together, and they were great parents. They had made Peeta and I the godparents after Mika was born, something which I had never been quite comfortable with. This only added to my nightmares. Thom and Delly, burning in fires whilst Mika was left alive with only us to take care of him. Another responsibility, another chance to go wrong, I had always thought. Huh, I was going to need Delly in all of this again most likely. And Peeta knew that. I hated still, feeling so indebted to people.

"Yeah, of course, Delly." I breathed, picturing her excitement for us. After all this time, she was probably the most silently hopeful that this would eventually happen. I think most others, like me, had given up.

"We could go round to their's tomorrow?" Peeta suggested, rubbing small circles on my waist. His hands always hated to be still, even when he was holding me. 'A baker's habit', he called it. Sometimes, in bed asleep in his arms, I felt like he was having dreams of decorating cupcakes, with all the patterns he traced on my skin subconsciously.

"Good idea. I think I'm going to go hunting tomorrow, after my blood test, so we could go afternoon time?" I offered, wondering how Peeta would take the plan. I had to give my day structure, if not I'd be left to think and that was never good.

He thought for a minute, then nodded his head. "Okay. I've asked Callam to cover me so I can go with you." He replied. I rolled my eyes. He would never let me do anything on my own these days. It was a deeply ingrained habit, we knew though. Of never letting each other out of sight.

"Peeta, it's fine honestly. I really can do this by myself." I said quietly, desperate to prove I could do this, that I could be a good mother. I wasn't weak.

"Please." I repeated, whispering this time. His eyes locked hard onto mine to judge my emotions, and then he exhaled.

"I really don't mind going with you Katniss." He said, moving his hand away from my waist this time, and going up to my arm.

"I know, and I love that you want to. But this will literally be straight in and out, nothing to do with the baby. I promise you won't miss anything. I can do this." I said defiantly, adamant that my needle phobia would resolve itself in some way. I wouldn't let it paralyze me. I'd done it last time without losing consciousness at least. He finally nodded.

"Alright. But you'll get Doctor Mauray to call me at the bakery if you need me, or anything, won't you?" He said, looking for reassurance. Of course, I wouldn't. I could handle it, I didn't want to worry him. But I knew this was to keep him happy so I nodded this time, trying my best to smile.

"Yes." I said. He finally looked happy and planted a kiss in my hair, on the top of my head.

"Good." He murmured into my locks.

And then suddenly, I felt a pang of remorse.

I remembered: I still hadn't called my mother.

* * *

As I walked past the geese outside of Haymitch's house, I waved my hand dismissively to them.

"Oh shut up." I shouted as they screeched back at me. Just as bad as their owner, who may or may not be alive right now, neither Peeta nor I had discussed him since. I didn't even feel the usual twinge of guilt at not checking up on him. He'd really outdone himself this time. And I was sick of taking care of him, when he never gave anything back these days.

When I finally reached the doctors, after what felt like forever, my legs felt shaky. I really was going to have to get used to this fatigue. I couldn't let it stop me from hunting; it was the one thing I needed to do to keep sane. I'd only been a few times last week. Peeta hated it, but he kept quiet because he knew it was good for my soul. He'd volunteered to come with me, but decided against it when he realized he was the element to the situation that was better off left out. I didn't have a chance at all of catching anything with his heavy tread behind me. Besides, I liked the alone time for a little while. I suddenly thought what a good idea it was that I'd slung my quiver on the back of my shoulders, and had the arrow by my side. I would go straight into the woods after. It was on the way after all. It would be a wasted journey to go back. Besides, no one really looked at me funnily as I walked through the town centre holding these, after all these years; they knew the drill when it came to the woods and I. After everything that had happened, I didn't dare leave my bow, my most prized possession, out in the wild. I didn't trust nature as much as I did before, it produced horrible things.

Doctor Mauray greeted me in his usual friendly manner before asking where Peeta was, seeming confused. Could I not function at all without him these days?

"Baking." Was all I had replied. Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe it was just me in general, but I was not in a particularly good mood today. Perhaps it was because I knew that later, the whole of district 12 would know the one thing the most personal to me. I sighed at the thought.

After scrunching my eyes tight, I felt the tip of the needle pierce my skin. I concentrated on my breathing as the colors beneath my eyelids spun around dizzyingly. Clutching my fingernails tight into the fabric of my trousers, I realised that they were becoming a little tight around the waist, just a tad uncomfortable. It was undetectable really, to the untrained eye, but Peeta was constantly checking when he thought I wasn't looking. I think he feared pointing it out directly in case it spooked me. I knew that in the next few months my belly would grow and grow.

"Results back in two days Mrs Mellark." He informed me, after asking general questions about how everything was going. I presumed he'd been sent a copy of the report from 4, and read it already, as he stopped me on the way out.

"Oh, and congratulations on having a daughter!" He proclaimed with a beam on his face. I'd take him any day over Capitol doctors.

As I wandered out of the building, I felt the heat cling to me again. It was suffocating really, but I needed to go on. I wouldn't spend long this time, just a couple of rabbits, a squirrel maybe. Throwing over my bow, I climbed over the picket fence and into the meadow, the soft grass cushioned my feet and I made my way into the woods determinedly.

The sounds of birds echoed around me, welcoming me into my home. The sunlight shone off each radiant green leaf, making it even more vivid in my vision. My gait automatically became ten times lighter, and my bow was drawn and loaded by the time I got into the heart of the woods. It shouldn't take me too long to find a squirrel, if I found a water spot. It was a hot day, and they'd need to keep hydrated. So did I, and luckily after going to the alcove in the tree that I'd scratched out on a previous visit, I found my water canteen and the bottle of Iodine. I could fill it up at the same source If I needed.

I didn't have to go back to the lake for water. I knew a small stream in a dip in the woods where it flowed a little, just enough for small animals to pick up on it and use it too. After I reached the spot, I crouched low by the bark of a looming tree, and waited, squinting my eyes in the sun so that I didn't miss out on good prey. After a few minutes, a hare appeared, stopping to sip the moisture. I held my breath and aimed, and all that could be heard in the vast woods was the brief _woosh_ of air as my arrow was sent straight between it's eyes.

* * *

Why was I feeling so nervous? I had no idea why. This was normal, natural, I told myself over and over. Peeta was happy, I was happy.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

The sound of Peeta's knuckles rapping against the door made me jump out of my head and back into reality. This one would be the easiest surely. Less of a reaction. Sae was more tuned into my thoughts than Delly was. I wanted to get this over with, however I felt that Peeta would want to drag every inch of his happiness out in every way possible. I had to do this for him, I was doing it for him. He could talk, it was what he wanted more, and besides, he could make it sound twice as beautiful then I ever could with words alone. The door slowly opened and I saw a familiar face. I think Peeta was going to do the greeting for me, except when he saw who it was, he knew I'd do this better.

"Pine, hello." I said gently. She was a shy girl, about eighteen now. She had mousy brown hair which was tied back in a green ribbon. Her hazel eyes flittered nervously, but eventually landed back onto mine.

"Hello Katniss." She whispered, before turning to Peeta. She smiled at him, and he returned the favor.

"Pine, is your grandmother in?" I asked timidly. I could already feel my voice wavering. I prayed Peeta would take over for the hard part. She nodded her head and gestured for us to come inside. She mostly took care of Sae these days.

Sae was extremely old in age, house bound mostly, but some days, I managed to go on small walks with her around the center, though it was never very far. I had asked Hazelle to clean and look after Sae the other days, as Pine was in education still, and to her credit, not capable of much despite love. I paid Hazelle, and she was grateful as always that I'd gotten her another job. Especially after Haymitch had gotten worse and refused to let her in to clean his. It was strange still seeing Hazelle so often but not Gale. We never spoke of him really.

"Grandma, Katniss and Peeta are here to see you." She said, as we walked into the living room where Sae sat in an armchair. A knitted brown blanket was wrapped around her, and a small book was set in her lap. She looked so frail with the years embedded into her face; her eyes still had their sparkle, but were not as gleaming as they used to be. I pushed away all the bad thoughts that came into my mind upon seeing her, as normal.

Pine pointed to the sofa opposite for Peeta and I to sit in, and then made her way out of the room.

"Pine, come back!" I called after her.

She peered her face around the door hesitantly. "We'd like you to be here too for this, right Peeta?" I asked, turning to face him. He was sitting right next to me, despite there being plenty of room. His hand was already linked in mine.

"Of course." He agreed, smiling, and this time I gestured for her to sit next to us. I smiled at Sae, I could have been wrong, but there was a knowing look in her eye. I think she knew more than she let on. She put down her book on the shelf to give us her full attention. I nudged Peeta gently with my elbow, letting him know that he'd have to be the one to do this.

"Okay, there's no way to beat around the bush on this one. Katniss and I wanted to come to you first to tell you this news, since you're both a big part of our lives." He started, and I saw Pine play with the end of her ponytail that flowed over her shoulder. She kept looking at me, and not Peeta, which wasn't unusual. It had taken her years to even make eye contact with me alone.

Peeta squeezed my hand, bracing me for what was about to come.

"Katniss and I, are thrilled to tell you that we're having a baby!" Peeta tried to stay calm, but his voice rose at the end, his happiness bubbling through to the surface. I halted my mind, unsure what was going to come next. I looked to Pine and saw her smile grow wider as she gazed at the both of us now.

She let go of her ponytail and placed a hand gently on my shoulder. "Congratulations!" She said joyfully and looked at Peeta too, mirroring his own smile.

"I can't believe it." She murmured, but still remained smiling.

This was going to obviously be a trend.

"Thank you." Peeta said happily, and we both turned to Sae who had gotten out of her chair with an effort, and made her way over to us before we could stop her. We both rose to meet her, unsure if she would fall. With one of us either side, she pulled both of her arms around us.

"I always knew this day would come." She muttered hoarsely, but kept her thin fingers tight on us both. Peeta was still smiling, and I was too. This wasn't as bad as I thought, though I did feel like I was in a dream. Maybe I was. Maybe this was just what happiness felt like.

"You two are going to make great parents." She whispered before releasing her grip. Peeta took my hand again. I knew what this meant. In a little while, we'd have to do this all again.

And I was actually okay with it.

* * *

"Hey guys, c'mon in." Thom said casually as he stepped aside to let us into his house. He must have gotten off work early, because he was usually never in this time. This wasn't unusual for the medicine factory that was set up here. They had a lot of machines to do their jobs and sometimes people were allowed to go home early if it was a good day. Peeta and I stepped into the welcoming house. It smelled of freshly cooked food. I heard a running of little footsteps as a tiny figure plunged into view in the hallway.

"Unca Peet-ah!" Mika squealed as he latched himself on Peeta's legs. Those two had an almost inseparable bond. It made my heart warm just to see the two of them interact. I realized now that this was maybe one of the signs that this would always happen. Maybe I had wanted it all along, deep down.

"Hey buddy!" Peeta greeted him cheerfully and ruffled his auburn coloured hair – just like Delly's. He had Thom's seam eyes though, perfectly.

"Say hello to Aunty Katniss too Mika." Thom said, in a slightly chiding manner. I think he didn't want me to feel left out of his affection, but that was never the case. Mika waddled up to me and gave me a sloppy wave.

"Awnty Kattiss." He exclaimed proudly and then ran out of the hall giggling. I couldn't help but smile. I looked over at Peeta. He always wore such a strange face around kids. He transformed into this even warmer version of himself, if that were possible. He came alive.

"What can I do you for guys?" Thom said as he patted Peeta on the back in a friendly way.

"Thom?" A voice came from the kitchen after a clattering of metal. Just then Delly's face appeared at the end of the hall.

"Peeta, Katniss!" She greeted, wandering over to us in her apron and giving us both a kiss on the cheek. "I thought it was you two. Come into the kitchen, you haven't eaten have you? I've just made a _huge_ pot of vegetables and potatoes." Delly exclaimed, ushering us towards the kitchen before we had a chance to turn it down. Not that I wanted to right now, it smelt delicious.

"Thom, can you go grab Mika sweetie? Tell him to wash his hands before dinner!" She called after Thom as he made his way out of the kitchen. There was the sound of more giggling followed by people running. Delly sighed and started dishing out the vegetables, grabbing more plates out of the cupboard. The table had five chairs around it anyway; it wasn't out of the norm for Peeta and me to eat with them or vice versa.

By the time Mika was cleaned and seated at the table, the food was all served out, steaming in front of us, with Delly finally taking a seat.

"This looks lovely Delly." Peeta said, as he grabbed his fork to tuck in. I smiled, agreeing.

"Yeah, thank you for letting us eat. I'm actually starving." I said as I dug in myself, feeling my mouth filling with salvia at the waft of scents coming my way. My nausea was good today. There were more days in between now that it was getting better. Especially with the tablets that I'd been prescribed from 4.

**Given to me by my mother.**

"No problem." She said, as she started to eat off her own plate.

"So, Thom why are you home so early?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"Just a good day. We were organized, they gave us the afternoon off." He said, shrugging as he piled food down his throat. He was sturdily built, and he could hold his food that was for sure. Peeta must have been hungrier than I thought, because by the time I looked over at him, he too was wolfing it down. I caught Delly's eye and she smirked at me.

We got through the whole meal with Delly and I talking, and Peeta and Thom discussing some new medicine fresh from the Capitol. I helped Delly clear the plates away and bring out fresh ones for our crackers and cheese. We never normally ate this much when we were over, but she must have made an extra effort with Thom off work. He seemed to enjoy it because he put his arm around her and pecked her on the cheek. The love the two of them shared was undeniable. They were made for each other.

"That was delicious Delly. You're the perfect housewife." He murmured softly into her ear and she blushed at us, and looked back down at her plate with a couple of crackers on. I picked up the knife to cut a slice of cheese for Mika, who pointed and smiled at the right one, when Thom cut in.

"So you two, why are you here?" He asked, in a joking manner, but I could tell he knew something was up. Peeta and I had been on edge a little all evening, I could feel it myself. There wasn't something quite right. I saw Peeta shift a little in his seat, and he looked at me, as if to say _Shall I do it or do you want to? _I decided this time, I could do it. Peeta probably wouldn't mind either way, he'd be fascinated to hear the words flow out of my mouth.

Delly poked Thom in the ribs with her elbow lightly. "Thom they are allowed to turn up whenever they like, you know that. They don't always have to have a reason." She muttered sarcastically, and raised her eyebrows at Peeta and I to tell us she wasn't serious in her chiding. She beamed though, waiting to hear what we had to say too.

"Well...urm..." I felt my mouth say the sounds but I suddenly couldn't string together a sentence. Peeta looked like he was about to take over, but I swallowed hard and pushed forward.

"We wanted to come and tell you in person, that I'm...pregnant." I said, the words so rushed, I wasn't sure that they were distinguishable. There was a moment of silence that fell upon the house until Delly squeaked with such a force that I jumped, causing my knife with the cheese on, to fling to the floor. Peeta bent down to pick it up quickly, and resumed his routine position of taking my hand for support. I gripped onto it tightly as Delly came rushing over to the other side of the table, laughing and hugging us both. I wrapped my spare arm around her and rubbed her on the back, laughing myself. After Delly gushed over us, Thom stood up and walked over, shaking Peeta's hand roughly and pulling him up into one of those half-hug things men do. Thom turned to me and threw an arm around my neck, kissing my forehead.

"Way to go kiddo." He praised, as he pulled away, and sat back down. Delly still stood up, flapping around in her apron.

"I'm so happy for you two!" She balled as she wiped the corner of her eye on her sleeve. Oh no, not tears, I'll be gone again soon at this rate. She saw the concern in my face and rushed over to me again, hugging me. I obliged, because it was Delly and I knew that I loved her, even if I wasn't a particularly affectionate person. I flinched at touch normally, but something about this felt different.

She finally sat back down at the table, still wiping her face, and I felt the lump rise in my throat. Peeta wrapped his arm around my shoulder, stroking it.

"How far along are you Katniss?" She gasped as her eyes looked to my belly. I clamped a hand over it.

"About 12 weeks." I sighed. I thought reliving this would be tedious, but with Delly it felt so warm and natural. She nodded her head, clasping her hands together in delight. Thom laughed at her and shot me a caring glance.

"Actually, err, we've just been told-" Peeta looked to me for confirmation. I knew what he was about to tell them, so I nodded my head. "-It's a girl." He finished.

This made Delly lose whatever composure she had left.

Thom rubbed her back and handed her his paper napkin.

"Delly look, you're going to make Kat cry." He whispered, and I felt all eyes on me. That's when I realized that it was too late, a tear had fallen. Thom was the only one who called me Kat these days. It was strange how everyone had their own names for me.

"I'm sorry. Ahh this is just all so perfect. You two just deserve the best of happiness. And having a child will complete it." She said tearfully. The lump was subsiding as I let my own sobs go. What was happening to me? I never used to cry this much in the last few years.

"Well we think so too." Peeta said, wiping my face with his other hand lightly. "We have a picture of her from the last scan at home by the way. I forgot to bring it but you'll have to come see it soon." He added.

Delly and Thom joined their own hands together.

"We'd love to!" She exclaimed.

"Mommy, are Unca Peet-ah and Awnty Kattiss having a baby?" Mika suddenly pricked up, from his seat at the table. In all of this, we had forgotten about him. He wore a very confused look on his face. We all exchanged a few unsure glances, until Peeta sensed it was him who should say something.

"Yes Mika, we are." He replied, bending his head to Mika's level. His grey eyes were focused, trying to work something out.

"Awnty Kattiss has a baby inside her right now?" He asked again. Peeta looked at me, and then smiled at Mika.

"Yes, in her tummy, right now." Peeta responded. Thom was silently laughing at the show. Peeta didn't look uncomfortable though, quite the opposite. He was in his element.

"Whyyy?" Mika questioned further, his eyebrows drawn together in difficulty. Thom let out a laugh now, and Peeta gave him a quick look.

"Well, Mika, because Aunty Katniss and I love each other so much, that we wanted our very own child-like you!" He added, grinning. Mika's face lit up at this.

"Does this mean I have someone to pway with when the baby has come out of Awnty Kattiss' tummy?" He said, hopefully. Peeta nodded his head, chuckling.

"Yes Mika, when she's old enough you can play with her."

Mika seemed content with this answer, and went back to munching on the cracker in front of him.

Later on, Delly and I were stood in the kitchen, whilst Thom and Peeta went to put Mika to bed, which from the sounds of things, wasn't happening very successfully. Delly passed me a plate to dry, the suds dripping into my palm as I dragged the cloth over it.

"Hey Katniss?" She asked, a different tone to her voice. She seemed hesitant.

"Yeah?" I replied, looking up from the dish to see her face.

"You don't need to worry. I promise you everything is going to be fine. I'll be there, if you want me to of course, every step of the way. You know you can always come to me right?" Delly asked seriously, putting the plate she was washing back into the sink so that she could turn her whole body to face me. I put down the now-dry plate on the side and scrunched the cloth up in my hand.

"Why do you think I'm worried?" I asked, confused. I hadn't mentioned anything. In fact, my tears at dinner had helped emphasize how happy I was truly feeling over all of this.

"Call it, a mother's instinct." She said, smiling. But then it dropped again.

"No, but really, I know you're worried. I can tell. You don't have to be. You're going to be the most amazing mother I know." Delly said sweetly, then returned to picking up the plate again to continue to wash it.

Delly knew me too well. I couldn't hide much from her.

"Thank you." I said, so sincerely that she stopped to look at me again. I could feel the aftermath of tears lingering in my eyes, and I rubbed a hand over my slightly-swollen stomach.

"It's nice to know I don't have to be alone."

**A/N: Sorry for making it so long guys! I had so much fun writing in Delly's family, and Sae & Pine. Hope you enjoyed it! Please review :)**

**Also, for future reference the name Mika is pronounced as Mee-Kah.**


	11. Cravings

**A/N: I hope you guys are okay with the length of these chapters. They are pretty packed. If you'd rather they were shorter, please let me know in a review. Please review anyway. I always say it but it doesn't take a lot of time and it really brightens up my day and inspires me to type faster :o)**

* * *

It's strange how an inkling of news spreads like wildfire.

But now that we'd told the people that mattered most, it didn't bother me much. The gossiping never bothered me as much as the stares. Peeta finally seemed to be relieved now the knowledge was out in the open. I presumed Thom and Delly couldn't wait to tell people, and of course they should, we had told them it wasn't a secret anymore. Just a couple of days after we'd let them know, the whole of 12 seemed to have picked up on it. It was as if it was floating in the breeze.

One morning I had decided to join Peeta to go to the bakery. I was feeling a little too tired to hunt, and the shop wasn't far away so I figured I could manage it.

As I heaved myself out of the suddenly-comfier sheets, I saw Peeta's eyes drift to my stomach. I looked up to catch it in time.

"Peeta, it's okay. You don't have to be ashamed of looking at it." I murmured; my voice thick with sleep. He looked down, embarrassed that I'd seen him glancing.

"I can tell you're self conscious about it Katniss, I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." He said nervously. A pain twisted in my heart. Here I was again, being as selfish as always. I could finally give something back to him, and repay him for all he has done for me. But even now, he could pick up on my uneasiness of the small bump forming. I felt tears sting my eyes. Getting up off the bed, I walked over to him, taking his hand in mine.

"Peeta, it's fine. It doesn't make me uncomfortable, it's just...taking some getting used to that's all." I whispered, the guilt tainting my voice. He looked up at me again and smiled weakly.

"I love that you love looking at it." I said, cupping my hands around the swollen skin now, stroking it back and forth. "It's just all a bit bizarre, now I'm showing even if it's a tiny amount. It's just, so many things can go wrong." Peeta placed his own hand on it, and one behind my back.

"They won't go wrong, I promise honey. You're healthy, you're in a much better state than ten years ago, we all are." He muttered, as if talking to the fetus as well as me. "The medical care is better here now too."

I nodded. His words made sense even if I couldn't accept them yet. It was true though, even a few years ago I would not have been in a fit state to carry this child. Maybe not even Peeta to be a father to it. We still had our nightmares and our horror-filled days where we were incapable of even getting out of bed, but the difference time could make was astounding.

"Besides, you are one of the most amazingly strong people I know. You're doing great." He said softly, kissing me on my nose. I laughed when he did this. How would I cope without Peeta? I still felt he was afraid to be too excited about it though, and I had to change that.

"I'm barely showing am I really?" I said, trying to make him feel happier. "Apparently, the baby is the size of a small apple now."

His mouth twitched into a huge smile at this. "Really?" He asked, "How do you know?"

I could sense his mood changing, and I was glad. "I found one of my mother's old medicine books downstairs in the cupboard. I was looking through it, and there was a section on pregnancy." I said quietly, what would Peeta think of my researching?

He face stretched even further into a smile. "You have?" He whispered. I could tell he didn't expect this, that he didn't think I wanted to face what was happening. I did, I was just at a slightly different pace from him.

"By now, she has taste buds and has developed the sucking reflex." I said, a little more proudly, glad that I had his complete attention. As I was saying the words myself, I remember sitting downstairs whilst Peeta was asleep a few nights ago, flipping through the pages and crying silently at the revelations. I had always distanced myself from this baby, but as soon as we found out it was a girl, I had taken more interest. My future was being shaped more distinctively.

"Wow." He breathed, pulling me closer. I kissed his jawline delicately.

"And my placenta has now developed, which means it's taken over hormone production." I continued, wanting to bask in his ecstatic energy for a little longer before we left for the bakery. I knew this would put him in a good mood for the day, and help him face any difficulties a tad easier.

Before I knew it, Peeta lips were on mine so ferociously that I didn't see it coming. His lips were persistent and moved against my mouth hungrily. "Peeta." I said between gasps as he wrapped both of his arms tighter around my waist. He didn't stop though, and I found myself unable to pull away. "Work." I mumbled through my ragged breaths. He let out a sigh.

"I can be late." He groaned, lowering me gently on the bed. I was still in my nightgown and the morning was already hot and sweaty, even though we were roughly out of summer now; it was early September. All I wanted suddenly was to be out of my clothes. He hovered over me, his beautiful blue eyes just inches from mine as he lowered his lips onto mine once more. I hit him lightly on the shoulder. Despite my body telling me one thing I wanted, my mind was telling me another.

"Peeta, the boys at the bakery." I moaned, forcing my lips away. "They've done so much recently, you can't keep them there at opening time again, they need you."

He frowned slightly and let out an exhale. I couldn't make their lives harder too.

"You're right." He grunted, before going to roll off me. By now I was tingling head to toe, and the electricity that surged through me was almost unbearable as I grabbed tightly onto his white shirt and pulled him back to me. My thoughts were quickly changed down a different direction.

"You know what, we can we be a little late." I muttered, pressing myself against him again, wanting to melt into him, be a part of him. He responded immediately. His blue eyes darkening a little in lust. I entwined my fingers around his neck, pressing into his skin, sure that it would leave bruises the next morning but I didn't even care. Let the whole world see the bruises, let them see that he's mine, and I am his.

His fingers traced lightly along my shoulder and down my hips until he reached the hem of my nightdress. He looked at me for permission, but I was too far past the point of going delicately. I reached down, away from my iron grasp on his neck and whipped it off myself, feeling too restricted by the fabric between us. He then did the same for his shirt and bottoms, and I pressed our chests together, longing for the warmth of his skin, and the feel of his heart on mine. He broke away from my mouth with a small moan of the loss from me, and dotted faint kisses down my neck, and worked his way down to my stomach. I started laughing at the tickling sensation.

"Peeta, what are you doing!" I gasped, pulling my fingers through his hair, wanting his face back to mine, to be connected in some way.

"Just letting our little apple know that I love her very much." He cooed, and I suddenly felt a lump form in my throat. The sight was changed into something so wonderful in a different way suddenly. I don't know what came over me but I felt a tear come down. Peeta looked up just in time to see it fall and was back up at my face, his eyebrows tight in concern.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" He asked nervously. I shook my head.

"No, it's fine, it's fine." I said waveringly. He still frowned but gently dropped a kiss where the tear lay on my cheek, wiping it away.

"Then why are you crying?" He urged, seeming hesitant to touch me. How had I gone from wanting nothing more than to make love to him to crying so sporadically?

"Damn hormones." I muttered, and pulled his head back down near mine. "I just love you." I sighed. It had only become easier to say these words out loud recently. It had taken us a long time to get to this point. For some reason, it used to be a trigger for one of Peeta's shiny 'episodes' as we called them. But we'd done it, we had got here. We could get anywhere.

He chuckled lightly at this statement. "I love you more." He said, his voice raspy with his lack of breath as he plunged his warm lips back, locking them onto mine. I wanted to keep them there forever.

* * *

"Katniss!" The eldest of the boys working at the bakery greeted me cheerfully as we walked in through the glass doors. That was Callam, Peeta's most trusted employee. He had a bond with all of them though. I think in some ways, they were his substitute brothers though I never told this to Peeta. He treated them well, but joked with them at the same time. They all adored him, and learned quickly under his skillful watch.

"Hey Callam." I waved as I watched Peeta go to pat him on the back, before putting on his apron that was hanging up.

The bakery was doing great, which was just as well seen as we turned down the winnings fund. People queued to get in at eight o clock sharp, and they were always generous and kind to Peeta. I was glad that this was his escape. He still painted, which I never liked as much, but the bakery was his main get away. It did him good to channel his occasional bad thoughts into something positive and beautiful.

"So, I heard the news." He said, winking at me. Peeta looked a little torn.

"Sorry Callam, I was going to tell you and the others soon, but I guess word got out quickly." Peeta apologised, but Callam didn't look upset. He hit Peeta playfully on his arm.

"It's alright Boss. I get it." He said, dismissing it. Peeta seemed happier at his reaction.

"Hey Katniss." Another voice chimed in, as one of Peeta's other employee's, Otto, came from around the back, covered in flour. Only he and Callam worked on Thursdays, with the other two boys alternating other days. His brown hair stuck up messily. He couldn't be more than seventeen. I smiled at him.

"Heard Peeta knocked you up." He said comically. I could see Peeta look at me, judging my brief reaction, but I couldn't help but grin. Their attitude, whilst cheeky, wasn't offensive. They were good kids. Peeta seemed to take it well.

"Hey! That's my beautiful pregnant wife you're talking to. Manners." He chided, and hit him over the head gently. Otto laughed, but then looked at me.

"Sorry Katniss."

"Don't worry about it Otto." I murmured, but my eyes suddenly landed on a giant cupcake on display, it's pink whipped icing lusciously luring me in.

"Hey, you can make it up to me with a cupcake." I said, feeling my stomach rumble. Peeta looked confused.

"Katniss, it's eight in the morning." He said, but grinned. I shrugged my shoulders, wanting nothing more in that moment than to devour the cake in front of me. Callam laughed.

"Cravings." He muttered, but reached out to grab it for me, knowing Peeta wouldn't mind. I felt bad for a brief second, taking this beautifully iced treat when I knew it would be wasted on me. It'd be gone before anyone would know it.

"It's the baby's taste buds!" I said defiantly, remembering my conversation with Peeta this morning. He rolled his eyes but I could tell that the reference lit him up. Callam proffered me the cake and I took it from him, before going to sit down in my usual chair by the window. Some days I liked to be sitting back with the ovens, watching Peeta work, but others I wanted to watch out into the world, and see what was going on. I reached the cake up to my mouth, icing first and took a huge bite, moaning in approval.

"You do realise as she gets bigger man, we're gonna need to step up the cake production." Otto said to Peeta and they all laughed.

"In all seriousness guys, we're happy for you." Callam said, suddenly calmer. I turned to look at him, breaking my gaze with the cake and felt a warmth run though me.

"Thank you Callam." I said sincerely. Peeta nodded.

"Yeah, we appreciate it."

"So you're having a girl right?" Callam asked me this time. I nodded, feeling myself smile. I saw Peeta's eyes glaze over into an image in his head, he was obviously thinking about her.

"Wow, that's so cool." Otto replied, moving some loaves of bread onto a shelf. Peeta went up behind him, bringing some more.

"And we're keeping her as far away from you as possible when she's older." He said playfully. I rolled my eyes.

Just then the door swung open and Pine walked in. She came to collect bread for Sae every few days or so. Peeta usually gave it to her free of charge, and people understood the situation without asking more. She had her hair in two ponytails today, either side of her face, still in her usual green ribbons. I had bought them for her a few years ago at the market, and she still wore them. Pine glanced around uncertainly, even though she'd come here so often and knew everyone so well. I perked up from my seat, as I finished the last mouthful of the delicious snack.

"Hey Pine." I said gently, she smiled at me and waved back.

"Hey Katniss."

"Pine, I kept one out for you." Peeta said to her, picking up a small loaf of bread from the side, seperate from the others. It was a perfect brown with seeds and nuts baked into the thick crust. He was obviously trying to get as much protein as he could into Sae in the easiest way possible. Pine walked over to the counter and waited whilst he wrapped it in a bag for her. She had given up offering him money now, seen as he always refused it anyway. She thanked him and smiled at Callam and Otto before walking over to me. I looked up at her expectantly, she had never stayed before. She usually couldn't wait to get home.

"I really am happy for you Katniss." She murmured softly. Her plain brown hair shone in the sunlight coming through the window, lighting it up with colors I didn't even know existed in her hair. I smiled appreciatively.

"Thank you Pine, that's very kind of you to say so." I said. Even for a girl of eighteen, I still felt I had to talk more simply to her. It wasn't that she was dense, I just felt that half the time she wasn't even in the same world as I was. Which of course, wasn't a bad thing.

"Grandmother says you can come collect some broth this afternoon, she's making it this morning." I nodded. This wasn't unusual, Sae still, after all these years, felt the need to take care of us, especially me. And I accepted it, because it gave her a sense of belonging when she could do nothing more these days. Besides, her broth was always much better than any of my cooking.

"That's wonderful. Tell her I will come by later and that I appreciate it." I said, scrunching the cupcake wrapper in my hand. Pine nodded and sauntered out of the bakery and down the high street. I watched her white dress billow a little in the tiny breeze.

Just then my stomach rumbled loudly again. My appetite was insatiable. I had never cared particularly for sweet things until I had gotten pregnant. Now all that consumed my thoughts was the taste of sugar, and how much I wanted it. I heard a soft thud behind me and turned to see Peeta putting another cupcake down on the table beside me. It was exactly the same as the last one, but this time it had blue icing. I licked my lips before taking it, grinning up at my husband.

"Perfect." I murmured before tucking in again.

He could always read my mind.

* * *

It had been a month since that day at Peeta' bakery. Nothing much had happened, except more people congratulating me wherever I went. I escaped to the meadow or the woods most of the time to avoid people. It was nothing personal, I just felt claustrophobic again, and needed an empty space with my thoughts. Though it was starting to get a little chillier now that October had freshly arrived. There had been no sign of Haymitch still, and I'd only had one other checkup at the doctors. He had told me my last bloods were fine, but he needed to send some other tests off to 4 for more research. I had frowned at this, but he told me, rather unconvincingly, it was procedure. When Peeta asked how it went, I told him it was all fine. I couldn't worry him when I didn't have to.

Sae had gotten worse. I could no longer go for walks with her. It was strange how quickly she was deteriorating. I wished with all my heart that she would make it long enough to see my child. It felt the only right thing to do for her after everything she'd done for me. But she was still with it, mentally, and still made the occasional soup for Peeta and I which we always took with our deepest appreciation. I couldn't even think about losing her currently though, not with my underlying worry for our daughter.

Delly had been great over the last four months. She stopped round regularly, and one time I even took her to the meadow where we had a picnic. She didn't pry much when she sensed I didn't want to talk, or was having a bad day, but she always listened. Her excitement for my baby was contagious, and I always felt better after being with her. Peeta and I had invited Thom, Mika and her round for dinner just a week ago. We'd shown them the picture of the scan and of course, Delly had burst into tears again. I'd sat with Mika, roughly explaining to him what he was seeing and answering his questions as best as I could, though most of the time Peeta interjected because he could always explain it better than me.

One afternoon, whilst Peeta was at work, the phone rang. Adrenaline jolted around me, and the only thing I could think about was my mother. I shook that thought. My mother would never ring me, It would always be me to her. And I still hadn't done event that... It had to be the doctor. My palms immediately got clammy as I picked up the cold, hard plastic and listened to what he had to say. After a while I spoke.

"So what does this mean?" I asked, concern filling my voice. I held the phone closer to my ear, trying to hear it clearer.

"It doesn't mean anything Katniss, it simply just indicates that you need to take it a little steady, and we'll monitor it. That's all." His voice rung from the other side. My heart had skipped a beat, but it was slowly coming back again.

"So...?" I asked, sensing there was more.

"Well, when it comes to it further down the line, as in the more months you are, you may need to refrain from certain activites." Doctor Mauray's voice informed me. It was something so simple, but it was a hiccup. And hiccups could add up, and turn into something more.

"Activities, as in...hunting." I stated, but it wasn't a question. If I couldn't hunt, I don't know how I'd get through the week. The woods were my place, as the bakery was Peeta's. I was starting to panic. I stroked my belly. It was considerably bigger at four months now, but still small due to my small frame. It did make it more noticeable though.

"Katniss, it's nothing to worry about, I assure you." His voice spoke again, but I wasn't really listening. "A little high blood pressure is okay, we can keep an eye on it. And I'm not talking about straight away, I'm saying it will be more of a concern during the very later periods of this. I don't want you to give up everything straight away okay? You still need to do those things now, to stay fit and healthy."

I tried my hardest to pay attention to what he had to say after that, something about more tablets and more visits to him, but by the time I had hung up the phone, all I wanted to do was go to bed. I wanted to wrap myself into the blankets, and stay there until she was born, to keep her safe and protect her, to envelop her in warmth and security. I forced myself to stay downstairs, not wanting to worry Peeta, but I was too tired to do any of the house work that I had planned for today, so instead I settled on the sofa. I collapsed onto it, and nestled into the cushions, smelling Peeta's scent buried within the fabric. I wrapped my arms around my abdomen instinctively and fell asleep.

_The single white rose fell onto my lap. I looked up to be met with the cold, snake-like eyes of my worst enemy. His whisper came out raspy and strained._

_"Convince me." He hissed. I bent down to touch the rose on my lap but as soon as my fingertips met the satin petals it disintegrated into a thick pool of blood. He laughed manically._

_Horrified, I looked back up to his face to see him choking in laughter on his own blood. Gurgles and bubbles poured out in the burgundy liquid. I cried as I felt the blood seep into my stomach. Glancing down, I saw that my bump had disappeared, and it's place, was a small helpless baby, wrapped in my arms. I lifted her up, not wanting to coat her in this poisonous mess but she became too light and suddenly, I wasn't holding her anymore. He was._

_"I told you to convince me. I thought we had a trust established." He croaked as his grip tightened onto my child, crushing it slightly under his strain. I screamed, lurching forward to claw his hands until he gave me back my baby, to kick and punch and fight for her life, but he got further and further away each time._

_"This is your punishment Miss Everdeen. You knew it was coming all along. You did this. She will suffer because of you." His voice echoed as he evaporated into mist. I ran through it, swatting away in the blindness trying to find my baby, my daughter. I screamed, hoping to pierce the air with my voice and see clearly. My chest heaved in sobs._

_"Not my baby! Please!" I begged._

_"Katniss." A clearer voice hissed through the smoke, rattling around in my brain. _

_"Katniss." _

_"Stop please stop!" I cried hysterically._

"Katniss!"

The voice was different this time, familiar. I opened my eyes to see not cold snake-like ones, but the worried deep blue ones that I wanted to so badly see. I sat up straight away, gasping for breath, my hands immediately coming out to my stomach. I looked down. The bump was still there. There was no blood. No rose. I was safe, she was safe.

For now.

I broke down in a mix of relief and horror whilst Peeta moved towards me steadily, so as not to scare me, and held me reassuringly in his arms as my body was racked with my meltdown. I buried my head into the cave of his neck, wetting his skin, but not caring. He rocked my back and forth and whispered into my ear.

"It was just a dream Katniss. You're safe, no one can hurt you." He cooed and I clung to the fabric of his top, pulling it to my face. I felt about five years old again but I couldn't bring myself to stop. After what felt like forever, my eyes dried up, and my swollen face stung badly. Peeta kept holding me though, making no move to pull away. He smelled like the bakery, and that anchored me a little easier into this world instead of my fabricated nightmare.

"You wanna talk about it?" He offered gingerly. I sniffed hard.

"He took her." Was all I said, but I think he understood. His own breath came out in a worried sigh.

"She's safe." He repeated, stroking my back lovingly. I shook my head, still against his neck.

"What is it?" Peeta asked me, sensing a new concern within me. I pulled away suddenly and looked into his face. I placed a hand on my stomach, staring at him.

"Doctor Mauray says my blood pressure is higher than it should be. I could tell Peeta, he was worried, he didn't say that, but he is. I can't let her be taken away from me. I can't. Not because of the Capitol, not because my own body." I said hurriedly, the feeling of tears coming back to me. I spat out the last words with such hatred, Peeta glared at me. He probably thought I was overreacting, but he wouldn't understand, he didn't have her inside of him at this very moment. He wasn't responsible for another life as well as his own.

"Calm down honey, calm down. What did he say exactly?" He said, trying to sound calm himself, but I could tell, he too, was starting to panic deep inside. Happiness and goodness was rare for us, we knew it. The odds had never been in our favor and who's to say times had changed?

"That he would monitor me more closely. Oh my god Peeta, what if we lose her." My voice broke on the last syllable and I flailed into sobs again. I left out the part about him insisting that I take it more easy. I couldn't harm Peeta as well as her, make him worry more. I felt betrayed by my own body.

"Okay, Katniss, this is okay. High blood pressure isn't all that rare in pregnant women right? He's a great doctor, we'll all make sure nothing bad happens." He soothed, but there was a slight edge to his voice. He looked down to my swollen stomach, and put both of his hands on it, either side of the bump. He bent down and kissed it determinedly and then kissed me.

"We are **not** going to lose her. I won't let it happen." He promised so sincerely, that for a split second I believed him.

"Hey." He said, trying to get my attention properly. "We'll just make a few changes to our lifestyle, make things a little easier on you and the baby. Okay?" He urged. I nodded my head. I was suddenly so focused on saving our daughter from myself that I threw hunting straight out of the window immediately, even though Doctor Mauray's conversation had mostly been about the last couple of months. I couldn't risk anything this soon on. If it meant I was miserable, so be it. Nothing would be more destroying than the other option.

As far as I was concerned, I wasn't leaving this couch for another five months.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry if nothing really happened in terms of the storyline but remember this is her JOURNEY, and I don't think it would have all gone along just fine. I try to portray her as I think she would act, and I hope you're enjoying it so far! Let me know.**

**Also, I have a oneshot that I did before this called "The Proof". I like to think it's kind of a prequel to this story, and would appreciate it if you checked it out!**


	12. Apologies

Time dragged by sluggishly. Not that I was paying much attention to it anyway. It all seemed like one big blur to me as I got bigger and bigger.

I was five months pregnant now and Dr Ambrose and Dr Mauray had both rung incessantly, telling me I needed to arrange to go to 13 again for my next scan now that I was nearly twenty one weeks, but I ignored them. I knew what was safe for my baby, and that was staying here, wrapped up, away from any harm. I wasn't going to 13 again. I wanted to stay in my home.

Peeta came home every day from the bakery and tried to get me to go on a walk with him, to talk to him, to maybe go hunting for a little while, but nothing could get me to move. It was like I was slowly slipping away from reality again as my mind tried to protect itself and the changes it was facing. There was nothing I could do to help it. Some days he even stayed off work, but I could tell he missed having baking as his escape, and seeing him disheartened only made me worse, so most of the time he went.

Peeta had obviously talked to Delly and Pine, because they both came over regularly to check up on me in the daytime. Pine would bring broth from Sae, who was still no better, and Delly would come in and make herbal tea, sitting with me on the sofa for an hour or so before she would have to leave to cook dinner for Thom and Mika. I knew they were trying to be kind, but I felt so disconnected from what was happening around me, that I could barely move. It was a vicious cycle, because the more I stayed in this same spot, the more I thought. And as soon as I had time to think, there's no going back.

November had come around, and brought with it an extra cold batch of weather. One day I was sitting on the sofa, staring at the fire Peeta had lit for me before he went to work, stroking my tummy when she crept into my mind again. It had happened a few times and each time was equally horrific.

Prim.

Even mentally, I choked out the name. It stung around the edges as it pierced into my thoughts. Ever since we'd found out it was a girl, I couldn't help but think of her. How I couldn't even protect her from the horrors of the world, and she was fourteen when she'd been taken away. How was I supposed to keep a newborn baby alive, when it was so helpless and weak with no defences apart from me? I cried as I rubbed my swollen stomach, unable to do anything to stop myself from sobbing. I was all alone in this Capitol-made house, all alone with her. I was putting her in danger just by carrying her.

After getting up for the seventh or so time that day to go use the bathroom, I eventually found myself dragging my body up the stairs. I hadn't slept in the bed with Peeta since the day I'd found out my blood pressure was too high. I didn't have the energy to move; I felt tired and feeble. Peeta had fallen asleep in the rocking chair next to the sofa nearly every night, to keep me company. I didn't deserve him.

As I pushed open the door to our bedroom, I saw the sheets neatly tucked in either side, the curtains wide open, letting me see the frosty day. I merely climbed into the bed, ripping back the covers, and wrapped myself as tightly as I could, cocooning the bump as I cried more. I hated having her inside me. She was too vulnerable with her only life-line being me.

Eventually Peeta arrived back home, and I woke up from a nightmare filled with mutts and sickening paintings of Rue. He called throughout the house, seeing that I wasn't in the living room, and I heard him make his way up the stairs, his weaker leg giving away his heavier footsteps. He tentatively pushed open the door, and half-smiled, half-frowned when he saw me in bed. I could tell he thought it was good I'd moved. Little did he know, it was just to a more permanent location.

"Honey?" He asked softly, coming to sit down on the side of the bed, with one hand draped across my side. His blue eyes looked confused and exhausted. When I didn't reply, he carried on.

"Are you feeling any better today?" He pressed a little further. I closed my eyes, and took in shallow breaths. Each beat of my heart echoed in pain for his.

He swallowed hard and hesitated before speaking anymore. "Dr Mauray rung me at my bakery Katniss. If you're not going to 13, then they can order in equipment fairly quickly but you need to be prepared to go and see him here. Can you do that do you think?" He asked gingerly, his voice like satin as he tried to coerce me. Absent-mindedly, his hand grazed over my stomach. I flinched away. The pain in his face made him look like he was about to cry. And I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

"Katniss, you can't go on like this. I know it's not just about the blood pressure anymore. You don't think I hear you screaming in the night, calling out for her?" Peeta questioned more forcefully, his hands clenched together now between his legs. He looked angrier. Eventually, with a sigh, he got up and left the room. I heard him walk back down the stairs and into the kitchen, where the clattering of pottery rung around the walls. He was making me hot milk, like he always did when he got home. I knew he was trying to sneak as much protein into me as possible. I was like Sae now to him, baking as many nuts and seeds into her bread as he could to try and keep her alive.

I don't even remember him bringing up the mug to me before I fell back into a deep and horrifying sleep.

* * *

Something woke me up abruptly. It was too real, even for one of my dreams, to exist inside my head. It wafted into my nostrils, stinging my throat. It was familiar, too familiar. My eyes fluttered open, sticky with tears from the abyss of the night. What I was met with, wasn't any better than my nightmares. Looking at me, stood in the doorway, was the one person I never wanted to see again.

"Oh, sweetheart, you're awake now." He grumbled sarcastically. I wanted to close my eyes again, for this to still be a dream, and that I would wake up and he would be gone. Out of my house, out of my life.

"Get out of my house." I managed to croak out, and my hand came over my abdomen protectively. I rubbed my face roughly, and took a look at him. He wasn't swaying, that was a good sign. He was in clean clothes and his beard was trimmed slightly. All that was left was graying stubble on his chin. His pale gray eyes bored into me. I felt bile rise in the back of my throat.

"Can't do that I'm afraid." He said, and walked closer towards me. I shuffled back in the bed, pulling the covers up tighter around me. How had he even got in?

"I know what you're thinking, I know, trust me." He started, and the smell of alcohol on his breath became very apparent as he got nearer. Something in his demeanour changed though as he took a better look at me. My bump was visibly through the covers, especially with my hands clinging to it, and I knew my hair and face looked awful. I felt like a small child, trying to defend herself. His eyes softened as he took in the sight. Eventually, he gestured towards the bed to sit down, but didn't wait for permission. I wished I had strength. I wanted to throw back these covers and punch him repeatedly until he left. He didn't belong here.

"I'm surprised you're not dead." I muttered, the hatred seeping into my voice. He gave a small guffaw.

"You're one to speak." He replied, still keeping his eyes on me. I felt trapped.

"Why are you here Haymitch?" I said with a sigh. I was too tired for his shenanigans today. I didn't have the patience anymore to deal with him.

He took a deep breath, and pulled a flask out of his brown jacket. I rolled my eyes. Some things never changed.

"I wanted to...apologise", he said the last word with an effort, "For what I apparently said to you and loverboy." He took a swig of the foul liquid, keeping it clasped in his palms. "Frankly, I don't even remember any of it, but your husband told me what happened."

I felt my heart jump. Had Peeta been going round to his all this time? Had Peeta forgiven him for what he had said to us, to me? After a minute of silence though, I began to realize that holding a grudge wasn't in Peeta's nature. He knew that Haymitch, as harsh as it was, probably didn't mean half the things he said. I was the unforgiving one after all. Though I couldn't imagine Peeta being polite towards him at first though. It had been a few months. He must have helped him, after all, who else would? I felt my stomach sink at the thought.

"Yeah well, it's too late for the apologies Haymitch." I sighed, and tried to roll over so that I wasn't facing him. Maybe if I ignored him for so long, he'd leave. I encountered no such luck though, he could be just as stubborn as me, I'd forgotten.

"Katniss." He started, and I couldn't help but stop, and listen, even if I wasn't looking at him. He rarely called me by my actual name.

"You need to go see the doctor." He said simply, and I could hear him take another gulp of the liquor. Did he really think I would take advice from him?

"Haymitch, you don't know anything. Please just leave." I breathed, my voice still raspy with barely speaking these last few weeks.

"I know enough sweetheart." He said sardonically, but his tone was still softer. He must actually feel a little remorse for what he'd done. It didn't take the words back though. "Peeta is worried about you. I hear he's not the only one." He mumbled.

"I'm fine." I whispered, feeling the onset of tears begin to catch in the back of my throat. My hormones were in over-drive at the moment.

"No, you're not. Look at you. You haven't moved in four weeks, looks like you haven't eaten that much either, and not to mention your hygiene." He said pointedly and I scoffed at his hypocrisy, turning back round to meet his cold gaze.

"You're really going to talk to me about _hygiene_ Haymitch? Not long ago we found you on the brink of death in your own vomit. You have no idea about this, about anything. You don't even have a family, or kids, or a loved one. So don't come into my house, just because Peeta has probably pushed you in here as a last resort. Why would I ever listen to you?" I snapped, feeling my blood flowing, sending electricity through my system. I could feel my cheeks flushing. He let out a small smile.

"What?" I demanded, feeling degraded.

"That's the Katniss I remember." He muttered, raising his flask up into the air slightly. "Apparently, she hasn't been around for a while." I scowled at him, knowing I'd never get him to leave.

"And you're right, Peeta did come to me. He's been coming to me for a while now. Poor kid hasn't really got a lot of other options has he?" He sighed, rubbing his calloused hands on his trousers. I frowned.

"But he didn't make me come and say sorry, that was my doing. I realized, even for me, that was a little too much, especially with your...state." He motioned, unsure what the right phrase was. I grabbed my stomach tighter, wanting to take my baby away from this horrible man. But the words he was saying were sinking in. He seemed like he was telling the truth.

"What you said...did you mean it?" I asked, suddenly terrified of his answer. I had gone over and over it in my head ever since he'd sent the words jabbing into my heart.

He sighed and shook his head, taking a bigger drink from his flask. Surely it was all gone now with the amount he'd drunk. His eyes focused back on me, and there was a new emotion in them. A genuine sadness that I couldn't place.

"Sweetheart, I'm going to tell you something that really isn't easy for me to say, hence the alcohol." He said, pointing towards the bottle. I must have looked confused, because he rubbed his forehead and lowered his eyes as he said the next words.

"I was just...surprised, that was all by the news. I always thought you'd never end up having kids. You didn't exactly seem like the mothering type." He said, holding his hand up in the air to stop my insults or comebacks. "Now, now, I'm not making any judgement on that, I just think...maybe...god I hate doing this." He broke, shuffling around in his spot and finishing the last of his drink before staring right at me again.

"I never had what you two have right now. When I had my own girl, before the games, we were pretty serious. Had a lot going for us you know? Times were tough in 12, just like they always were, but we were old enough to get married. And we were going to. She was sixteen, and I was a year older, as you know, when I got reaped for the second Quarter Quell." He mumbled, and I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. He never spoke of his past, he never spoke of his lost love. I suddenly felt uncomfortable. He left no time to think about what he was saying though, and carried on.

"We had it all planned out. We were going to get married as soon as I got a job in the mines, get some money coming in, buy a little house, the whole shebang. But obviously, she got taken away from me. **I **got her taken away from me." He trailed off, his eyes blurring over into a faraway picture in his mind. I could feel the solid lump in my throat at the talk of the past, a place I didn't want to be.

"She wanted a couple of kids so badly. Always talked about it all the time. She was the youngest of two girls, and her sister was fully grown and married to a merchant. She had no one to look after at home, she wanted her own life. We both did I guess. In 12, these things happen young, it wasn't uncommon for girls to get pregnant in their late teens as I'm sure you're aware of." He stuttered, and for a moment I thought I saw his gray eyes glisten.

"You and Peeta, you've been through so much. I don't know how you're both still alive, I really don't. All the crap that's happened, you should both be dead. But you're **not**. By some miracle you're still here. And I really don't think you should waste that." Haymitch, finished, tucking the flask back inside his jacket. I felt my eyes brim up with tears.

"Don't cry, please." He said suddenly, scrunching his nose up, but I could tell that he was just trying to put the mask of the normal Haymitch back on. He hid behind insults and sarcasm, that's who he was.

I looked down at my bump, and suddenly realized how much she'd grown since I'd last been outside. Something clicked in my mind at what he'd said. He was right, Peeta and I had beat the odds despite the costs. I'd never seen Haymitch as the type of person to want a family, and get settled down. But then again, I'd never known him before the games, and it was safe to say they'd changed everyone in ways that couldn't be undone.

"You know what you're having?" He asked, gesturing towards my belly. I looked up at him.

"Peeta hasn't told you?" I questioned suspiciously. He was probably just trying to make conversation. He shook his head.

"It's a girl." I breathed, and felt a tear come down, trying my best to inconspicuously wipe it away before he noticed. If he did, he didn't say anything.

"Hope she doesn't inherit your passive aggressiveness." Haymitch said, but chuckled a little afterwards. I scowled, but it was less meaningful this time. I really had seen a different side to Haymitch today. Who would've thought it'd be him who could help me see things clearer?

"I hope she has none of me. I want her to have everything of Peeta's." I said in a daze, picturing blonde curls and blue eyes. She'd be beautiful. I prayed she had none of my characteristics. Peeta had such a better nature than I did.

"Well I personally think she'd be perfect with everything of yours." Another voice chimed in, and I looked up to see Peeta standing in the doorway, where Haymitch had stood not long ago. He had flour on the bottom of his shirt, and in his hair slightly, and his cheeks were pink from the outside air. He looked different, so much happier.

He looked towards Haymitch gratefully, and Haymitch gave a tiny nod towards him.

"Well, I gotta go feed my damned geese." Haymitch exclaimed. Just as he was about to get up off the bed, he gave my legs near him a small pat. I realized this was as far as affectionate that Haymitch got. I gave him a weak smile, but still felt wary of him. His words were going to take a little undoing still.

"See ya around kids." He said, before turning back towards me again. "Oh, and remember what I said. Go see the doctor." He muttered before making his own way down the stairs and out the door.

Peeta went to the other side of the bed and lay down next to me. I moved my hand slowly down, and placed it over his. He looked up with a smile.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, and another tear spilled over my dark eyelashes again. This afternoon really had been an eye-opener. I knew now I couldn't waste my precious time on this earth with Peeta and our unborn child.

Peeta just simply nodded and pulled my head down gently onto his warm chest, encircling his arms around me and helping me keep her safe.

That night I had the strangest dream, but it wasn't my usual nightmares.

_Haymitch was seventeen again, like he was in the video of the games Peeta and I watched on the train to the third Quarter Quell. But stood next to him, was a blank-faced girl. I couldn't see her properly, but she had blonde hair, the same as Haymitch's. And in his arms, when I looked closer, was a fair-haired child squealing with delight as Haymitch eventually rocked her back and forth to sleep._

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys, hope you liked this chapter. I realise it wasn't much but I really wanted to incorporate Haymitch back in there and give a reason to his rant, and show another side of him. I also didn't want Katniss to be depressed (etc...) for too long as the story wouldn't really move anywhere. **

**Reviews are love! Please leave them. I have SO many favourites on this story that if everyone who had favourited it reviewed, it would be twice as many. They really inspire me to type faster (no joke). Tell me what you did like/didn't like and anything else. I'm open to everything. **_  
_


	13. Validation

**A/N: So fluffy it hurts!**

* * *

"Thank you for agreeing to come and see me Katniss. It really was about time that you had another scan and a check up." Doctor Mauray said happily, but his eyes were still tinged with doubt. I meekly nodded my head. It had taken Peeta a while to convince me to get out of the house, and it hadn't been easy. He'd also wrapped me up in so many layers that I could barely move as I walked into the office.

My heart was pounding quickly at being out of the house, but I knew it was what I had to do. To be honest, I just wanted this over with now, this whole ordeal. Surely I could cause her much more harm when she was inside me, rather than if she was out, and Peeta could protect her. I had no doubt he could. He would make a great father.

Doctor Mauray did another scan, just like the one in 4, but it was so different already. I couldn't help but actually take notice when he started pointing out all the baby's features, and they were so much more developed and clearer to see. Peeta gripped my hand firmly and I could tell he was hanging on to his every word, letting it wrap around his heart. I felt a little better after seeing her. I knew she was okay, and safe. He took my blood pressure too, and told me that he would give me stronger tablets to try and bring it down a little.

"Katniss", he started cautiously, "I know you may be feeling worried about this, but what I meant from our phone call wasn't to give up everything you're doing. Just simply to not over exert yourself. Do you understand?" He said slowly, and eyed Peeta a little out the corner of his eye. I nodded my head glumly; Peeta had obviously told him what had happened.

After a few more questions, and a gentle prodding to try and see a therapist in 4, which I refused, we were set to go.

As we scuttled out into the freezing air I felt the chill of the wind swirl down my spine. My teeth chattered slightly and Peeta wrapped his arm tighter around my back.

"Come on, let's get you home." He murmured, and I leaned practically all my weight against him, letting him support me, as I was so tired.

By the time we'd got in, and stripped ourselves of the outdoor clothing, I crawled onto the sofa. Peeta did his usual routine of making hot tea for me. It was the only thing I really craved at the moment; something warm and welcoming. I must have let my eyes close a little, because when they were back open, Peeta was moving my sprawled-out legs slightly to let him sit on the end of the sofa. Once he'd sat back down, he placed them back over his lap so that I was still lying down comfortably. Seeing that he had my tea, I sat up a little, still keeping my legs stretched out. He handed me my mug, and I took it gratefully, sipping at the hot liquid.

"Eugh. Check out the size of my feet!" I moaned as I saw my ankles were a bit swollen. I'm pretty sure they looked bigger to me than everyone else, but they were still noticeable. Luckily my bump still wasn't too huge, so I could see them clearly if I moved them a little.

"Here." Peeta said and put down his own mug on the table next to the sofa, before wrapping his warm, strong hands around my toes. His skin still lingered with the heat of the tea and I sighed happily. He rubbed my feet, working on the ankles too. I couldn't help but smile.

"Better?" He asked, but still carried on. I nodded.

"Thank you. Think it was just the walk." I said, feeling warmer by the minute. I turned my head and noticed the fire was lit too. Peeta must have done that as soon as we walked in. He thought of everything.

I continued to stare at the dancing flames, mesmerized by their deadly beauty. It had taken me some time to be comfortable around a contained fire again. And to realize that it wasn't just about destruction and chaos.

When Peeta eventually stopped rubbing my feet, he bent down and gave my ankle a small kiss. I giggled at his feathery touch and he frowned at me in awe. It had been a while since I'd laughed. Seeing that this made me smile though, he placed another on my toes and I swatted him playfully.

"Peeta, that's gross." I said, wrinkling my face up in disgust, but I still felt myself smiling. He just looked back up at me and held out his hand, I placed mine in his and he helped hoist me up. I manoeuvred myself to fit into the crook of his arm; my own safe place. He kissed the top of my head, before reaching out for his mug. I suddenly felt a huge wave of guilt wash over me from the last month that I'd wasted so selfishly. I had just been so scared, I still was. I don't think anything would really change that. Maybe I'd fear for her for the rest of my life, and then some. It was a natural reaction for me, to still be afraid of the world.

I took a small sip of my tea and nestled my face between his jaw line and collarbone; two of my many favorite features of Peeta. I gingerly kissed his neck in a loving way. As If I could transfer all the unspoken words in both of our thoughts. _I'm sorry. I'm scared. I love you._ He seemed to get the message because he moved his face so that his forehead was resting against mine, our noses touching like the tip of butterfly wings. I closed my eyes, but I could feel his eyelashes tickling my face still. Suddenly his lips were on mine, but it wasn't hungry, it was gentle and calm. He seemed unsure of himself at first; it had been so long since I'd been able to show any signs of affection. A month wasn't that huge in the long run, but to me, it had felt like a lifetime.

I let my lips respond to his in the natural way. These things with Peeta were so effortless and simple, they just came to us. Proof that we belonged together. I felt the spark ignite inside me, but I pushed it away, knowing that Peeta would not risk making love to me just yet, he'd want to be sure I was stable first, and that I wouldn't break down in the middle of it. But I couldn't help what I wanted. I tried to keep it light but my lips became more persuasive, because after some trepidation his gained equal force. I felt like my body was alive all the time since I'd been carrying her. My love for Peeta had intensified if that was even possible.

It felt like forever, but eventually our mugs had been cast aside somehow, and Peeta was lowering himself so that I went with him. I ended up lying on my back across the sofa, with Peeta leaning up on one elbow, slightly draped over me; our lips never breaking their contact. My hands roamed under his shirt, and as I managed to open my eyes I saw the beauty of his skin as it glowed under the firelight. I marveled at the sight, and how lucky I was to have him. He was so perfect. His hands traced my neck and collar, before settling on my thigh. I let out a contented sigh. His lips became more powerful...

"Oh my god!" I shouted, making Peeta flinch immediately, and leap off me.

"What? What?"He replied desperately, taken aback.

I clasped a hand over my mouth. "The baby...she...Peeta she just kicked!" I cried, overcome with emotions. Why did this always happen just as I was about to have Peeta, fully?

"She did?" He asked, his mouth gaping open in shock. I nodded my head, sitting myself up with Peeta's help.

"I read in those books that it could be anytime _really_ after four months. I'd been so scared that something was wrong, why she wasn't moving inside me." I gushed, feeling a mixture of feelings take their toll. Peeta looked worried.

"Katniss, why didn't you tell me you were afraid?" He chided, but quickly he had a smile placed back on his face. I put my hands onto my stomach, feeling the spot where I felt her move. I shook my head, and I think Peeta looked disappointed.

"She's not doing it anymore." I complained and looked at him apologetically. I felt like I shouldn't be the only one to experience to this. It was Peeta's child as well as mine. He nodded, but his eyes sparkled with an idea. He bent down to my bump and stroked it softly.

"Can you kick for Daddy?" He asked in a melodic voice. He looked even more beautiful now, closer to the firelight and talking to our child. I willed her to do something, anything, to give him just this. He looked a little exasperated but he was still grinning.

"Peeta, maybe you should kiss me again, she did it when you were kissing me." I murmured, unsure of whether it would actually work. Peeta frowned.

"Katniss, are you sure you just don't want me to kiss you?" He said, chuckling, and I shrugged my shoulders.

"I always want you to kiss me." I said, looking into his eyes lustfully. "But it's true, I think she...liked it." I tried to explain. He moved himself off the couch so that he was kneeling in front of me, and I leant down to his lips, wanting to take off from where we left. I closed my eyes and tried to talk to her telepathically, letting her know this was her father and she could show him what she'd just shown me. It was so strange, it was now like I was **aware** of her being an actual breathing, living human inside of me.

Immediately as soon as I got carried away again, I felt her thump against my belly. Peeta already had one hand on it, and one on my neck. I felt him let go of my neck straight away and place both of his hands on my swollen skin. He gasped and laughed.

"Well done!" He congratulated her, stroking my stomach, and I could see the flames lighting his eyes up, and showing the water. "Katniss, she knows who I am." He breathed, not letting his hands lose their grip on me. He lifted up my shirt, and placed a huge kiss right over my belly button. "Amazing." He sighed.

She had acknowledged me, she had acknowledged Peeta. She had proved to us that she was alive and well.

And for the first time, I felt like we were a proper family.

* * *

I slung on my boots, ready to brave the harsh weather outside. Mid November wasn't going easy on 12. I knew if Peeta knew I was going out now, he'd be both elated, and worried. So I decided not to tell him. All I was going to do was check on Sae, it had to be done.

By the time I'd tramped around the town and to her house, I was out of breath, and a little fearful. I had been overly cautious, scared I would slip and injure her. But everything had been alright. I didn't bother knocking on the door, Pine wouldn't be here today to answer it, it was a school day for her, so I let myself in.

The sight I was greeted to churned my stomach, but I persevered. Sae was lying on the sofa, looking so frail and delicate. Her bones protruded beneath her paper-thin skin. I swallowed down the tears. Sae was a strong old woman, and I had to be strong around her. Her eyes met mine as I walked in through the door and into the room.

"Katniss." She croaked, and looked genuinely happy to see me. I pulled up a chair nearby and sat opposite her, reaching out for her bony fingers. I blinked furiously, trying to get rid of the tears. She had always seemed so robust and untouchable despite her age, and district.

"It's been a long time girl." Sae continued, her lips barely moving. Just then, I heard a clattering in the kitchen, and forgot for a moment that of course, Hazelle was here. No doubt she'd heard me come in, but decided to give me some room.

"I know. Sorry I didn't come and see you, things have been a little tough lately." I muttered, biting down on the inside of my lip to keep my true feelings locked in. Where only I could be the one in pain from them.

"No need to apologize." She said dismissively, "you have another one to look after as well as yourself now." I nodded weakly. She understood, she always did. I didn't know what to say next. I couldn't exactly ask her how she'd been, or what she'd been up to. And I barely had done anything either. I suddenly remembered a couple of nights ago though.

"I felt her kick." I mused, whilst stroking my stomach. This habit felt right to me now. Sae's eyes sparkled, just like Peeta's had. "It was wonderful." I whispered, not trusting my voice. Sae nodded.

"Good and healthy." She said hoarsely, and all I could do was nod.

Just then Hazelle walked in, holding some herbal tea in her cracked fingers. I looked up at her and she smiled warmly. I knew we'd talk properly, but not in front of Sae.

Hazelle and I helped to prop Sae up, and I walked over and put a few more logs on the fire, wanting an excuse to turn my back and recompose myself whilst Hazelle aided her to sip it down. I heard her speak eventually.

"Ben is coming by any minute. He wants to see you." Hazelle spoke quietly to her. I knew who Ben was, he was a good friend of Sae's, maybe in his late forties. He had been on the same team as Sae that had helped to rebuild the district after everything. Ben often came around to look after Sae. He worked a few days in the medicine factory, but was crippled from the mines himself, so had a lot of free time.

I was grateful, Sae was very fond of Ben, and he was a no-nonsense kind of guy. He treated her well, and this meant Hazelle had more time to tend to the house rather than her, and her own kids of course who were late teens and early twenties now. I couldn't believe how much they'd grown the last time I saw them. Rory had followed in his brother's footsteps and moved to 2. Posy and Pine were each other's friends now. They both didn't seem to trust many other people apart from each other.

After a while, Ben, true to his word, came. And I began to walk back with Hazelle after she'd done the last few chores, knowing we had some time together before we had to part ways.

"So you felt her kick huh?" Hazelle asked suddenly, and I realized she had heard. I nodded. She blushed a little.

"I wasn't intentionally listening, I just overheard." She explained. I smiled back at her.

"It's fine. I was going to tell you anyway." I murmured, concentrating on my tread on the frosty ground.

"How are you feeling now? A lot of the symptoms disappearing?" She asked, her voice thick with care. I guess between her and Sae, they had been the equivalent of my mother figures over the years. This wasn't unusual.

"Yeah, but some whole others are starting." I laughed lightly, and she joined in.

"Trust me, I know what you're feeling." She said, but her voice sounded faraway, back to another time. Suddenly, she snapped back.

"Katniss, there's something I was going to tell you.." I could tell that my face had dropped at this. Her tone had changed so quickly. My palms suddenly became clammy in my leather gloves.

"He rung the other day."

Those five words stopped me in my tracks, and I turned to face her, my teeth suddenly ceasing to chatter as I wanted to hear what she had to say fully.

"What?" I asked eventually. She looked to the floor.

"He asked after you."

I felt the blood freeze in my veins, matching the temperature outside. Was what I was hearing the truth? Or did I just imagine that?

"News travels quickly Katniss." Was all she offered, and I realized how emotionally draining this morning had been already. I wasn't as resilient as I used to be. I couldn't make my mouth move to say anything, not that I would know what to say anyway. Gale and I had never had even the slightest amount of contact, let alone him ringing here. This was a place he longed to leave behind, forever.

"Katniss" She started again, but my mind was whirring quickly.

"He's coming to 12."

* * *

**A/N: What did you guys think of this chapter? I actually loved writing it. I'm trying to keep as many characters in as I can and thought this was a good way to do so. Don't worry about the ones you haven't seen for a while. They're all returning regularly. Let me know your opinions :D**


	14. Visits

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it has been SO long. I have been on vacation/holiday for a while and I didn't have any internet or anything. I'm back now though and ready to pick up again. Sorry to keep you waiting so long, I hope I haven't lost anyone's interest.**

**Time frame: Same day as the last chapter –for the first part anyway- I apologise if you think I'm taking this story too slow. If you do, let me know in a review please!**

**Katniss is still 5 months pregnant just to let you know. (5 and three quarters technically at the end of this chapter).**

* * *

I tried to stay calm as I trudged back into the victor's village, but I could feel my emotions already taking their toll. I felt so drained. What right did he think he had to just come back into our lives when we'd spent so long trying to heal from his leaving?

_No Katniss. _I thought. _You know there's a part of you that will be happy to see him. _

I unlocked the door to our house and shook off my boots, struggling to bend down to untie them first, due to my bump. By the time I'd gotten my jacket off too, I felt tired but hungry. I wandered through into the kitchen and opened the fridge, seeing a soup Peeta must have made yesterday and kept cool for me. I sighed at his thoughtfulness. Ever since I'd become pregnant, I felt less and less independent, which was always something that came naturally to me.

I grabbed a saucepan out from the cupboard and began to reheat the soup on the stove, slowly stirring the wooden spoon around as my eyelids began to fall. Eventually it started to boil, so I knew to take it off, and I poured it into a bowl before settling down in the kitchen to eat it. Glancing at the clock I realised Peeta wouldn't be home for at least another couple of hours. I missed him so much when he was gone.

I savoured the warm food as I ate quickly. I was nearly finished when the doorbell rang. Before I could even get up to answer it, a familiar voice echoed through the hallway, and the sound of the wind rushing into the house whistled through to me.

"Hello? Katniss?"

"In here."I called back as I swung my feet around to get off the bench and greet Delly, but she was already in the kitchen. Her bright hair had flecks of snow dusted into it. I grimaced.

"It's snowing?" I asked hesitantly. That meant more dangers when walking outside. Besides, I'd never been fond of the stuff anyway. It made hunting hard and it sent various creatures into hibernation. Something about today was just determined to remind me of him. I couldn't shake him loose from my thoughts...

"Katniss?" Delly asked, a worried look on her face as I zoned out into my memories. I looked up at her, and she moved around to the other side of the table. "Are you okay?" She questioned again, positioning herself to face me as she sat down.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, sorry." I said shrugging, and then felt rude. "There's some soup on the stove if you want some. I just heated it up." I offered her, starting to stand but Delly held out a hand to stop me.

"No no, it's alright really, I'm just popping by on my way into town." She said suddenly. The tip of her nose was a deep pink from the chilliness outside. The clouds just this morning had looked ominous, I should have guessed it would start snowing sometime soon.

I studied Delly's face and realized she was holding back from saying something.

"Delly, what is it?" I asked this time, worried. I realized I wasn't hungry anymore, and pushed aside my remaining soup in the bowl.

She shook her head. I caught on. She knew too.

"You know about him." I stated, not as a question, but as a fact. Delly gave her head a tiny nod, and I saw some snowflakes fall onto her jacket at the movement. They were melting quickly in this warm house.

"Vick told Thom." She mumbled, looking embarrassed though I couldn't figure out why. I wonder what Vick thought of his brother's return visit, what did Thom even think? More importantly, **was** it just a visit? I hated having unanswered questions lingering around my head. It made me think too much about something that I didn't want to think about.

"When is he coming?" I asked gingerly. Delly looked at me hard for a moment before she continued.

"I'm not sure, he just said soon. He heard about you and Peeta," she said motioning towards my belly, but offered no further explanation. I wonder what Gale would feel towards the situation. Why would he come all the way back here to just say congratulations, he could have sent a card or rung the house. The number had never changed. I found myself feeling angrier and angrier as I pictured his face. A ripe age of twenty the last time I'd seen him. His skin young, but worn, his body fit but withered with pain, the same grey eyes that I adorned, and that mine and Peeta's baby might do too...

"Katniss, how are you feeling about him coming back?" She asked caringly, her hand extended out to take mine which was drumming on the hard wood in front of me, little to my knowledge. Her touch felt warm despite the conditions she'd just come in from. Delly's eyes met mine in sympathy.

"I'm not sure." I confessed, suddenly feeling hopeless. "Half of me wants to see him more than anything, and the other half of me cannot even bear the thought of looking at him one more time. When he comes, he brings not only himself with him, but a whole other list of ghosts of people and places I don't want to go back to." I surprised myself by sharing. There was something about being with Delly, she was just so sweet and loving that you couldn't help but open up to her. I trusted her, and I couldn't talk about this with Peeta.

Oh god Peeta.

"How am I supposed to tell Peeta?" I asked, frantic suddenly at the thought. Delly knew the real depth of the question being asked. Peeta had made such a remarkable improvement from his hijacking, and all of that had been with Gale absent. Gale had been part of his bad thoughts, his 'shiny' memories. If Gale returned, would Peeta snap back into his Capitol-created world and leave mine? Before I knew it, I had burst into tears.

"Oh Katniss, I'm sorry. I didn't come here to upset you." Delly said apologetically as she got up from the table and came over to me, sitting down next to me and placing an arm lightly around my shoulder. I clung to my stomach as I wept, unable to organize my thoughts back into a clear frame of mind. This was all too much. Everything that had happened recently. There were too many people that I couldn't see again but so desperately wanted to.

"It was nothing you did Delly. I'm the one that should be apologizing. Hormones and everything." I rubbed my face with the back of my hand feeling embarrassed. The hormone part I would never know was true or not, but it did seem that I was more emotional since I'd been carrying her.

"No you shouldn't. Everything's just happening quicker than you expected that's all. You've dealt with a lot these last few months without the fact that you're pregnant as well." She said soothingly as she stroked my braided hair. I could tell ever since she'd become a mother to Mika she had changed into an even more caring person if that was possible. She knew how to deal with things better, and she was firmer with other people she disagreed with.

"He shouldn't come." She whispered so softly, I thought it was a trick of my ears.

I stopped crying and looked up at her. Her green eyes were troubled. She acknowledged me looking at her and her eyebrows drew together in a frown.

"I know it's not my place to say Katniss, but he shouldn't. Not with everything going on in your life, it's not the right time." She sighed, her arm still around me. I pulled back a bit to face her clearer. I didn't realize Delly would have felt the same way as me. She'd always seemed fond of Gale in 13.

Most people did.

"You're right." I muttered, but my mind was still torn in two, right down the middle.

...

I lay awake in bed, unsure what the time was. I didn't want to get out of it and use the bathroom, for fear of waking Peeta up. He'd been working so hard at the bakery at the moment, not wanting to load the boys on with too much, always overdoing himself to make sure we had enough money for when she came. He slept much more soundly than he had even a year ago now. The exhaustion overtook him.

I listened to his breath rise and fall and envied him in that moment for being able to be pulled under by the mercy of sleep, and by the sounds of it, or lack off, he wasn't having a nightmare. Both of us were quite verbal when it came to those.

I felt it again; what had woke me up a couple of hours ago, and rubbed a hand across my stomach. Twenty three weeks now. And boy could she kick. That one wasn't too bad, and they seemed to be settling down a little now, so I turned over and willed my eyes to stay shut long enough for me to have a chance to sleep, and prayed mentally that she would stop it just for a little while so I could catch up on the lost night. I would be extra tired tomorrow.

After a while my breathing became more shallow and I felt my mind shutting off into sleep. Just when I thought I was safe, and blow came strong and hard to my abdomen.

"Ah!" I gasped as I clutched it in the spot where a foot or elbow had just jabbed me. It was still such a bizarre feeling; she had just done it for the first time over two weeks ago. I pressed the other hand to my mouth instantly, realizing how loud I'd just been, and sure enough I heard Peeta stir beside me, rolling over towards me in bed as I had my back to him. If I stayed still long enough, maybe he would think he was dreaming and he'd go back to sleep. I desperately wanted him awake with me, to keep me company and hold me, but he needed to rest too, I couldn't be so dependent upon him all the time.

"Katniss are you okay?" He asked, sleepily but urgent. He rested his chin on my shoulder as he nestled his body into mine. The warmth he brought with him was comforting. I felt awful for waking him.

"Yeah." I croaked out. "She's just been keeping me awake with all the kicking." I explained, and though I couldn't see Peeta's face in the darkness of the room, I could hear his breath hitch as he took in what I'd just told him. Even in the blindness, I could tell he was happy.

"Is she still doing it?" He asked, gently placing his arm around my side so his hand rested on my stomach. I guided it to the spot where she had just done it moments ago.

"Are you kidding me? She doesn't stop." I groaned, and right on queue she bumped around again. I inhaled quickly at the brief discomfort but smiled, even though Peeta would not be able to see it. He let out a small laugh.

"It's alright for you." I murmured, rubbing the back of his hand lovingly as he kept a grip on my stomach. He kissed my shoulder and lowered his head back down, but on my pillow, still spooning me.

"She's strong Katniss." He whispered, his voice already not tired anymore. "She's gonna be a fighter."

I mused over this thought. Peeta would think that no matter what with both of our genes, but all this movement, though disturbing and unsettling to me, was reassuring too.

"Maybe this means she's going to be a hunter like her Mother." Peeta hummed as he pulled up the covers higher over the both of us. "You'll be able to teach her to run around those woods in no time."

I lay still and listened to his voice. I didn't want to comment. I didn't want to tell him how I would be too afraid for a long time to let her into the dangers of the woods, of the world. How I wanted to just keep her in his arms forever, safe. So instead, I just listened as his voice guided me to sleep, with her still moving within me, and Peeta's hand capturing it all.

...

I stifled a yawn as I traipsed downstairs to see Peeta off. We'd both woken up early. Me mainly because I needed to pee so badly with the baby pushing on my bladder, and Peeta because he always beat the sun up when it came to work days.

"You going to be okay today?" He asked as he bent down to tie his shoes. I rolled my eyes.

"I'll be just fine." I replied and he looked vaguely satisfied with the answer. When he was finished with his shoes, he walked over to me as I sat on the stairs in front of the door, and planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Take it easy." He murmured and placed a hand on my stomach, bending down. "And no more kicking your mother." Peeta said in what was supposed to be a telling-off tone but it came out too sweet. I pushed his shoulders gently, urging him to go before opening time.

"Go!" I said, as I stood up and retreated up the stairs a little as he opened the door and the torrential snowfall blasted through into the hallway.

"I think I've got everything." Peeta said, patting down his pockets quickly before looking at his watch and turning around, waving goodbye.

"I love you." He called over the wind and I waved back, as he closed the door with a huge smile on his face.

"I love you too." I whispered into thin air. It was my fault he'd gotten up in such a hurry. I'd woken him up last night and he'd stayed awake for hours after evidently from the dark bags under his eyes.

Just as I turned around myself to go back up the stairs a moment later, there was a knock on the door. I huffed and trudged back down them, wanting to go and make the bed quickly so I wouldn't get back into it, even though I was dressed and ready for the day.

"Peeta, I swear if you've forgotten your keys _again_ I am going to tie them-" I was cut short in shock as I managed to heave open the door. The wintery wind whipped my face and freshly washed, wet hair, and I was paralyzed to the spot as if the frost from the day had stuck me to the floor. I found myself unable to move my face, to say something, to breathe.

The face that I had dreamt about for so long was staring right at me, like a mirage made up inside my head.

Was I still asleep?

"Hey Catnip." He spoke.

**A/N: Only a short-ish one this time as I felt like I needed one more to tie in the next storyline coming. Hope that's okay. I will definitely update this quicker now I have returned from my travels! Got a lot in store for these next few chapters :D Please review, reviews are love and I will definitely write quicker!**


	15. Reality

**A/N: Just another fairly small chapter. I feel like putting these in with others would dilute it a little so even if there's not much going on, I like to keep them separate from other scenes.**

**I've literally just written this and am going out so I will do a proof read later! Just wanted to put it straight on here so everyone had an update as I know I seem to be a tad slow at the moment. I'm sorry for any typos/continuity errors etc... I will check back asap.**

**Happy reading! Leave a review and let me know what you liked/loved/hated - anything really!**

* * *

I couldn't get my mouth to move. Even if I could make a sound, I didn't know what to say. What could I possibly say to the boy who stood before me? The one whom I had grown up with hunting in the woods and leaning on for our survival.

He had changed though. He wasn't a boy anymore.

His face looked considerably older with deeper circles under his eyes, and he now had short hair across his chin, the same shade as the scruffy, dark brown on his head. He looked tired and worn, and even though his pale seam eyes sparkled before me, I could see the weariness within them. He had grown taller if that was even possible, and his muscles were visible even through the brown jacket he had on, shielding him from the snowstorm outside. Shifting slightly on the spot, his eyes never left mine.

"Well, aren't you going to invite me in?" He asked hoarsely, and I surfaced from my daze, narrowing my eyes. The bitterness was still deep inside me. I could feel it bubbling deep down. But there was a sweetness too...something I couldn't place. It had been so many years since I'd seen him before me. I had truly never stopped thinking about him as much as I tried.

I kept my arms folded but stepped aside. My heart was beating so quickly, I felt for sure that I was correct about still being asleep. I tried to calm down my breaths, I was breathing too quickly for my liking. He immediately ducked through the doorway, stomping the snow off of his boots as I closed the door behind him with a loud thud. I wrapped my cardigan around me tighter and walked silently into the living room, knowing he would follow. My mouth felt dry with anticipation. Eventually, I turned back around to face the entrance to see him standing still against the wall opposite me. He had taken off his coat and boots. He was planning on staying a while. The silence hung in the air, like a deadly frozen icicle just waiting to break off from the branch and shatter into a million pieces. Just when I thought it couldn't go on for any longer, he finally spoke.

"Please just say something Katniss." He whispered. The only sound that could be heard now that my senses were alive again was the soft crackling of the flames licking the logs on the fire behind me. I cleared my throat before I replied, not wanting my voice to show any of my true emotions.

"I don't know what to say." I said honestly. He moved off the wall and took some steps towards me. I took a step back instinctively. With his face, all I could see was her. She was attached to him permanently now. I'm sure he was aware of that too.

"How about 'Hi Gale, long time no see!'" He said sardonically. I couldn't tell whether he was trying to lighten the situation or make it worse.

"Because it's not as simple as that." I found myself muttering, as I turned back around to face the fire, not wanting him to see my face if it was to give away anything.

"That's true." He mused quietly, and I heard him shuffle slightly before taking a seat on the sofa. Just like that time Haymitch had come into my house, there was no getting rid of him until what was said and done was over. I sighed internally and turned to face him again, not quite ready to sit down on the same level as him just now. There was an urge buried in me to plunge into his strong arms and let him hold me, to smell his musky scent and feel safe and comfortable near him. But I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. That would mean betraying her. My hands became clammy and I loosened my arms from their folding position, my cardigan falling open in the process. I immediately regretted this simple movement, as his eyes did a double take before landing on my small, swollen bump.

He let out a small, shocked laugh which was more like a sharp exhale of breath. But his face changed, like everyone else's did when they saw me in this state. He had a look of wonderment on his face.

"I wasn't sure whether to believe it or not. When I heard it in 2 I thought for sure it was just a rumour." He said, shaking his head. My blood began to boil a little at this, unsure how to take it.

"What's that supposed to mean? That you thought I'd always die alone? That I would never have a child?" I asked impatiently. I could tell he'd seen that he had made a mistake straight away though.

"You know that's not what I mean Catnip-" He started but I interjected.

"Don't call me that." I snapped. His eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"Why not?" He pressed, leaning forward.

"Because we're not children anymore." I spat out. The nostalgia burning it's path in my mind and up my throat. "We're not the same people." I added on, but this time it was quieter and more afraid.

He took a deep breath in.

"Sit down, please Katniss." He said carefully. After a moment I realized I was too tired still to stand, so I took Peeta's armchair next to the sofa.

"With those hormones I don't doubt you're pregnant for a moment." He said jokingly, but I still wasn't in the mood. I saw him smile a little. This made me more infuriated but I tried to still my thoughts. The stress wasn't good on the baby.

"What I meant was, I never imagined that you would have kids. All those times we talked...you were so strong in your beliefs of never creating a family, of never letting anyone in..." He trailed off, unsure what to say next. I could tell that he was considering his words with caution, uncertain what would set me off next. It was nothing he could say though, it was his presence alone.

"Everything has changed since then!" I exclaimed, feeling the blood rush to my face. "Peeta and I made this decision together, and I'm thrilled with it." His features grew even less harsh as he absorbed my words, and I detected a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"You're right. They have." He muttered, before looking to the floor. I rubbed a hand over my stomach out of habit and he glanced back up.

"I'm really happy for you Katniss." He said, his tone changed to a lighter one. I clutched my stomach protectively.

"Thanks." I whispered. This situation was too strange. He still felt like a hallucination conjured up by my subconscious, tricking me.

"I never pictured what you'd look like pregnant, but now I see it I realize how beautiful it is."

The sentence came out virtually inaudible and whimsical. Definitely a trick, he has never spoken so softly or kindly before. But his voice was full of such sincerity that I couldn't help but stare at him.

"Is it a boy or girl?" He questioned, still in his daze-like state.

"Girl." I replied naturally. It was a query I had gotten so used to recently.

"How long?" He asked again, still leaning forward, his elbows on his knees propping his face up. I still couldn't believe he was sitting right next to me now.

"Nearly six months." I said back. He nodded his head.

"February." Was all he offered in return, and this time I nodded. And suddenly my mood changed to a more forgiving one itself. I didn't know if it was because of his own mood change or not, but I wanted to talk to him as I normally would. I just wanted to pretend for a few minutes that we weren't where we were because of the events that led up to it, but simply because of fate, as naive as that was.

"How is life in 2?" I asked, surprising myself at how my intonation had switched so quickly. He looked a little relieved to be out of the pitfall.

"Repetitive." He responded, but seemed happier to talk about this subject.

"What do you do now?" I asked, wondering suddenly what every year for the last ten had been like for him. After all this time of not hearing his voice or seeing his face it felt like I had never stopped listening or seeing, but also that it was so alien, I had to concentrate on it extra hard to make sure it was real.

"To cut a very long story short, I work for the military." He said timidly, and I sensed that he thought I would disapprove with this after everything that had happened. The truth was, I couldn't see him not doing anything else. He had thrived in 13 and in battle situations. His simmering fury was able to be released through this outlet.

"I train new recruits. Mostly in weaponry and combat skills." He added. I hummed, letting him know I was listening.

"How is 12? It's changed, that's for sure." He asked, his face full of curiosity and regret.

"Despite the changes, it's the same as ever. Except less starving kids and a better quality of life." I replied, my voice still uneasy. He smiled but it was uncomfortable and forced.

"And Peeta? What is he doing now apart from starting a family with you?" He pressed further, and I could see the gloom taking over his face. What was this about?

"He runs the bakery." I returned, not liking his face as we spoke of him. It had grown darker again.

"He didn't force you to have children did he Katniss? Not in that way...but you don't feel pressured do you?" He suddenly asked and I felt a lump form in the back of my throat. He held up his hands straight away though in defeat and started talking quickly again.

"Just tell me he makes you happy." He stated, not as a question but in a serious manner. I felt my eyes watering.

"I love Peeta, he loves me. This is what I want now." I asserted, and this seemed like enough for him. He rubbed his palms together, pressing down hard on his skin.

"What about Haymitch, he's not dead yet is he?" He retorted, laughing though as he did so.

"Gale." I chided, but couldn't help but find his comment amusing. Haymitch continued to amaze everyone at how sturdy his internal organs were. He stopped laughing and looked at me strangely.

"Nothing, just strange to hear you say my name."

I realized that I hadn't even really so much as thought his name after all these years. It was too painful. It was easier to distance myself that way. I guess he was right.

"He's surviving." I muttered, my hands still on my stomach. When another thought popped into my mind.

"What about you?" I gulped, not wanting to ask the question but needing to know the answer for my own peace of mind. "Are you with anyone?" I uttered the words, feeling my pulse stop in suspense. I don't know why it mattered so much.

"There's no one." He said gravely. All I could do was nod my head in acknowledgement. Had he been on his own for all of the years? I needed to change the topic quickly. I couldn't stay on this one either. There were so many taboos already.

"You haven't seen your mother yet have you?" I asked, looking at the clock on the wall. He couldn't have.

He shook his head. "I got straight off the train and came here." He replied, looking guilty. I frowned.

"Why?" I asked, suddenly urgent.

"What do you mean why? Because I wanted to see you." Gale answered, seeming baffled as if it was an obvious explanation. But I knew it ran deeper than that, and he knew it too.

"It's been ten years Gale, people don't just drop by out of the blue for visits, especially not you." I said, feeling a tear slip down my cheek. I had only cried in front of Gale twice. Once in the woods after my father had died and secondly when I had fallen badly on one occasion as we were hunting, twisting my ankle sharply on a rock. Two very different pains, but never again had I shown that kind of emotion. We were both passive aggressive people, we kept things locked away.

"Katniss I- I just wanted to see you. When I heard about you and Peeta getting married, it was what was supposed to happen. Of course you would. But when I heard you were having a kid with him, I just felt like I had to see you." He stuttered, rambling his words, not knowing what was to be said. I was still perplexed.

"It's been a **decade** Gale." I emphasized, realizing this wasn't okay. "You could have called. Why didn't you?" I demanded the answers I so desperately needed. He seemed at a loss for words.

"You were starting over. You were creating a new life, I couldn't be a part of it. Katniss, would you have wanted me to call? We both know you'd never stop wondering if it was because of me! I couldn't do that to you, I couldn't cause you more pain." He said, his own voice wavering. I thought of Peeta at the bakery, unaware of what was unravelling now in his own home. I thought of my daughter inside of me and whether she would know this man who used to be my friend. I thought of Haymitch and what he had said to me, and how lonely he must be. Gale must be lonely too...

"I don't know what I wanted Gale." I sniffed, and he scooted further up the couch so he was closer to me, though his hands didn't know what to do and eventually he just folded them again. He looked so pained and I would bet that my face mirrored his.

"Even though it's been so long, and even though you bring these awful memories back with you, I never stopped wondering where you were or what you were doing. 12 has never been the same without you." I murmured, using my sleeve to brush away the tears. He swallowed loudly.

"12 will never be the same." His voice ghosted through my ears, and he was right. Maybe the hole I thought would always be filled by him was actually impossible to cover.

"Just tell me Gale, why now? Why did you think now was a good time to come back? You can't just walk in here like this." I said, blinking away the water that blurred my vision. I continued stroking my stomach to keep me calm; it was therapeutic.

"I just needed to...I don't know Katniss. I just can't stand being away from you anymore. I want us to be in each other's lives again! I know this is selfish and painful of me to do this at now of all times but it just made me realize!" He blurted out, his hands now rubbing his face and forehead roughly. I felt the rage threatening to burst.

"You have no right to Gale! I was happy." I sobbed and he instinctively tried to put a hand onto my knee. I moved my leg out his reach.

"Please stop crying Katniss..." He pleaded and I knew my emotions were making him uncomfortable but I didn't care less.

"Wait...it just made you realize what?" I asked, remembering his sentence before. It didn't make sense. He opened his mouth to talk but no sound came out.

"Gale, this is ridiculous." I snapped, standing up and feeling my hormones pump adrenaline around me. "Get out of my house please, go and see your mother who you've abandoned these last ten years!" I screeched, wanting to be alone. The image of Hazelle on her own after all this time filled my mind and I thought how selfish and stupid it was that he came here before seeing his own family. His own flesh and blood. He stood up with such a force that it frightened me. He stood right before me, looming above in his height. His face was solemn but still enraged.

I stormed out into the hall and threw open the front door, holding it for him, to tell him to leave. I was starting to feel nauseous from all of this. I wanted to crawl back into bed and wake up with Peeta beside me. He took the hint and threw on his coat and boots hurriedly before looking at me just as he was about to walk out of the door. I was about to physically push him out when I saw how excruciated his expression was. He stepped outside into the wintery weather but still faced me. Something stopped me from closing the door, and I didn't know what. I saw his lips move to talk.

"I realized that I still loved you." He whispered before turning his back to me and walking away into the blizzard.

I was left standing at the open door, reeling with what had just happened. My heart pounded hard against the thin walls of my chest. And the horror hit me over his last words.

I was not dreaming.


	16. Friends

**A/N: Loonnnggg chapter (well it took me ages to write!), so I hope you like it. Sorry if it seems a bit descriptive at times regarding the other characters, but I want to make sure the continuity is good and that I don't miss anything out as there's quite a lot of stuff going on with a lot of them. **

**Please review! Let me know your honest opinion. Happy reading!**

* * *

I slowly walked back through into the living room after closing the front door; my heart racing a thousand miles a minute. What right did he have, to turn up after all these years and announce this to me? It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. My head span with the sudden intake of news and I sprinted into the bathroom, crouching by the toilet as I threw up; my body trying to rid itself of all the things that were making me feel this way.

But my heart was not connected to my brain.

My bump brushed against the sink as I leant down to splash my face with cold water. I wanted the shock of the temperature to wake me up from the nightmare I was in, but I had no such luck. I was wide awake. This was really happening.

Gale. My best friend when we were children, and young adults. Not only my best friend, but my brother. I thought back to that awful time when we were living in 13, and how our relationship could never be defined. I remembered the feel of his smooth, firm lips on mine and the way his toned arms wrapped around me as we tried to fill out the hours of the day. I still couldn't place what exactly those feelings were, but I know for certain it wasn't the same kind of love he was referring to now, and maybe always felt himself. I was vulnerable, and mentally unstable, driven insane by loss and horror; I wasn't myself. Then again, I hadn't been myself for a long, long time. I didn't know what the real version of myself even was these days.

What had he been doing all this time if he was, as he claimed, still in love with me? All these questions plagued me and a part of me wanted to chase him through the snow and demand to know the answers, but as always, Gale was somewhat of an enigma. I may never know the truth. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to. I had gotten so used to him not being in my life, I had moved on. But Gale was selfish and rash. How long, I wondered, had it taken him to convince himself to come here? All those years in love with someone you could never have...

But what did he hope to get out of by coming to 12? Did he surely think I would exclaim that I loved him too, there and then, and we would run away together, complete with Peeta's baby? My fury built up once more, but ended up coming to the surface as bitter tears that I choked on as I sat on the bathroom floor.

Eventually I pulled myself together and I washed my face again, this time with warmer water and more care for my swollen face. Peeta could never know about this. Why should he when it didn't matter? I could never see Gale again. It was too naive to think I could ever regain a friendship like we used to have when he felt the way he did. Peeta was who I belonged to, who I loved. I couldn't hurt him. Not one more time, not when things were going so good. He would definitely hear that Gale was back. News travelled too quickly in this district for my liking, but he didn't need to have the knowledge of our encounter. I felt guilty already for keeping it from him, but it was for his own sake, not mine. I didn't feel that way about Gale. The only love I had for him, was one of my own flesh and blood. We weren't good for each other. I had established that a long while ago.

I wandered into the kitchen and swallowed down my blood pressure tablets. I would need them after everything that happened. Chewing on the inside of my mouth nervously, I began slicing some bread, and picked the butter dish up out of the fridge, spreading it on the wholesome piece in front of me. As I gently nibbled, I felt the familiar thump of her feet against my skin. I held my hand on the spot, feeling like she was trying to tell me a message, as stupid as that seemed.

"I don't know what to do. I miss him so much." I whispered to her, feeling myself getting emotional again and swallowing hard. Deciding I needed a distraction, I picked up the old, worn book on pregnancy and flipped to month six to see what to expect at this stage. My eyes skimmed over the words but I wasn't really reading. I only had to convince myself that I was though, to be able to stop my mind from thinking about the one person I couldn't have in the way he wanted me.

...

"Hey honey!" Peeta called throughout the house and I immediately stirred from my afternoon nap on the sofa, the book still resting on my belly. The amount of times I had simply fallen asleep for hours was not surprising to me or Peeta anymore. He'd told me: "If you feel like you need to sleep, then that's what the baby wants." So I'd more than happily gone along with it. Besides, sometimes it was too hard to fight.

"Hey." I croaked out, and cleared my throat, praying that I hadn't been crying in my sleep. His face told me I hadn't though as he still wore a smile as he rounded the corner into the room. He shrugged out of his jacket and placed it on the floor by the fire to dry out, before leaning down and planting a kiss on my forehead, and bending down further to pepper my tummy with more.

"I missed you..._two _today." He said, correcting himself at last minute with a laugh and walking into the kitchen to make some tea. I tried to get up but he spoke out, stopping me. "It's fine Katniss, I got this."

"No it's not fine, I've been at home all day whilst you've been working hard. I should have a cup of tea ready for you when you come home." I frowned. "What time is it?"

"Five o clock. I'm trying to come home a bit earlier. The guys have got it covered, don't worry." He explained, and I saw him get a mug out for me as well. I yawned loudly.

"How am I so tired? I've slept so much recently." I moaned, stretching my limbs out. He chuckled.

"You're carrying our child, you're entitled to be as lazy as you want."

I rolled my eyes. Then it suddenly hit me what had happened this morning. Our psychic link could work in our favor, but not today. Peeta suddenly turned around from the worktop, carrying the drinks, and he sat in the chair opposite me. Where I had sat a few hours ago with someone very different. His face went stony and tense.

"Did you know Gale was coming back?" He asked, deadly serious. I thought for sure Peeta would see my heart thudded through my chest. I could feel it racketing through my whole body. I had always been a terrible liar. But I didn't have to lie, I would just skip over a few parts.

"Delly mentioned it." I said, as casually as I could, as I reached out for my tea, giving me something to focus my attention on. Peeta remained stoic and I took a sip despite the liquid being too hot.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He questioned, leaning forward in the same position as Gale had, and I shrugged.

"Peeta it's not a big deal." I dismissed, feeling the color go to my face at the lie. "It's his home, he would come back sooner or later."

"Have you seen him?" He asked, and his face grew a little softer, but his eyes still looked torn.

"No." I said immediately without thinking. It was a natural reaction, instinctive. There was no going back now.

"Do you want to see him?"

"Peeta I don't know. What is all of this? What are you afraid of?" I asked, sensing the troubles that he hid. They had never been greatly fond of each other. Especially after Peeta's hijacking. Gale had grown over protective of me, and even fierier. When the two of them were together, I felt like a possession that they fought over. I despised it.

"Nothing." Peeta retorted, picking up his own tea. He didn't look angry though, he just looked...like an older version of himself. Upset. And not for him most likely, for me.

"Peeta, it's okay. You know how long it took for me to...get over her." I started, pushing the usual force that weighed down on my chest at the image of Prim away. Now was not the time. "And to accept everything. This is a different chapter of our lives. People have changed, we've changed. Please can we not hold our past mistakes over us, not now." My voice turned into a quiet whisper as I stroked my belly, knowing this would help him understand. He tried his best to smile.

"I just don't want anything to ruin this for you." He said, putting his tea down and holding out his hand for mine. I did the same, and placed them around his, holding him in my grasp. His hands were rough but soft at the same time, and large in comparison to my tiny ones.

"Nothing can."

I lied.

...

"Peeta I told you not to get me anything!" I sighed as he blocked my vision with his hands as a substitute blindfold. He guided me gently up the stairs and in a direction I wasn't used to taking.

"Peeta!" I protested, not liking my sense being cut off, but enjoying the playfulness of it all. He laughed and I felt his lips close to my ear as he stood behind me, and we came to a standstill.

"Technically, this isn't for you, so I'm not breaking any rules." He murmured softly, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I heard him push open the door in front of me before leading me in a little further. Suddenly, his hands were off my face.

"Merry Christmas!" He exclaimed, and he moved to stand in front of me as he took me by the hand. I was stood in our old spare room, but instead of it being filled with dust, it was now transformed into a beautiful nursery for our daughter. The walls were a pale green with hand-painted trees on, in a border around the middle. Right before me was a small crib with stars engraved onto the side, and there was also a diaper changing station made out of wood with the same pattern. The curtains were a light brown to match with the green, and the ceiling was freshly painted a soft beige.

"Peeta, this is perfect, I don't know what to say." I mused, stepping around the room and taking everything in.

"I know you're worried Katniss about setting all these things up. Because it means that it's actually happening, and you're scared in case it jinxes it, but I couldn't help myself." He said, blushing as he admired his own handiwork.

"You did all of this?" I asked, brushing my fingertips lightly against the forest walls. He nodded whilst rubbing a hand across his forehead, and walked over to meet me at the other side of the room.

"Thom helped a little." He shrugged, and suddenly a thought popped into my head.

"That's why Delly has been forcing me to go out with her so much recently!" I realized, and Peeta laughed lightly.

"Sorry Katniss, I know you've been tired but I needed to get you out so you wouldn't catch on." He murmured, facing the paintings with me.

"She's going to love it." I hummed, ignoring the feeling of dread that came automatically with happiness. I linked my arms around Peeta's neck, burying my face into his shoulder. "You're so wonderful." I mumbled against his skin, feeling it vibrate with my voice. He rubbed a hand across my back.

"I'm thrilled you like it." He replied. And I unwound myself from him as my bump stuck out uncomfortably in between us when I was hugging him nowadays. I kept my arms wrapped around his by his side though.

"I got you something too." I whispered and smiled slyly at him. He raised his eyebrow in curiosity. Reluctantly, I walked out of the nursery and into our bedroom, where I dug around under the bed trying to find the parcel. He came through to meet me and sat down on the sheets.

"You broke our deal too." He stated, but smiled. I held out the small gift to him, and he took it carefully, unwrapping it. I hadn't really known what to get Peeta this year. We were never really big on giving each other presents, but I felt like I needed to do something for him. One day when I was in town, I had seen in a shop window a set of paintbrushes. They weren't like his other ancient and broken ones, they were professional and soft-bristled. I put with them a small canvas with a note stuck onto it.

**Save these for February.**

Peeta put the canvas and brushes straight down onto the bed and scooted over to me, grabbing me by the waist and kissing me lovingly. I giggled, taken by surprise. When he was done, he put one hand on my cheek, stroking his thumb across my face.

"Thank you." He said, and I nodded, before giving him a peck on his nose.

"Can you believe it's been seven months?" He asked, staring at my stomach as it was at his head height.

"Yes actually I can." I sighed, rubbing the tight skin. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable by now. My bladder was constantly being pressed on resulting in me needing the toilet every five minutes, my mood swings were at their worst despite what the doctor had said about the symptoms settling down by the third trimester, and I generally felt gross.

"It must feel longer for you Honey." Peeta said, putting both hands on my bump, a very normal occurrence now. "Are you feeling okay today?" He asked, his blue eyes full of concern suddenly.

"I'm alright." I said, not wanting to worry him on Christmas day, this was time to enjoy ourselves and be happy.

"You haven't got a headache have you?" He questioned. I shook my head.

"Peeta I'm fine!" I laughed, trying to dismiss it. He took one of my hands and kissed it gingerly.

"Katniss, this is our last Christmas as just the two of us." He said dreamily, his tone undeniably blissful. "Just think, this time next year we'll have her here."

I smiled widely at this thought although it scared me hugely.

"We should probably go downstairs and start setting the table. I told Delly to come over at eleven, and god knows what time Haymitch will arrive." I said exasperatedly but felt content with the thought of our make-shift family being together today.

"Is Pine coming?" Peeta asked. I felt my heart sink.

"No. She wants to spend it with Sae." I said, knowing that I needed to go round to see her. It wouldn't be long now, and we all knew it. She wasn't getting better. As selfish as it was, I tried to cast this aside. There was nothing I could do right now. I would go over tomorrow and take some leftover food for them.

"And Hazelle?" Peeta asked with trepidation, and I felt my own face flush. Hazelle had come over recently, on her own, to tell me that it was understandable for me to be upset with Gale being back. When I asked her why she thought I was upset, she had said that Gale had told her about coming to see me. Though I suspect he left out the part about him still loving me. She was upset with it all too, but she also said that life was too short to be angry at loved ones abandoning you, and that you should make the most of your time with them. This reminded me of another face missing today at the table: my mother.

I still hadn't called her, and I kept telling myself I would soon, but I still needed some time to figure things out with everything that was going on. My brain was overflowing. Christmas seemed like such a horrible time to be uncharitable but I couldn't help what I felt.

As for Gale, I hadn't seen him for a month, but I was told he was still in 12. I wasn't exactly sure what he was doing, but Peeta said he hadn't seen him either. Apparently he kept to himself a lot. When word had gotten out about him being here, nobody could say they were too keen to see him. After people had found out that he helped in weaponry back in 13, and still worked for the military now, they no longer saw him as the fatherless boy who grew up here, helping everyone out. I couldn't blame them, everyone was more cautious in this age. I found myself dreaming of him some nights, and I'd awake in a cold sweat searching for the unexplained questions that tormented me.

"She's just going to stay with her family." I said, and Peeta understood what this meant.

"Rory's back from 2 as well. He was in the bakery the other day."

"Really? How's he doing?" I asked, genuinely interested. He must have changed so much.

"He looks good. Tall." Peeta replied.

After making our way eventually back downstairs and setting out the table, lighting scented candles and watching Peeta as he decoratively wrapped tinsel around chairs, the doorbell went. Peeta went to answer it and I heard the familiar sounds of Delly and her family. Before I knew it, Mika was bouncing into the kitchen to come and greet me. He had grown so much in the last few months, it made me wonder how quickly my own daughter would change.

"Awnty Katniss!" He said, reaching for my leg. He had learnt to pronounce my name better recently. I scooped down and picked him up with a great effort. My muscles strained under the weight as I rested him on my hip.

"Happy Christmas Mika!" I said, and kissed the top of his head. He clapped joyfully before repeating it back to me, just as Thom walked in, followed by Peeta and Delly as they spoke happily to one another.

Mika seemed content on my hip for now, even though my body felt tired and achey, so I kept him there. He enjoyed being on our level, and when Thom bent down to kiss me, Mika wriggled excitedly.

"Mika, remember when you're near Aunty Katniss, you've got to be careful because you don't want to hurt the baby." Thom reminded him and Mika immediately went still.

"Sorry." He said apologetically and Thom stroked his hair.

"Good boy."

Delly walked up to me and gave me a hug, trapping Mika in with us which he found amusing. After greeting each other with Merry Christmas's, she put a hand on my stomach. When other people did this in the market, I felt uncomfortable, but when it was Delly I felt at ease. No one could ever replace Prim but she was as close as a sister I'd ever have.

"I wish I looked like you when I was pregnant." Delly exclaimed, smiling happily. "You're so beautiful!"

"She never listens to me when I tell her." Peeta chimed in, coming to my side and ruffling Mika's hair.

"Because it's not true." I said, and put Mika down on the floor where he ran to Thom. Thom picked him up himself with such ease that I didn't know how he could be so strong.

After helping everyone to some wine, apart from myself, we settled down in front of the fire where we watched Mika open some of his presents. We gave him some coloring crayons and a notebook which he set to work on straight away, keeping him occupied whilst we talked. As I looked at Thom, I wondered if he had seen Gale. They had been good friends when they worked in the mine. It was ridiculous today how I couldn't get him out of my head.

About an hour later the doorbell rang and a relatively drunk Haymitch turned up. To say it was Christmas, I expected worse. He came in and took a seat, grimacing when Delly gave him a kiss on the cheek, but not protesting too much. I poured him a glass of wine, knowing that no one could stop him from drinking. That was, as stupid as it was, his way of dealing with things. And we all needed those, so it was his decision. He seemed happier once he got this, and even let Mika sit next to him on the sofa whilst he showed him his collections of drawings he'd done over the last sixty minutes.

Dinner was a roasted turkey, courtesy of Peeta's amazing cooking skills, and vegetables and roasted potatoes that I had prepared earlier. It was wolfed down quickly, and more wine flowed, as we moved onto a pudding I had made a while ago. It was a fruitcake with brandy in, something else I wasn't allowed but I watched happily whilst everyone else appreciated it. Peeta had a slice to show me how much he loved it, but went into the fridge and brought out my very own Christmas cupcake which I devoured within minutes.

By the end of the night, everyone was not in the best state, but had all enjoyed the day. Mika began to look tired so Delly told Thom that it was best they left so he could sleep at home. We said our goodbyes with a promise to Delly that I would come over in a couple of days to see her, and they wrapped up before entering the December weather, which was even harsher than the previous month's.

I thought Haymitch would go straight away but he stayed on the sofa talking to Peeta for a little while so I began to clear away, despite Peeta protesting. They looked like they were having a half-way serious conversation so I was perfectly happy leaving them, though wondered what they were talking about. After a while, as I stood at the sink washing, Haymitch appeared at my side too. His breath stunk of the wine and his shirt had gravy down it. I rolled my eyes.

"Just coming to say goodbye." He said abruptly, uncomfortable with departures as always. I dried my hands and faced him.

"I'm glad you came Haymitch, you're always welcome here you know." I said, adding on the latter at last minute. It had taken me some time to forgive him for the words he'd said, but with so much going on, I figured it was the least of my worries. He'd seemed to change a little since then anyway, even though he was still his same old self on the surface.

"It was a very nice dinner, thank you." He said, patting me on the shoulder. I nodded. He turned to leave, but stopped just before.

"I think you should see him Katniss."

My pulse echoed in my ears.

"What?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"You heard me." He stated. He knew me too well. "It's obvious you're thinking about it."

I didn't say anything, but wrung the towel I was holding through my hands nervously.

"Take care of yourself." He said, his eyes flitting down to my stomach and back up again. I nodded.

"I will."

And with that, Haymitch let himself out the front door.

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**A/N: Drop a line or two :D**


	17. Guilt

**A/N: Have the next chapter written from this one so will post probably on Friday! Ahh I think you'll all like it. It's all building up. I didn't want to carry it on in this one because I felt like you guys may get a bit bored of reading so much as it's quite wordy. **

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**Thank you so much for helping me reach over 100 reviews. It may not seem like a lot to some of the more popular authors here on , but to me it's a great achievement and I love each of you for doing it :D**

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As I trudged back from the town square in the thick, slippery snow, I gripped the bag of vegetables I'd just bought tightly to my stomach. The weather wasn't abnormal for early January, but it felt ten times more deadly when I was responsible for someone else as well as myself. I hated feeling vulnerable and afraid. They were emotions I didn't cope well with.

Snowflakes poured from the dark sky and already had me soaking wet within minutes of walking out of the warm shops. In the direction I was walking back home, across the horizon, were clouds rolling in and blackening like a developing bruise. I pulled my coat further around myself, readjusting my scarf on my neck to protect my skin from the chilly blast.

Suddenly I heard crunching footsteps in a quick pace behind me. I turned around to see Otto panting and out of breath. His black hair was dishevelled and his eyes had lost their sparkle.

"Otto?" I asked worried. What had got him to run so fast to me? All I wanted to do was get home to the fire; to be out of this oncoming storm and into safety.

"Katniss." He panted, leaning down to gasp for air before coming back up again.

"Otto, what is it? Is it Peeta?" I pressed more urgently, my heart stopping as my mind whirred with the possibilities of what could have gone wrong at work. Peeta could be hurt. I felt my throat tighten.

"Not Peeta." He started, wiping his mouth. "Sae."

I didn't have to ask this time, I already knew. He turned on his heels and ran back in the direction he'd come from, gesturing for me to follow, but there was no need. I had already dropped my bag of groceries to run with him; the red peppers lay against the pure white snow as they tumbled out of the thin paper.

...

"Sae, Katniss is here." Peeta said softly as he saw me enter the living room. The guilt hit me like a tonne of bricks as I looked at the sight before me. She was so much worse than I could have ever imagined. I hadn't seen her in so long, I had been so selfish as always. How could I have done this? How could I have wasted the time I had left with her?

_No, don't think like this Katniss. She's going to be okay, she's a fighter. _

I was only just tugging at my outerwear now, trying to get it off as fast as I could. The house was already too warm, I felt constricted and hot. I could feel a trickle of sweat run down the back of my neck despite the freezing temperatures I'd just encountered outside. I hadn't run so fast since I'd been carrying her. But for that split second when Otto had stuttered her name, I forgot I was Pregnant Katniss, and I went back to the normal version of myself. The one who would do anything to help the woman who kept me alive, the one who could never repay her for saving me.

Peeta gave me a sad smile as he caught my eye. He was sitting by her as she lay on a makeshift bed on the sofa. He held her frail hand in his huge, scarred ones. I could see from here that her breaths were raspy; her chest jaggedly rose up and down. As I turned to throw my coat and scarf out of the room I took a deep breath in, choking back tears.

_Just this one last time, for Sae. No crying. _

As much as I wanted to bolt out of the house and into the woods, a place I hadn't dared venture into for months now, I kept my feet planted on the hard wooden floor. There would be no hiding or avoiding this. It needed to be done. Otto stood out in the hall with Sam, hurriedly discussing something in hushed tones; pained looks on both of their faces. I caught Pine out the corner of my eye, sitting on a chair in the kitchen, her face solemn and emotionless. Poor Pine. The girl who already struggled to connect to the outside world without the one person she loved the most being taken from it.

As soon as I stepped in, Sae's eyes flickered a little with warmth, registering my presence. Peeta slowly got up, removing his hand from hers, but not before giving her a tiny kiss on the forehead, like he was afraid she would shatter into millions of pieces from underneath him. He stood back to let me take his chair, and gave me a gentle stroke on my back. Our unspoken way of communicating, as always, through our touch. And with that, Sae and I were alone.

"How are you doing girl?" Sae managed to breathe out, though the mere effort looked excruciating. I gingerly took her hand and put my other on top of it, rubbing lightly trying to warm both of our skin up. I opened my mouth to talk but my emotions threatened to show through, so I cleared my throat first, and tried again.

"Never better." I remarked, smiling as best as I could. This would be my last gift to Sae, to show her I was happy. She grinned as much as possible back to me.

"I knew all along you'd make it you know." She mumbled, and I struggled to hear her over the flickering fire. I swallowed so hard to push the lump down, I thought my tonsils had gone with it. I didn't know what to say. To be honest I wasn't capable of saying anything, which was ironic considering our situations. I sat there as a mute, letting her talk.

"You were always destined for great things. And this is another one of them." She said, her tiny hand shaking as she heaved it away from mine and towards my stomach. When I realized what she was doing, I clutched it and placed it on my huge bump. She sighed.

"You will be brilliant. That girl of yours is gonna be one heck of a kid. What with parents like you two."

I couldn't help it now, I saw a tear splash down onto our skin as I kept looking at my tummy. It was too late for composure, it didn't matter anyway.

"Don't cry." She whispered, and I looked up to her. Her eyes, for a second, looked like they were shining also, but she kept it together better than I did. She always had.

"I'm sorry for not seeing you much recently." I said quietly. I didn't want anyone else to hear me which was stupid given the situation. My guilt was my worst burden to bear after all these years. My coping mechanisms were weak. My instincts were to flee and hide, not stand and fight.

"Ssh now. I don't want any of that." Sae wheezed in between words. "Seeing your face now is better than any other visits."

I used my free hand to wipe across my face.

"Thanks for everything Sae." I whispered, the realization dawning on me that this was actually a goodbye. She wouldn't get better, she was too old. The age she had made it to was a miracle in 12. It was an achievement, not a sadness. I had to remember that. But there was nothing worse than seeing someone you knew you could never see again.

"And thank you." She replied, smiling still. "Now dry your eyes and go home girl." I laughed a little at this response, as did she. At this sudden change of emotion I felt the familiar thud inside of me, right beneath our interlocked hands. Sae chuckled. "Smart one." Was all she said. I nodded.

She removed her hand wearily and placed it on my knee that was closest to her body. I stroked her fingers, still crying and listened to the sound of her breathing as it became even shallower. I wanted to sit here forever and to never let her go, but the temperature of her skin on mine made me snap out of whatever daze I was in, her hand was ice cold. I looked up at her.

She was gone.

I'm not sure exactly what I did next. Because before I knew it, Peeta's arms were around me, stroking my skin and rocking me back and forth. I'd somehow made it off the chair and onto the floor, and Sam was standing over her, closing the lids of her eyes and looking forlorn. After what felt like an eternity, I gripped onto Peeta's shirt as I wailed, and his muscular arms got me to my feet. I was aware of me leaning down to press my lips against her forehead, and then I was suddenly out of the house. Everything was such a blur, I felt like it wasn't even happening. I had even been dressed again I realized, as I finally looked down and saw my scarf woven around me. Peeta's voice told me to wait on the porch whilst he got his own coat, but I barely took in what he was saying. I faintly heard him murmur the words "Pine, Welcome, Stay" but I couldn't make sense of it. It was like I was trapped in my own hollow case of numbness. He appeared at my side again, supporting me by linking his arm through mine.

I carried on crying the entire walk home.

...

"Rightio Mrs Everdeen, we are going to need to give you stronger tablets, if that's alright with you. Your blood pressure is still a little too high for my liking. These will do the trick though, have no fear." Doctor Mauray chattered as he scrawled on his notepad. Peeta leant forward and took the paper from him, and I managed to mutter a thank you.

"Everything's okay though, isn't it?" I asked quietly, sitting on the edge of my chair and staring at the man before me. The underlying fear was always present but at Doctor's appointments it came out slightly more manic.

"It's quite alright Katniss. Nothing to fear. It's just essential that you don't overdo yourself, or **stress** too much." The way he emphasized the word 'stress' I had no doubt Peeta had spoken to him about everything that had happened. It had only been a week since Sae had passed, and the first few days, including the funeral had been unimaginably tough, but I had continued better than anyone had expected of me. This time it was because I had something else to focus my energy on. Or rather _someone _else.

"Only a month and a half left." He said happily. I smiled weakly back at him. All I had been thinking about these last couple of days was Sae's funeral. And not for the reasons everyone presumed. Virtually the whole of 12, who had been there before the bombings, attended. It was further proof she was loved by all. I wondered how many people out of them she had personally helped. Whether it be by serving broth on a chilly day for virtually nothing, or simply being someone to confide in for others, I didn't know. Unfortunately, the whole of 12 also included **him. **I had managed to hold back my coldness though. It hadn't been the day for it. Besides, how could I feel as spiteful as I used to towards Gale, when he had told me what he did, truth or not? My feelings towards him were so mixed. As we had stood around the snowy field by the meadow, the new burial site, I'd caught his eye. The look we shared was fleeting, and bittersweet. Despite not having seen him for over a month, he seemed unchangeable in appearance. He wore the same stony face he had, when he'd gravely come to my door that morning a month ago.

...

When I woke up the next morning, I stumbled downstairs, craving something sweet for breakfast. I saw a note laid out on the table from Peeta. He was reminding me to take my new tablets before I had something to eat, and that he'd already made me fresh waffles before he'd left for work, with a new jar of honey in the cupboard. He also added that he would try and get home from work early, so that we could add Sae into the book that we hadn't touched for years. Something we had talked about last night over dinner. I hastily pushed aside the grief that sometimes bore down on me in the first few moments of waking, and decided that I couldn't even feel my usual guilt over deserving Peeta as I quickly warmed the waffles up, drizzling the honey on top. I chewed them down so quickly I nearly choked, but I didn't care. They just tasted so good, and I clung to precious moments like these when days had the potential to be positive.

I dragged myself back upstairs after making peppermint tea, and took a lazy shower. I was so big; I couldn't even see my toes as I stood under the warm spray. Although it irritated me that I couldn't pick my shampoo bottle up off the bottom of the floor when I dropped it due to my size, it also made me laugh. I laughed some more when I realized I was laughing again. It felt too soon to be happy but it was hard not to be every time I remembered the life inside of me.

I got dressed into a navy tunic and thick, knitted grey tights, with some difficulty, before I picked up the Christmas card off the bedside table to look at again. I must have read the words a thousand times. They were embedded into my mind, but still I yearned to see her handwriting, to feel her there in some way.

_Dear Katniss and Peeta,_

_I hope you both have a wonderful Christmas and are keeping well and healthy. It was lovely seeing you back here in 4, and I hope that I can see you sometime again soon if it's not too much to ask. _

_I've never been a good writer, so I'll leave it at this._

_Happy holidays, and I'm sorry._

_Mom._

I didn't know what to make of the letter when I first received it, but now, as I sat there staring at the ink over and over, I couldn't help but think that my mother probably wrote ten cards before she posted the right one. She may have even opened up a little more in another version. She could have gone into detail about why she abandoned me, or how much she wanted me to call but didn't want to bother me with her starting up a conversation first, or how happy she was that I was finally having a child.

Then again, she may have not.

I sometimes would get her number out of the address book downstairs and walk over to the telephone, getting all the way to holding it up to my ear, or on one occasion even typing the numbers, only to hang up. I just couldn't do it, not yet. I wasn't sure what that made me. But right now, it didn't seem like the worst problem.

By afternoon, I had made it back downstairs again as I assembled a light lunch of leek and potato soup and a slice of bread, before retiring to the couch. I detested napping in the day time even though I did it so much. It left me feeling foggy and confused of the time, but today I couldn't fight the urge. For some reason my head pounded above my eyes and I felt a little dizzy, so I took a pregnancy-friendly painkiller I found in the basket with all my medicines in –this included prenatal vitamins, Echinacea and my nausea tablets from 4- and settled into the welcoming cushions of the couch.

I woke myself up a couple of hours later crying heavily. And it wasn't even thinking about Sae. I felt awful; my headache still hadn't gone and my stomach was a little rocky too. The one thing that plagued me, was that I had lied to Peeta.

This hadn't come up again since he'd asked me, and I'd been grateful but the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. He had trusted me. He'd asked if I'd seen Gale, and I said no. Was it better he knew, or would it unnecessarily upset him? Surely he had no need to know Gale had told me he still loved me. What difference did it make? I didn't love Gale, not like that. It didn't concern Peeta. But then I pictured the situation in reverse, with someone proclaiming their love for Peeta, someone with whom he'd had a history of sorts. I would be hurt, that's for sure. Especially if he had not told the truth about meeting up with her behind my back.

But it wasn't like that. It wasn't an affair, it wasn't anything. He had just simply turned up out of the blue and done all of this.

I balled up the sleeve of my tunic and wiped it around my eyes. Just then I heard the door open and close, and Peeta's heavy gait follow. There was no use in covering up my crying. He knew me too well, he knew the signs. When he came to the lounge door, I looked up at him with tears in my eyes helpless.

"Katniss?" He asked urgently and walked over to me. I stood up. I had to get it off my chest. All of this **guilt** inside me was too much. I had to let some of it go.

"It's okay Peeta, I just...there's something I didn't tell you the other day. And I don't want you to be angry, because there's nothing to be angry about." I started, feeling my mouth get dry. Peeta frowned.

"What's this about?" He asked, putting both of his hands on my shoulders and gently leading me back to the couch before sitting down next to me again. I hated the look on his face. I had to get this over with.

"A while ago, when you asked me if-" I paused before saying the name. It felt too unnatural in front of Peeta. "Gale had come to see me. I had said no. I wasn't exactly telling the truth." I continued, sniffing hard. Peeta didn't say anything, he just continued to stare at me, confused.

"He did come and see me. The day he arrived, well technically the morning." I breathed, terrified of each word coming out of my mouth. Peeta folded his arms.

"Why did he come?" Peeta asked, unusually calm and I didn't like it. It was unsettling. Like the peace before a storm.

"He just wanted to come back to 12 for a while I think." I said shrugging as I ignored the real meaning beneath Peeta's question. "He hasn't seen us all in so long Peeta; can you imagine what that's like?" I asked, my voice wavering a tad.

"That was his choice!" He exclaimed. "Then why did you lie about it?"

At this question which should have been so easy to answer, I found my mouth just couldn't get the words out.

**Because he told me he loved me still, and I didn't want you to be hurt by it even though it means nothing. So I lied. I'm sorry. **

"I'm not sure; I wasn't thinking straight, I hadn't seen him in so long I panicked." I lied again through my teeth, my heart sank. Peeta should never know about what Gale said. That part would never come out, it didn't have to, I decided.

"Why are you upset then Katniss?" He asked, more caring this time, stroking my hand slightly. I shook my head, trying to convey that I really didn't know why, but I did. My tears built to a crescendo again.

"Because he shouldn't have just turned up like that!" I surprised myself by shouting. "He should have at least called before. I hadn't seen him in over ten years Peeta and there he is standing at my front door when all of this around us is going on and he knows it." I burst out, my true emotions boiling to the surface. I hadn't even really acknowledged how sad he'd made me by turning up. The part that felt sorry for him took over slightly.

Peeta was quiet. After a few minutes he talked.

"Ssh, it's okay." He soothed. "It was unfair of him; he shouldn't have done this to you." His voice changed into a harsher tone. It was unwavering but filled with anger. I couldn't help myself; I turned around a bit and cuddled into Peeta's side. I needed his warmth after today. After a few minutes, he pulled away.

"I just forgot, I left my keys at the bakery again. Damn it." He muttered, patting down his pockets. "Are you going to be okay if I just run down? Callam is still there I think." He asked, and he looked concerned. I nodded.

"I'll go as fast as I can." He added, squeezing a hand in mine before going to put his coat back on.

"It's okay Peeta really, I'm fine. It's just...a lot has been happening recently. I'm probably just over-tired." I explained, rubbing my forehead. Even looking at the vivid flames in the fire made my eyes ache. He halted.

"Sure you're okay? You look a bit pale." Peeta asked, pausing putting his coat on.

"Like I said; tired." I said, waving a hand away dismissively. I'll probably just go up to bed for another hour or so if that's okay with you."

"Of course Honey. I won't be long." He said smiling at me and making his way to the front door before bracing himself for the coldness that awaited him. I managed to haul myself up to get a glass of water to aid my parched mouth and banging head. A little kick was felt to my ribs as I reached for the glass.

"You have got to stop doing somersaults in there!" I sighed but smiled as I held my bump with one hand and filled the glass from the tap with the other. Sitting down on the bench by the table, I felt my eyes closing again. This pregnancy was taking it out of me.

Five minutes later, the doorbell rang.


	18. Unexpected

Pulling myself up from the table, being careful to accommodate space for my large bump, I wandered over to the door, feeling exhausted. It was probably Delly, or maybe even Pine whom I hadn't seen since the funeral. A part of me hoped it wasn't her, not when Peeta wasn't here too. I wasn't sure I was in the best frame of mind to comfort Pine as best as I could. My eyes ached as the bright, snowy sunlight filtered in through the small window next to the front door. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath, composing myself before I answered it.

Whatever composure I had left immediately.

I didn't know what to do. I tried to slam the door shut again in his face but it was too late, he'd placed the heel of his boot in the way, stopping me. His face looked broken, but determined.

**No. Not today. **I thought, wanting to crawl into bed and sleep this all away. There was never a right time for this, but not today.

"Katniss please, just hear me out!" He pleaded, showing no signs of removing his foot from the obstruction of the door. I managed to bring myself to look him in the eyes.

"What do you want Gale?" I spat out, in no mood to hang around and listen to his excuses.

"I want to talk to you, is that so much to ask for?" He replied, and his eyes looked sad. The pale gray was fading into nothing. Something gave over in me and I opened the door a little more.

"I'm busy, so make it quick." I said, shutting it behind him as he walked in, but making no move to go through into another room and sit down. That meant he would stay, and I wasn't going to let that happen. I stood bolt upright, my arms crossed over my chest, against the wall opposite him in the hallway.

"Katniss, I'm sorry for what I said, I shouldn't have said it. It was stupid." He murmured, scratching the back of his head uncomfortably. His thin jacket was wet from the outside weather, but Gale didn't seem to feel the cold.

"What did you think you were going to get out of it?" I said angrily. Why did he always turn up when he wasn't wanted? I'd only just told Peeta about the first time...

**Peeta.**

"You have to go." I said suddenly, remembering that he would be back any minute. He couldn't see Gale here, not after my crying fit earlier over him. Not after everything.

"I just got here, why? Just hear me out Catnip." He said, holding up a hand straight afterwards to show he was sorry for calling me the nickname I now detested so much. I scowled at him.

"Peeta will be back any minute." I responded, my voice coming out harsh and cold. It was my way of handling all the emotions I was feeling; by cutting everyone else off from me. After standing still for a moment, studying him and whether he was going to leave, I saw that he wasn't. Sighing, I turned to walk into the lounge.

"Let yourself out." I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. My headache was growing now and the glass of water I'd just drunk a little while ago felt uneasy in my stomach. I heard footsteps behind me, each time they got closer a heavier weight bore down on my heart.

"I hate this Katniss. I hate that we don't talk anymore, I hate that I never see you. I want to be a part of your life here." He said, his voice rising in volume in anger, and I turned to see him blocking the doorway to the lounge, just like the first time he was here, except this was more aggressive. His arm was out across the gap and I knew he was trying to stop me from being able to leave the room. He wanted me to listen to his words. Gale had always been relentless.

"It's too late for that Gale. Just go back home to 2 and forget about me!" I shouted, this time, back at him. My blood boiled with anger. He looked to the floor and shook his head.

"I'm staying in 12." He stated, avoiding my gaze. I broke.

"What did you just say?" I pressed, and he lifted his head up. His cheeks grew flushed.

"I'm not leaving, this is my home." He said loudly, moving closer towards me. I felt cornered in. There was nothing I could do.

"_Why_ are you staying here?" I asked in bewilderment. Everyone had been slightly on edge around him. He wasn't exactly welcomed back into 12 with open arms. Even Hazelle was struggling to accept him as a part of their lives again. I'd seen her walking around the market; her shoulders hunched and a pained expression on her face. That wasn't one of a mother happy to have her son in her life, that was one who was afraid he would disappear again any moment, never to be seen for another decade.

"I don't want to go back to 2. It isn't where I belong." He bellowed, his deep voice echoing off the walls and making me shiver.

"You don't belong here anymore." I responded, feeling my emotions threaten to show once again. His features flashed with sadness. I could tell I'd hurt him by these words. But I didn't care.

"I can't change how I feel about you Katniss! I've always felt this way." He exclaimed, his hands rubbing either side of his face tiredly.

"Well I haven't Gale, okay? What do you expect me to do? Take off right this instance and leave with you, baby and all? I don't feel that way. I can't make myself. You've been gone for so many years, I was just starting to be able to wake up in the morning and not think about you, or what you were doing, or who you were with all the time. You've ruined this!" I cried, pacing back and forth around the room now, no longer being able to keep still. The energy between us was like dangerous friction. One of us would light the other on fire; it only took a spark.

"I can't even tell you how sorry I am, for leaving you all this time. I wanted to come back, I did. I wanted to call you, but I didn't know what to say." He shook his head in exasperation. The way he loomed over me made me feel on edge. I was helpless to Gale physically and emotionally. I felt drained.

"I don't know what I meant by coming here last time and saying I loved you. All I know is, if you told me right now that you felt the same way, I'd stay with you, always. I'd raise the kid, I'd do anything." His voice trailed off at the end into a whisper and I saw his bottom lip quiver.

"Gale you can't do this." I replied, my own voice barely audible. I felt my eyes watering. "It's not okay, you can't just expect me to drop everything I'm doing for you. I love Peeta! I was happy!"

Just then, a sound caught both of our attention.

The front door closing.

I froze, and Gale even looked a little scared for a moment, before regaining his stony face again. Peeta. How much had he heard? The silence in the house was deafening. I felt sick. My head pounded. After what felt like forever, Peeta came round the corner, and stood as still as a statue, not entering the room.

His face was a mixture of feelings. The blues of his eyes were freezing over, and his damp hair clung to his forehead. Gale didn't turn to face him, but rather stood looking at the floor, waiting. There was no denying it, Peeta had heard enough to know what was happening here; what had really happened that time when Gale came to see me. He'd pieced it together. Suddenly, his face changed from a look of hurt, to something so much darker. His head snapped to Gale.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his tone as bitterly cold as the weather he'd just come in from. As if the ice had wrapped itself around his vocal chords and clung there. He still wore his coat and boots himself, obviously not having time to get changed out of them whilst he was listening to us.

Gale eventually turned to him, with an oddly calm expression on his face. He almost looked...amused.

This only added fuel to the fire.

"I said, what are you doing here?" Peeta repeated the question more forcefully and I felt speechless. What was I supposed to say or do? The tension between the three of us was palpable. It weighed down on us like an unseen force. My eyes flitted between the both of them. I loved them both so much in different ways. My way may never be enough for Gale though, I saw that now. How could we possibly have a friendship when all he'd thought about, dreamed about, for ten whole years was a life with me? Being stuck on someone you loved but couldn't touch. My heart ached in sympathy, but right now in this moment I detested him. Gale didn't think before he acted. He was impulsive and self-absorbed. My old best friend.

"I came to see Katniss." Gale responded, his voice full with resolve. Peeta's eyes flicked to me. He looked confused and angry. My heartbeat started to pick up pace.

"You have no right to." Peeta's steady voice replied, I'd never seen the look on his face before, it was like something crazed was lying dormant, waiting to break free.

"Yeah, and what makes you say that?" Gale asked, turning to face his body towards Peeta. As they stood like this I could clearly see the height difference between them. Though Gale was much taller, Peeta made up for it in muscle. His arms were toned and defined after years of lifting heavy loads. I felt like a small child with the two of them talking for me, I had to say something, speak out.

"The fact that she's been crying over the last time you arrived and announced your love for her." Peeta said spitefully, his fists clenching against his sides. He'd figured out why I'd been so emotional about his last visit. He must have heard our whole conversation. I wanted Peeta to direct some anger towards **me.** I was the one who hadn't told him the truth about Gale's intentions. He could read that as a guilty conscience surely.

But he wouldn't. Because he trusted me.

As Peeta said the words, Gale's face changed for a split second from anger to wounded. It was the same face he'd used to tell me that district 12 no longer existed. It was the same pitiful expression he'd worn each day as I mourned over the loss of my Peeta turning into the Capitol version. It crushed me.

His seam eyes looked into their equal in mine and I saw for the first time how sorry he felt for the things he'd caused by his rash actions. All I had to do was open my mouth, to stop this right now before it could get worse...

"You don't have a right to be here! Can't you see we were happy without you? It's taken Katniss a long time to get to this place where she can accept her pregnancy and the fact we're having a child together. And you come and try and mess with her mind again, don't you?" Peeta continued hatefully. I felt my eyes prickle with emotion. The glass of water was surely about to come back up.

"I didn't mean for this! I had to tell her how I felt, I couldn't wait any longer in 2. I miss her!" Gale all but shouted, the calm-phase passing over as the storm kicked in. His raised voice echoed around my head, pounding against the walls.

**Bang. Bang. Bang. **

"If you missed her that much then you would have been here, as she slowly killed herself over the first year back in 12!" Peeta hollered, stepping into the room now and up to Gale. They were dangerously close, I had to do something. I walked a little closer, ignoring my uneasy stomach. "Instead, we were the ones who watched helplessly as she wasted away. She was barely existing."

"You think that would have been **good** for her? If I was here as she was mourning the death of her _sister_?" Gale spat out, inching closer to Peeta's face. A tear fell down my cheek. I was starting to feel faint from all of this. My vision became a little blurry but I tried to blink it away.

"You think this is a good time now? Whilst she's carrying my baby?" Peeta retorted, snickering a little. This version of the two of them scared me. I didn't miss the possessive way Peeta said '**my **baby'. I never thought Peeta would stoop to his level. I felt a tear run down my cheek. My stomach was tightening, I felt like I couldn't breathe properly. I needed fresh air.

"Get out of my house Gale! And leave us alone. She doesn't want you." Peeta carried on, both of their chests now pressed together, staring each other down. If looks could kill I had no idea who would be dead by now. Both of their gazes were equally penetrative.

"You know Mellark, I don't think you should talk on behalf of other people. You have no idea what Katniss really feels. I was with her all that time Snow made you a _mutt_." He screeched, abhorrence evident in his tone. "She wasn't too keen on you then either. In fact, she seemed more than happy to be with **me.**" Gale's face was smug as he realized he'd found a weak spot. Peeta and I never talked about that time. It wasn't us, it wasn't what we ever wanted to be reminded about. Gale had hit a trigger he didn't know about.

Peeta's eyes turned darker and I saw his fists curl tighter. Before I had time to think and react, a knuckle was coming hurling up to Gale's face. I screamed at the top of my lungs but no one heard me. Gale barely seemed to react to the punch that had just crunched his jaw line, and instead made a grab for Peeta's neck.

"GALE NO!" I shrieked but it was too late, Peeta was pinned up against the wall, pulling at Gale's fingers that locked around his throat. The tears were falling heavily now and I felt like my head was about to burst as my pulse quickened to ten times its usual rate. I had to help.

"Peeta!" My voice was becoming less forceful.

The two of them were now a blur of punches and kicks as I threw myself at them, trying to prise apart hands off of each other, shouting at the two of them as I did so, but nothing could stop them. They were so absorbed in only each other that they didn't notice me, as I started to sway on the spot.

My vision was blackening out, as the pace of my heart rocketed. A sharp pain struck me low in the stomach and I clutched at it with both of my hands, not allowing me one to catch myself as I dropped to the floor. I heard the insults spewed at each other and my name repeatedly but it wasn't as close as it should be. I felt like I was all alone with two savages I didn't know. A second pain hit me just as sudden as the previous one, and without time to recover from it too. The strangled sound I made must have been enough for them to stop, because before I knew it, the fighting had stopped.

"Katniss?" Peeta asked concerned, and let go of Gale straight away. Gale turned to see what was happening and saw me on the floor. Both of them seemed to be in a state of shock. I screamed again, trying desperately to breathe. I could just about make out Peeta as he ran over to me, holding my arm firmly, stopping me from falling completely as I managed to stay upright. Gale stood still, in a state of awe. It had all happened so quickly.

"Honey, talk to me. Katniss what's wrong!" Peeta demanded, but not with the same angry force as when he'd fought with Gale. This time it was terrified. I couldn't help the sobs that wracked my body, but they were the least of my problems. I gripped my stomach tighter trying to tell him without words. It was too hard to inhale, let alone talk. Adrenaline forced itself around my system, burning through my veins.

"Gale help me!" Peeta cried out and Gale suddenly snapped out of his daze and into action. He was bent down at the other side of me, his large, deft hands helping to hold me up. Gale was the last person I wanted to touch me right now but I was so scared that I didn't care. I was so angry at them but it all vanished with this new, terrifying pain. They seemed to have forgotten that mere moments ago they were at each other's throats. Both of them looked petrified which only made me more hysteric.

"It's okay, just breathe." Peeta shushed as he moved the hair out of my eyes, stroking my head and then my neck. "Is it the baby?" His breath halted.

I nodded my head as another wave hit me.

"Please Katniss, tell me what's wrong!" He insisted, trying to keep his voice calm but I could hear the wavering in it as his face took in my bent-over body. I wanted to shout at him to run and find my mother. She was all I wanted right now. I needed her to keep me safe, to keep my baby safe but I had turned her away. My face drained.

"I'll go get Haymitch!" Gale stated as he leapt up off the wooden floor and threw himself to the front door. I managed to pry my hand away from below my stomach in an attempt to grip Peeta, but what I saw threw me into a new fit of terror.

Gale halted as he heard the sharp intake of my breath.

I watched both of their eyes trail down to my fingers, which were now covered in a deep crimson stain of blood.

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**A/N: Too harsh leaving it there? Even my heart was beating quick as I typed this out! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, I tried to do it as realistically as I could. Naturally both Peeta and Gale would feel competitive with each other both fighting for Katniss.**

**I just want to take a minute to thank you all for the lovely reviews. They always make me smile, each and every one of them and cheer me up on a bad day. You're all so kind taking the time to do so - I appreciate it!**

**Today I put all the names into the generator for the 100 reviews thing I did on the last chapter, and the winner was...**

_**OliviaMellark**_

**I've sent you a PM but if you're reading this first then message me -or a review if you want- saying what you want your oneshot to be! Obviously Hunger Games, but rating, theme, pairing, anything! It's up to you, and I will try and do it as soon as possible.**

**Thank you everyone! xo**


	19. Sudden

**A/N: Just found out I am nominated for an Energize W.I.P award. No idea who nominated me under the Hunger Games category, but thank you so much. It makes me feel very loved :D:D:D**

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The screams sounded so far away. It took me a minute to realize it was me.

"Peeta the baby, the baby..." I heard myself saying over and over again. The room span around me, twisting and convulsing into horrible visions. Peeta's strong arm remained around me, one of his hands were grasping onto mine so tightly, I thought it'd snap.

"Everything's going to be okay Katniss. Shh." He soothed but the edge to his voice was verging on hysteria himself. I made out the rough outline of his face as he turned his head away; a tear spilled down his cheek.

Just then a loud sound rang through my ears, and I acknowledged that it was the door closing. Another voice now amongst Gale and Peeta's; Haymitch.

"We need to get her out of here!" Gale yelled, panic taking over his own body as well as mine. Haymitch was soon at my side, his gray eyes scanning over me and taking in the sight of the blood smeared across my skin. I could smell the heavy scent of liquor on his clothes as he lent over me. If I had the energy, I could vomit. But all that was being screamed throughout my mind was my child.

She was about to be taken away from me.

"We called everyone we knew from my house." Haymitch started saying hurriedly to Peeta, before turning to Gale.

"Don't just stand there Hawthorne get some towels!" He ordered, and Gale dived into the kitchen, desperately searching for something to clean up the mess. Peeta seemed too much in shock to tell him where they were. Towels didn't matter, I needed a doctor.

"Doctor...Doctor Mauray..." I managed to gasp between sharp breaths as the crunching pain kept striking my lower abdomen. If only I could stand up myself and walk over there... I tried lifting my limbs but they wouldn't work; I felt like my muscles had evaporated.

"Don't try and move Katniss, it's okay we called him, he's on his way. Hazelle's coming too, it's all gonna be alright." Haymitch said again, unsure what to do physically around me. I saw him give Peeta's shoulder a smack. Peeta jumped unexpectedly.

"Snap out of it. She needs you." He whispered, not thinking I could hear. I was in no state of mind to care though. I wanted my baby safe in my arms. My own body had always been my worst weapon. Fresh tears came down my cheeks. Peeta's hand continued to squeeze mine comfortingly. The darkness was pushing down on my brain, and I was suddenly tired...so tired...I wanted to sleep, to let the blanket of black pull me under. But I had to hold on. I couldn't be selfish.

It was too hard.

As I let my heavy eyelids close I felt a material brush over my legs and Gale's voice impatiently shouting at Haymitch, and Peeta begging me to stay awake, to not let go, to think of _her._I tried so hard, but the picture of our child was dragged further away from my reach than before. It was slowly fading into the dark with my mind.

Another sound, more footsteps, banging. Unfamiliar voices echoed through the house. I felt Peeta gently lean his forehead against mine, his lips pressing to my cheek so softly, I thought I was dreaming for sure.

"Everything's going to work out Katniss, I promise. You have to stay strong. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

The whisper shook through my skull and somehow penetrated the unconsciousness that was taken me it's captive. I mustered all my strength through the searing agony and pressed my fingers close against his.

"That's it." He whispered again. But then his hand had left mine, and there was more shouting. Peeta was angry. Where was he? I needed Peeta; I couldn't do this without him. My hand clasped cold air.

There was a rushing motion, and an alien bleeping. My heart pounded heavily through my wafer-thin chest as more hands grabbed at me, lifting me up, calling my name. I opened my mouth to call for him but my voice wouldn't work. I exhaled deeply and forced my eyelids open for a flicker of a second, finding myself blinded by harsh lights that were moving above me.

No, they weren't moving, I was. Was I in a vehicle of some sort? I had only ever been in a car once and that was a different sensation to this. I felt so confused, alone and in pain. All I wanted was Peeta with me again; I was too weak without him. Maybe I would die right here and now. It felt like I could.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled groggily to anyone that would listen.

A tiny jab struck my arm, and then I was out cold.

...

I awoke with a gasp, and found myself in a bed. A hospital bed? I turned my head to see Peeta right beside me, clutching my hand forcefully. He looked distraught, what had happened? Behind him were more people, doctors perhaps. My eyes closed again.

"Katniss can you hear me?" A voice said as a hand pressed against my arm on the opposite side of Peeta. I pulled my eyelids open wearily, forgetting for the moment everything that had happened.

Then it hit me.

"The baby, is she okay?" I croaked, seeing a man with a paper mask over his mouth staring down at me. I whipped my head to Peeta, ignoring the stiffness in my neck. His face gave no answers. I heard the monitor beside me beep frantically as I became more panicked.

"Mrs Mellark, you need to listen to me. The baby is coming earlier than we planned. There are some complications, but we're doing our best to fix them. In the meantime, we're really going to need you to start pushing." The strange man's voice told me, but I couldn't make sense of it.

"Pushing?" I stuttered, feeling myself becoming more awake. They must have drugged me on the way over here, wherever I was. This was all happening so quickly. A moment ago I had been sitting with Peeta in our living room, and now this person was telling me to push?

"That's right. We've had to induce your labor. It's the only way we have a chance to save her." He spoke again, flicking a machine next to him, and adjusting a tube that went into the top of my hand. I looked down to see I was dressed in a thin gown. I shook my head.

"It's too early, she isn't supposed to come yet." I mumbled, unable to take it all in. Peeta spoke up.

"Katniss, you have to do this now honey. It's okay I'm going to be right here with you, I'm not leaving your side." He said, stroking my arm, and standing up from his chair, leaning over me and kissing my hair. His eyes looked completely lost. I could tell from the stains down his cheek he'd been crying. A pain suddenly hit me. Different from before. This time I felt all my muscles contract. The doctor was right.

I had to push.

I cried out in torment and gripped Peeta's hand tighter than ever before. I must have been breaking his bones or something with the strength I was holding on, but he didn't say anything. Just let me squeeze until the contractions stop. I gasped, sweat trickling down my forehead.

"She's ready!" I heard the man shout, and the two people behind Peeta, nurses of some kind came running over with various equipment. The doctor in charge moved to the bottom of my bed, telling me I needed to bend my knees so he could see how dilated I was. All of this language was foreign, and scary. I wasn't prepared for this, not yet.

"Peeta I can't do this." I whimpered, fear taking a hold of me as I ignored the cold metal pressing between my legs. I felt a tear run down my cheek, he looked like he was going to cry too but took a deep breath to steady himself.

"**Yes **you can. You have to." He said firmly back. Peeta always had too much faith in me. I wasn't strong enough to do this. Adrenaline was pumping around me; I was in survival mode already. "If there's one person who can do this, it's you Katniss. It's always you." Peeta reiterated, his voice taking on a new tone of determination.

"Should be another minute until her next one." The doctor called to the others, but I ignored him. I needed answers in the mean time. If I was in 12, shouldn't Doctor Mauray be the one delivering the baby? This place didn't look like the normal surgery...

That's when it hit me.

This place, these people, this equipment.

We weren't in 12.

"W-where are we?" I managed to mumble, as Peeta traced his thumb over my hand. He didn't answer, only looked to the man in charge.

"You're in district 4 Mrs Mellark." Was all he replied. My heart beat got faster still.

"What? Why?" I demanded, sitting myself further up in bed, trying not to acknowledge Peeta as he placed a hand on my shoulder, trying to push me back down. I grew angrier. I wanted to be in my home, not another district that was unfamiliar to me. My heart seemed to stop for a moment.

"My mother." I whispered, and Peeta's features drew together.

"She's on her way. She works in the other hospital in 4 Katniss, the one we went to before. They have a few here though as it's such a big district. I called her, I'm sorry, I didn't know if you-" He started but I silenced him.

"No it's okay, I want her here." I muttered, and his face seemed to relax completely.

"I'm sorry." He replied.

"You did the right thing."

Just as I was about to ask another question, it hit me again. The urge to push. My fingers tightened against Peeta' skin, and my other hand gripped the sheets of the bed as I tried to ride out the pain that overtook every part of my body. It was too hard to breathe, or think, or do anything other than scream in agony. I tried to restrict the amount I yelled, not wanting to worry Peeta further but it was so difficult. I'd never experienced this level of distress in my life.

"Keep going Mrs Mellark!" The doctor called from, what felt like, far away. Peeta's other hand gingerly wiped away a strand of hair that was sticking to my forehead, out of my eyes.

"Well done honey, that's it." He said encouragingly, and stayed at my side. After what felt like forever, it ceased temporarily and I sobbed.

"It's so hard Peeta." I groaned, stroking my stomach with one hand, realizing that my bump would no longer be here soon. I wanted her out already, and into the world. This phase felt too dangerous.

"I know Katniss, you're doing great." He responded, pulling his chair closer to my bed and sitting down in it, never removing his hand from mine, as if he was terrified we'd be separated.

"How long did it take to get here?" I asked, my breath jagged from exertion. He rolled his eyes.

"Katniss, let's just concentrate on the job at hand, shall we?" He murmured, and I saw a faint smile play at his lips. I wanted to return it, but I felt so exhausted.

"4 is so far away from 12." I started, trying to catch my breath, my eyelids feeling like dead weights. "Our train...it took so long."

"Well, Haymitch was very persuasive." Peeta said, bending down and planting a kiss on the hand that he was holding. I frowned. "And between the three of us, I think we scared enough people to make them realize that they needed to get an emergency hovercraft for you." His voice was calm and steady, despite the underlying worry in his eyes. He was trying not to panic in front of me. And here I was screaming around on the bed before him.

"Three of you?" I asked, confused. Then realized what he meant. "Where are they?" I pressed again, feeling the flickering of another contraction start. Every baby book I read never mentioned them being this close together this early. I thought they were supposed to start far apart and then gradually become this way? Was something wrong? I tried to still my racing mind as I reminded myself that district 4, being so technologically advanced, probably had a drug to speed up the delivery process, especially in times like these.

"They're here, somewhere in the hospital anyway. Gale was pretty keen to come in and make sure you were alright, but Haymitch seemed content with waiting out there." He replied, and I picked up on the way he said Gale's name; still with hatred, though less than at the house. So Peeta had banned Gale from coming in. Half of me did want to see him, but I figured one person I loved seeing me this way was probably enough. Before I had time to continue, again, another one came over me.

After I was finished making it through that one, my face was drenched in sweat and tears, and nurses were running in and out holding a variety of things. I tried not to concentrate on what was going on down there, and around me, and rather just focus on Peeta' face; the only thing that would keep me going through all of this.

"How many more?" I all but screamed at the people hovering around me. Their faces remained stoic and professional though.

"Not long now, you're doing fantastically." A pretty nurse replied as she wiped a cool cloth over my forehead, handing it to Peeta afterwards so he could continue. He traced it along the back of my clammy neck, and under my chin. The cooling sensation was welcoming.

"Is everything okay?" I asked desperately, my voice coming out as a whimper. The doctor looked up at me.

"As far as can be, yes. Towards these last few ones though you're really going to have to make a huge effort, as the baby's in a very difficult position." He said clearly, and I sighed audibly, never wanting to just succumb to sleep so much in my life. My chest felt heavy, and my limbs weak.

"Where's my mom?" I asked Peeta helplessly, and I saw the look of sympathy sketched on his face. He hated not being able to take away the pain from me, or do anything about it. Little did he know he was making it so much better just by being here. Peeta turned to ask one of the nurses milling around in the small room I was in, the question. She said she'd return with news, and ring her hospital.

"I'm so sorry Katniss." Peeta whispered, as the doctor and the others talked for a moment. His crystal blue eyes never left mine. I felt a lump in my throat. Of course, Peeta felt guilty.

"It's okay Peeta, it wasn't your fault." I started, but his voice came out tumbled and stuttering. He was holding back from crying. The bitter look he wore when talking about himself almost broke me. It was like when he would snap out of his flashbacks and realize where he was, and what he'd almost done. It was indescribable.

"It is! If I hadn't been so selfish and rushed to fight Gale...I knew he loved you all this time, and you him. I know – in a different way from me." He corrected himself when he saw that I was about to disagree. "I didn't think about how it would affect you." Peeta concluded, looking down at our hands. I leaned over and reached his chin up so that his face met mine again.

"Peeta, I hadn't been feeling well for a little while. It was most likely going to happen whether you and Gale argued or not." I tried to reassure him, but he didn't look convinced. It was nothing but the truth though. I hadn't exactly been easy on myself all this time. Situations that had come up didn't help my stress already.

"I know, but the doctor said about your blood pressure and-" He started to point out, but was cut off when I suddenly seized his palm again. I tried hard to continue breathing as the sharp pain clasped at my stomach, and back, and chest. I pushed with all my might, wanting this to be over with more than anything in the world. Peeta immediately stopped talking and went to stroking my head, and hand again.

"Let's just focus on the task at hand, okay?" I asked, mimicking his question early. He attempted to smile a little. Just then the door burst open with the other nurse who'd left earlier, and in rushed my mother to my side, not even hesitating to say hello.

"Mom!" I cried, overcome with emotions as she took my other hand in hers without a word. She was in her patient mode now; strong, confident and reassuring. She pressed her thin lips to my cheek, wiping away a tear with her finger from it afterwards. I knew there and then, that everything we had, or hadn't done, was erased from the past. She was here with me now, that was all that counted. And it was what I wanted.

The nurse stood beside her and touched her arm. "She's doing great, it's all going well." She informed my mother, and she nodded in return. Peeta met her gaze.

"Mrs Everdeen." He greeted warmly, and I knew if the circumstances were different, he'd shake her hand, or attempt a hug of some sorts, but right now their main concern for both of them, was me.

After another three contractions, with the both of them at my side, I felt beyond worn out. I could barely find the energy to fill my lungs with air, let alone push some more. The doctor had exclaimed that the head was out, but I had told Peeta to stay up this end with me. I wanted the both of us to see her together, at the same time. My mother stroked my arm.

"Are you in too much pain darling?" She asked, concerned, but business-like. I shook my head, wondering what "too much pain" was in this situation.

"I can get them to bump up the morphling." She informed me, and I shook my head again.

"Thanks mom, it's okay though. Nearly there right?" I tried to laugh but my body was too tired. She nodded, pressing her lips into a line.

After four more crippling contractions, the doctor finally said something.

"I think this next contraction, is going to be your last one Mrs Mellark. But only if you push extra hard, can you do that for me?" he asked, and under the light that shined above him, I could see his thinning gray hair. It was strange, I barely knew what he looked like, but after these last couple of hours in this room, I didn't care.

Peeta leaned his head on my shoulder briefly, telling me silently that I could do this, and my mother remained impassive at my side, still stroking me. With the two of them here, I knew I could do what I had to.

With all of my strength left in every single cell in my body, I pushed, screaming at the top of my lungs and digging my nails into Peeta. He kept his arm steady by my side, letting me use him.

"Give me the pain Katniss, you're almost there." He whispered and I clenched him harder, grinding my teeth. Suddenly the feeling stopped, and the room went silent for a minute, before the doctor spoke up.

"Okay, Mrs Mellark, you can stop pushing now. Hang on a second."

I dared not to breathe, despite how out of breath I was. I wanted to hear every word he said.

"Mr Mellark, would you like to cut the umbilical cord?" He asked, smiling, and Peeta's face broke out into a huge beam. I hoisted myself up, with the help of my mother so that I could see my child. The sight before me knocked every thought out of my head. Nothing else mattered except this moment. She already had a few wisps of blonde hair on her head, and her size, although small, was perfect. I wanted to capture this sight with my eyes and save it forever. She was our child, Peeta and I had created her together, and brought her into this world. I knew there and then, that I would never let anything bad happen to her. I would protect her from everything within my reach, and then some. I already loved her more than anything in the universe. How could I ever had said to Peeta that I never wanted children? How did I nearly pass up this moment?

Before I knew it, Peeta had cut it, and the sound of a shrill crying rang through the room.

My baby was alive. She had made it.

Peeta's face was so lit up, he was glowing. He clasped a hand over his mouth in awe, and I felt tears running down my face. Immediately though, they took her away, out of my sight. I felt my heart drop.

"Where are they going?" I demanded to my mother and Peeta. My mother consoled me as Peeta followed them out of the room. She re-adjusted the blankets around me, but I felt trapped.

"They've got to weigh and clean her, she's very premature, they need to determine if she needs to be in an incubator and such." She told me, her voice firm but the edge to it was a little scared. I started crying.

"I want to see her!" I said, fully upright in bed now, pushing away the sheets wrapped around me, no longer caring about the pain. A nurse came over to me and reassured me that I could, and I needed to take it easy. I refused to believe her.

"Please bring her back to me." I wept, wanting my arms to be filled with her. My stomach that used to be so huge and tight now felt hollow. I needed her here.

After waiting an eternity for some answers, Peeta rushed back in, and to my side.

"She needs to be in the NICU for a while honey. But she's okay, she's going to make it." He said, tears pouring down his face, and he looked so happy. I relaxed a little, smiling too as huge tears ran down my own. My mother stroked my hair, as a few nurses started to remove sheets from underneath me, and clean up the equipment.

"She's so beautiful Katniss. Already, she looks so much like you." He whispered, as he leant close to my ear, and kissed me on the lips passionately. I could feel us both smiling.

**She was a fighter, she would be okay**. I finally accepted.

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**A/N: No, this story is not finished yet! Don't worry, I have a few adorable chapters up my sleeve that I think you will all love. This chapter took me forever to write, and I still haven't proof-read it yet so I apologise for any mistakes, but I wanted to just put it on before I went out so you could get your fix! I hope I did it justice, I really do ;)**

**And to all of you who thought I would kill the baby - how cruel do you think I am? :D**

**I can't wait to write the next, so it'll probably be tomorrow or Friday at this rate even though I am fairly busy.**

**There is now (or should be soon) a poll on my profile asking what else you want from this story concerning their next child etc... -just planning way ahead, don't worry- please feel free to vote in that and decide where this story goes!**

**Please review - They really make my day and speed up my fingers on the keyboard. Thanks to all of them, I am blown away by your kindness :3**

**xo**


	20. Name

**A/N: Quite lengthy again - hope you don't mind! This chapter was so cute to write, my heart was just melting as I typed it out. I hope you all enjoy the fluffiness of it all, and it gives you some respite from the past darker stuff. **

**I would just like to say that I, have not experienced labor/having a child or anything like that, so I'm trying my best to show the emotions that I think a parent would feel if this were to happen! ;D**

**Please review if you're still reading. Just one word will do if you're not much of a reviewer, and if you are...then feel free to write your heart out. I appreciate them all the same.**

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"I wish I could hold her."

I hadn't realized that I'd voiced my thought out loud until Peeta and the nurse turned to look at me; sympathy written all over their faces. I felt myself blush as I turned to meet their gaze, before locking my eyes back on my daughter, lying there in that huge glass tank so tiny. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and leant my head against it, letting Peeta know I appreciated the gesture.

As I sat beside her, my hand pressed up gingerly against the wall that divided us, I felt a pang of sadness well up in my chest; my robe suddenly felt too tight and constricting. I had spent the last few hours delivering her, and the last seven months carrying her, and yet now I could not even touch her. Feel her skin on mine, hear her small fluttering heartbeat, kiss her on her soft head. This need was too strong to ignore, and I saw, in my own reflection of the glass, a tear fall. The nurse cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry Mrs Mellark. I promise you, as soon as it's possible, you'll know." She said quietly, a hint of regret in her voice. Peeta knelt down beside me slowly.

"Katniss honey, we shouldn't be sad that we can't hold her yet." He whispered, his lips against my ear. "She's going to survive." The happiness in his voice was the same one that was there that day I had told him I was pregnant. It was undeniable, and strong. I smiled a little at his words. Of course, how could I be so selfish at a time like this when she was alive, and for now, healthy? This was more than I could I ask for.

"You're right. It's just hard." I replied, turning my head to his, where he kissed me lightly on my nose before standing back up again.

"I know." He said, squeezing my shoulder. I turned to the nurse, wishing she would just leave, and give us this moment together, as a family, but she was now clicking something on a monitor next to my daughter; occupied with work.

"How long will it be until I can hold her?" I asked, trying to sound confident, but even the thought alone, whilst excited me, terrified me. Being responsible for such a fragile human being made me weak at the knees. She turned and gave me a small smile.

"I'd say a couple of weeks. Probably a few days before we can discharge her, and let you take her home. She needs to be on a steady dose of fluids right now, and then you can move to breast milk. We just need to allow her a little more time to develop more fully that's all. Make sure everything's working okay." Her voice was steady. I had a feeling this wasn't the first time she'd been around such a premature baby. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat at this news. Two weeks would feel like an eternity when all I wanted was her in my arms. The nurse's face lightened as she remembered something.

"Have you two thought of a name for her yet? I need to write it on the label. If you haven't, it's not a problem; we can just put 'Baby Mellark' for now." She asked, flicking a switch causing a humming sound to echo through the spacious, modernistic room, that only had the incubator, a few machines and equipment, a sofa, and some chairs in.

I looked to Peeta, my heart thudding loudly. How could we have forgotten? In the midst of everything, we hadn't even discussed baby names. It now seemed like such an obvious thing to do. Then I realized, Peeta had probably been over some a thousand times in his head, not daring to speak them out loud to me. Not when I was in the state I was. My eyebrows knitted together in concentration as I racked my mind, but none came to me.

The obvious would be to name her after someone whom we'd lost, and loved. But the idea of having another Primrose in place of my sister made me feel sick to my stomach. I'd never be able to call her name without having terrible flashbacks. I wouldn't have my baby trying to fill a void in my heart that would never be replaceable. Prim would always occupy a special place inside of me, and my daughter would have another.

I then thought to Peeta's family. Maybe if he was closer with his parents, he'd suggest something from the female side of his ancestors, but he remained quiet. I always got the impression with Peeta that after the bombings of 12, he'd just wanted to move on, to forget, as harsh as it was.

Finally I looked up to them both, shrugging. It felt so wrong keeping her nameless, but every menial name that floated through my mind at that moment didn't seem beautiful enough to match our baby.

"That's okay, you probably thought you'd have another couple of months to figure it out huh?" She asked, looking back at the screen and typing in the word 'Mellark' before hitting enter. Immediately the letters floated up onto the side of the glass, bright blue and visible to anyone easily. It felt wrong watching her be labelled. She should be coming home with her parents. They had told us we could spend as much time as we wanted with her, and were free to leave back to 12 on the next train and come and collect her when she was better, but I couldn't stand the thought. Who would want to be so far away from the child they'd just been connected to so closely? Peeta and I had both silently agreed that we would stay in 4, and this hospital, as long as she was here.

"I'm just going to go and get a form for the both of you to sign, I'll be right back." The nurse said, excusing herself politely, and walking out of the room. Her long golden hair swishing in its ponytail as she did so.

As I continued musing over a list of names in my head, some I'd never even considered before seeing her now, I heard Peeta's voice behind me.

"How about Eve?" He muttered, and I turned to face him. As soon as he'd said it, he looked like he regretted it, despite the elatedness still in his eyes.

"What?" I asked, confused. He'd taken me off guard with his suggestion, I needed it to sink in.

"Obviously, I know you don't want to name her...after your sister." He started, unsure of himself but persisting. "But what about Eve instead? Remember, after the flower? It's still in her legacy, but you know, it's creating an identity of her own. It's still something you can remember her by." Peeta said, pulling a hand through his messy blond hair; the very same that was on our daughter.

I felt my eyes well up at this suggestion. Evening Primrose, of course. Peeta was right, as always. More than right, it was just...perfect.

"Peeta, I- I don't know what to say." I stuttered, in awe of how fitting it was already. The wonderful yellow hair on her head, fitted in exactly with the image of the small flower beating the odds in the meadow. The yellow that meant rebirth instead of destruction. The yellow that symbolized the dandelion in the spring, and Peeta.

He hesitated, trying to read my face. "I'm sorry, was that too much? It was just an idea, I wasn't sure-"

I cut him off, leaping to my feet and pressing my lips against his suddenly. He was taken off guard, but soon wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him, closer and closer. I felt his lips twist upwards into a grin, just like they had forty minutes ago when we finally saw her for the first time.

Bliss.

"I love it. I couldn't imagine anything more amazing." I said softly and he laughed.

"Really? You sure about this?" He asked, excitement tinting his tone. His eyes sparkled, their blue as bright as the lettering on her case.

"I've never been so sure about anything in my life." I mumbled, turning away, with Peeta's arms still around my waist as he hugged me from behind, to face her. I gazed at her longingly, and felt my heart fill with warmth.

"Eve Mellark." I said to myself and loved the sound of it as it floated off my tongue. This was who she was. Now she had a name, she seemed ten times more real. She was really ours. We had made her together.

Just then, the nurse walked back in, smiling at our embrace.

"We've got a name." I informed her, grinning from ear to ear.

...

"She's wonderful darling." My mother said, as she looked over her, tears in her eyes. I laughed. This was going to be a regular occurrence I gathered, and it was one compliment I could actually take. She was wonderful, and part of it was because of me.

"Good job Catnip." Gale said quietly, nudging me playfully in the side. I winced a little and he immediately frowned. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked concerned and I nudged him back.

"I just went through childbirth Gale, I'm a little sore." I said sardonically, but couldn't stop my beaming. I knew if Peeta were still in the room, he'd still be smiling too, but for now he had gone out to help Haymitch, who was currently being refused entry into the NICU. I had heard mutterings of "breathalyzer" and "sanitizer" drifting around, and this didn't surprise me. The fact that Haymitch and Gale had waited all this time made me happier than I thought. They were family, always had been, and always would be. Gale had told me Haymitch hadn't even touched a drop of alcohol since they'd been here, instead allowing Gale to buy him a cup of coffee in the cafe.

Whilst my mother studied my child, taking her in, I saw her eyebrows rise as she glanced over the name, questioningly. I looked at her, wondering how she'd take it.

"Peeta thought Eve would fit. After Evening Primrose." I added the last sentence with hesitation. Now I knew how Peeta felt when putting it out there in the first place. I half expected my mum to break down, to cry, to get angry and leave, but instead she just gave a firm nod. I breathed a sigh of relief. Gale didn't seem to react either, just continued smiling at her. It could have potentially been a terrible thing to bring up just now, what with both of them present.

"Peeta made a good choice." She replied, stoically, but I didn't miss the shine in her eyes as she turned away after a moment, busying herself with talking to the nurse in medical language I didn't understand. I leant into Gale subtly, so as not to draw attention to the conversation we were about to have.

"Sorry." I muttered, feeling my cheeks blush. I didn't want to bring this up now, but it needed to be done. He shook his head.

"Don't be stupid. Take my apology instead." He whispered back, chuckling slightly and throwing an arm around me, softening his touch at last minute as he remembered my state. His scent, even though we were in a hospital, was still distinguishable, and familiar. It made me think of home, of 12, which I already missed so much. I had never done well outside of my district.

"If I could take back everything I said, I would. I want to be a part of your life in whichever way is possible. That is if you'll let me." He continued in hushed tones. I nodded my head against his chest.

"Of course." I agreed, then bit my lip. "Are you sure that's okay with you? That you'll be able to do that?" I thought back to Gale confessing his love for me, cringing mentally. All of this must be torture for him.

"I love you enough to accept it." He mumbled, turning his head down and breathing a kiss into my hair, which felt greasy already from the sweat of labor. "I've never seen you wear a grin so big, so I'm happy too." I laughed, my cheeks hurting from smiling so much but not being able to care. A weight lifted off my shoulders as I took in his words. We would try. That's the best we could do. Gale let go of me, never breaking his vision from her.

"She looks just like you Catnip." He said suddenly, in his normal volume, back to a regular conversation again. I felt myself going even more red.

"I think she looks just like Peeta. I **hope** so anyway." I replied, not being able to get enough of looking at her. I could sit here for the next two weeks, right by her side, and never get bored.

"With that nose? It's all you." He said jokingly, and touched a large finger to the tip of my nose gently, chuckling. I brushed him away.

"Beautiful." He concluded.

Suddenly the door swung open, and in walked Peeta, followed by an annoyed-looking Haymitch; nothing really out of the ordinary there. Gale and my mother looked up, and took their cue to leave, knowing there'd be too many people in the room with all of us. Before they did though, my mother walked to my side and took my face in both of her hands before giving me a loving kiss on the forehead. I knew what she was trying to tell me in that simple gesture.

**I love you**. Something she could rarely say out loud, but always felt.

When Gale passed Peeta in the doorway, Peeta stood back to allow him to go through, and they exchanged a knowing look to each other. I really hoped they'd made up. Peeta must have realized, that with Gale now back in 12, and my forgiveness, that he would have to learn to tolerate his company.

As soon as they'd left, Peeta walked over, putting an arm around me slowly, and helping me into the chair again by the incubator. It hurt to stand too long, it really did. I was sore all over. If this was what getting hit by a Capitol-made train felt like, then I wouldn't be surprised. But my joy enveloped my pain. I simple couldn't care less at the moment. I hated sitting down by her though; I couldn't get a clear enough view as I did of her, standing up. But Peeta, as always was just looking after me.

Haymitch walked over carefully, his grumpy features changing as soon as his eyes landed on her. A light flickered through his irises, and for a split second, his etched skin smoothed out, his mouth twitching into a smile; his toothy grin on show.

Peeta watched Haymitch, smiling at his reaction. I was exhausted now I'd sat down again, but couldn't bear to tear my eyes away from the scene in front of me. It was too perfect.

Haymitch didn't say anything but simply patted Peeta on the back with such affection, it seemed unnatural of him. Peeta leant down over the glass, his fingers tracing it above her. Haymitch's smile was gone, and his face had regained normality, but his eyes looked more alive, and sparkled.

"What do you think?" Peeta breathed, not even bothering to look away from her. Haymitch's eyes were also glued to the tiny figure beneath them. He chuckled.

"I think she's not gonna look that peaceful in two months time. Make the most of it." He said, and continued to laugh a little. To anyone else, this would have been the wrong choice of words to say in this moment, it would have been too flippant and careless. But it was Haymitch. And it was just as I expected. The look on his face, the change in his demeanour made up for everything. I could tell he was just as taken with her as we were.

"Tiny little thing. And to think you were so huge!" He continued, taking a step closer to me, Peeta on my other side, and putting a hand on my head for half a second. Poor Haymitch, these were not his strong points. He was handling it better than I thought he would though. I smiled up at him, and he returned it.

"Katniss was beautiful pregnant." Peeta said, trying to remedy the situation, obviously afraid I would take it to heart, but nothing could penetrate my bubble of bliss right now. I absent-mindedly touched a hand to my stomach.

...

"Hey Peeta, I just thought, did someone let Delly and Thom know?" I asked, remembering all the people we'd left behind. Maybe we should find a way to let Pine know too...she was after all part of our make-shift family. It had all happened so suddenly. I didn't even remember being whisked off to 4, let alone having time to prepare people.

"It's fine, I called them when we were on the hovercraft actually. I told them we'd call them as soon as they could come out. They were desperate." He said, looking at me from the sofa he was on in the corner of the room; a small lamp on beside him as he flicked through some leaflets a nurse had handed him about newborns and parenting. I didn't want to look at the words yet, I just wanted to look at her. They were too scary. There was too many do's and don'ts; too many things that could go wrong. I wanted to enjoy this peace whilst it lasted.

It had been two days since I'd given birth to Eve, and already I felt like she'd been in our lives forever. I couldn't imagine there being a time when we didn't have her. It felt like every horrible ending that had come to us, was made up by this new beginning. She'd had a successful forty-eight hours, and the nurses said she was responding well to the brain activity stimulants they were using, much to my anxiety, yet in the deep depths of my mind I still clung onto that overwhelming fear of loss.

"Honey, why don't you have a shower? You've been sitting at her side for the last two days. It's okay, she's safe." He said, as if reading my mind. I knew he wasn't saying it to be rude; he was worried, as always, about me.

"I want to spend every second I possibly can looking at her." I murmured, content with my seat beside her, watching her miniscule chest peppered with bandages and tubes rise up and down. I tried to picture what she would look like without them all, wrapped up in clothing and blankets and in Peeta's arms. That's where she belonged.

"Katniss, go on. It's okay, I promise nothing bad will happen. I'm here with her." He pressed, putting down the leaflets and walking over to me, grabbing my wrists gingerly and pulling me up out of the cushioned chair. I reluctantly obeyed.

"We've got the nurses on the other end of this button." Peeta said again, motioning towards a remote control of sorts. I nodded my head finally before wandering out into the adjoining bathroom, knowing the towels would already be in here. I no longer had to wear the robe after they'd finished doing various tests on me yesterday, and topping me up with a fresh dose of morphling much to my resistance and Peeta's orders. He didn't want me in any pain, and that was understandable, but I didn't want to be reminded of that drowsy, disconnected feeling that came with it, despite the agony that wracked my body.

My mother, offered us a room in her headquarters for the medical staff on the other side of 4, but that felt too far. We had refused to go down the hall, back to our other room, let alone be miles away from Eve. It was too much. So instead, she'd brought me a generous supply of clothes, and some for Peeta too, toothbrushes, hairbrushes and everything else she could think of. I kept expecting her to zone out again, especially after she'd absorbed the news that we were calling her after the same flower as her youngest daughter, but she was, so far, alert and prepared. I couldn't have imagined anyone better to do all these things than her now.

I showered quickly, wanting nothing more than to get back to my child again. Without my eyes on her, my imagination played tricks on me, creating wicked scenarios. When I'd gotten back into the room, Peeta was pacing back and forth, looking down at something in his hands. I hurriedly braided my hair before I realized something was wrong.

"Peeta, what is it?" I asked, adrenaline bursting free and soaring around me. I whipped my head to Eve, my eyes darting over her, looking for any sign that she'd been hurt, or that something bad had happened. Peeta's eyes flicked up to me, before he shook his head.

"Nothing with her, don't worry." He said quickly, sensing my panic. I exhaled sharply, shaking from the fear.

"You can sit down, it's okay." He reassured me, and I cautiously resumed my seat again, one hand on her glass as I faced Peeta. He handed me a newspaper with a tight look on his face. I was confused, until the headline caught my eye.

**Star-crossed lovers' tragedy continues as Katniss Everdeen is rushed into hospital two months earlier than Baby Mellark was planned.**

_**Will the child be okay, or will the odds not be in their favor?**_

I felt sick as I took in the words. Someone had already used my daughter as a cheap news story. Except it wasn't cheap, not in their eyes. It was front page. Still after all this time, the citizens of Panem had a morbid fascination with victors of such a historic event. I felt my rage boil inside of me.

"Who even got this information?" I demanded, casting the newspaper onto the floor, not bothering to look where it had gone. Peeta looked just as angry as me, but was doing a better job of trying to stay calm.

"I have no idea, honestly. I can't say I'm surprised though." He muttered, spitting the last words a little. He fixed his gaze back onto Eve, as if trying to channel his anger back into happiness through the sight of her. It worked. He unclenched his fists and his facial expression softened slightly. It struck me then what he was really doing. The tension in his forehead, the far-off look in his eyes...could it be possible, after all this time?

"Were you about to have an...episode?" I asked with trepidation. It had been so long, the phrase felt unfamiliar. He shook his head, but his lips still remained in a tight line.

"No. I thought...maybe...but I'm not sure. Whenever I see her I just calm right down. She just brings me this inner peace, it's so hard to describe." He muttered, walking closer and peering down at her with loving eyes. His bad mood was evaporating by the minute as I stared in amazement. He finally stopped, and went to the side of the room, lifting a chair across with ease so it was next to me, before sitting down in it. Slowly, he extended his arm and took his hand in the one of mine nearest to him. He squeezed me softly, just like he'd done back at home when the pains had struck. With a delicate movement, he lifted our entwined fingers up to his face, and pressed his lips lightly to my hand.

"You did an amazing job Katniss. You should be proud." He murmured, his voice like satin. I felt the warmth rush through me at being touched by Peeta. I could think of no one else I'd rather share this moment with. Eve's heart monitor beeped steadily in the background, reassuring me. With each sound, my anger towards the media also melted away.

"I love both of you so much. I didn't think I could have any more love left in me for anyone but you, but my god, she's so beautiful, I just want to start out lives together." He whispered, his voice ghosting through the air. This was the first time Peeta had really opened up in the last couple of days. I took my other hand and held his between the two of mine. The soft lighting in the room accentuated his features.

"Look at her head of hair. She's going to have such lovely blonde curls soon." I mumbled, unaware again I was talking out loud. The picture in my head, that was so far away before was back again. Her and Peeta walking side by side, the perfect replica of each other...

"I can just imagine all the ribbons Delly's going to buy when she sees it. Poor Eve won't know what's hit her when her Aunty Delly comes." He replied, both of our eyes still on her, but on distant images conjured up by our minds simultaneously. I giggled at the thought. And for the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to look forward to our future with her, to concentrate on these pictures of her older, sitting around the dinner table with us all, eating, talking, living.

And it was wonderful.

* * *

**As I said in my last chapter, some lovely person/people have nominated me for an Energize Work In Progress Award. It would mean the absolute world to me if you were to vote for my story in the Hunger Games category, and if you really enjoy reading this, it would be perfect.**

**www*energizewipawards*blogspot*co*uk**

**Also check out the poll on my profile concerning the rest of this story! **

**p.s Hope I did the name justice? Didn't know whether to leave her unnamed or not.**

**xo**


	21. Home

**A/N: It's twenty past twelve here and I'm exhausted, so will come back tomorrow to check over for typos etc...so I apologise in advance! I just wanted to post it now so you had something to read.**

**Sorry for the delay - the weather has actually been lovely for once in England and I've been out making the most of it :) Hope you enjoy the next installment.**

**Also I'm sorry if you usually like chapters where there's drama and so on, at the moment, after everything that's happened, it's a little slow on that front as I'm concentrating on the new-parents phase. So it's all quite fluffy and loving. If this is not your thing, then hang in there.**

**Huge thank you - I won 1st Place in the Hunger Games fanfiction section of best 'Work In Progress Energize Award'. I'm forever in debt to you all for reading this story! If you're still reading, please leave a review, they make the world of difference and put a smile on my face :D**

**xo**

* * *

"Okay Mrs Mellark, have you got her properly?" The nurse asked as she waited to pass me the tiny, precious bundle that was my daughter. I gave a shaky nod, taking a deep breath in and extending out my arms to grasp her. My palms felt clammy with fear, despite the fact that I was sitting down on the sofa in our room, with Peeta's own arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"There we go." She murmured as Eve was gently placed in my hold. Her head of golden curls tickled the crook in my elbow, and I laughed slightly, tears welling up in my eyes as I took in how beautiful she was. This was the first time I'd properly been able to touch her since I had given birth to her just over two weeks ago. To Peeta and me, it had felt like the longest fortnight of our lives, with no exceptions. All I'd wanted to do was lift her out of the glass case and keep her with her parents where she belonged, but I knew it wasn't safe. The doctors had all informed us that she had made excellent progress, many of them throwing around the words of 'a real fighter, just like her parents.' This had irritated me, the way they phrased it reminded me of a bitter past, but I couldn't deny both of our happiness over how well she was doing.

I relaxed a little, getting used to the sensation, my heart slowing down as I realized that she was just as safe in my own protection as she was in theirs. Eve squirmed slightly, wriggling her feet a small amount, before settling into my touch happily. My eyes landed on her button nose, her miniscule fingers, and her closed eyes which were darker at the moment then what they would be, or so we were told. Peeta had no doubt though, that they were just like mine.

I saw Peeta in the corner of my vision as he used his other hand from the one that was around me, to ever so gingerly reach out his finger towards her teeny balled up fists. He stroked her peach-pink skin tenderly, and suddenly she opened up her own hands, and wrapped her dainty fingers around his index one. The comparison of their sizes made me realize how fragile she was, as she lay here in my arms, and the sight made my heart ache with happiness. Peeta gasped in delight. I couldn't bring myself to look away from her, out of habit though, to see his own face which I didn't doubt would be pure bliss. Eve's lips for a fraction of a second curled upwards into what looked like a smile. Peeta breathed out shakily, and I could tell he was on the edge of tears. This time I pulled my eyes away from her to steal a glance at his face. His eyes were watering again, like mine and he gave me a grin which spread from ear to ear. The nurse cleared her throat.

"Well she certainly knows who her Daddy is." She said sweetly, as she hovered nearby. I scoffed.

"Gas." I muttered, winking at Peeta, but the smile wouldn't break from his face. I lowered my head slowly down to my daughter, and kissed her so softly, I barely grazed her skin. With her here in my arms now, and Peeta by my side, I felt like we were a real family. A proper one. She was so real, and perfect.

After another ten minutes of holding her, she began to stir and cry. My arms ached, and my heart sped up again as I thought I'd hurt her, or that something was wrong. The nurse informed me that she would need feeding now, and with her help, I managed to feed her for the first time. The sensation was strange, but not uncomfortable. It would simply, like everything else, take some getting used to. My mother had spoken to me over the last week how important it was that I fed her from myself, whereas I'd always had in my mind I would bottle feed her, that way it would be easier for Peeta to do it as well, though I hadn't decided which way I would do it yet.

Gale and Haymitch had gone back to 12 after another night in 4 when I'd given birth to her, and I'd spoken to a squealing Delly on the phone about how it probably wasn't worth a trip up here as we were told we'd be coming home soon anyway. It would also be too hard for them to get Mika out of school, and with the awful February weather spreading over the majority of Panem at the moment, train lines were unreliable at the least.

Over the next couple of days, a combination of specialist neonatal doctors and midwives showed us everything we needed to see, and taught us everything we needed to know. This included regular checkups when back in 12 to make sure she continued to develop properly, and also for me too to keep an eye on my blood pressure which would hopefully go down now after having her. I couldn't care less about myself though; all I wanted was for her to be the healthiest and happiest she could possibly be.

The day finally arrived when we were able to take her home. I'd been awake since the crack of dawn, and had resumed my usual position by her incubator, with my fingers pressed against the glass, just watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful, her faint purple eyelids pressed closed; her blonde eyelashes flickering every now and then as she remained wrapped up in her powder blue blanket. Peeta awoke an hour later than me, and immediately started packing things from the room, and the bathroom, back into our overnight bags that mother had given to us for our extended stay, ready to leave on a train back to 12. Although I was more than thrilled to be able to start living our lives as a family for the first time, I was beyond petrified too. Holding her recently had been wonderful, but all the things that could go wrong paralyzed me with fear. We were now dependent on her survival as well as our own, and this was enough to make my pulse race. She looked too weak and breakable for us, inexperienced parents, to take on a train with us, back to our house. The house Peeta and I had lived in for the last decade; no one else.

The doctor in charge came to see us off, and to make sure we had everything we needed, and before I knew it, my mother had arrived in our room, bearing a child seat with a handle on for us to easily carry her around safely. The gesture surprised me, and after I'd helped Peeta place her carefully into the cushioned seat, I pulled my mother into a huge embrace, squeezing her tightly, and suddenly not wanting to let go. To think she was a Grandmother now to Eve, as well as a mother to me was a strange thought, but one I was growing more accustomed to.

"Thank you, for everything." I whispered and she stroked my hair softly, uncomfortable in the hug. Eventually, I pulled away and saw her eyes shining again. People had cried more in the last two weeks then I'd seen in my life. Babies brought tears out in people.

"It's the least I can do." She replied, putting a firm hand on my shoulder. I nodded.

"You're welcome to visit us, anytime. You do know that don't you?" I asked, wanting to convey to her that everything that was said and done, or unsaid in her case, was in the past. I had moved on from my childish grudges now, I had my own child, I had to learn to put my differences aside. Her pale seam eyes shone with the memories of home.

"I know. I'll try. It's still...hard." She barely choked out, as she averted her gaze. I knew this was enough spoken on the matter before one of us would say something we regretted, so I took her hand and led her back to Peeta, where she said her goodbyes to him too, before bending down to touch Eve's head lightly.

"You'll both do a fantastic job. Don't worry." She said finally, standing back up, but not looking away from her granddaughter.

...

As I saw the trees whipping past me in my peripheral vision, I heard a familiar cry. One that already, meant something was wrong and stirred feelings of dread from within. I snapped my mind back into the present after the moment of its wandering, and looked over to Peeta who was sitting upright on the bed in our cabin on the train; Eve squirming in his muscular arms. His face looked upset with her outburst, but calm, unlike mine.

"What's wrong?" I demanded, hurriedly getting up and walking over to the bed; the train racketing beneath me as we started our descent down a hill coming into what I knew was District 8. Peeta's patient blue eyes met mine. My eyes flickered down to our child whose face was scrunched with crying. Her shrill shriek sounded like a baby bird, and the sound was like that of torture to me. I clutched a hand over my mouth, feeling helpless as Peeta tried to soothe her by talking gently to her. He saw the look on my face, and his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

"Katniss, it's okay. We should probably just check her diaper, that's all." Peeta said, looking confused and worried at the same time at my reaction. I sniffed hard, realizing how ridiculous I was being. It was all such new territory, and I had a lot to learn.

"Right, diaper, alright." I murmured back, as Peeta moved his arms a little to allow me to take her; he still looked at me carefully.

"I can do it. You must be exhausted, you've hardly slept really this last while. Why don't you take a nap and I'll take care of everything?" He asked gently, and I knew he was afraid of hurting my pride. I already knew I had to take the leap, no matter how scared I was. I would not be like my own mother; withdrawn from my life, reserving affection. I shook my head and took a seat beside Peeta on the bed as I reached my arms out for Eve. He gingerly passed her over, and as soon as I had laid her out with care on the bed, he went to the bag of provisions to get the necessities.

I softly undid the poppers on her green onesie Delly had sent us by mail – surprisingly quickly as well- and peered inside her diaper. Yup, she definitely needed changing. With shaking hands, I took off the one she had on and tried to block out her cries as I wiped her, remembering everything the nurse had taught me.

"It's okay Eve." I shushed as I hurried to put the new one back on. I could see Peeta out the corner of my eye, wondering whether or not he should offer assistance or let me get on with it. There was no doubt he was dying to get involved, but he knew I needed this one time to prove it to myself, so he let me have it. And I was grateful. I made it through, and by the time I was done, she had stopped crying; her eyes closing gently again as she had worn herself to sleep. I exhaled deeply, feeling fatigued also. Even after two weeks from going into labor, my body was still exhausted.

"I did it!" I sighed happily as I gently lifted her back up and into my arms; her tiny chest rising up and down evenly again now. I held back my tears, knowing my hormones were still adjusting so I would be in for a few of these emotional moments. Peeta sat back down on the bed again and leant forward to kiss my cheek.

"Great job Katniss." He whispered before reaching out a hand to stroke across his daughter's forehead. "Shall we put her in her seat?" Peeta asked, offering to take her from me. I hesitated for a moment, hating it when neither Peeta nor I was holding her, when she was out of our control for a split second, but finally obeyed. He took her from me with natural ease and fastened her into her seat, making sure the blanket was wound tightly around her body, keeping her warm. He then brought the seat onto the floor right next to the bed so she was within both of our reach. We watched her for a moment as she fell into a deep sleep in no time, before we lay down on the bed, side by side, my head on Peeta's chest.

"I can't believe we get to take her home. It feels like forever already since she was born." Peeta said, his own voice thick with tiredness. I hummed, the sound echoing through my ears, as I was pressed against him.

"But at the same time, it feels like just yesterday that we found out you were pregnant." He continued, and with this comment, I absent-mindedly traced a hand across my now-flat stomach. It was bizarre to think that just over two weeks ago, she'd been living and growing inside me, and now she was here, beside us. Peeta's gaze fell on my innocent action and he rubbed his hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

"How are you feeling?" He questioned, his tone changed to another concerned one. I smiled into his chest.

"Bit tired, but never better." I replied happily, another thought occurring to me. "Though I will have to find a way to lose this baby fat. Now I know what Delly was moaning about after Mika!" I groaned, giggling. Peeta squeezed me lightly.

"Don't be silly. You look lovely as always."

I hit him playfully.

"Well, there's always hunting now you can do it again." He offered, and I realized that I hadn't thought about this in a while. The image of scavenging through the woods whilst heavily pregnant, with so many dangers and possibilities used to be terrifying, but now that I was no longer pregnant, it grew more appealing; the longing beginning to twinge in my heart.

"Yeah, you're right." I mused. There was a minute of silence between us as we both fell deep into thought.

"Think of everyone we get to show her to honey." Peeta whispered, and I did smile to myself at the thought of Delly bounding into the house and showering her with love, or Pine coming to hold her...there was one person missing though.

Sae.

She would have loved to have seen Eve. I could imagine Sae telling me how healthy she looked, or how she was a strong child. How she knew these things, I'd never know, but Sae had instincts and they were usually right. Despite Eve being a tad smaller than average, I knew what a fighter she would be already.

"When are you back at work?" I suddenly said, as I thought of the amount of time Peeta had taken off. He turned his head to kiss the top of my hair; the hot breath tickling my scalp.

"I'll go in whenever you want me to. It's not a problem, everyone is pitching in, they're fine with it." He answered in his even, reassuring tone.

"Well, maybe I can come to the bakery some mornings with her, that way you can see her more and so can everyone else." I suggested, ignoring my racing heart at the thought of taking her out of our house, and into the midst of strangers. I couldn't afford to be paranoid or depressed about anything this time around. I had to do it right, for her.

"That sounds wonderful." He responded, and the happiness in his voice was apparent.

"But as soon as she starts to eat, you do realize she can't live off of cakes." I muttered jokingly and Peeta chuckled.

"With your cravings whilst carrying her, I think we can safely say she'll take after her mother with her love of all-things sweet." He said lovingly.

...

The doorbell over the next few days was a constant background noise. Every hour, it felt like, people were calling around to check if I was okay, to see the baby, and bring us gifts including cooked food and newborn essentials. I tried to be polite and full of gratitude to everyone, and I was, but the lack of sleep was making me grouchy and lethargic. Literally as soon as we had stepped through the door on our first day back in 12, after a tiring, long journey, the phone rang. Delly was jabbering on excitedly down the line, asking permission to bring Thom and Mika over to see her, and I agreed, looking forward to seeing her just as much. Delly and I rarely went as long as this without bumping into each other.

There was a knock on the door and Peeta got up from lighting the fire, as I sat on the sofa with Eve in my arms, still feeling alien bringing her into our home, to answer it. I heard her, before she appeared around the corner, Mika by her ankles, and Thom peering over her shoulder. She gasped, throwing a hand over her mouth, her green eyes lighting up in excitement.

"Katniss!" She exclaimed, then lowered her tone immediately, remembering the situation, as she lowered herself quietly beside me. Mika sat on the floor by her feet, staring at the baby, and even Thom, after kissing me on the cheek, and patting my back, took the armchair next to us, taking her in. Peeta came and sat on the other side of me, an arm around my waist as Delly carefully pulled me into a lop-sided hug, cautious not to hurt Eve.

"Oh Katniss, Peeta, she's _beautiful._" She announced, stroking her tiny foot with her fingers. Mika sat quietly, looking confused. Thom cleared his throat.

"Honestly you guys, she's adorable." He said, and Peeta's grip tightened on me, as he became more elated with the moment, not wanting to let it go.

"When I spoke to you on the phone, it's just so...different...from seeing her. We've been dying to see you all." Delly said, still not taking her eyes off our baby. She brushed her fingers softly through her wisps of hair.

"I know, we're so sorry, we had a lot on our hands. We wanted you there too." Peeta replied sympathetically. I loosened my grip on her slightly, knowing the answer to the question I was about to ask.

"Do you want to hold her Delly? I'll make some tea." I said, and she nodded, looking like she was about to burst into tears as I handed her over. Delly was a natural and although took great care, seemed to have her swiftly into her arms. She made it look like second nature, which I suppose it was to her. Something only a mother could develop over time. Just as I was about to get up, Peeta put a hand out to stop me.

"You stay here. I'll make the tea." He said, and kissed my temple on his way out of the living room to let me know he wasn't trying to patronize me. I didn't take it in this way anymore though; I knew I had to let people help me out now.

Thom leant over and stroked her cheek delicately, grinning to himself as Mika piped up.

"Awnty Katniss?" He asked nervously.

"Yes Mika?" I replied, turning my attention to him, and realizing this must all be a bit strange for him.

"Is this the baby that was inside you?" He pressed, scratching his head in a daze. I laughed.

"Yes sweetie, she was growing inside of me, but now she's out." I said, trying to phrase it in a way that he would understand, without leading onto awkward questions that poor Delly would have to answer to later. He nodded, taking in the information.

"She's so tiny!" Delly said softly as she bounced her arms ever so slightly, still peering down at Eve sleeping. "And look at her hair! Just like her Daddy's."

"I know, it's gorgeous isn't it?" I replied, able to accept compliments freely when people mentioned how much she was like Peeta in some ways. I couldn't imagine anything more perfect.

"Eve is so...**fitting**. How did you guys come up with that name?" Thom asked, and I heard Peeta stop clattering around in the kitchen. My blood froze. Mika looked at me with big, questioning eyes. I managed to regain my composure quickly.

"Well." I started, unsure of where this was going, but knowing that there was no point in avoiding the truth, people would know eventually. "Peeta actually thought of it, brilliantly. It's after um, _Eve_ning Primrose." I concluded, judging their reactions. Thom's eyes glazed over with a brief sadness and understanding, and Delly smiled.

"It's just right." She whispered. And a silence fell upon the room. Not uncomfortable, just a silence that meant everyone was thinking, without talking.

"I like the name!" Mika suddenly declared as he giggled through gappy teeth. I beamed back at him.

"Yeah, me too." I said.

When it was time for them to leave, Thom was holding Eve effortlessly in his strong, big arms. Peeta took her from him, balancing her over his shoulder, as he rubbed her back softly. She snuggled into the crook of his neck and happily fell asleep as Delly went crazy with a cuteness overload. She hugged me tightly, loosening her grip when she heard me mutter an 'owch' apologetically.

"Lovely to see you all. Come round **whenever**." She said strongly, and Peeta nodded his head as he kissed her on the cheek, and shook Thom's hand with his free one. Delly took one last look at Eve before turning to Thom.

"I want another one." She moaned playfully and Thom rolled his eyes, looking at me, as he gripped her shoulders lovingly.

"See what you've done?" He winked. I shrugged my shoulders, laughing. "Let's just take things one step at a time Love." He replied to Delly who laughed now, before taking Mika's hand and leading him out, waving to us all.

...

Hazelle was next, bringing Pine over with her. They didn't stay long, and Hazelle, very thoughtfully, brought some old baby clothes for us to have. She was apologetic at the quality, as time had worn them a little but they were perfectly usable and the gesture alone was enough to send me into a crying fit. In the daytimes, Peeta and I sorted out Eve's nursery, making room for all the new clothes and things we'd brought back from 4, or been given.

Pine had held Eve, telling me how lovely she was, but looking slightly on edge all the same. I reassured her that she was safe holding her, even feeling it myself for a little while, and with Hazelle of course, I had nothing to worry about. In fact, after Pine had gone, and Peeta had gone out to the shops, she'd suggested that I go take a shower whilst she watched her. And I accepted, not only because I felt so gross from being awake the last few nights whilst she screamed and I had to feed her, but also because I could tell that, like everyone else, Hazelle was smitten with her. It made her feel like she had a sense of being needed again, and I trusted her with Eve. Normally, I wouldn't dare leave someone alone without her in my sight, but Hazelle was different.

Haymitch had been over too, something that surprised me. He pretended that he needed to ask Peeta about something to do with the paint on his goose pen, but I knew he really was coming over to see Eve. There was something about her tiny, adorable form that everyone seemed to love. Whilst I sat on my usual spot on the couch holding her, Haymitch even sat right next to me and even cooed to her at one point. Checking himself though, he cleared his throat and reached for a flask in his jacket subconsciously.

"Haymitch." I said in a warning tone. He immediately froze and looked at me puzzled.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"New rule. No alcohol in our house, or around my daughter." I said firmly, and my tone came out so authoritative that he actually looked bemused, and put it back into his pocket fully.

"I've cut down recently! I deserve a little sip." He muttered, but the fight in his voice was gone; he knew what was right.

"I know, and that's great, but I don't want my child growing up with a drunk who lives across the street." I retorted, rolling my eyes, but he just smiled at me.

"Fair enough."

Gale came by too, bringing a bunch of flowers for me, I think he still felt guilty about everything that had happened. The burden was still on Peeta that he had caused all of this, but now that she was alive and well, albeit very early, they didn't have much more to protest about. Peeta actually shook Gale's hand and sat with us whilst we talked. To see the two of them getting along okay took a huge weight off my shoulders. Whether they were putting it on for me, or genuinely felt it, I didn't care.

Gale even held Eve, though he was reluctant at first. He kept asking if what he was doing was right, and if she was okay every time she whimpered a little or moved. I realized this must have been what I looked like a week ago when we'd brought her back home. It was strange how after three weeks, I was beginning to finally feel more like an actual mother. I was so much more relaxed as I just spent time with her and learnt what worked and what didn't, getting to know her bit by bit. Gale cradled her in his arms, and after a while, she opened her eyes a little and looked at him. Though her eye color was supposed to change, according the doctor, she already had Seam eyes, I could tell. They were the exact shade as mine and Gale's, and I knew he saw it too.

"I can't believe I'm holding your child Catnip. I never thought this day would come." He mused to himself, and it wasn't an offensive statement, although it was similar to one he'd said before when I was rage-filled and hormone-fuelled. I beamed back at him, happy that for once, my vision of the future had been wrong.

"Me neither." I whispered back.

* * *

**A/N: A few people have been asking why I decided to make their daughter blonde with grey eyes, instead of the other way around, but I felt that the blonde was really significant as the color yellow meant so much to Katniss. I also pictured that having a girl with Katniss' hair, and a boy with Peeta's would make it too much like trying to replicate them, when this wouldn't be the case because I want to develop them as their own individuals. Hope you're okay with this :D**


	22. Brave

**A/N: Firstly I'd like to profusely apologise for the lack of updates. This has been one of my longest periods without updating and I feel guilty for making you all wait! I know how frustrating it is firsthand when you are desperate for the next chapter of a story and for various reasons, it takes a while to come. I've been through a bit of a bumpy patch at the moment and had things I had to prioritise over this. Sorry Sorry Sorry :(**

**Secondly, there is very little drama going on in this chapter (like the last one) as I'm trying not to throw too many things Katniss' way in a short space of time, and also because I feel like a lot of you just prefer this easy-going stuff where they're happy and it's quite fluffy and loving. It makes a nice contrast with the previous chapters. **

**Thirdly, my oneshot is now up that I created for OliviaMellark as part of my 100 review celebration competition. She chose a Gale/Katniss pairing with pregnancy and flashbacks to Peeta. It felt like I was cheating on this story by doing the opposite pairing but it was fun also :3 Check it out if you like on my profile, it's called 'The Other Boy, The Other Choice.'**

**As always, I am amazed by the amount of you reviewing. Each and every one keeps me going and honestly makes me feel so much better about this story when I have doubts or writer's block, or even when I'm having a bad day outside of Fanfiction! Thank you for listening to me rant a little. Now over to the story... xo**

* * *

I'd been used to being awake at strange hours over the last decade of my life. Nightmares used to be a frequent occurrence between Peeta and I, and almost every night one of us would awake the other as we both lay there in a cold sweat until our eyelids grew too heavy to keep open again, or the sun came up and we decided to join it.

But this was a whole different experience.

As the familiar cries of Eve rang through the halls and the baby monitor which my mother had sent in a parcel from 4 the other day, I stirred in my sleep, immediately roused. The sound still paralysed me in fear. It was almost torturous. But I had to tell myself she wasn't in pain, she wasn't harmed, she was just hungry or needed her diaper changing. My heart always jumped to the worst scenario and usually I'd bolt from the bed and rush to her nursery. Today however Peeta put a hand on my shoulder, already awake.

"Katniss. You have to stop panicking about this. The doctor has told us she'll wake up every three to four hours always, including the night. She's fine." He said patiently, and in the darkness of the room I could feel his warmth radiate from his body and onto mine. He sat up and rolled out of bed with ease, stifling a yawn as I made a move to follow him.

"Go back to sleep honey, I'll do it."

This was what Peeta had said consistently for the last two weeks since we'd been home. His response was always the same whenever I made a move to do anything, or get out of bed to tend to her. The truth was, I didn't actually have to get up to feed her. I'd made the decision, with the help of Delly to come off breast feeding and use regular formula. It was so close to natural milk these days with the technology available that the results were invariably the same, and it meant Peeta was more involved too. Half of me yearned to let myself succumb again to sleep, but the other half, the more dominant one, longed to see my daughter, and comfort her.

I trudged out of the room and followed Peeta across into hers; turning on the faint lamp next to her crib. She squirmed around under her tightly wrapped green blanket but seemed to relax straight away as soon as Peeta gently lifted her up and into his arms. Eve never seemed to do this with me. I knew it was still early days, she was after all only a month old but the connection her and Peeta had was perfect.

Peeta handed her over to me so that he could go downstairs and prepare the milk, so I took my usual spot in the armchair in the corner of the room, propping my feet up on the stool in front of it. She lay on her back with comfort going up my chest vertically, so that her head rested near my collarbones. I traced my fingers up and down her back as she whimpered, wanting Peeta to hurry so that I didn't have to listen to her be upset. I hated even being this far away from her but Peeta had insisted that she needed her own room. I feel he secretly knew if her crib had been in our bedroom, it would have never left. I'd have been too scared to have her out of my sight. I still was, but with this I had no choice but to accept it, right from the start.

Eventually Peeta came back up with the warmed up milk and handed me the small bottle as I twisted her around a little with his help so that she was in a better position to be fed. I poked the tip of the bottle to her lips slightly so that she knew it was there, and then Eve did the rest of the work on her own, sucking greedily against the plastic. Peeta chuckled, but we didn't say anything to each other, only locked eyes in one of our moments that happened regularly now. When we gazed at each other like this, we could see both the happiness on the other's face. We didn't talk when feeding her at night as part of the pattern to help establish the difference between daytime and night-time; we needed to let her know that these hours were for sleeping and rest. There was so much to remember but already it was becoming easier to pick up on things.

I looked down to my daughter as she became calmer the fuller her tummy got, and realized how despite my fears and panic attacks over her, how incredibly lucky we were that she had made it into this world. I had never envisioned myself as a mother. I was I guess, deep down, a maternal type, but I never imagined having my own. It always seemed too real and scary. But with Peeta, it was all...manageable. We were learning together, and helping each other. And this small family we'd created already felt complete. I couldn't believe she was never in our life before. It felt like I'd known her forever.

When she fell asleep, and I virtually had too, Peeta put her back into her cot and with an arm around me, led me back into our bed. I guided my hands to find him, rolling over to curl up into his side as he climbed in. Seeking the warmth that I had felt before, I pressed myself to him, and he turned in response to put both arms around me, leaning his cheek on the top of my head.

"I love you." I half-murmured, half-sighed as I felt it fill my body. I felt like I had to tell him at every opportunity now. Haymitch's words rung in my head forever; I still felt unworthy of such a wonderful man to put up with me.

**_"You could live three lifetimes and still not deserve him."_ **

"I love you more." He replied as his hand rubbed my arm soothingly. I rolled my eyes.

"Always a competition."

I breathed in his scent, wanting to enjoy this tiny moment as much as possible before I sunk under into a deep sleep for the second time.

...

Peeta was pulling on his shoes as I walked downstairs just a few hours later. He had agreed to go in a couple of days a week just for a little while to see how things were running, but I could tell how much he hated being away from the both of us. He used every moment he could to look at her and hold her. He truly was made for being a father.

"Did you sleep okay after her first feed?" He asked me as he walked towards me, planting a kiss on my lips. I nodded my head.

"First feed?" I asked confused. He looked sheepish.

"I just did her about half an hour ago and figured I may as well get to the bakery for when it opens, so I got up." Peeta replied, entwining his fingers through mine. It was hard to stay mad at him when all he was doing was making things easier for me.

"Peeta, it's not fair." I mumbled, but was grateful that I'd had the extra few hours to catch up on a pretty sleep-deprived month.

"Katniss, I honestly don't mind. You've been pushing yourself so much recently, and you're doing a fantastic job as a Mom. I just wanted to let you rest for a little while. It wasn't a problem." He murmured as he brought his lips to mine again, lingering them there as his nose brushed mine. I sighed.

"Thank you." I said, and squeezed his hand as he pulled away gently. I could see the crinkles on his forehead as he tried to conceal a frown. I knew he wanted to say something, but didn't know how.

"Peeta what is it?" I asked slightly concerned but he shook his head.

"Nothing, I...I don't want to push you, or make you upset, but we've been back in 12 for two weeks now, and whilst people have come over to see Eve, my workers haven't and they're all dying to. I know we spoke about you bringing her to the bakery that's all..." He seemed to trail off, as he lost his words. Something that unusual for Peeta. It was true, I had stayed indoors since we'd gotten back home and both him and I knew the real reason why.

"You don't have to be scared honey." He said quietly and the devastation in his eyes was so heavy, I felt it weighing down on me. I knew it wasn't directed at me not taking her out though, but at the truth of the statement he'd just said. I felt my wall crumble down a little as I spoke the next words.

"But I am." I all but whispered as I felt a lump in my throat. The world was a scary place. I constantly worried whenever Peeta left for work, even though the time was nothing in comparison to my mind. I felt responsible for her solely when I was on my own. If anything were to happen...I couldn't even let myself go there. And beyond the walls of our house lay more dangers. More real dangers. I didn't want her to see the world and its potential for destruction. I wanted her to be happy, and safe. I took a deep breath in.

"I can protect her to the best of my ability here Peeta. Out there...it's a different place." I started and he looked upset for me. I knew there and then from the look on his face what I had to do. I had to get over my irrational fears and be the old Katniss. The one who was fearless and brave.

"I promise you. Nothing will happen to her. I'll die before I let it. And for the other stuff...we can't worry about what we can't control. I know that goes against the point for you. But we both have to learn that the world we grew up in, and the one our daughter will are two completely different things." He took my other hand now so that both of our sets of fingers were back together again, and looked me directly in the eyes.

"When she's older, we'll teach her about the amazing people we knew and know. She doesn't have to know everything, but she will realize that human beings are capable of doing wonderful things as well as bad. There are no games anymore Katniss. We're **safe.**" Peeta said firmly, emphasizing the last word. I wanted to believe him, I really did. And I would. But it would take time and I couldn't help that.

I paused for a moment, taking it in. "You're right. I'm sorry." I concluded and stroked his hands with my thumbs. "I have to get over this so that _she_ doesn't have to be the same paranoid wreck that I am." Peeta shook his head at these words about to object and remedy my self-deprecation but the shrill noise that we both knew so well interrupted us as if on cue.

"Why don't you wait half an hour now whilst I change her, and dress her, and myself, and then we'll head out together?" I offered. This was a compromise of sorts. If I was going out, then I would do so with Peeta. I normally would hate to rely upon someone so much, but when it came to the protection of our daughter, I trusted him more than myself.

His eyes lit up at this suggestion and he immediately took off his boots, following me up the stairs.

...

Peeta pushed open the door to the bakery, and the familiar smell of cakes and flour filled my nose. My mouth watered and I was taken back to the day when I had sat at the window seat, heavily pregnant, devouring the cupcakes. Peeta had held Eve in her seat all the way here. The mid-February weather was chilly and relentless still, and I felt too vulnerable being in charge; afraid I would slip on some ice or water. However as soon as we had reached the doors, Peeta had handed her over to me. He was probably dying to walk in with her, and show her off to everyone, but he knew I needed this moment to balance out not having her before. And I did.

As I followed Peeta in, Otto jumped up from behind the counter.

"Hey guys!" He greeted cheerily and his eyes fell to my hands, and then Eve. He beamed. "You brought her!" He exclaimed before Peeta put a finger to his lips to signal for him to be a bit quieter. I laughed as Otto gave him an apologetic look. Luckily, Eve was sleeping at the moment, despite us wanting to keep her awake as she got used to day time. It didn't matter though, because she'd probably be up in no time.

Otto walked into the back and called out for Callam as he was the only one of the others that was in yet. Callam appeared and the same smile broke out onto his face as they both came around to greet us. By the time the hugs and handshakes had stopped, Peeta was pulling out a chair for me and getting Eve out of her carrier so that they could hold her. I think he sensed my hesitation at this because he asked them to sit down too rather than stand, and made sure they both knew how to support her head. To my surprise, they picked it up easily enough and looked comfortable as they took it in turns to coo over her, like everyone else had. I found myself relaxing a bit and Peeta noticed this too as he went to the back and came out minutes later holding a chocolate croissant.

I sat back, whilst Otto held her and greedily wolfed it down, giving Peeta a look of appreciation and he smirked. Ever since I'd had her, my appetite still hadn't gone down. The Doctors had said this was perfectly normal. My body was _still _getting used to the changes in hormones and also as I was sleeping less and running around more than I'd been used to in the last months, it was only natural. I still felt huge despite my stomach being flatter than it was when carrying her. Peeta was right, there was only one way to lose this, and I wouldn't be doing that for a little while.

All the thinking about this suddenly made me realize that I had an appointment with the doctor today. Just a check-up for me and her, yet it still made my heart pound heavily. Peeta probably hadn't reminded me for the best; he knew I'd panic way before as usual. I also remembered the silent promise I'd made myself this morning: I would be brave from now. For my child.

"You guys, I'm not much of a kid-person but she is absolutely adorable." Otto said quietly as he looked down at the bundle in the blankets. He ran a finger through a strand of her hair. "Looks like we know who she'll be taking after." He winked and I smiled genuinely. Just looking at how beautiful she was, and having others acknowledge it was something I could bask in forever.

"Her hair may be mine but she'll be all Katniss from a character point of view. I know it." Peeta said happily as he patted Otto on the back.

"Even I'll admit it. Your baby is cute." Callam piped in as he put his apron on, ready for opening time. I laughed.

"Thanks you guys." I replied, finishing the last crumbs of my croissant and now wanting nothing more than to hold her again.

"Okay Otto, we need you buddy. We're open in about five minutes." Peeta said, and as always our telepathic abilities were in perfect synchronicity. I held my hands out for her, trying to trust myself and let it come naturally, as Otto passed her back over. I wrapped her yellow day-blanket a little tighter around her and held her close against my chest, peering down at her peaceful pink face as she blissfully slept. Peeta leant down and kissed the top of my hair as he whispered.

"Do you want me to walk you guys home or are you going to stay for a little while?" He asked quietly. I shook my head.

"We're okay here for a little while. We can always stay and then all walk to the Doctor's afterwards?" I asked and his face lit up again.

"Perfect." He replied.

Over the next couple of hours, streams and streams of people flowed through the doors. I think it got out that we were all there, so more people came to 'buy bread' than usual. Old women who I'd seen around in the market, but never spoken to, came up to me and fussed over her, stroking her hair, commenting on her curls and how beautiful she was. I thought I would mind it when a couple of them asked to hold her, but I was actually coping. Peeta was here, and these people were familiar even if I didn't exactly know them. There was something about Eve that brought the best out in everyone. Because they all seemed to fall in love with her, the same way we did.

People would also congratulate the both of us, and tell us how "they always knew we would end up like this eventually" and as Eve was passed from person to person –most of the time without complaint- I looked over at Peeta to see him beaming with pride at the compliments thrown around between his wife and daughter. He literally couldn't be more proud or blissful than he was then. He'd kiss me every now and then, or put an arm over me protectively, but caringly.

When it was time for us to head to see Doctor Mauray, and a local nurse too who's speciality was in newborns thankfully, Peeta left the boys to the shop and helped me pack away all of Eve's things before tucking her back into her seat. She'd only cried once whilst we'd been there, and that was when she was due a feed. By now the whole of 12 was absolutely smitten with her, and Peeta still hadn't stopped smiling even when we arrived at the surgery. He kept glancing down to his daughter and chuckling to himself.

"Mr and Mrs Mellark!" Doctor Mauray greeted in his usual tone before he looked down to Eve. "And baby Mellark too. Good gracious me, isn't she lovely?" He smiled as he welcomed us into his office, the nurse already in there waiting.

"Hey Doc." Peeta said, extending his arm that wasn't holding Eve's chair to shake his hand. I did the same out of politeness and walked over to the chairs with Peeta. Over the next forty minutes or so, the nurse had measured, weighed, listened to the heartbeat and checked vital signs of my daughter. As for me, Doctor Mauray checked my blood pressure and asked extensive questions about how I was feeling after recovering from labour. Naturally I waved everything off, keen to see how Eve was doing more than myself. Eventually we were told that everything looked normal for the both of us, and we were good to go. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders knowing that so far, everything was going right. The fear of her being taken away from me was still playing at the back of my mind.

"Congratulations you two. I bet you're over the moon." The Doctor said as he stroked Eve's tiny curled up hand, and she grabbed onto his finger, like Peeta that day in the hospital. He laughed to himself.

"We are." Peeta reassured him as he gave me a sweet smile. I nodded in agreement.

"She looks very much like the both of you already. Which is strange, because normally it isn't until later that they start to bear a resemblance to one or the other." He added as he moved away from her, still smiling, and held the door open for us. "Take care. And if there's anything you need, anything at all Katniss, you can call me."

I nodded and shook his hand again. "Thank you Doctor Mauray. For everything, you've been a great help." I said appreciatively. I had always detested everything medical, but he was a kind-hearted man and one of the few Doctors I actually liked.

As we trekked home, Peeta's hand linked in mine, and the seats handle resting in the crook of his elbow, we didn't say anything, just enjoyed the moment. It was already afternoon, and I felt beyond tired. I could tell Peeta was the same. He usually liked to make conversation and wasn't fond of the long silences like I was, but this time the bags under his eyes seemed to grow stronger as we got closer to the house, and when we had reached our home, and gotten through the front door, Peeta had sat down on the couch and crashed out. I didn't blame him. Although I was tired too, I had had more sleep than him and that was all thanks to Peeta getting up to feed her rather than I. So when Eve started crying again from her seat that I hadn't bothered to wake her up and take her out of, I picked her up swiftly, holding her with arm as I grabbed the bottles and formula.

When I didn't over-analyze the way I was carrying her, it made me realize that it felt incredibly natural. I tried not to concentrate on the fact I was multi-tasking too much, and instead just held her in a way that was comfortable for both me and her. By the time I had it ready, and had sat down at the kitchen table, she was already latched on and drinking. This little moment made me realize that I was capable of doing it on my own without Peeta when I had to. I felt a little leap of accomplishment and smiled to myself.

"Mommy did it! See, that wasn't so hard now was it sweetie?" I murmured as I rubbed her back before bringing her close again. I felt her hiccup as soon as she was on my shoulder and groaned. "That better not have been regurgitated formula." I sighed but still smiled.

And as I looked over to the couch where Peeta was, I could have sworn I saw him smirk too.


	23. Doubt

**A/N: Next chapter! I'd just like to say a massive thanks to my new Beta: 'LiveLaughLoveHope' who is making this a lot easier for me already. I tend to write these chapters late at night where I live and I have a tendency to make so many mistakes when I'm tired. **

**NOTE: As proven in my last chapter where I wrote that she was _four months old instead of one! - Sorry!  
_**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy it! Please leave a review letting me know what you think, and as per usual I thank every single one of you that already has! They make my day.**

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"Why won't she stop crying?" I whined as I rocked my daughter in my arms. At two months old, she was now a little heavier, louder, and more demanding than before. Her cry was piercing through the house and everything I'd tried just wasn't working.

"Catnip, give her to me." Gale said as he extended out his arms. I looked at him dubiously. He raised his eyebrows, so I handed her over carefully. Gale immediately held her on his hip instead and bounced her a little. Straight away, she stopped crying.

"What...how?" I asked as I stared in disbelief at how easily her sobs had vanished. Gale chuckled.

"Maybe she just wants to be up on our level a little you know? This way she gets to see the world from a different perspective. We must seem scary if she's just looking up to us all the time." He replied calmly, as he walked her over to the mirror, pointing into it so she could see herself. Her head lolled slightly as she tried to make an attempt at grabbing at it; her tiny fists dropping back straight away to press on Gale's shoulder. I sighed, and Gale turned back to me looking sympathetic.

"You'll get there Catnip." He said quietly and I shrugged my shoulders.

"But you don't even have kids!" I moaned, silently hating the fact that Gale could understand my child better than myself.

I felt like in the last month I'd made such good progress. Peeta and I took turns in the night to feed her. I went to the bakery a few times a week so that everyone could see her, and I'd even let Delly watch over her for the day one weekend so Peeta and I could have a lie-in. Though it had felt strange and I had longed for her to come back to me. Peeta had told me it was important that we took care of each other as well as her, and we had both caught up on sleep since then. She was waking up a bit less now and sleeping longer already. I couldn't believe what a difference a month could make. Eve was already growing up before my eyes.

"No, but I do have three younger siblings. I was fourteen when Posy was born. I was the only one who could help my mother with her. You learn a few things." He murmured and reached a hand around Eve's back as he continued to bounce her. She looked like she was perfectly content. I felt disheartened but glad that Gale had dropped by at the same time. He'd been working so much recently, after getting a new job in the medicine factory with Thom. Even Thom had, at first, seemed a little reluctant to be working with him after so long, but Delly had told me they'd moved past it and were back to being friends.

I couldn't tell how Peeta felt about Gale being back in 12. They hadn't really been alone together after the incident a couple of months ago. Whenever they were together, to my benefit, they seemed okay. Peeta had gone to work today, and I didn't feel like traipsing down to the bakery. I was tired and wanted the comforts of my own home.

As I watched Gale walk across the living room and kitchen with Eve, I thought about how one day he may have his own son or daughter. Was it possible he would find someone in 12 and settle down? I wasn't sure. If you had remained in love with the same person for ten years but didn't see them for that time, surely seeing them every day in the present wouldn't change anything. My heart panged with guilt, but I reminded myself that I had made the right to a choice. Peeta was the one I loved, and always had been. Peeta was right for me, and Gale wasn't. I had no doubt in my mind over this. But even after everything, Gale was still one of my best friends, and having him back home and getting to see him a lot of the time was nothing short of a blessing.

"Do you ever think about it?" I asked suddenly, and then realized the implications of what I'd just said. I was rubbing salt into a fresh wound. He looked at me puzzled, then down at Eve before he understood. Walking to the sofa and sitting down, while still holding her, he glanced at me.

"I don't know. I always said I wanted to start a family if I didn't live here. But now it's a different place, and it changes things. It's made it more...tangible." He concluded, and I could see that he had a picture far off in the back of his mind that he was studying. I wondered who the blank faced girl in his mind would be eventually.

"Seeing how happy you and Peeta are...and what you've got", he gazed down at my daughter, stroking a hand across her face lovingly, "made me realize that I want it too." I nodded my head as my eyes caught his. They still sparkled, but there was a certain sense of hopelessness in them too. He'd been forced to change his dream, and I knew it.

"Gale Hawthorne, the bachelor, wants to settle down." I murmured playfully and he chuckled, holding Eve out as a signal for me to take her. I lifted her into my arms, replicating the way he'd held her, but at my level, and she stayed happy, though after a minute of silence, her head had begun to rest against my chest and her eyelids fluttered closed. I sat down next to Gale.

"I'm sure it wouldn't be hard for you to find someone here." I continued, rubbing small circles on Eve's back as she gently dozed off. "Heck, you had enough admirers when you were eighteen." I laughed but Gale didn't join in.

"Although I'm a different person now Catnip; I want different things. I'm not sure if it'll happen soon, but if it does, I'd be happy." He said wistfully and I moved a hand to squeeze his arm.

"Any girl would be lucky to have you." I whispered.

...

"There are my girls!" Peeta said as he beamed from ear to ear while walking into the kitchen where Eve was in her seat on the floor beside me as I chopped vegetables. She'd been too awake for me to even attempt to put her down in her crib for a nap so I figured, since I needed to prepare dinner I may as well put her in it so she could still be around me. I'd fed her twenty minutes ago, but her blue eyes were wide open and clumsily looking around in search for her father's voice. Peeta unbuckled her from her seat and pulled her into his arms where he kissed her all over her face before leaning over to kiss me too.

"I have missed you guys so much today." He said, looking between our daughter and me, with a look of sadness in his eyes.

"Peeta you were only gone for a few hours." I said, not wanting him to feel guilty about leaving us. I knew he would stay at home all day every day if I wanted him to, but I couldn't let him do that. Even if I did miss him while he was gone, he needed to be around other people too, and his workers needed him.

"It feels like so much longer though." He mused, while Eve's eyes were fixed intently on him, latching herself onto his every word. Peeta caught her gaze and smiled at her. "Yes it does." He cooed in his baby voice, and I couldn't help but laugh at how adorable Peeta Mellark sounded when he was talking to children. Especially since it was _our _child. It was beautiful.

Just then, Eve breathed her own giggle. I stopped dead in my tracks and put down the carrot I was holding. Peeta's face had frozen too and Eve's hands reached up and clasped each other, almost in pride with the attention she was receiving.

"Was that a laugh, did she just laugh?" I asked, my own hand coming up to my mouth in shock. I walked over to them, looking in disbelief at her.

"I think so. She laughed when you laughed!" Peeta exclaimed, bouncing her slightly in his arms. "Laugh again Katniss." He said, staring at Eve as she gazed between the two of us.

"What?" I said, the corners of my lips pulling up into a grin. "I think it was when you were just talking to her."

" Did you just laugh? Did you?" Peeta asked her in his soft melodic voice. Eve started to smile, reflecting Peeta's face and mine before a little tinkle of a giggle escaped her mouth again. I gasped and jumped up and down on the spot slightly while Peeta chuckled in delight.

"Well done sweetie!" I said happily, placing a kiss on her forehead, still laughing myself. It was just another sign; not only that she was _normal_for starters, but that also she was becoming a proper human being. I would never tire of hearing that magical sound come from her lips. It meant she was content. Laughter had been hard to stumble across in both Peeta's life and mine. This moment however, made up for a lifetime of seriousness.

"Eve Mellark, what a clever little girl!" Peeta said as he practically glowed with joy.

I felt tears prickle behind the backs of my eyes, and didn't even stop myself from letting one escape from beneath my lashes. It was a good thing, I told myself. Peeta did a double take at me, and silently pulled me close to him with one arm around his waist as we stood, entwined together as three in the kitchen.

...

"So what did you do today?" Peeta asked as he got changed out of his clothes and into his shorts and shirt. I bit my lip, and put the book I was reading down on the side of the bedside table. It wouldn't be the first time I had told him that he was over, but I still felt guilty, even though I shouldn't, each time.

"Not much really. Took Eve to see Hazelle and Posy, bought the vegetables for dinner...and then this afternoon Gale came over to see Eve after work." I said, adding on the last part with false confidence. I didn't want to make it sound like a big deal, so acted overly nonchalant. Peeta's face, however, didn't even flicker in emotion. He instead smiled and climbed into bed next to me, briefly touching his hand to my arm.

"I'm glad you got out honey. You're doing really well." He murmured, pressing his lips to my shoulder. I smiled back.

"Yeah, I guess I'm doing a bit better than I thought I would." I replied, and turned off the light by me, leaving us in the darkness. Before I got fully under the covers though, I did a double check to make sure the baby monitor was on, and the lights were green.

"You're doing more than _a bit_." Peeta pointed out as he wrapped an arm around me, our familiar position to sleep in now. "After everything you've been through when you were carrying and delivering her, I'd say you're doing fantastic."

I did feel a bit better at Peeta's words. He was right, of course, but it hadn't come without a struggle. Every day, even after two months of her being out of me, I still fought with myself over what I should and shouldn't do. And each night before I went to sleep, a million scenarios raced through my mind: Eve getting taken away, Eve being picked for the Games, Haymitch stumbling through the door drunk and hurting her. Even though these were things that I knew in my heart of hearts would never happen, they still plagued my mind. I wanted to protect her from everything in life, but in turn, I would be harming her.

"She's so wonderful Katniss. I've never been happier than I am now. Honest. I thought our wedding day would be number one forever, but now, that was just miles away from this feeling." He whispered, his voice becoming thicker with sleep and contentedness. I hummed back in agreement before saying something I'd never said before.

"I'm so glad you pushed me towards this decision Peeta." I started, my voice a little rough. I'd never admitted this before. "I knew it wasn't something I ever wanted, but when you kept asking me and persuading me, I don't know, something changed. I never thought this would ever happen, but I've never been so glad to do something I didn't originally want to do." I said, laughing lightly at the end to show him that I wasn't taking it to seriously. He stroked my hair softly and moved his lips to my ear.

"I just wanted you to be happy. I accepted after a while that you'd never give in, and I was okay with that, because I had you. But you taking the chance, and pushing through your fears made me realize what an incredible woman you are." He said, and his other arm wrapped around me, stroking my back.

"I love you." I whispered into the thickness of the night.

"Always." He replied.

...

When the sound of Eve crying blared through the speaker beside me and woke me up, I realized Peeta wasn't in bed beside me. Confused, I walked out of the room, wondering if he was tending to her already. She usually settled down whenever one of us picked her up though. Rubbing my eyes to get rid of the sleep that had settled in the corners, I pushed open the door to her room, and turned on the light. Peeta wasn't there. Eve's cries faltered as she caught sight of me and I picked her up out of her crib.

"Shhh." I whispered to her in an attempt to comfort her.

Next to her crib was a clock, and the time on it read **3:19 am. **Peeta wasn't in our bathroom; I would've seen the light when I was walking out. Maybe he'd gone downstairs. I needed to go down anyway to prepare the formula, so I carefully gripped her tighter as we went downstairs. As I made my way, I turned on a few lamps to guide me through. By the time I'd reached the kitchen, he was still nowhere to be seen. This was strange, Peeta never just got up and left. He was usually the first one into Eve's room if she was crying, always wanting me to have sleep. I pushed this thought to the back of my mind for a moment while I heated up her milk to the right temperature and fed it to her, unable to listen to the sound of her sobbing any longer. When she was finished, which didn't take long, I turned off the kitchen light, and walked back into the living room, pausing when I saw him.

In the corner of the room, curled up with his hands wrapped around his knees that were pressed to his chest, was Peeta. The whites of his eyes were glowing in the darkness, and they watered on the surface. His chest was heaving up and down as he breathed heavily, and his gaze fixed on me.

That's when I realized what was happening.

My heart pounded and the hands which were holding Eve became clammy and shaky as I was half-torn between backing away and going closer to see if he was alright. It had been so long, I'd forgotten which option was the best, and now as I held our daughter in my arms I knew I couldn't take any chances. A lump developed in my throat from the situation.

"Peeta?" I asked timidly, and he continued to glare at me. Eve was now in a light sleep, resting her head on my shoulder, so I tried not to wake her. Noise had been a definite trigger, I remembered; especially ones as upsetting as a baby crying. _Our baby crying…._

After a minute, he slowly got up and started walking towards me, his fingernails now digging into his palms as he pressed his fists tightly, from the light coming in from the window, I saw that his knuckles had gone a bone white.

"Peeta, it's okay." I said as calmly as I could, keeping my voice even and firm. I racked my mind wondering what had set this off; it had been years since Peeta had had a flashback like this. Everything was going great and fine, why did something always have to happen to taint our happiness? In this moment, my blood boiled as the Capitol was forced to the front of my mind. They did this to him. They were stealing him away still, after all this time. I refused to let them take him from our daughter. I turned my body so that the hip Eve was on was slightly behind the rest of me, shielding her with myself. It was an awful thing to think about: That Peeta could harm her, because in his right mind he wouldn't. But he wasn't himself when he was taken back to these shiny memories. I had to remember that.

"Katniss." He hissed with ferocity, and it hurt, more than it should have, piercing me deeply.

**It's not Peeta, it's not Peeta, it's not Peeta. **I told myself over and over again. I swallowed down the fear that was building in my chest and grasping at my throat and stayed strong for the child that I was now solely responsible for.

"Peeta, honey, it's all fine. Don't worry." I said helplessly, while keeping up a front of being in control. He stopped about a meter in front of me, and I slowly backed up a tad. The air between us felt like it could snap in tension. He reached his hands up to his hair where he now pulled at it, in an attempt to fight with the other half of himself. This broke my heart, seeing him battle like this with the Capitol-version of his twisted memories. He was trying so hard to see that it wasn't real, but his mind was telling him the opposite. His eyes dropped suddenly to Eve where they were filled with certain devastation. Though, his eyebrows stayed scrunched up in thought.

"She's _his. _Real or not real?" He all but spat out, and I jolted back in surprise.

"Who Peeta, who?" I asked desperately, trying to help him in any way I could, but right now he was making no sense.

"**Him**." He said simply, looking like he would pull his hair from out of its roots. He then looked me dead in the eye, freezing me to the bone.

"Gale."

I invested all my strength in not crying. Just a few hours ago I'd been shedding tears of joy, now this.

"Peeta." I said, feeling so wounded. It was as if that one word had been aimed straight at my lungs. I gasped for air. " Not real. You know that." I breathed, wondering how he could ever ask me such a thing. It didn't even add up. I hadn't seen Gale for ten years, but of course the images flickering through his mind right now were telling him different.

"I love you, I've always loved you." I emphasized, feeling my eyes swell up with tears. "How could you ask that?" I added, and Eve stirred with my hysteria building.

"You love him too, real or not real?" He asked again, his voice rising in anger at himself and at me. I felt so alone, and defenceless. I wanted _my_Peeta back. The one I loved despite all of this. The real Peeta wouldn't doubt me in this way, or ask me these questions. Dread pooled into the bottom of my heart.

"Peeta I love him as a friend; as a brother. Not in the way I love you." I whispered, my voice feeling weaker and becoming quieter. This only seemed to make him angrier.

"You'll leave me for him."

This time he didn't even add the ending on; didn't even make it a question. I stumbled backwards, hurt by his accusation. "Not real. Never." I said with conviction and his eyes lightened at these words, but his body language stayed tense and bitter. I eyed up the door to the left of me now, knowing that if he was going to snap I needed to get away, for Eve's sake. I didn't want her to see her father like this. This wasn't who he was. Peeta loved her more than anything and if he hurt her, accidentally or not, he would never forgive himself. Things would be different if it was just myself alone with him. I'd try to talk to him properly, calm him down, and hold his hand while he rode it out and fought against what he was feeling, but it was too risky. I didn't know what to do. Just as I was deciding, I saw Peeta punch the wooden cabinet to the side of him with a loud crunch. Ignoring the part of me that had to see if he was okay, I ran.

I ran as fast as my feet could carry me, holding Eve as strongly as I could whilst I unlocked the door, closing it behind me and fleeing across the street. By the time I'd run up the path and reached his house, I was shaking so hard I thought I would drop her. Tears were flowing down my face now and Eve, sensing something was wrong wailed at the top of her lungs, burying her face into my skin that prickled in the coldness of the March morning. Ramming my fist against the wood in front of me as hard as I could, I prayed that he wasn't too incapacitated to answer.

I had nothing to fear though, because the sound of both my cries and hers must have been enough for him to fling the door open quickly. I stepped inside, still shielding my daughter, and looking at him helplessly.

"Haymitch you have to help me."


	24. Shiny

**A/N: Been away for a little while - sorry about the delay. I am delighted to see you're all still leaving reviews wondering what's happening next, so here it is finally. Hope you enjoy it. Let me know by dropping me a word or two.**

**Thank you thank you thank you as always to my Beta LiveLaughLoveHope. She's so thorough and such a star at fixing my grammar when I get tired and my spelling mistakes when I slip in some British wording by mistake!**

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He looked at me with such worry on his face that for the first time I realized how much Haymitch truly cared about us. His grey bloodshot eyes first scanned Eve over, and then myself before it clicked in his mind what was missing from this equation.

We weren't hurt.

But where was Peeta?

"Katniss, what's going on?" Haymitch asked with a pressed urgency. Immediately he looked more sober, more steady on his feet and ready to take action. I wasn't sure whether he was awake or not when I pounded on his front door but if he hadn't been, then he'd managed to snap out of it quickly.

I gasped as I tried to find enough air to tell him between my sobs what was happening. Haymitch was already pulling on his boots though. I couldn't let him walk into this not knowing what the score was. I had to tell him. I took a large gulp and rocked Eve a little, concentrating on my daughter, and my husband who needed me.

"P-Peeta he's-" I stuttered as he put a hand on my shoulder firmly.

"He's what Katniss, he's what?" He said impatiently. I cleared my throat, breaking through the tears that locked around my vocal chords.

"It's been so long, I thought they'd stopped. I...I found him in the living room. He hurt himself Haymitch, I thought he was going to hurt us so I ran." I sniffed and held my daughter as close to me as I possibly could. Right now, both of her parents were not in their right frame of mind, and the guilt hung over me like a cloud. She continued to wail; her cry was sharp and shrill like a tiny bird.

"How could I think that of Peeta?" I said to myself, feeling the tears run off my chin and onto Eve's shoulder in a splatter pattern. Haymitch clenched his fists before hurling open the door again, the wind swirling into the messy hallway. Just as he was about to put his foot in the doorway I shouted.

"No! I need to go, take her." I said suddenly, making a move to hand over my daughter to him. Haymitch looked alarmed.

"Katniss, I'm not letting you go in there. Not if he's having a flashback. God knows what he could do to you. Stay here." He said firmly but I put a hand on his arm, pulling his attention to me for one minute.

"He won't hurt me. I've handled them before. It's over _me_ and I need to be the one to prove to him that what his mind is tricking him into believing right now isn't the truth." I urged, stroking Eve's head to try and calm myself down. If I was going back into the house then I needed to be clear-headed. Truth be told, I was scared. Terrified even, to venture back into there and see him in that way. This wasn't the man I fell in love with all those years ago: It was their version of him. It caused a pain in my heart at the thought of it.

Haymitch, however, shook his head fiercely.

"I'll deal with this Katniss. Stay here with your child for god's sake. You can't put yourself in front of him now that you have her." He said motioning towards Eve. His voice was angry, but not at me, at the situation. I nodded, realizing someone just had to go over there, and fast.

"She has to have at least one of you." He said sadly, and I frowned, not knowing what he meant.

"Hurry." I said to him simply as I wiped my eyes. But before I'd even finished saying the last letter, Haymitch had bolted out the front door and at full speed towards mine.

I slammed the door shut again against the chill that prickled the hairs on the back of my neck. My priority right now had to be Eve, not Peeta. I steadied my breathing after a few seconds and kissed her head; her soft, tiny curls brushing into my nose.

"It's okay sweetie, it's okay." I murmured while trying to make my voice as light and calm as I could. After a minute, I became unfrozen from the spot where I stood and was able to walk slowly into Haymitch's living room. I braced myself for the worst, not knowing what to expect in there, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I scanned the room, needing a distraction now from what was going on mere yards away from where I stood. Sure enough, Haymitch's lounge was so much tidier. Had Hazelle been recently? I didn't know, but ever since Gale had come back, and Sae had died, she'd been at home more, looking after Pine and making the most of her son's company. I hadn't seen her come in and out for the last few days at least.

This was all Haymitch.

Okay, so it wasn't a normal person's standard of tidy, but you could see the floorboards beneath me and that was a start. Instead of a pile of bottles by the sofa, there was only one, and that looked_fresh_. The usual sprawling of papers and god knows what else was gone.

As I paced around, I studied more and even wandered into the kitchen trying to stop my whirring thoughts, to find a similar fate. The kitchen looked relatively clean. There was a bowl of something left on the side, but nothing much more. I grimaced as I opened the fridge, preparing for the wall of stench that would surely hit me, but instead I found in-date food dispersed around the shelves. Nothing was growing mold as far as I could see.

What was happening?

Had Haymitch really cleaned up his act, literally, in the last couple of months since Eve had been born, or was I selfish for thinking that? Nothing could turn Haymitch around. We'd all accepted that that's just the way he was. He had seemed less drunk recently... and he'd been coming over a little more...

I stared down at the tiny baby in my arms in disbelief.

"If you have changed the drunk old man who lives across the road, you're going to have your father's way of influencing people in the future. Especially since you can't even talk yet and you're already doing it." I mused, smiling a bit before being slammed back into reality. Eve, sensing my panic diminishing slightly, rested her head back into the nook of my neck and stirred quietly, her cries becoming less and less. I walked back into the living room and gently pushed the blinds to the side so I could peer through them, across to our house. There was a light on in the front window, the room where Peeta was. But I couldn't see much else as our own curtains blocked the view. I prayed to god that Haymitch could get him to calm down and convince him his visions were false. I'd only learnt those skills after years of living with him. Haymitch knew him well though, secretly better than most others I thought.

I bounced Eve as she drifted off back into sleep, now content that I was no longer upset too and tiring herself out from her own sobs. I remained at the window, waiting for movement from the front door, or anything to just still my mind, but nothing came. I finally moved away, and took a seat on the sofa, my aching arms still holding my daughter close to me. I let my mind take me to the words Peeta had spat before he hurt himself.

"_You'll leave me for him." _It wasn't a question: It was a statement. He said it with such conviction; it was as if he believed it whole-heartedly. My chest grew heavy with the betrayal I felt at that sentence. He truly believed that I would run off with Gale into the night, taking our daughter with me. He believed that I loved Gale more than him.

**He didn't believe that Katniss. The Capitol made him believe that. Long, long ago.**

No matter how much I told myself this though, it still hurt. I would never leave Peeta for him. I didn't love Gale like that. I wasn't sure I ever had. From what he'd heard those two months ago, his imagination tainted with the poison had obviously conjured up these thoughts: That _I _was to blame as well as Gale, that _I _had declared my love for Gale at the same time he did for me, and that we had been conspiring behind his back to sneak away.

Of course Peeta didn't think that. But right now, his brain was telling him something different. He was scared, and confused, and fought back against himself, resulting in him becoming injured. I swallowed down tears as I fought the urge to run over there, and cradle his more-than-likely broken knuckles and wrist in my hand, and kiss him softly, letting him know how much I loved him and how I'd never let him go.

I didn't tell him enough. I never had.

As I leant back against the hard cushions on the sofa, I felt my eyes growing heavier, despite my refusal to close them completely. I wanted to stay alert in case Haymitch came back. I needed to stay awake...for Peeta. I couldn't fall asleep with Eve in my arms anyway, I'd heard of young women doing that when I was younger, and smothering them in their sleep. This thought alone sent my eyes wide open.

After another hour or so, I knew that the chances of anything happening right now were slim, so I grabbed the other cushions off the sofa and lay them out on the floor, making a barrier so Eve wouldn't be able roll anywhere. I wrapped her blanket tightly around her, making sure there was nothing she could hurt herself on, and placed her in the middle of the makeshift bed I'd made her, before lying down on the sofa. My head was right above her, so that I could watch her until I could fight the feeling no more.

I wasn't sure what exactly woke me up. There was no noise, no stirrings from Eve, not even the sun streaming through the gap in the blinds had troubled me, by the looks of it, it had been up for an hour or so already. I squinted through my weary eyes to find Peeta hovering in the doorway, biting the nail on his thumb and glancing away from me when I caught his eye. I jolted upright, horrified at myself for feeling uncertain around Peeta after what had happened, but I needed to know we were safe. As I sat up I saw I had a blanket draped over me, and Haymitch was standing on the other side of the room from Peeta, watching his every move. Eve was still lying contently on the floor, her small chest rising and falling with relaxed breathing. I frowned, feeling all the emotions from last night come flooding into me.

"Peeta?" I muttered, unsure if my eyes were tricking me. The bandage covering his hand caught my attention and I rubbed my eyes roughly before standing. Peeta looked back towards me again, his eyes looking desperate and hopeless. I'd never seen him look so distraught before, not even when he thought the fight him and Gale had gotten into had sent me into early labor.

"Don't." He said sharply as I took a step towards him. I had to make sure he was okay, but he obviously wasn't about to let me do that.

"Peeta." I said, and for the first time heard the anxiety in my voice at his name. He looked to the floor as a shiny surface filled his eyes. His eyes glanced back up again, and over to Haymitch. I turned around to face him.

"Haymitch, it's okay, you can leave." I murmured, sensing that Peeta was self-conscious and embarrassed over what had happened. Haymitch remained firm to the spot, studying Peeta's face, and then mine, before giving me a look.

"I'm alright. He's not going to hurt me. I know that." I whispered, not wanting Peeta to hear, but knowing that he had. He sighed.

"You can take Eve with you." I added, realizing this might help Haymitch feel a little better about the situation. Instead of two of us being in potential danger, there was only one. And I was his wife. I knew in all my heart that Peeta wouldn't hurt her. But it would give us a moment alone, and that's what we needed. It made Haymitch feel safer too.

He nodded, and bent down to Eve, looking unsure of what to do. I walked over to her, gingerly picking her up so as not to wake her too much, before handing the bundle over to him. He looked uncomfortable, but gripped onto her tightly before rising to stand again. Eventually, his arms relaxed, and she fit into the crook of his elbow more easily. He seemed content with this, as he could be, and walked past us before turning to me.

"I'll be in the kitchen." He said gruffly, and I saw the bags under his eyes and the tiredness etched into his face. It had been a long night. I wondered how, if he had cut down, the withdrawals were treating him. He'd been through complete lack of alcohol before, and it hadn't gone well.

Peeta remained on the other side of the doorway, and I sat back down on the couch, knowing he would come in when he was ready. The guilt practically weighed down his shoulders. His whole figure looked like it had been reduced to nothing. He walked in, his shoulders hunched and his eyes shone with tears as he sat on the furthest end to me. After a moment of silence, I inched closer, and reached out a hand to lightly touch his dressing. He flinched slightly, but not from the pain.

"Peeta please." I whispered through a strained voice and he finally sat still long enough for me to touch it again. There was dried blood on the inside that I could clearly see. His knuckles had obviously been cut deeply, but at least the bleeding had stopped. The bandage looked rough and done in a rush. Haymitch had obviously attempted to dress it as best as he could.

"We need to get you to a doctor to look at this." I murmured, trying my best to force a small smile to show him that I wasn't angry. He exhaled, and brought his gaze up into my eyes, I'd never seen so much sadness before.

"Katniss I'm-" He started, but before he could continue, I cut him off.

"Shh. It's okay." I muttered, smoothing my fingers over the arm above his injured hand.

"No it's not. Stop saying that!" He shouted, but not in a way that made me fearful. I knew he was just trying to get out what he wanted to say. I nodded.

"Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? It wasn't you who thought your wife was having an affair and that your daughter wasn't really yours. It wasn't you that punched through wood and scared them away. It wasn't you who nearly hurt them, who _thought _about hurting them." By the time he'd reached the last sentence, Peeta's voice had grown quieter and less powerful. He had admitted defeat. I grasped his chin in a feather-light touch and pulled his face back up to me. He couldn't even keep eye contact.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Don't you see? Even if you thought about hurting us...you never did! You took it out on yourself instead of doing anything. You have control Peeta. Which is more than what you used to have during these attacks." I said, desperately wanting him to see that even though it was awful that this had happened to him, and at this time, that he was still himself underneath it all. He sighed and reached out his good hand to pull mine away from his chin, before wrapping his fingers around mine.

"I don't know where it came from." He started, and his voice was beginning to crack. I breathed deeply; if I cried now he would think it was because of him, not because of the situation.

"I do." I said remorsefully. "It's because Gale's been spending time with her isn't it? And me. It just triggered it." I continued, knowing where I had to go with this sentence.

"I'll stop seeing him. I'll tell him he can't come over anymore; it's not fair to you. I don't know what I was thinking carrying on as normal when I haven't seen him in so long, and after everything he said." I said confidently. It pained me to speak the words, but Peeta was the one I loved, and I would do anything for him, as he would for me.

"No. I don't want you to do that; I'd never even ask you to consider it. He's your friend and I know that. I know he's nothing more. That wasn't me talking last night, you have to understand." He objected, but at least could hold his gaze with me now. I squeezed his fingers carefully.

"After all this time Peeta, you think I don't know that?" I asked, wanting nothing more than to press my lips against his, feel his warmth, and remind him how much I loved him. That wouldn't help though, he needed to hear it this time, not sense it through touches and affection.

"They just...happen. We've accepted that. Yes, they're horrific, and I wish I could do anything to take it away from you, but I can't. You hadn't had one in a couple of years. You were doing great! One was bound to come along eventually. And hopefully now, it'll be another couple of years until the next. And when it comes, we'll deal with it again. And you know why?" I asked him, keeping my voice a tone of authority and calm.

"Why?" He asked glumly as he placed his hurt hand on top of mine, clasping it together in both of his.

"Because I love you. And so does your daughter. And nothing's ever going to change that. We know each other, we both have our imperfections from everything that's happened to say the least." I grinned, noticing how he was starting to relax a little, despite the guilt still evident.

"When I came in this morning, and saw you two here...I just couldn't believe what I'd done. I'd scared away the only two people who I'm sure I love in this world. I'm supposed to protect our daughter Katniss, and I can't even do that. What's she going to grow up to think? That her father's a monster?" He said with a bitter tone. I pulled his good hand up to my mouth and flitted a kiss on his warm skin.

"Peeta, she will love you, like me, no matter what. You're going to be, and already are, the best father there is. You love her so much, and everyone can tell that, including her. She'll know someday why we are the way we are, if and when we decide to tell her. She'll appreciate you because of it. Look how strong you are, look how far you've come!" I urged him to see as I clenched his hand a little stronger, now more confident that he was all right with the physical touch.

"There will be days when I can't break out of my mind. You know that. There will be times inevitably when I won't even make it out of bed, or I'll be too distracted with things where I can't even look at her without flashbacks of my own coming on. If those days, hours, or minutes come when I can't, then you will step up to the plate and protect her. I have no doubt about it." I concluded, knowing that my words were true. Look what had happened when Sae had died, and when I'd been told my blood pressure was too high. I'd drawn away, into myself, and away from the world. I knew I couldn't afford to do that now my daughter was here with us, but undoubtedly those nightmares will come back in their full, and I'd be incapable of expressing my love for her. Those were the times I needed Peeta.

"She'll always have one of us." Peeta said solemnly, and Haymitch's words from last night rung in my head, their meaning becoming crystal clear.

"Nearly every single day, she'll have us both. But she'll always definitely have one." I whispered and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. At the last minute, he turned his head and met my mouth with his, briefly, passionately, and apologetically. I smiled and stroked the side of his face as I kissed him one last time.

Just then, Eve started crying from the kitchen.

I rose, pulling Peeta up with me. He still looked unsure of himself, and it would probably be a while before I could convince him to hold her, or even me, properly again. But I would help him through it, like he would with me. With a firm grip on his fingers, I spoke.

"Now let's take our daughter home, I don't think Haymitch is equipped for babysitting just yet."

And for a second, his lips twitched into a grin.


	25. Woods

**A/N: Just a little update! Sorry it took so long. Combined with my writer's block sometimes and going through my Beta it's a little longer but I prefer it this way because then it's in the best possible version when it comes to you! Hope you enjoy.**

**NOTE: People also may be getting confused on the time frame of Eve. I write in each chapter which month/season it is and how old she is, so hopefully you catch that. I will skip a few months after this one as I have to keep the story rolling!**

**Thank you for so many wonderful reviews. As I'm typing this now I have 260! I appreciate them all.**

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I rolled over lazily in bed to find Peeta propping Eve up onto her stomach between his legs. She squealed a little with delight as she managed to keep herself up with her arms. Peeta stroked her head and smiled. This had happened a few mornings recently, and it made my heart swell with happiness each time.

"Peeta, again, you really should wake me. You've done so many morning feeds." I gently chided, but knew the real reason he'd been trying so hard over the last month.

Guilt.

"Honey, the more sleep you have, the better. You were exhausted all last month, I could see it." He replied, leaning over slightly to meet me for a brief morning kiss. I bent down to press my lips on Eve's forehead.

It was true; I had been exhausted the last month. It had taken a while for Peeta to regain his trust in himself after his flashback. Thankfully he hadn't had another since, even though it occurred only a month ago, and therefore, he gradually was able to be alone with her again. I had complete faith in him. Although it scared me, I knew he would never do anything to hurt her. If he felt one coming on, he knew where Haymitch was if I was out of the house.

After a few minutes of Eve lying on her tummy, she started to sniffle and get agitated. Peeta picked her up and held her with arms extended over his face.

"Who's a clever girl learning to keep herself up?" He mused affectionately and Eve cooed back at him in agreement. It was like the sound of her first laugh again. We both froze rigid.

"She did it!" I exclaimed with an outburst. The doctor had told us that between the first two to three months she would start making noises of attempted communication, but in month two she hadn't, and despite it being normal, I'd started to worry.

At our faces, she let out a small giggle.

"Of course she did! Before you know it, she'll be saying Mama." Peeta said jokingly, but I could tell his own heart was now swelling with pride, and, if possible, his ribcage would most likely break. I nudged him, and held out my arms to take her.

"Don't be stupid, her first word will be Dada, I promise you." I responded, cradling her against my chest and kissing her again. It was getting harder and harder for her to be out of my sight and away from my physical touch lately. My love for her grew each day and the fear grew simultaneously alongside it.

"Pancakes?" Peeta asked and I replied with an enthusiastic nod. He hopped out of bed and made his way out of the room after stealing another glance at our daughter with a beam on his face.

"Well done Eve." I murmured, before moving her to face me on my lap. She reached out an arm and grabbed onto my pajama top sleeve, scrunching it in her fingers.

"Can you say Dada?" I whispered softly. "Dada." I repeated clearly for her to hear, but she just stared back at me amused, making a quiet hum in the back of her throat.

"I heard that." Peeta said from around the corner, and I realized he hadn't gone downstairs. He poked his head around the door and gave me a wink. I glared at him.

"No cheating. We'll see what her first word will really be." He teased and this time, made his way downstairs. I stroked her tiny blonde hair.

"Well, you and I both know what it's going to be anyway." I said lightly and placed her on my hip before walking into her nursery to get her changed for the day.

By the time we'd made our way downstairs and into the kitchen, there were two plates full of pancakes set out on the table, complete with a freshly picked flower in a small vase, and a glass of milk for each of us. I sat Eve in her small seat and put her on the floor in between both of us so she had a clear view of our faces. She wasn't old enough yet to sit her in the highchair that Thom had crafted out of wood a few weeks ago. It was beautiful, and I couldn't believe how intricate the woodwork was. It not only had stars just like the ones in her room, they also had her name carved within them. I had nearly cried when he brought it to us.

I sniffed the syrup that lay on top of the pancakes and drizzled down the small stack. I'd never had these delicacies as a child or teenager, so nowadays I savored every bit of food that Peeta concocted. I knew how lucky we all were to be eating properly, and this was one fact about the present world that did not paralyze me with fear when thinking of my child.

After we'd finished eating, Peeta couldn't resist the urge to pick up Eve again and sit her on his lap, with her head pressing against his chest. I was going to tell him off for it, when I realized that it would be hypocritical. We still to this day, had to be touching each other most of the time, never letting go, and the same concept was magnified by a thousand for Eve. Old habits had left permanent routines imprinted in both of us.

"So what do you want to do today, seeing as I have it off?" Peeta asked, and I felt my throat constricting already. I knew what I wanted to do – _needed _to do – but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Would I still be able to do it? Or was that another part of me, that now as a mother, I'd have to leave behind? It meant being away from Eve for a few hours...something I wasn't good at. But, after all, it was a part of me, and I couldn't ignore it.

"Actually...I was thinking I may go into the woods today." I said timidly, and Peeta stopped bouncing a content Eve on his leg briefly, before continuing. He looked up slowly.

"That's great Katniss. I think you should do it." He said genuinely, and there was a true happiness in his eyes. I frowned.

"You do?" I asked, still unsure of myself. When I'd gone into the woods before, it was an escape from a life that I detested. But now, I had everything I could ever imagine in the world; I needed to escape from nothing.

But the sound of the wind rustling the leaves, and the faint smell of musky dirt had already persuaded my imagination, and pulled me in. I had to go into the woods.

Peeta nodded. "I'm surprised you haven't gone earlier, to be honest." He responded, and rubbed small circles on Eve's back while she picked up a stray spoon on the table and started waving it around near Peeta's mouth. He laughed and pulled it away from his face.

"I thought about it." I confessed, chewing on the bottom of my lip, his eyebrows tightened, as he seemed to worry briefly about my lack of communication, but eventually relaxed. I didn't have to tell Peeta everything, and to this day, I still don't, though I try hard to.

"Would you rather I stayed here?" I asked, still chewing my lip inconspicuously, though his eyes drifted down to the small action so I stopped. Half of me hoped he'd say yes, but I knew he was too selfless to even ask that of me, even if he wanted me to stay.

"Of course not, if you want to go hunting honey, go." Peeta encouraged, and reached out a hand across the table to stroke mine.

...

I pulled on my Father's old hunting jacket, the only thing left of his that I now owned. Whenever it touched my shoulders, the smell of worn leather hit me with a heavy wave of nostalgia. It still fit perfectly, after all this time. I pulled on my khaki trousers and sighed when they didn't close up comfortably. This was half of the reason I needed to be back out there, and doing things again.

When I hurried down the stairs and pulled my boots out of the closet, I realized how excited I really was. The adrenaline rushed around me in a good way, giving me an energy burst and making me feel like a child again. I quickly laced up, and by the time I'd done that, Peeta was in the hallway with Eve still by his side. I kissed them both, squeezing Peeta's fingers for a moment to reassure him that I would be okay. I could tell he was holding back any worries he had, not that he needed to have any, the woods were a much safer place than before.

With a swift motion, I picked up my bow and quiver, which I'd brought down from the cupboard upstairs, and slung it over my back.

"I'll be back by lunchtime." I promised. I wouldn't stay out long, I just needed to get a feel for it again, and ease myself back in. Peeta nodded.

"Stay safe." He murmured lovingly.

"Always do." I smiled back, and pushed down the cool metal of the door handle and walked into the April air.

As I walked confidently through town, I acquired a few looks of curiosity. I felt like the old me, with the braid in my slightly longer hair, and the excitement that flowed through my veins. Except that now, when I went into the woods, it would be different. I had a family now, a proper one.

As I jumped over the fence, through the meadow, and into the thicket of trees beginning to burst into a small green again after the winter months, I became aware of how unfit I'd become since I'd gotten pregnant and had a child. My chest heaved up and down a little more than it use to, and my breathing was slightly labored. I pushed past it, determined to become healthier again.

I walked for a while, I wasn't sure how long, but I still recognized my surroundings, despite a lot of things changing in the short space of time I had been absent. Some trees had gotten a little taller; some paths I'd used to take had become more overgrown. I suddenly got a sense of belonging, and realized this was as much my home as the one I had with Peeta and our daughter.

I came across the small brook that I used to drink from, and immediately filled up the canteen that was hooked on my belt, adding a few drops of iodine in as a safe measure. I couldn't afford to be reckless anymore.

After a minute of sitting down on a rock and enjoying the peaceful choir that nature had to offer, I continued on my way, listening intently for any sign of a deer, or a bird that I could shoot. I wasn't sure if I'd come here to actually get some game, or just wander, but now that I was here I realized I couldn't not do it. It was part of my routine, like everything else.

A few moments passed by before a squirrel caught my eye as it rippled up a nearby trunk. I silently and expertly pulled an arrow from my quiver, keeping my eyes focused on the moving object, and loaded my bow with practiced ease. In a swift motion, I pulled back on the string; sure that it would hit my target.

But it stuck in the bark right underneath it.

"Dammit." I muttered to myself, angry that I couldn't get it right first time. Maybe I had waited too long to come back here. If my father were here, that wouldn't be what he would say though. In fact, I knew the exact words he'd tell me.

"**Katniss, don't get so impatient with yourself. There's no shame in failing, only shame in not trying."**

These words rung in the air around me, as if I'd actually just heard him say them, and a pain went through my heart. My father. If only he could see me now, and where I'd come. He probably thought the day would never come when I had my own children. Or, maybe he did. He would never have suspected Peeta to be the father though, or my husband. I wondered whether he would approve if were here.

Of course he would, whatever made me happy was all he cared about, and Peeta certainly did that. A bittersweet smile taunted my lips as I realized he'd never get to see his granddaughter and how beautiful she was, and how her eyes were the exact copy of his...

I stood up determinedly, scanning my surroundings for another opportunity to redeem myself. My eyes fell on a bird that was perched on a branch. It wasn't really big enough to sell, let alone feed a family, but it was good enough for me. I picked up a rock from the dirt by my feet, preparing a new arrow before hurling the stone at the tree where the bird perched on. I let my arms act upon their own accord, and the arrow was sent straight between the bird's eyes, knocking it dead to the floor. I breathed out in relief. I could do this again.

...

After spending about an hour catching two squirrels and another three birds, I put them in my game bag and decided it was time to head home. Judging by the sun, it was at its highest point and most likely midday, and Peeta would be wondering if I was all right. I took a gulp of my water and made my way back through the woods, emerging into the vivid meadow again. I realized I'd come out a slightly different way than I'd gone in, but I was near enough so it didn't matter. I traipsed along, feeling warm in my jacket when the glimpse of yellow caught my attention. The exact same shade as before, and even brighter if possible, there stood a patch of them. I counted roughly in my head as I made my way over to them. Twenty-four. There are twenty four of them now. Last year there had been one, struggling to survive as it burst out from the ashes of the dead, and now before me was a thriving bunch of Evening Primroses. I smiled weakly, and hesitantly crouched down, entwining my fingers around the stem of the one closest to me and pulling it softly out of the ground. I felt remorse for plucking such a beautiful life away from its source, but at the same time, I somehow knew that this time next year there would be more. There had to be.

They made it.

I gripped it in my hand and made my way into the town, encountering Sam, who had taken over Sae's soup stall in the market. I gave him both the squirrels for a tub of tomatoes and a couple of garlic cloves, and he seemed silently impressed that I was back at it again. I'd never really spoken to him much in the past, but he was Sae's friend, so I knew he couldn't be bad. He thanked me for the meat, and with my supplies I headed home, still holding the flower.

When I reached my door, I saw Haymitch inside the front window drinking a mug of something on the sofa opposite Peeta. He had been coming round more and more lately, especially since the incident last month. I think he was secretly checking up on us, not to mention seeing Eve at the same time. I pushed it open, flinging my game bag on the floor, shrugging out of my jacket and kicking off my boots. I went into the lounge to see Eve leaning against Peeta, with his arm around her tiny body. I nodded towards Haymitch, and him back to me, before rushing over to my daughter, acknowledging how much I'd missed her. I picked her up in my arms and smothered her in kisses.

"Hello sweetie." I said quietly. It still felt strange to be a mother in front of Haymitch. I suppose it was because I'd spent so long of the time I'd know him emotionally-closed up, and I'm pretty sure he never thought the day I was cooing over a child would come. His next sentence proved it.

"Katniss, I think Eve is the only living thing you've ever been consistently nice to." He mused, smiling wickedly. I narrowed my eyes at him, but he knew I wasn't serious, nor did I believe he was. It was also unusual; he recently began calling Eve her by her name much more often and not just addressing her as 'kid' or 'the baby'.

"Did you have fun honey?" Peeta asked as I went to sit down on the armchair, but he beckoned me over to sit right next to him. I did so, and just like he did with Eve earlier, he put his arm around the both of us, kissing my cheek. I nodded, not wanting to make a big spectacle of it, especially with Haymitch around.

"There are two birds in my bag, and some tomatoes and garlic from Sam." I added. Peeta looked pleased.

"That's great, I can make a good dish with those tonight." He said happily.

I gestured towards Haymitch's mug.

"What's in the cup Haymitch?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. He held up his hand, and gave a slight scowl.

"Coffee. I swear it." He grumbled, and Peeta nodded to indicate he was telling the truth. I couldn't believe it. I gave him a small smile.

"Okay."

...

As I climbed into bed that night and nestled into Peeta's side, I hummed contently.

"What?" He asked, bemused, but happy. I placed my hand on his chest directly over his heart, feeling the beating radiate through my fingers.

"Nothing really. I was just thinking how different our lives would be if you had never convinced me that having children was a good thing." I said honestly. I always felt more able to open up when I was lying in the dark by Peeta. I couldn't see his expression, nor him mine, and I felt relaxed with sleepiness. He kissed my hair, and stroked the top of my arm.

"I used to feel like I was pushing you too much. Like one day, I'd go too far and lose you because of it. I wouldn't have had a baby with you if that's what you wanted, but the day you agreed was the happiest of my life. I'd always love you no matter what your had decided though." He whispered in the blanket of darkness that hung over us both. I kissed his neck, feeling the heat of his skin directly on my mouth.

"I'm glad you never stopped pushing me Peeta. Besides, I told you, that every year on my Birthday you could ask me, that was the deal. I felt like a terrible person for making you wait, not letting you have a definite answer. One day, I just...felt it. I know it took what must have felt like forever for you, but, in that moment, I was as close to being as less scared as I possibly could be." I revealed, feeling my voice tremble as I remembered how terrified I'd been the moment I'd said yes. Peeta tried not to look too elated, but I could picture his face like it was yesterday. If it was his choice, we'd have started trying to conceive right there and then, but he gave me space and time to get used to the idea before we did. Thankfully, it had happened relatively quickly too.

He squeezed my shoulder and I hooked a leg over his, wanting to be closer to him in that moment. He tilted his head down, and mine up, as I met him with a passionate kiss.

"I felt like I coerced you into it, that you were doing it just for me, but I see now that you would never do something of this magnitude if you didn't wanted to. And I see how amazing you are with her, and how much she adores you and I realize, now, that you were going to be a mother all along." He murmured as I stroked his chest.

"Love you." I whispered so softly that I could feel the vibrations as the words left my lips.

"I love you back." He repeated my reply.

My eyes fluttered close, and under Peeta's touch, I fell into another day.


	26. Contact

**A/N: I will probably send my poor (and wonderful) Beta the next chapter over the next day or so because I already have it written! NOTE: This is definitely an in-between chapter to link things together. Once again didn't want to bog you down with an essay so I thought I'd stop it here rather than go into the next part and make it twice as long!**

**Please review if you're still reading. They're so encouraging. Tell me what you want to see, what you liked/didn't liked...you're the ones reading it so you should get to decide the little details that go in.**

**Peace xo**

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Peeta was doing his usual routine of holding Eve proudly in his arms as the morning bakery customers lined up, not only to purchase Peeta's food, but also to see our daughter. As they cooed gently in her face and stroked her wisps of golden hair, she happily returned the same sounds, still not knowing what it all meant. Even in her babbling, she looked content and pleased with herself that she could communicate in some way.

I smiled as I sipped my cup of herbal tea, sitting in my spot by the window. The door was swinging open and closing incessantly, and I enjoyed the slight draft it brought with it, giving me relief from the sweltering July air. People stopped by and made light conversation with me too, but to be honest, Eve was far more interesting than Peeta and I put together. Overall though, people seemed genuinely happy for us. Some of the older folk of 12 would constantly remind us that they knew our fate by repeating lines like "we always knew you two would end up this way eventually. How could you not?" to which Peeta and I would just smile knowingly at each other and agree.

This morning the sun beamed in through the glass windows and shone directly on Peeta's blond hair, its color matching the same tone as that of our child in his arms. Eve's grey eyes were wide open and taking everyone in. I looked into her face and for the hundredth time that day, worried about how she saw the world, and it, her. She was so innocent, so fragile in a world that had been so corrupt... I shook my head to clear the thoughts and made myself the promise I always did when things got this bad in my mind: that I would never let anything bad ever happen to her. And neither would Peeta. And probably, three quarters of the inhabitants of this district also.

_No more reapings._

That though allowed me to feel the relief that washed over my mind like the calming waves of the ocean, lulling me into a temporary security.

Peeta eventually came over, and handed her over to me, planted a kiss on my forehead lovingly, and then carrying on with his work. Most mornings I was perfectly happy just sitting here, watching him do it, and holding Eve. I had been out into the woods much more over the last three months, and slowly I was getting the hang of things again, and collecting more game than ever before, which everyone seemed happy about. Between hunting and being a mother, I didn't really feel the need to fill my life with much else. Both were equally satisfying, and if I ever needed a way to pass time, I had Delly and Gale. Delly and I normally saw each other at least two or three times a week, and I occasionally would meet up with Gale, when he wasn't working in the factory with Thom.

But, we hadn't been hunting together. For me, that seemed like a cliché of the past. And although our time together in the woods had been literally life saving for me, I couldn't bring myself to share that part of my life again. Hunting is my escape, and I enjoyed the solitude for now. Gale obviously knew I went. My game was strewn all over the town, but he never offered to join me, or hinted that he went himself.

I bounced Eve on my lap as she giggled with joy, and peppered her face in delicate kisses; her small fingers coming out to reach my face every time I did so. All the things I'd been worried I'd never pick up as a mother had seemed to settle in now that she was six months old. I felt confident most of the time, and in-tune with what she was thinking.

Due to the heat, I wanted to get the both of us home. So I said my goodbyes around the bakery. Before we left Callam had to have a hold of Eve, and even Otto ran his fingers through her hair whilst waving cutely. Peeta always hated us leaving, but he knew we couldn't stay all day.

As I rested Eve on my hip while we strolled lazily back home, I realized how big she was getting. Although she was premature and smaller than most babies her age, she felt heavier in my arms. The thought passed by again that I should use the pram that we bought a while ago, but the worry of not feeling her touch on my skin, and not being in control of her pushed that thought away. Besides, I was much fitter now due to the hunting, and running around after her. My pregnancy belly was practically gone.

Haymitch was sitting on his porch by the time we reached home, and he waved to me absently. I walked over, more willing to go to him these days since he'd cleaned up a little. Haymitch would never change completely, of course, but the improvements he'd made were astonishing to say the least. He set down his glass beside him, and I dared not look what was in it, trusting that it was something harmless.

"Hey squirt." He said in his best gentle voice, but it still came out slightly gruff. Eve reached out a hand towards him, but I kept her in my grip as I sat down beside him. I rolled my eyes.

"Why is it that you're nicer to my daughter than you ever were to me? She shares my genes you know." I said, jokingly. Haymitch chuckled and reached out a finger to touch the palm of Eve's hand. She closed her fingers around it, sensing the familiarity of Haymitch and cooed.

"Because thankfully, she has some of Peeta's in there too. She's not all you. Yet." He retorted, but smiled. "Also, she can't talk yet; that's a bonus." Haymitch added.

"Apparently, it's going to be a little while until she actually says proper words. For now, its just sounds." I mused, not knowing why I was even bothering to tell Haymitch this. It wasn't as if he cared, I thought. Maybe he did, I wasn't sure. He looked at Eve.

"She's doing just fine. I wouldn't be so worried about what those books say if I were you sweetheart." He replied, this time looking up at me. I shrugged.

"How do you know I'm reading baby books?" I asked, trying to feign confidence, but he saw right through me.

"Because you're scared, and you think the more you read in those nonsense books, the better equipped you are to understand it all." He said, his eyes looking far off into somewhere that wasn't here. Haymitch hated getting touchy-feely. And I did too. Peeta was the one who handled the sensitive, emotional aspects of everything out of all of us.

"I also think the real reason you're reading all those books that your Mom gave you, is because you feel guilty about not seeing her." Haymitch continued, and I could tell he'd had enough talking for one day. I frowned at him. Truth be told, I had been thinking about my mother a lot lately. Every time I did think of her, there was weight baring down on my chest, which I now realized was guilt.

"I'm not sure if I want to see her or not." I muttered, my cheeks flushing red under the heat of the sun and the embarrassment of Haymitch getting into my mind. He went to stand up, and patted me on my shoulder.

"I think you know." He replied, and gestured towards his door. "I'm going to go take a nap. Being old is taxing stuff you know." I smiled and stood up myself, pulling Eve with me.

"Bye Haymitch."

"See ya two."

When I got inside my own home, and opened the windows to let some fresh air through the house. I put Eve in her highchair and wandered through to the study room to get the phone. I walked back into the kitchen, phone in hand and sat down on the bench by Eve, turning the cool plastic over and over in my fingers. My thoughts spun with each turn of the phone, but eventually, I knew what I needed to do. I took a deep breath, steadying my mind and pressed number 4, knowing it was on speed dial, although I had never used it.

She answered on the third ring.

"Hello?" Her voice said, being delivered straight to my ear. She felt so close even though she was so far away. I couldn't find the words to respond.

"Hello?" She repeated, and I could hear the bustle around her. She must be at work. If she were busy though, she wouldn't have answered the phone. I looked at my daughter and saw her smiling widely. I couldn't deprive my child of her grandmother. It wasn't right. I was about to reply when she spoke again.

"Katniss, is that you?" She asked, and I felt my eyes water, which surprised me.

"Yeah Mom, it's me." I managed to get out, and the words felt strange tumbling out of my mouth.

"I was just thinking about you." Was all she said, and I wiped a tear away from my eye. It had been six months since I'd last seen her, and though I'd tried to put her to the back of my mind, she had still tainted my dreams and thoughts.

"Yeah, me too, that's why I rang." I started. My mother had never been good in normal conversations, let alone over the phone. It was going to have to use some work on my part.

"Is everything okay?" She finally said after a moment of silence. I chewed my lip nervously before replying.

"Yeah, yeah everything's really good." I said sincerely. It was evident in my voice that I was telling the truth; my mother would know that.

"How's...Eve?" She said timidly, and the guilt suddenly started crushing into me harder than before.

"She's doing really great Mom. She's sitting here now in her highchair smiling. She's always smiling..." I trailed off as the happiness of my daughter made me realize how sad this situation was. My mother didn't speak again for another moment.

"I'm really glad to hear that."

She sounded sincere too.

"Listen Mom, the reason I'm calling is because, well I don't know if you can but, I was just wondering..." I pushed the lock of hair out of my face and took another deep breath.

_C'mon Katniss, out with it._

"If you wanted to come and stay with us? I mean it's been a while since you saw her...and Peeta and I. If you have work, or if you don't want to come to 12 then we can come to 4 again. Not that I'm inviting myself, I just want you to know that the option's there." I managed to say, and felt the heaviness bear up a little. I heard a sigh on the other end, and wasn't sure what to expect.

"I'd love to come and see you." She said quietly, and there was equilibrium of sadness and happiness in her voice. I knew what she was thinking. She was thinking that to go back to 12 meant going back to a place in the past where she didn't want to be. It meant Prim. Beautiful Prim.

"Are you sure?" I asked, afraid she would change her mind and hang up on me. But she owed me more than that, and she knew it.

"I'm sure. When do you want me to come?" She asked, and I suddenly longed for her to appear before me just so that I could see her now.

"Whenever you want Mom. You're welcome to stay as long as you want to as well, but you know, whatever's most convenient." I replied, feeling like the distance between us was somehow magnified in this very moment.

"I could get on the train in a couple of days. Come for the weekend." She offered, and I was surprised that she wanted to come so soon. I smiled.

"Yeah, yeah that would be perfect." I replied, wondering if she'd stick to it. "We'll come and get you from the station if you let us know what time you'll be here." I added.

"Of course."

I waited, not knowing how to end the conversation. By the empty silence between us, I knew that she was thinking the same.

"Well, I've got to feed Eve now. I'll see you soon." I blurted out, and heard the hesitation on the other end.

"I look forward to it darling." She replied, and then I heard someone call her name in the background.

"And Mom-" I suddenly said before she put the phone down.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

...

"Hey honey." Peeta called as he closed the door behind him.

"You're back even earlier than you were yesterday." I told him as he walked into the living room and sat down next to me, throwing his arm around me.

"I just can't stand being away from my girls." He said, kissing Eve's nose and my lips.

"Peeta." I said simply, but was pleased deep down he was back. I hated being apart from him.

"We do most of our business in the morning anyway." He added, and kissed my neck gingerly.

"How was your day?" He asked, and started stroking his daughter's hair as she smiled, but yawned sleepily, ready for a nap.

"It was...uneventful, really. Apart from one thing, which I need to talk to you about." I said, with surprising ease. Peeta's eyebrows drew together in concern.

"What is it Katniss?" He asked, and I realized he probably had a million scenarios going through his head right now, each one worse than what really was happening.

"It's about...my Mother." I began, looking into his deep blue eyes. His expressions lifted a little, but stayed worried.

"I rang her up today, and asked if she wanted to come and see us. And she said that she'd come up this weekend."

Peeta's eyes lit up and he looked at me sweetly, and sadly. "That's great Katniss. It really is. Why do you not seem happy about it?" He asked, and he drew his fingers away from Eve and linked them around my free hand, squeezing them lovingly.

"I'm not sure. It's still so awkward between us. Each one of us won't forgive each other for a number of things, it's just – I don't even know if she'll come to be honest. She'll probably ring up with an excuse the day before." It felt good for the words to come out. Peeta had such a logical way of looking at things. I was slowly getting used to opening up about my problems and feelings with him, and it had really helped.

"Katniss, I think whatever you have done to her, she has forgiven you. I know what she did, or didn't, do, but I think you're the one that's still harboring these fears and emotions about her." He said gently and I nodded.

"Yeah, maybe you're right." I reluctantly agreed.

"Besides, do you know how hard it will be for her coming to this place? We've been living here for nearly eleven years now after everything ended, but she hasn't been to 12 in so long. We have to remember that." Peeta continued.

"It wasn't easy for me, or you, to come back here either." I muttered, and felt anger threatening to spill over into my voice. Peeta rested his head against my cheek for a moment.

"I know Katniss. But you're stronger than her emotionally, that's your character. You have different ways of dealing with tragedy. Hers was to ignore it; try and forget it even happened, busy herself with work. Yours was a slower process, but you actually have accepted everything. I don't think she did for a long time." He ended, whispering by the last word.

I nodded. And again, the tears threatened to pool over onto my cheek, but I turned my head away from Peeta slightly and composed myself.

"She will come. I promise you. She loves you more than anything, and I could tell by the way she was there for you and Eve in the hospital, that she loves her just as much. We'll have a great weekend." Peeta said.

"Okay." I said helplessly. Peeta had to be right; I wanted to believe he was.

"I think we should put our daughter to bed. She's yawning more than you." Peeta said, as he looked down at her, her head in the nook of my elbow. Her eyes were fluttering closed, unable to support their own weight.

"Well it is hard work being an adorable baby and being passed from stranger to stranger." I replied smiling.

...


	27. ANNOUNCEMENT

Hello everybody who is still reading my story, whether you're a new follower or old this is to you:

I can't apologise enough for not being on in about a year (or so) but I've had some extremely tough times put upon me and understandably FF was the first thing to lose priority. I feel guilty that I have left it this long which makes me feel worse for letting you all down! Coming back to all these amazing reviews really helps me smile through the bad days and I want to thank you all for your (unknowingly) incredible support! You're all awesome people.

I plan on writing another chapter for this story as soon as I can. In the next two weeks should be an accurate description of when my Beta- if she's still willing-, will send it back to me and it'll be up here! I'm going to have to take some time to read back through the story to make sure I keep everything consistent as I've forgotten a lot of details. I really do love this story and am so pleased with the response and how it turned out. I don't want to leave it here as there's so many more chapters to be told.

So if you're still willing to read, then I'm still willing to write. Just bear with me whilst I get back into the swing of things please.

Thank you once again, and thank you for making me welcome to such a loving community that in itself has helped by a sort of therapy to me. I won't let you down.

~ L. xoxo


	28. Forgiven

**A/N: Hello hello everybody, I'm back with a new chapter! My lovely beta hasn't replied the last few days since I sent it to her so I'm going to go ahead and post it as I feel I've kept you waiting for too long. If you find I've made any mistakes please feel free to tell me ;)**

**This chapter is set a few days after the last as a quick recap: Eve is six months old, Katniss rang her mother and arranged for her to visit 12 to come and see them. **

**Hope you enjoy the chapter and what's to come. I felt like this chapter was quite long but was needed even though it's not hugely action packed as this was a relationship that needed to be returned to! Let me know in the reviews what you'd like to see happen from this point, I'm willing to take on any ideas.**

**Once again, thank you for your unwavering support in such a great community, each comment makes me smile and I needed them! Happy reading :)**

**~L.x**

* * *

Peeta held my hand as I gripped his even tighter. I didn't know why I felt so scared and helpless in that moment. Things had been going so well recently and this was another that should be added to that list, however my heart told me differently. I couldn't help being cautious; it was a deeply ingrained habit now. Especially when it came to her.

Peeta squeezed my hand; a gesture I knew was his silent way of telling me to stay strong. Over the last few days since I'd made the phone call, I'd gone through a mixture of feelings. Half of me longed to see her face again, to hear her voice, to listen to her life now and find out more about her but the other half of me was convinced that she wouldn't be getting off the train, or have even got on it in District 4. It was terrible to doubt her, but after all her track record wasn't exactly pristine when it came to reliability. For that matter though, neither had mine.

I held Eve in my spare arm, bouncing her a little on my waist. She seemed content standing on the platform in the station, watching the people go past and cooing and smiling at those who did it back to her. I thought once again about how little she knew about this world, and her own family. She would one day, but for now she needed to bond with her Grandmother. It was a strange thought, that the person who could never be a mother to me was hopeful to be a grandmother to her. I pressed my lips to her forehead to remind her how much I loved her.

A far off sound rumbled on the horizon and eventually a train came into focus, slowing down to pull into where we were. I felt my heart thud through my chest. Why was I nervous? I shouldn't be nervous. I should be excited. The silver tube of the train pulled in close to us now, and the sunlight in the summer air bounced off it radiantly. I took a deep breath.

Passengers started spilling off, mostly locals. There were a couple obviously on business from other districts but not too many tourists. I scanned the crowd; my eyes roaming for her golden, graying hair, but there was no sign of her. My heart sank. She couldn't even do it, not for her own granddaughter. It was a painful place for her, I knew that too well, but it was painful for me too. I'd learned to concentrate on those living and breathing around me though instead of focusing on the dead. It was a dangerous place to let your mind roam. A slight anger ran through me.

"I told you she wouldn't come." I murmured slightly, turning to Peeta beside me but his eyes were focused on something else. I turned back, following his gaze until I saw her.

She walked off the train, trying to hold her head high and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She wore a pale green dress and lace-up shoes, and in her hand she carried a small brown suitcase that I vaguely recognised. Our eyes caught onto each others at the same time. I smiled. And it wasn't forced in that moment, it was genuine. The half of me that hoped almost she wouldn't come was pushed aside by the fact that my mother had made it. She'd done it, for me. For her.

Peeta gave a small wave as she made her way through the crowd towards us. The sun suddenly seemed ten times brighter and without realising, as soon as she'd reached us I broke from Peeta's clasp and flung my spare arm around her. She seemed shocked by the gesture but settled into it, before pulling away and nodding at Peeta. Then her sight drifted onto my daughter.

"How much she's grown!" she marvelled and these first words were the best I could have asked for. Her voice sounded so full of love I couldn't believe I ever doubted the inevitable connection that would come about for these two.

"Six months right?" She asked in bewilderment, looking between Peeta and me. I nodded.

"We're so happy you're here Mrs Everdeen." Peeta said, breaking his long silence. He looked it too; his face was alive with joy.

"Yeah, we are Mom." I said, smiling. She smiled back, but looked to the ground uncomfortably.

"Shall we get out of here and go home to some tea?" Peeta suggested as he picked up my mother's suitcase. She looked at him gratefully, but still seemed a little on edge as she kept glancing around her. I had to remind myself that she hadn't left 4 in years, even the trees and climate would seem foreign to her, let alone the people she may have once known, or the streets she may have once walked on. I put my arm around her and steered her away from the platform, as the three of us made our way home.

* * *

"How was your journey Mrs Everdeen?" Peeta politely asked as he handed her a cup of peppermint tea before giving me mine and sitting in his usual armchair. Eve was on the rug between us with pillows around her. However she was starting to try and scoot herself around now. I knew it wouldn't be long before she was crawling, and even talking for that matter. Delly had told me that Mika had said his first word by six months, and the fact that Eve hadn't just yet was making me a little nervous, though I knew I was being paranoid.

My mother couldn't take her eyes off Eve, even as she answered Peeta. Her face was glowing with pride, though she almost tried to disguise it.

"It was okay thank you Peeta." She said quietly, then finally broke her gaze to look at him. "Long and tiring as I'm sure you're aware of."

Peeta nodded and I took a sip of my tea, not knowing where to start with the questions. We made general chit chat about stuff going on around the hospital, and I'd told her how well Eve had been doing before Peeta left to go check on the boys at the bakery. I knew him too well to know that this was a coincidence, he was leaving us alone for some quality time. He'd offered to take Eve but I thought it was best she stayed with us. She was the motivation among other things to make my mother come back here. And I'd make sure she got as much time with her as she could. After a while, I put my drink down and scooped Eve into my arms.

"Hey Mom, do you want to come and see her room?" I asked gingerly. I hadn't offered a tour of the house, and my mother hadn't asked much about our lives here up until now, but I thought it was about time I tried to help her realise that 12 was a good, humble place, and that happiness could still be found here.

"I'd love to." She replied, and put down her own cup as she followed me out of the room and up the stairs. It felt strange; her presence beside me in mine and Peeta's home but it wasn't a bad strange. I pushed open the door to the nursery and stood back to let her in as Eve began to get a little agitated in my arms. She stepped into the room, gasping as she looked around.

"Katniss, it's beautiful. Who did this?" She asked, looking at the engraved stars and paintings of trees.

"Peeta mostly. And Thom, Gale's friend. He helped with the woodwork." I answered, proud of the room beautiful enough for my daughter. I would never get tired of looking at the details in the leaves on the trees and the colours calmed me.

"It's very lovely." She commented as she turned to Eve who was now wriggling in my grasp and beginning to snuffle.

"Eugh she's getting so heavy." I said quietly as I shuffled her around, trying to make her more comfortable. She'd been fed since we'd gotten home so I knew she wasn't hungry. I'd recently started blending some mushy food for her to eat, due to recommendations from Delly. At six months she was now able to handle things other than milk.

"May I?" My mother said nervously as she held her hands out for my daughter. The skin on her arms was now slightly creased and the signs of age were catching up with her in the light of the sunny room. I passed her over carefully, as my mother took her quite naturally to my surprise. She put her on her hip; one hand around Eve and the other around her head. Looking intently into her mouth and cheeks she sighed.

"Looks like someone's in their prime teething time!" she said as she stroked her curls which were growing longer each week.

"Of course, I knew it'd be soon." I whispered, kicking myself for not remembering something so simple. My mother seemed to pick up on the look on my face.

"Darling, when you have a child you can forget even the smallest things. It looks like you've been doing a wonderful job with her." I smiled sadly.

"Thanks Mom." Shifting on the spot, I wondered how to phrase the next sentence, I wanted to let her know how much it meant that she'd made the journey here without it being too difficult between us. The vision of her bouncing with Eve and talking in a soft voice to her gave me a lump in my throat. Maybe she could make up for not being there for us, maybe this time round she was trying to prove herself again. I cleared my throat.

"I...I know it couldn't be easy for you, coming out here and everything." I said so quietly, I wasn't even sure the words had escaped my lips. She stopped talking to Eve, and looked at me. Her eyes suddenly seemed like the window to the past; like I could look right through them and into a time not necessarily worse or better, but when everything hadn't happened. When we were all together. I swallowed hard. She seemed to do the same, and turned her head back to Eve. After a long gap of thoughtful silence she spoke.

"It was easier than I thought it was going to be." She stroked Eve's back soothingly, and Eve was starting to settle into her arms a little as she clenched some of the material of my mother's dress in her tiny fists. "This moment makes up for every doubt I had about coming here."

In my mind I realised that she probably had been heavily contemplating the decision to venture to 12. But she'd faced her fears more than anything, and that was what mattered.

"I didn't doubt you two, or Eve you know that." She started and I nodded my head to show her she didn't have to go on, but she did.

"I wanted to see you three more than anything in the world. When I saw how happy you were as a family back in 4, I just knew you were okay you know. After all those years, you made it." Though her gaze wasn't directed towards me, I could see she was looking at Eve sadly. I closed the distance between us and put an arm on hers.

"I'm happy, and I want you to know that this is our fresh start. Everything that happened in the past cannot be changed. It never will. But this is a different chapter of my life, and everyone else's for that matter. Everything has changed, but look at you now Mom." I said, letting out a small laugh, she looked up into my eyes and blushed. Talking this openly was something we both had never been good at, and still weren't but we had to try.

"You've got this great job, you're living somewhere else, on your own and doing it. And you're here." I added the last part with caution.

"She'd be so proud of you." I croaked as the lump in my throat became even harder.

Her eyes seemed to become shiny, and she looked away, but not before giving me a kiss on my forehead.

"She'd be so proud of you too." She replied.

* * *

By the end of the day, I was exhausted to say the least, but exhaustion was becoming a regular part of my days now and I could always function on so little sleep or rest. I climbed into bed with Peeta, feeling full and content with the evening.

"Are you sure your Mom's okay in that room? We've never had guests before, I borrowed the mattress off Thom." Peeta asked worryingly as he pulled me close into him. I nested my head in the crook of his neck breathing heavily and feeling drowsy already.

"She said she was fine." I replied. "I had a really great day with her." I confessed as I pulled the sheets down a little. The July air was stifling and the room was humid.

"I'm so glad honey." Peeta said as he stroked my hair. "What did you guys do all afternoon? I didn't want to ask at the dinner table, I don't know, I just thought it was less pressure to leave you alone." He added. I hummed.

"It probably was. We talked _properly._ We decided it was a fresh start for both of us, and we also took a little walk around the village after a bit of persuading on my behalf." I was shocked that my mother had eventually agreed as I'd presumed we'd be spending the weekend inside, which was okay by me though I felt it was best to just try and get her out perhaps.

As we'd walked down the streets, me pushing Eve in her pram (which I'd finally been able to use instead of carrying her now she was getting bigger), and my mother taking small but sure steps, I'd been surprised we'd made it out the front door. She kept her breathing in control, though she tried to hide it from me that she was struggling. I could tell she was fighting many demons from her past that were clawing through the veil in her mind to escape back into this place and fill the streets. But she'd kept herself focused, and even seemed utterly happy when we bumped into Hazelle as I was walking past the bakery. Hazelle had no doubt heard from Gale or Thom that she was back, and being fond of my mother, had wanted to see her anyway. They'd spoken light conversation for a while and my mother eventually relaxed into it. They'd agreed to see each other again before she left tomorrow night.

"That sounds amazing." Peeta said in awe. I hummed again in agreement. "Have you got a plan for tomorrow with her?" He asked, as a cool breeze from the open window drifted into the room.

"I'm not sure. I may take her with me to get some groceries in the morning, then probably just do some cooking in the afternoon before she meets up with Hazelle again. She seems really taken with Eve you know." I added on. Peeta laughed gently.

"Katniss, there is not a single person alive who couldn't look at our daughter without love. She's going to have everyone wrapped around her little finger." He chuckled at the imagery. I sighed.

"Just like her father." I replied, hitting him on the chest but he took my hand.

"Are you kidding me? With that kind of influencing power, she'll be all of her mother."

"Agree to disagree?" I asked, too tired now to put up a fight, knowing that Peeta would eventually win anyway. He nodded silently in the dark.

I quickly turned my head to make sure the baby monitor was glowing green, before drifting into another world.

* * *

It was early hours of the morning when I stirred, not knowing at first what had awoken me but suddenly realising it was what **hadn't** awoken me.

Eve.

I hadn't heard her cry in the last few hours, and whilst she was sleeping more and more, and even one time all the way through to the morning, something felt off. I looked at the clock and saw that it was four am. Peeta hadn't woken yet, and wouldn't be awake for at least another hour or two perhaps. I considered waking him as I felt myself panic a little, but I'd done this before in the night and she'd been fine. I decided to go and check on her all the same.

I crept into her room, only to find she wasn't in her crib. I had a flash of anxiety. I saw the red light on her baby monitor and realised it wasn't on. A creak from downstairs caught my attention. I ran downstairs and followed the beam of light that was casted through the open door to the lounge. Pushing open the door, I saw my mother cradling Eve in her arms as she snoozed contently.

"Mom? What's happening, I didn't hear her wake up." I asked, confused and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. My mother was in her dressing gown, and next to her the pregnancy book, and a diaper that had been wrapped in a bag ready for disposal.

"Sorry darling, I turned off her monitor when she started to stir. I thought I'd let you two sleep. I changed her and came downstairs to keep it quiet. That's when I found my old book..." She explained, fingering the pages with her spare hand.

"I don't know where you found this, it's very old." She smiled nostalgically at the browning pages. I sat down opposite her on Peeta's chair, more awake now than before and feeling a warmth inside of me at the words my mother had said. She really was trying to make up for the past, a different lifetime ago.

"It was left in a pile of some stuff I salvaged from the house." I said softly and she nodded acknowledging. Eve looked so peaceful and fit perfectly into her frailer arms. "I've been reading it ever since I found out I was pregnant with her." I confessed, feeling like I'd been caught doing something I shouldn't have. She beamed.

"I used it with you too you know. It was my safety net in a time when there was little to no medical help around here." She also confessed, and this sentence reminded me of how different the times we grew up in were.

"Yeah, it's been mine too, despite all the doctors. I liked to sit up late at night reading this when Peeta had gone to bed and I couldn't sleep." I played with the hem of the shirt I wore to bed, it was an old one of Peeta's and it still smelled like him. I yawned despite feeling wide awake now. My mind was whirring too fast. My mother looked at me.

"Go back to bed honey, its okay. I'm in the room next door to her I'll keep an eye on her." She said quietly as she pulled Eve up to her and kissed her softly on the cheek. I smiled. Maybe I should let them have this time together. My mother was capable, she no longer looked a little nervous like she had yesterday. I could trust her again.

"Okay. Thanks mom." I rose from the chair and stopped at the door before leaving.

"I love you." I said faintly, not realising the words had come out, and regretting them instantly. She couldn't possibly return them, she never had. Not that I'd ever said them in the first place...

The stillness of the air closed around me.

"I love you too." She answered.

* * *

The next day we'd taken another walk, and my mother had helped me pick out some ingredients for the meal we were making for tonight. She'd asked after Sae eventually when we went around the stalls and I'd told her about Sae, and how Gale was back from 2 permanently, and how Sae's granddaughter was now a good friend of ours. She seemed interested and nodded and hummed at all the right times but for the most part stayed quiet whilst I talked. A few people did double takes in the town, and a couple even went as far as saying good morning to her, but it never went further than that. Out of respect and shock at seeing her I'm sure.

In the afternoon before we started cooking we sat on the front porch as Eve sat on the grass before us, pulling up fistfuls from the earth and giggling with delight at the mess it made when she scattered the torn roots around her. The sun was intense, and I'd made sure to pick a shady spot for us, and to keep Eve hydrated. My mother had brought out lemonade and we just sat and enjoyed the beautiful day and the beautiful sight before us.

My mother took to the cooking well, and I ended up sitting on the bench in the kitchen and relaxing for a while as I let her take care of me. It felt unnatural but right at the same time and I knew this was what she needed. Just like when she'd stayed up taking care of Eve, so I let her. I realised that she must have learnt a lot of skills in 4 because she seemed to wander around the kitchen effortlessly, dashing ingredients in here and there.

By the time Peeta came home from work he seemed surprised to see her with a wooden spoon in the bowl as she scooped things into dishes. I raised my eyebrows at him when he looked at me questioningly, but he seemed pleased when I told him about our day. He took Eve into his arms before wrinkling his nose.

"You may be the most gorgeous thing I've met-" Peeta started but then gave me glance, "Okay, joint most gorgeous thing, but the things you produce are far from it." He said lovingly despite his words. I laughed, and a small laugh escaped from my mother too.

We ate a good meal again, and I fed Eve small mouthfuls of blended carrots. Before long she was beginning to cry again and this time I knew what was wrong.

"What can we do to help with her teething?" I said to Peeta, trying not to seem paranoid in front of my mother, but seeing my daughter in any kind of pain tore me apart, even when it was something so natural and simple.

"Have you got any of the ibuprofen left from the doctor?" Peeta asked, and his eyebrows too seemed drawn together and a little uncomfortable as he watched his daughter cry.

"Perhaps. I'll have a look." I said, going to make a move from the table when my mother stood up.

"All you need is a little Clove-oil, and perhaps a frozen carrot." She said as she got up to the freezer. I looked at her puzzlingly and she picked one out of the top drawer right on queue.

"I put it in earlier." She said, blushing as she produced a small cold carrot, and handed it over to Eve. She clasped it in her fingers and immediately chewed on it from the side, seeming more happy.

"What if she tries to swallow it?" I asked worryingly but my mother reassured me that it was okay if we were watching her.

"And as for the Clove-oil, as long as it's diluted in one to two tablespoons of another oil and massaged into the gum, it will work a treat." She instructed, and her professional side was coming out of her again. Homeopathic remedies had always been her forte. I looked at her in amazement and grateful that Eve had stopped sniffing again.

"I used to use it on you. You had terrible teething pains." My mother explained and Peeta looked impressed.

"I could get used to you being around you know." I said, and then realised the implications and what it might have sounded like. She took it the right way though, but looked sad again at the thought of leaving.

* * *

I tightened my arms around my mother as we stood back on that very same platform at the station just over a day or two later. It seemed to have gone by in the blink of an eye, and now that she was standing here again with the suitcase in her hand, and that look in her eye I knew it was going to be harder saying goodbye than before.

But this time we were better, things were better. I promised her I'd call her more often, and Peeta agreed that we would go and visit her in 4 again as soon as we could. It was strange, to any other stranger at the station we'd have seemed like any normal family who regularly commute to each other, but this was far from it.

My mother kissed Eve and gave her one last cuddle before blinking away more tears. She pulled Peeta in for a hug too, and then lastly gave me one, squeezing me sharply. I felt a mixture of emotions being back here again in this situation. Things had never been simple when it came to my mom. We both knew this standing here opposite each other. Eve even looked confused in Peeta's arms as she waved goodbye to her.

"Can you wave to Grandma?" Peeta said gently and mimicked the action before she did it. My mother seemed to have to work hard on composing herself at being called this name. I was glad she'd be left with this memory until next time.

"You're welcome anytime Mom, you know that don't you. I mean it, whenever you want to come." I reinforced again, feeling like I could never say it enough times to make her understand.

"I know darling. I wish I had more time to as well, but I'll make more time. I'll try." She said the last part solemnly. I smiled through my re-appearing lump.

"Good. We've really loved having you around, haven't we Peeta?" I said, turning to him, trying to get him to save me from tears, and he obviously read my mind, and took over talking.

"It's been lovely, it truly has. I look forward to seeing more of you in the future." He said sincerely, just as the whirring of the train indicated it was rushing in from the distance. There was some silence again before the train pulled in and she smoothed her jacket, tightening her clasp on the suitcase.

"Bye Mom. Have a safe trip home." I managed to get out, wishing I had Eve to hold onto to keep me occupied.

"Call me whenever you want Katniss." She spoke, taking one last long look at all of us, before disappearing off into the crowd again, leaving Eve waving to no one.

We stayed and watched the train leave before beginning to head back home. It seemed strange now, not having her with us even though it had been such a short time. I took Peeta's hand once again, and looked at the fading sky. The light was pink in the evening and the warmth was still in the air. And for the first time, in a long time, I didn't feel guilty.


	29. Words

**A/N: thanks for being so patient everybody and thank you so much for the feedback, each review makes me smile :) I have a lot planned after this chapter and feel that it lends itself quite nicely to the events to come...**

**Thank you to my incredible incredible beta: LiveLoveLaughHope who is a constant source of wisdom and kindness, I couldn't do this without her! **

**On with the story! **

* * *

It had been a week since my mother had left District 12, and I felt as though a hole was missing in my day to day life. It was strange how I'd managed to live without her all these years, or so I thought, and yet here I was missing her. The fact that she'd made it, that she'd even come back was such an accomplishment. This year felt like such a milestone for a lot of things, and that was certainly one of them.

Peeta had taken Eve with him to the bakery for the day, and it was one of the few times I was without her. This felt like a much bigger hole. In fact, it felt like her absence could swallow me whole if I let it. I couldn't stand not being near her; protecting her. It wasn't that I didn't trust Peeta, far from it. I just didn't trust myself without her.

The last six, nearly seven months now since Eve was born, and some of the time whilst I'd been carrying her, I had been so preoccupied with the thought of my child, always having something to focus on, that I hadn't had time to dwell on things. There were certain things that I was dwelling on today. Before I even knew it, my shoes were on and I was walking out my front door as if my feet were taking over my mind. It felt like today was the right day to do this. I'd tried to forget about her, but without my daughter in my arms or by my side, other things crept in.

The sun was high in the sky: mid-day now. It had been a quiet morning, and I'd attempted to busy myself with preparing food for tonight for when Delly and Thom came over for dinner, but it was fruitless. Peeta would be having the time of his life having her there with him, and the boys in the bakery would be cooing over her too, in addition to all the customers. A part of me was defensive though.

I walked slower than usual, for the heat made me feel sluggish and even more tired than I already was. Sleep deprivation was already a normal occurrence for Peeta and I, so adding a baby into the mix hadn't thrown us off too much. The rays of the sun seeped into my skin, soaking into my muscle as if to drain all the energy I had. I shielded my eyes, and carried on walking-down past Haymitch's house, out of the housing estate, past the grocers, past the village hall, and before I knew it, past the doctor's surgery near the meadow. I turned to the side as I continued to walk, catching more yellow than normal in my vision.

I'd hunted again a little while ago but there weren't as many then. They were blossoming by the week. Primroses: and tens of them. This added a little happiness to the day at least, even if it also came with a punch in the gut.

When I arrived, I slowly unhooked the slightly creaky gate and closed it behind me after I had walked through. I hated these places; they made me shudder. Then again, there were only a few these days that didn't. I wasn't good at this stuff, I never had been. But today it felt like I had to…

Dragging my feet, I looked around. This place was prettier than it used to be. Blossom trees with heavy boughs hung down over the stones, and the grass (where there was some) was lush and green. A slight breeze grazed my face. I walked a little further, scanning for the name that I needed. I had been here, of course, a while ago but that day seemed like a blur and I couldn't remember where it had been...I carried on looking. The arrangement of letters I was looking for appeared in my vision, and I stepped towards it.

'_**A loving friend to all' **_was written underneath her name. These simple words didn't seem like enough. She was more than a friend: she was a mother, a grandmother, and an aunty to anyone who needed her. I bent down, leaning on one knee as I brushed a little dirt off the cold stone.

"Oh Sae." Was all I was able to mutter before my voice caught in my throat. I swallowed hard, looking at all of the things people had put on her grave. A bunch of daffodils, cards that were full of memories and unspoken thank-yous, pretty pebbles arranged into a heart, and a familiar green ribbon tied in a bow amongst it all. My heart sank as I realized I'd come bearing nothing. I should have stopped and bought some flowers, or picked some, or come before now...

Then I suddenly thought about how Sae wouldn't care about all of this stuff. In its own way it was tragically beautiful but she would never have been fussed with such trivialities whilst she was alive. It was lovely that the people had shown their appreciation, but I had a feeling if she was aware that I was here, that would be enough. I cleared my throat and sat down properly on the grass beside the stone. The place was empty; not a single soul was here. I let a small tear fall.

"I needed to come today and say goodbye." I whispered, sniffing a little. It felt strange talking to someone I knew couldn't respond, but I had a gut feeling inside that she was listening. Sae knew, she always knew.

"I've been putting it off these last few months, I know I have. It just felt right today to come and do it… I wanted to thank you for everything." Rubbing my eyes, I sighed. "This doesn't feel like enough. I don't think it ever will." My voice was barely audible. Already, a small weight I never knew I had, was lifting from my chest. I had been holding onto so much anger, and resentment at the world, that I took it out on others, or myself. I had always done it that way. I wasn't good at saying what I was feeling, and when things got bottled up inside, they grew. They grew into something that filled me up and overflowed through my veins until one day I snapped. I'd felt on the edge of snapping for a while. And although the weight was lifted, I was aware of another coiled up inside that wasn't moving. Ignoring the feeling, I stroked the stone, feeling the coolness of it in contrast of the day. Rubbing my eyes again, I stood up.

"Thank you." I muttered before wandering away again. I didn't know where I was going; but it wasn't back home. I needed to walk. Maybe go to the meadow, or the forest, or do some shopping. No matter what I played with in my head, it didn't seem right. I couldn't face any of those things, and now that the tears were falling I was finding it hard to find a thought capable of stopping them. Suddenly, like a vision, I saw Eve in my mind, happy and smiling at me… Smiling at everyone… That was enough, I knew then that I could stop, and I did. I walked away from the graveyard, strolling a little aimlessly, just wanting to be near her. I decided I'd have to go to the bakery. I'd spent longer than normal without her: it had been several hours. Peeta wouldn't be worried; he'd just think I was missing her, which I was. Separation was something I was no longer good at. I smiled, knowing that my daughter and my husband were waiting for me, and I suddenly had a direction to aim for.

* * *

"Thanks for the dinner Katniss. It was delicious!" Delly said enthusiastically, rubbing her full stomach. Thom nodded his head in agreement. "Damn right." He said, taking a swig of his beer. Peeta took my hand. "Well done honey." Peeta added in.

"Shall we move to a more comfy chair perhaps?" I suggested, feeling tired and too full to move. Mika clapped his hands as he threw several grapes in the air, which we'd given him after dinner to keep him occupied.

"Mika!" Thom chided but not so seriously. Mika giggled cheekily as Peeta bent down to pick them up. "Don't worry about it, I got it." He said retrieving them and putting them in front of him again.

"So Thom, what have you been up to recently? I feel like I never see you anymore." I asked him, and he gave me a wink with a face that looked just like Mika's.

"I'm a busy man Kat." He joked. "Work has been a little crazy actually. District 3 just created a new one so it's chaos with stocks." I knew from that sentence, he meant a new medicine. They were being found and developed quicker than ever now that technology was at its finest. In the capitol and most of the districts, there were never people with the common cold anymore. I personally preferred a little active immunity. If you never had the sniffles, how were you supposed to be able to fight off something worse?

"I've also been training Gale on some of the new machinery we got in a couple of weeks ago. He's been picking everything up really well. Even talked my boss into giving him an interview for this promotion everyone's talking about." Thom added, wiping his mouth with his napkin and ruffling Mika's hair.

"Really?" I asked. I hadn't seen Gale in a few weeks, as I'd been so busy with my mother and everything else. "I'm glad he's really settled in so well." I caught Peeta's eye but there was no sign that he was unnerved by talking about him. Ever since Peeta's attack that night I'd been a little worried that he would have one again, but we seemed fine, for now.

"Yeah, he's doing good. And y'know what? I saw Saffra checking him out. I think she likes him." Thom added with a chuckle. I saw Delly nudge him slightly.

"What?" Thom asked, confused and unaware that he was supposed to be conspicuous. Delly gave him a glare, looking a bit uncomfortably at me, though I couldn't figure out why. Peeta seemed to take more notice of this fact, and broke the silence.

"I know Saffra. When I helped out with some construction here a long time ago, her family put in some money. She's a nice girl." Peeta said sincerely. It didn't surprise me that he was happy someone had taken an interest in Gale, it meant the focus was off me. I was happy too, although I didn't understand why a little jealousy ran through me. It wasn't that I wanted to be with Gale- of course not. I loved Peeta with my whole heart and couldn't live without him. The jelousy more resembeled the way a sister would be jealous and protective of her brother. I didn't know Saffra- though now I thought about it-I recognized her name. Her family was quite wealthy: merchants back in the day. They had helped a lot in the re-building of District12.

"Do you think he likes her back?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even. I didn't want them to think I wasn't okay with this. I was genuinely curious.

Thom raised his eyebrow, and then shook his head. "I don't even think he knows she exists." He half laughed, half sighed.

"Why not?" I asked. If she knew about him, surely Gale knew about her?

Thom looked at Mika, taking his eyes off us for a moment. "I don't think he had his eyes open."

A quietness fell onto the room. I knew what he meant by that, and it stung a bit, but everyone else seemed quite oblivious.

"Maybe you should introduce them." Delly suggested, rubbing Thom's shoulder, and he glanced back at me before looking at her again.

"Good idea, I'll make sure to do that." He concluded, looking thoughtful.

* * *

"Night guys, see you real soon!" Peeta shouted as he waved to our guests leaving. Mika gave a big wave back over Thom's shoulder and Peeta's face lit up. He closed the door behind him.

"What is it about Mika that lights you up so much?" I asked, placing an arm around Peeta's waist as we stood in the hall. He put the arm furthest away from me on my hip, bringing us into an embrace.

"I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces too, you know I do. You two just have such a connection though." I added, moving some of his hair away from his face. He smiled.

"Did you ever think about what having a boy would be like?" He asked, and suddenly my mouth went dry. He seemed to regret his words, and backtracked.

"I mean, before Eve was born, did you ever wonder if it was a boy or a girl and picture it? I just meant, I love Eve more than anything in the world, but I did think about it, about having a son too." Peeta said, squeezing me, bringing me closer to him.

"I guess I did. I don't know, I never really put as much thought into kids as you did." I whispered, stroking his neck. "And you do..." I trailed off at the statement I'd just added on. He nodded his head meekly, as if we'd had a different conversation; the real ones in our minds that we weren't speaking. He had already accepted defeat, for now…

"You want another child: a boy." I mumbled, and as soon as I'd said the words I felt like acid was burning down my throat.

He shook his head violently, pulling me away a little so I could see his face properly. "Katniss no, that's not what I meant at all. Please Katniss, don't take that the wrong way. I love our life and how it is; you know that. I'd never make you do anything you didn't want to. I never thought we'd have even one child." He whispered, and there was a hurt look in his eyes. I decided it was enough for one night. I couldn't face this conversation, I couldn't disappoint him again and again like I always did. I couldn't face it. I was too tired.

"Let's make some tea." I said, turning away from him so he couldn't see the emotions on my face. He was the only one who could read me.

The evening was still light and warm, and I wasn't quite sleepy enough to head to bed yet. Eve was still awake and in her chair that I'd moved through to the living room whilst we were in there. I walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on, when I heard a knock at the door. I heard Peeta answer it, and a familiar gruff voice reply. Haymitch. It wasn't uncommon for him to just drop by nowadays, as he had done over the last few months. He now looked considerably better than he used to. His cheeks were less sunken, and his eyes a little more alive. I pulled out another mug from the cupboard, strictly keeping to my tea-only policy in this household.

"Katniss." He greeted as he walked in behind me. I turned around and smiled.

"Hi Haymitch, how are you doing?" I asked routinely. I knew the answer.

"Good, good." He replied before walking over to Eve as Peeta picked her up out of her chair, before putting him in Haymitch's arms. He'd only held her a few times, but I noticed he grimaced less and less each time. I had a feeling Peeta was handing over Eve on purpose. I trusted Haymitch now, more so than ever. I knew he was safe to be around Eve, after everything he'd done for us, and her. He bounced a little with her as I brought the tea over. Peeta rubbed my back as I passed him and sat down on the sofa. I knew he felt guilty about our short conversation. I did too, but I wanted to forget it, just for tonight. Eve cooed and wriggled, putting her hand on his face, stroking Haymitch's gristly beard. He smiled.

"Haymitch you always seem more human when you're holding my daughter." I noted, with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. He rolled his eyes at me, but I knew he didn't take it too seriously. I took a sip of my tea.

"Haha. It's the old man within him. He's like a grumpy old Grandpa normally, aren't you Haymitch? Chasing kids off your lawn and sleeping all day." Peeta joked at Haymitch even gave a small chuckle. Just then, a noise was heard that made our heart stop beating.

"Gwampah!" Eve let out in a shriek as she put a hand over his nose. I spat out my tea in disbelief, nearly dropping my cup in surprise at her tiny voice. Peeta's eyes widened to twice their normal size. Haymitch frowned.

"What did she just say?" He asked, pulling her hand away from his face for a moment. It didn't seem real.

"Oh my god! Katniss, she just said her first word. Eve said her first word!" Peeta shouted, leaping out of his chair and towards our daughter, stroking her head, and bending down to her level. I couldn't believe it, my heart beat so fast I thought it would burst.

"Our daughter's first word is _Grandpa_?! And it's towards Haymitch!" I cried out in horror, half of me overwhelmed that she had spoken; she'd finally done it, and the other half of me recoiling from the thought.

"Yeah, I'm not so okay about that either." Haymitch said looking uncomfortable, prying Eve away from him as Peeta took her, swooning over her and kissing her face.

"Katniss, honey she _spoke_. She did it! Can you believe how clever she is? It's okay Katniss, calm down." He said turning from unbelievably happy to realizing the look on my face. I narrowed my eyes at Haymitch.

"Not even dada! I've been trying to get her to say that for weeks..." I trailed off. I was aware that I may have been overreacting, but Eve calling Haymitch Grandpa... I didn't know how I felt about that, but my body was telling me to be angry. Of course I couldn't stay angry. My adorable, perfect daughter had just formed words and used them. I was overwhelmed. My eyes filled with tears, but better ones than this morning.

"The kid doesn't even know what it means. She was just repeating Peeta." Haymitch said, and I could tell he was trying to convince himself just as much as I was. Peeta however was still telling her how clever she was and smoothing a hand over her back.

"I hope you're right." I said, now getting past the shock and becoming aware that my daughter was now a proper human being. She was beginning to talk. It was scary how fast the time was going, like sand slipping through our fingers. She seemed so grown up from that one word. My love for her swelled.

I stood up and walked over to Peeta, looking lovingly at my family. Peeta kissed my forehead as I bent down to Eve. I felt like I was going to explode, and Peeta was all but crying too.

"You and me both. I'm nobody's Grandpa." Haymitch said, furrowing his brows, but as I looked out of the corner of my eye, I could've sworn I saw his lip twist upwards a little as he looked at her.


End file.
